


Tell me where we go from here

by lady emebalia (emebalia)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel/Dean Winchester in the Bunker, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, season 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-03-08 09:58:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 47
Words: 97,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3205055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emebalia/pseuds/lady%20emebalia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Getting together is the hard part and then it's happily ever after, right? Nobody told Dean that making it work is the real challenge. Destiel. Picks up in 10x03 and goes AU from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Prolog**

Dean looked at men, too. He'd always known that, on a deeper level which he hadn't dared to explore for a long time. The first time he had dared to act on that feeling of _want_ , Sam had been at Stanford and Dad had been on a hunt so it had only been Dean and this guy he'd met at a bar.

The morning after Dean had felt as if he'd gotten away with the whole cookie jar.

He knew his dad wouldn't approve him being with a man but Dean preferred women over men four times more often anyway – he still had no idea where to count in Alex but during that night pronouns had been the last thing he'd cared about – so playing straight most of the time wasn't a big deal.

However, since that man at the bar, he couldn't even remember his name, Dean had a type.

Tall men in suits did it for him. Not the clean, stuck-up business type, he liked the ragged ones. The ones with a five o'clock shadow you could tell had a hard day, maybe a hard week, and didn't care if their dress shirt wasn't tugged properly into their pants anymore. The ones who loosened their ties and unbuttoned the last button of their shirts. The ones with mussed up hair from being outside in the wind or rain, from sweat and fingers raked through it too often.

Over the years Dean had acted on this part of his sexuality more often and with less shame. There had always been very few people in his life who gave a damn if he lived or died and with his dad and Bobby dead there was only Sam left whose opinion Dean still cared about. And Sam had turned a blind eye on Dean's sex-life years ago so he never noticed, or at lest he pretended to not notice and that was just fine with Dean too, when he spent an occasional night with a dude rather than with a chick.

Then there was Cas. Since Dean had met Cas big blue eyes were a plus, a huge plus, with his hook-ups.

Dean wasn't even sure if angels had genders, Raphael for example hadn't been picky with his vessels and Cas had shown the same indifference when it came to his vessel. Dean was just glad that in the end he hadn't taken the child.

Vessels were a whole different can of worms but Dean hoped Jimmy was no longer Cas' roommate. Over two circles of death and resurrection Dean was pretty sure Jimmy had left the building a long time ago. When Cas had become human he for sure had taken over his vessel completely. A very nice vessel, Dean had to admit.

Not that it mattered. For all he knew Cas was straight as the stick he'd up his ass. He probably shouldn't think about things up Cas' ass or Cas' ass in general, Dean mused but couldn't help but think about the few times Cas' rear end hadn't been covered with that overcoat of his.

There had been Meg and that woman who'd taken Cas in after he'd come down with amnesia from his leviathan inducted god-complex. And lately that reaper chick. Dean saw a pattern here.

Cas never had shown much interest in other people but so far he'd only been sexually interested in women. As far as Dean knew Cas had never looked at a man for longer than two seconds. So yeah, fat chance there.

Before those feelings could take hold, Dean refused to name them and they would have been one-sided and utterly painful anyway, Dean did the only thing he could do. He ripped them out and shoved them into the deepest pit of his mind. They would have good company down there. Dean chased them down with half a bottle of whiskey and slammed the lid shut on that pit in his mind before something ugly could crawl out of the dark.

One more missed chance, one more could have been, one more what if. Dean put his game face back on and moved on.

 

 

**Chapter 1**

Dean sat in his room, thinking. He had the pictures in hand, the meager outcome of his life. He knew other people had albums over albums of pictures, of birthdays and weddings and all day life, but all Dean had was this hand full of single pictures. Not even special ones. Snapshots taken on a whim. But he knew exactly when and under which circumstances every single one had been taken. He knew it was pathetic to hang on to some old pictures like this and he liked to pretend that Sam didn't know he was keeping them but they weren't quite in the order he liked to keep them so he was pretty sure Sam had found them while he'd been away. But as long as they both pretended that Sam didn't know and that Dean didn't know that Sam knew, everything was fine. They were good at pretending.

Dean set the pictures aside, mind wandering to the more recent events. While he had been a demon he wouldn't have cared about stupid pictures, about family. Hell, he had told that asshole to shoot Sam. Okay, he knew that Sam was a big boy and could take care of himself but Dean just wanted to punch the demon version of himself for abandoning Sam like that.

But Sam hadn't abandoned Dean. Dean had no idea why he had been so persistent but he had just plainly refused to give up, to let Dean go. While he had been a demon Dean had thought of it as pathetic and naive, now it warmed his heart. Not so long ago Sam had told him to the face that he wouldn't try to save him at all costs and that had hurt, more than Dean was willing to ever admit. However, Sam had gone length to bring his brother back, had crossed some pretty dark lines and Dean knew that it wasn't healthy for both of them but damn it felt good that Sam cared this much for him.

And Cas. Cas had come for him. How had he phrased it so long ago?

Dean remembered the barn. Their cute little attempt to call out an angel. Cas had made quite an entrance back then, Dean had to admit.

"I'm the one who griped you tight and raised you from perdition." Dean could almost hear Cas' voice and it send shivers down his spine.

"And that stupid bastard did it again." Dean shook his head when he remembered how Cas had hugged him like he was a three-year-old throwing a temper tantrum. And just like that he'd carried a kicking and spitting Dean back to the dungeon where Sam completed the ritual.

Dean remembered the pain as well. The blood Sam had injected in his vein had burned its way through his body, setting it on fire on the inside, and for a while Dean hadn't been sure if his brother was killing him there. Judging by the haunted look he saw in Sam's eyes he hadn't been sure either but there was no turning back.

It had been become human or die. Thinking back Dean was grateful for that. He had enjoyed his demon part and he may had held on to a shred of his moral compass but he knew it had only been a matter of time until that too would have been gone and he would have killed just for his own pleasure. He was glad that Sam had brought him back before that happened.

What he'd done as a demon hadn't been his best but he could live with it. He could still look at himself in the mirror and he had Sam to thank for that, he knew that, his brother had brought him back in time.

A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts. Sam had brought him food earlier, a silent way to say _welcome back_ , and was probably sleeping by now, so the only person who would knock at his door was Cas. Since he couldn't just appear wherever he wanted anymore Cas had adapted to things like doors. Which was a good thing and Dean would never admit that he kinda missed him just popping in whenever he wanted, usually way too far into Dean's personal space.

"Yeah." Dean hurried to put the pictures away, there was no need to let Cas see them. It was stupid but Dean needed this little secrets.

_Can't play with open cards, can't I?_

Cas came in and had a quick look at Dean.

"You look terrible."

Dean could only chuckle at that. "You know, it wouldn't kill you to lie every now and again."

"No, it wouldn't kill me." Cas answered in that earnest way of his.

Yeah, that wouldn't kill him, Dean thought bitterly, but there was still this little problem with his grace. He hadn't forgotten about that.

Looking at him now, Dean noticed something, though.

"Well, you, on the other hand, you …" He cleared his throat. "You're looking good. So …" He paused, thinking of the possible reasons for Cas' recovery. "… are you back?"

"At least temporarily." Cas answered as vaguely as Dean had expected. So not his own grace back in place.

Figures, it never was that easy. Cas said something about Crowley and stolen grace but he didn't go into detail and if he was honest, Dean didn't want to know.

"There's a female outside in the car." Cas suddenly changed the topic.

"Oh." That was unexpected. "Do I know her?" Dean tried to keep his tone even. Of course Cas could and would see other people but bringing somebody here? That made it way too real for Dean's liking. And of course it was a female. Inwardly Dean sighed but on the outside he didn't let on to the sting of jealousy he was feeling.

"I think you remember Hannah." Cas answered after a moment, keeping a watchful eye on Dean as if he was worried about Dean's reaction to that statement.

"Yeah" Oh, he remembered her just fine. "Made you chose between me and your army."

"That's her." Cas confirmed but didn't elaborate why they were working together again. Last time Dean had seen her she had been pretty determined to cast Cas out when he had refused to kill Dean.

"I still think you made the wrong choice there." Dean said. Cas had given up his whole army just to save one guy. Cas could be a stubborn bastard, maybe that was the reason he fit in so well with the Winchesters, but that move had been plain stupid.

"It was the only choice." Cas answered matter-of-factly and Dean hurried to change the topic before he could read a deeper meaning into this.

"Well, thank you for, ehm …, stepping in when you did." Dean said awkwardly. He'd never been good at saying thank you. So with that out of the way he brought them back to save ground.

"What does Sam say? Does he want a divorce?" He asked, only partly joking. He wouldn't blame Sam if he didn't want to see him ever again. He remembered the hurtful things he'd said to Sam. Words meant to hurt and knowing Sam as well as he did, he had known exactly what buttons to push. He had seen the effect on Sam's face, had seen how much his words hurt, how deep they cut, and he had enjoyed it.

"I'm sure Sam knows that whatever you said or what you did, that wasn't really you." Cas answered and Dean opened his mouth to point out that that wasn't true, it had been him, but Cas cut him off before he could get the words out.

"It certainly wasn't all you."

"I tried to kill him, Cas." He couldn't get over that fact. He had taken the hammer and he'd Jack Nicholson'ed Sam though the bunker with the clear intent to kill him. Dean had enjoyed the chase and would have killed him if Sam's reflexes hadn't been this good.

"Dean, you two have been through so much." Cas sighed a little. "Look, you're brothers."

In the end it always came down to that. They were brothers.

"It'd take a lot more than trying to kill Sam with a hammer to make him want to walk away." Cas added and Dean couldn't help but shake his head to that with a smile.

"You realize how screwed up our lives are that that even makes sense?" Dean chuckled but then sobered up. "I'm glad you're here, man."

They looked at each other for a moment.

There was something in Cas' expression, in his posture, just something, that responded with the lingering effect of his demoniac nature in Dean or maybe with the Mark or maybe he was just sick of missed chances.

And even if he was reading this wrong, it would take more to make Cas walk away, he was pretty sure about that. Things might become a little awkward for a while but in the end nothing would change. Or it would, for the better, but he would never know if didn't try.

"Oh, fuck it." Dean growled, done with thinking and worrying. He acted.

Dean closed the distance between them and took Cas' head between his hands, just to make sure the angel wouldn't run like a frightened rabbit, then he brought their mouths together.

Lips brushed over lips and Cas just stood there without doing anything. Dean kept their lips together, not quite ready to let go, trying to memorize every little detail. The texture of Cas' lips, the light feeling of stubble against his skin, Cas' scent. Dean knew this was a one time only thing and that he was lucky that Cas wasn't smiting him on the spot so he drew this out for as long as he dared before he let go of him and stepped back.

Cas just looked at him, eyes wide and with clear confusion written over his face.

"Sorry." Dean said, taking another step back. He couldn't look Cas in the eye so he turned around, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.

"I thought that you … but you didn't … so … I'm sorry." He took a deep breath. "Just forget about this, okay?" He almost pleaded.

"Dean." Cas said and Dean knew he was searching for the right words to tell him to go and fuck himself.

"Forget it, Cas." Dean begged. "I'm just stupid."

"You're not stupid." Cas said it as if he was offended by that thought. "Don't apologize for the things you want."

"I want you." The words burst out of him before he had time to think about them. Over the last few weeks he'd become used to just say what was on his mind and this was what he got out of that now.

Awesome. Dean gritted his teeth.

"Forget it, Cas." He repeated. Anger took over, he needed to end this before it could spin out of control and hurt them both. "Hannah is waiting outside, you should go now."

Cas didn't move, just watched him with his thoughtful eyes.

"Do you want me to leave?"

_No, but I need you to_ , was the answer on Dean's mind but he couldn't bring the words out. He had kicked Cas out before and he hadn't liked it one bit then either.

"I don't want to leave." With that Cas stepped closer and after one last look at Dean he mirrored Dean's action from earlier. He took Dean's head between his hands, angled their heads and brought their lips together.

Dean was stunned for a second but then he parted his lips and invited Cas' probing tongue in. When they parted their faces were still only inches apart and Dean just wanted to lose himself in those blue eyes.

"Stay." Dean said.


	2. Chapter 2

Like he'd said, Sam got Dean a bunch of junk food. Never before had he been happier watching Dean stuffing his face with cholesterol. Grinning like an idiot Sam skipped the alcohol he'd intended to drink afterwards and went straight to bed instead. He only managed to kick off his shoes before he collapsed on top of his bed with the intention to stay like that for at least a week.

When he woke up thirteen hours later he was only wearing a t-shirt and his underwear and was under the covers without recalling how any of that had happened.

Dean was back. With that thought in mind Sam crawled out of bed. His first way, though, was over to Dean's room just to make sure he was really back. Or still there. Or whatever. Just to make sure.

"Dean?" Sam knocked but there was no answer. There was no sound coming from the room either and an uneasy feeling settled in Sam's stomach.

"Dean?" He repeated, louder now. Still no answer. Sam opened the door.

Dean had been here, that much was obvious, however, he wasn't here anymore. There was no note on the bed or anywhere else and that was the only reason Sam didn't instantly fell into panic mode.

The bunker was big, Dean could be everywhere. Probably in the garage cleaning up his car or in the kitchen preparing dinner.

No need to worry, Sam told himself but couldn't help but wonder if the ritual had really worked. Dean hadn't been a run-of-the-mill demon and the one time Sam had tried the ritual before he'd never finished it. So there was no proof that it actually worked.

But Dean had been fine. Sam had seen him coming back. Cas had said he was human again and he would know, right?

_The ritual worked, Dean is fine_ , Sam repeated for the hundredth time in his mind because there was no alternative. The Mark was still there and they needed to find a solution for that but at the moment Dean was human and Sam just had to believe that.

On his way to the kitchen, it was the nearest option he could think of, Sam passed one of the empty rooms and found the door slightly ajar. There was movement inside the room.

"Dean?" Wondering what his brother might be doing in there, Sam nudged the door open. It wasn't Dean standing at the bed with his back to the door. "Cas?"

Sam had expected Cas to be long gone by now, the angel never hung around for long, so it was quite a surprise to still find him here.

"What are you doing?" Sam stepped into the room, trying to figure out why Cas was in here all by himself. Dean wasn't with him so that mystery was still unsolved.

Hearing Sam's voice Cas turned around, an almost guilty expression on his face.

"Sam." He greeted him and dropped a shirt he had been folding on the bed, an open bag with more of his clothes next to him.

"Dean asked me to stay. He said I could use this room." He paused for a second, clearly waiting for Sam's reaction.

"I hope you don't mind." He added when Sam failed to come up with a response. His mind was still too sluggish to follow that train of thought.

"Sure." He finally answered. "You're always welcome here, you know that."

"Thank you."

There was a moment of silence.

"I was looking for Dean, have you seen him?" By now Sam was pretty sure that Dean wasn't on a killing spree through the country, however, he would feel better if he knew where his stray brother was.

"He said I need a new mattress." Cas frowned. "One that will remember me."

"Memory foam." Sam chuckled at that. "Dean loves his mattress, he would marry that thing if he could." The way Dean talked about his mattress Sam didn't want to think of the things it remembered about Dean, though.

Dean was back a while later, not only with the new mattress for Cas but with bags full of stuff to make Cas' room more his and not only a temporarily thing. And he'd done the groceries as well, something Sam hadn't really bothered with over the last few weeks.

"What did you eat while I was gone?" Dean asked while he put away the food. For somebody who could live off junk food for weeks Dean had always been utterly concerned about Sam's eating habits. He made fun about Sam's healthy food, yes, but on the other hand he made sure that Sam ate on a regular basis when Sam was too engrossed in something to care about such ordinary things like food.

"I was busy looking for you." Sam shrugged. As expected that shut Dean up rather quickly, suddenly he was very interested in some pasta.

"So." Sam changed the topic. "You asked Cas to stay for a while."

Out of the corner of his eye he watched Dean's reaction. Sam wasn't blind and even if he were, the way his brother and the angel were circling around each other for years now was hard to miss. So Dean asking him to stay could be a step in the right direction. Or not. Sam had given up hope that they would ever get past this pining phase long ago but there was something in the way Dean avoided his eyes and focused on the package of pasta in his hand.

"He needed a place to crash for a while." Dean answered with a delay and Sam didn't press the issue, he knew better than that. But he wondered …

Things were quiet for now, no new shadow rising in the east, so to speak. They could use a few quiet days, to heal and recharge, and that was what they were doing. Well, Sam tried to do that. Dean and Cas tried to pretend they were just hanging out but they were as sneaky as horny teenagers when it came to their real intentions. It was quite amusing.

Sam just wondered how long it would take them to officially tell him that there was finally something going on between them. As far as he could tell, and he really didn't want to investigate farther into this, they had slept in their own rooms every night. Once or twice Sam walked into a room just to find them in opposite corners with mussy hair and wet lips and forced blank expressions on their faces. One time he had to bite his own bottom lip to not laugh at Dean's pathetic attempt to hide his boner. Making an excuse that he'd forgotten something at the other end of the bunker, Sam backed off. Maybe he should start wearing a bell.

Before he was out of earshot he heard Dean whispering: "Think he noticed?"

Sam was tempted to yell: "He did!" but kept his mouth shut. They would tell him when they were ready.

In the meantime he made sure to give them every hint he could think of that he was okay with them being together, the last thing he wanted was for them to feel that they had to hide this from him.

He guessed they were still figuring this out for themselves and didn't want to make it official before they were sure that this was really something and that was okay. As far as Sam was concerned they could take all the time they needed to come to terms with their new relationship but he didn't want them to be afraid of coming out to him.

When he'd come back from Stanford Sam had suspected that not all Dean's hook-ups where women and over the years he had found proof that Dean was interested in men as well. It had never really come up between them so Sam didn't know if Dean knew he knew, his head started to ache from that kind of thinking, but to Sam it had never really mattered. Dean was Dean, his big brother, his childhood idol but when it came to the bedroom Sam didn't want to know what was going on behind closed doors. He wouldn't want Dean to know in detail about his love life either.

_As if I have a love life,_ Sam thought and closed the book he wasn't reading anyway. Base line, he was happy for Dean and Cas and it was entertaining as hell to see them sneaking around.

This went on for almost a week before Dean became restless. He never liked being stuck in one place for too long, that was nothing new, but with the new thing between his brother and Cas, Sam had expected this to last for a little while longer.

"Find us something to do." Dean whined over breakfast one morning. They had coffee and Sam his bowl of cereals while Dean and Cas stuffed themselves with scrambled eggs and sausages. How somebody could eat that greasy stuff early in the morning was beyond Sam and what baffled him the most was that Cas was actually eating. Since he'd moved in he was sleeping and eating and experiencing every other human body function Sam didn't want to think about over breakfast.

Cas was still running on borrowed grace and just like the one before that, it was fading. Cas still had time but they had to find a solution to that at one point. And for the Mark of Cain.

Sam drank the last puddle of milk directly out of the bowl and then set it in the sink. Before they tackled the big problems, and he still had no clue where to even start, they should get back in the saddle. He doubted Cas wanted to sit this out and stay at the bunker all alone and if he was honest, an angel in the team was a big plus even if it was a weakened one. So they were three now and they needed to find their rhythm. And this would be Dean's first hunt after his whole demon episode as well. Sam wasn't sure if Dean was ready for the job just yet but there was only one way to find out.

"I'll look into it." Sam promised. He turned around, butt resting on the edge of the counter, and watched his brother and his angel. Cas had always this problem with respecting Dean's personal space, and only Dean's, but this was ridiculous. Their chairs were so close they almost touched and Dean could barely lift his right arm without poking Cas in the rips with his elbow. Somehow they managed, though. It was kinda adorable. Sam wondered if they would feed each other little bits if he weren't around. Probably not, that wasn't Dean.

After breakfast Sam went over to the library and opened his laptop to find them a case.

A while later Dean joined him and there was clearly something on his mind but for a while he was just there, fiddling around with a magazine, just being his usual annoying distracting self.

Sam could guess what was coming and for a moment he wondered if he should let Dean off the hook and tell him upfront that he knew. On the other hand, he was the little brother, it was in the job description to let your big brother struggle.

"So." Dean cleared his throat, finally ready to say what he wanted to say. "Me and Cas."

Sam looked up from the screen. Dean looked like a deer in the headlights, as if he expected Sam to react badly to this revelation. Was Dean really worried that he might not be okay with this? It stung a little, Sam had to admit.

"We're trying this out. Being together." He looked everywhere but Sam.

"Finally." Sam returned his attention back to the screen. "Took you two long enough to figure it out."


	3. Chapter 3

When Cas kissed him and said that he wanted Dean and when he kissed him some more, Dean just wanted to throw him on the bed that was conveniently there and just take him.

"Stay." Dean said. He'd waited so long for this, had dreamed about this in his weak, lonely nights but never had he thought that he could have this. That he could have Cas.

So yeah, maybe it was the lingering effect of his demon nature or just horniness in general but he was moving them over to the bed until the edge nudged Cas in the knees and he had to sit down.

Cas stretched out willingly and Dean was on top of him a second later, covering him with his body. They never broke the kiss and damn was Cas a good kisser, while their roaming hands tried to explore every inch of the other one.

"Dean." Cas breathed, arching under Dean's touch and wasn't that the most beautiful thing Dean had ever seen. Cas was getting hard, Dean could feel it through too many layers of clothes. But then Cas' hand found it's way to Dean's crotch and everything else was forgotten.

Cas was touching him. The warmth of his hand seeped through the denim, his hand firm against Dean. It was more awkward fumbling than anything else, Cas had clearly never touched a dick before, probably not even his own, but the fact alone that it was Cas touching him pushed Dean over the edge.

"Dammit, Cas." Dean buried his face in the crook of Cas' neck, still breathing hard and not in the slightest embarrassed about how quickly he'd creamed his pants. "Haven't come like this since I was a teen."

"You're beautiful when you come." Cas said in that blunt way of his. He lay perfectly still under Dean and it took him a moment to realize that he could still feel the hard line of Cas' erection against his hip.

Dean rolled off him.

"May I?" He asked, hand on the inner side of Cas' thigh.

"Please." Cas bucked his hip under his touch. Dean opened his fly and reached inside until he could close his hand around Cas. Then he needed a moment to process the fact that he was holding Cas' dick in his hand.

Cas watched him with thoughtful eyes and slowly Dean moved his hand. He didn't know how Cas liked his handjobs but he was sure he could figure it out. He worked his length in long even strokes, thumb circling the head now and then and the way Cas' panted and bucked under him he wasn't doing too badly. It had been way too long since he'd done this properly.

Dean had sex with men while he'd been a demon but then he hadn't really cared about his partners. He had made sure to get them off as well but that had been it. With Cas it was different, he wanted to make it good for him.

"Cas." He brought their lips together for a deep kiss, tongue darting out and sinking into the heat of Cas' mouth while he never stopped working his erection.

"Dean, I ... I ..." Cas chanted before he spilled his release over Dean's hand.

"I got you, I got you." He peppered Cas' throat with little kisses, grinning against the bobbing Adam's apple while the shocks of his orgasm ripped through the angel's body.

Spent they stretched out next to each other, content with just lying there for a moment.

"That was ..." Cas had to swallow thickly. "That was good."

"I sure hope so." Dean smacked him playfully in the shoulder.

He was lying in bed with Cas. He was lying fucked out in bed with Cas. Dean couldn't stop grinning.

"How do we proceed from here?" Cas finally asked and crashed them back to reality with that.

Dean would have liked to just set Cas up here with him, sleeping together in one bed from now on with mind blowing sex every night. But thinking about it, it might not be a good idea. He didn't want to fuck this up, not this, so they probably shouldn't rush things. They were both not exactly experts on the whole relationship thing and he wasn't sure if Cas knew about the logistics of sex between men. He didn't want to scare him off with stuff he wasn't comfortable with. They had time, no need to hurry.

And there was Sam. Dean didn't know if he even knew that Dean was interested in men as well. He had the suspicion that Sam had figured it out years ago but they'd never really talked about this so he didn't know if his brother just chose to turn a blind eye on Dean's sex life or if he was in fact clueless.

He wasn't sure how Sam would react to him being with Cas either, because c'mon, this was Cas and at the moment Dean wasn't even sure if this thing with Cas was heading where he wanted it to head so it was probably a good idea to not throw it in Sam's face just yet.

"I'd like you to stay here in the bunker." Dean finally answered. "We have plenty of free rooms." He watched Cas closely, trying to figure out what the angel was thinking. He was wearing his usual blank expression, confused mixed with mildly curious. Not exactly helpful.

"I don't want to rush this." Dean said. "I want to figure this out properly."

Cas nodded to that.

"And there is Sam." Cas added after a thoughtful moment.

"And there is Sam." Dean repeated and dropped back to his back, looking up at the ceiling.

"What will he think of this?" Cas asked. "Of us?"

"I have no idea." Dean admitted and that frightened him a little bit. He had lived for years with just not mentioning it and it had worked out just fine. But if this thing between him and Cas worked out, and he really hoped it would, it would be right in Sam's face and even a Winchester couldn't master that degree of denial and pretend it wasn't there.

For now they set Cas up in his own room, there were more than enough empty rooms around, and while Cas unpacked the few things he owned Dean went to get him some stuff. A memory foam mattress was a must but he also got him extra pillows and a blanket and a really fluffy rug just because.

When he came home from his trip Sam was finally awake, he'd been so exhausted he hadn't even noticed when Dean had tucked him in like he'd done when they had been little. Which felt like a millennia ago.

Cas had sent Hannah away by then, too. Dean had no idea what he'd told her but there was still stuff going on in heaven and Hannah was needed there. Cas wouldn't be much help up there anyway, they all knew it but Dean would never tell him that to the face, so he was glad when Hannah left without trying to persuade Cas to come with her. Dean wasn't sure if he liked her or not but she had gained points for that. And he couldn't really blame her for asking Cas to kill him back then, they had been at war and Dean had fucked up royally, so yeah …

He forced himself to think of something different, like where to put the rug. Directly in front of the bed or more into the room?

"I like it when you're nesting." Sam commented from the door and Dean just glared at him. Considering the fact that Cas had wings and he was making a home for him here ... he wasn't sure if he liked the implications.

The next few days were a hazy blur of stolen kisses and secret snuggling, not that Dean was that into stuff like that but it turned out that Cas was a snuggler. Whenever they sat together he liked to sneak an arm around Dean and rest his head on his shoulder. Sometimes he played with the hair in Dean's neck. Dean wasn't sure what to think of that, it was nice but he'd never been one to show affection this openly, but for now he let Cas do whatever he wanted because it was just awesome that Cas wanted to do stuff with him in the first place.

There were some close calls, though. They had agreed on not telling Sam just yet so they had to have their ears out constantly. And Dean found out that it was really hard to listen for Sam's footsteps while he had his tongue down Cas throat. However, they always managed to get far enough apart in time to look innocent.

One time Sam came into the library and Dean could barley hide his erection behind a stack of books on the table. He was sure that Sam would call them out on their little farce but then he was mumbling something about something he had forgotten somewhere and was out of the room a second later.

"You think he noticed?" Dean whispered over to Cas when he was sure that Sam as out of earshot. Cas shook his head but didn't seem to be sure. However, looking at Cas with his hair even mussier than usual and his lips still wet and swollen from their kissing Sam was forgotten in an instant.

It would probably be the easiest way if they just let Sam catch them, Dean thought but that didn't seem right. Cas was not a dirty little secret. If he did this, he wanted to do this right, which meant telling Sam because he wanted to tell him and not because he had to when Sam caught them with their hands down each other's pants.

With Cas constantly there Dean never really got his head out of the gutter. Since their first time with rutting off against each other and a quick handjob they hadn't done more than kissing and cuddling and Dean would go stir crazy if that went on for much longer. Cas hadn't really initiated more and Dean didn't want to bring it up too soon and with Sam around it only got more complicated.

They needed to get out of the bunker, Dean decided.

"Find us something to do." He said one morning over breakfast.

Sam didn't look so fond of that idea, Dean didn't have to be a mind reader to know what was going on in his brother's head, but it still stung when Sam bluntly asked if Dean was ready for a job.

In the end Sam promised to look out for something and that was all Dean was asking for.

"We should tell him." Cas said when Sam had left the kitchen.

"Yeah." Dean had thought about that for days now. The thing he had with Cas felt real. But admitting it to Sam would bring it out in the open and he wasn't sure if it was already strong enough for that.

"I'm going to tell him." Dean set his jaw and went over to the library to find out what Sam thought about him being with a man in general and about him being with Cas in particular.

He fidgeted around for quite a while and was about to call it off when he finally opened his mouth and told Sam.

His brother looked up from his laptop with quite an amused expression.

"Finally." He said. "Took you two long enough to figure it out." Then he turned back to the laptop.

Dean just stood there stunned for a whole minute.

"You knew?"

"About you and Cas?" Sam raised an eyebrow to that. "Dean, the whole world knew."

"And you're okay with it?" Dean couldn't believe this.

"Of course not." Sam glared at him but couldn't suppress the fond smile tucking at the corners of his mouth. "Can't you see me raging and spitting?" He shook his head in amusement. "Dean, it's great that you're together. I'm happy for you."

Dean just stared at him, trying to figure out if he was still joking. The last part had sounded suspiciously genuine.

"Dean." Sam let out a sigh but took pity on him. "I know, okay? I know you like men and I know you like Cas. And that's totally fine with me."

"You're an awesome brother, you know that?"

"Took you long enough to notice that one too."


	4. Chapter 4

Sam found them a hunt. Only a few hour away something was chewing off people's faces. The police was talking about animal attacks but left out what kind of animal they thought did it so Sam decided it was worth checking out. At first glance it looked more monster-y than demon-y or angel-y so it probably was the right thing to start with. A plain old monster hunt. Not that those weren't dangerous, just less complicated.

Dean drove with Sam in the passenger and Cas in the back. By now Dean had found time to clean his car out and she was shining and purring like she'd just rolled off the line. Sam stretched out his legs as far as he could and leaned back in his seat. This was how it should be.

The only thing different was Cas sitting in the back but he'd been there often enough to make it not that of a strange thing and judging by the glances Dean was throwing him through the rear view mirror, it was something they would get used to very quickly. Sam thought about offering to drive just to allow Dean to constantly eye fuck his angel but he didn't bring it up. Dean was happy back behind the wheel and that was all that counted.

They reached their destination late in the afternoon and Dean stired the Impala towards the first motel he saw. Sam looked up at the sign announcing this as the Buffalo Motel with a few neons missing in the vacancy sign.

_Living in the bunker has its perks_ , he thought and got out of the car.

"I'll get us the rooms." He announced and headed off to the office without looking back so he probably missed a quick peck on the cheek between Cas and his brother. For grown men these two acted a lot like teenage girls and Sam just hoped they wouldn't start giggling at one point.

"You have the four." Sam handed Dean his key. "And I'm in nine."

Dean threw him a confused look but Sam really didn't want to explain why he didn't want to stay in the same room as them or even next door. He didn't know what or if they would do something at night but he wasn't keen on finding out. He was close enough so he could hear the others shouting and vice versa and for sure he would hear gunfire so no need to worry.

Dean was clearly torn between his privacy and having Sam in sight but in the end Cas just slung an arm around Dean's waist and that was it. They went to their rooms to unpack.

Sam had booked one room with a double bed for Dean and Cas and one with a single for himself. It was weird, coming into a room with only one bed, but he guessed he would get used to that. Dean was only a few rooms away.

"Somebody ran wild with the buffalo theme in here." Sam shook his head at the mounted buffalo head on the wall over the TV set. The rest of the wall was covered with various pictures of the animal. Even the bed had horns on the headboard.

They met back outside half an hour later to find themselves something to eat. It was too late to start their investigation so they used the time to discuss what they knew over dinner. Which wasn't much.

"Four victims so far." Sam said. "They found the last one yesterday."

He didn't bring out the pictures, they were in public after all, but they all knew what he was talking about.

"We check out the morgue first thing tomorrow." Dean said and buried his face in his burger.

"What do you think we are dealing with here, Sam?" Cas ask, skimming through the notes Sam had spread out on the table. He was an angel and a soldier but when it came to hunting Cas was still an amateur. Sam remembered that one time when Cas had announced that he wanted to become a hunter and shuddered at that thought. However, he was an angel and as that hard to kill and for sure a strong ally on their side.

"I don't know yet." Sam admitted. "Looks like some kind of animal but I doubt it was just hungry, it only went for the faces." He had seen the pictures and he wasn't looking forward to having a look at the real thing. Maybe he could leave that to Dean and Cas. The angel still needed to learn the ropes and they really didn't have to show up in the morgue with three people.

"There is this man, Andrew Barter, he's the husband of the third victim." Sam had to search in his notes for the name. "He was with her when she's been attacked."

"He saw that thing?" Now he had Dean's interest.

"I'm not sure, this is all a bit vague." Sam frowned at his notes. "How about you two check out the bodies while I talk to the police and this Andrew guy?"

Of course Dean knew exactly what he was doing here but he didn't call him out on it.

"Sure, Cas and I can deal with some faceless dead guys." Dean shrugged. "No need for you to get your hands dirty."

Or not. Sam threw his balled up napkin at him and felt better. Cas looked from one brother to the other, clearly confused by their actions. Sam exchanged one glance with Dean and both burst out laughing.

God, this felt good.

Still grinning they left the diner and walked the short distance back to the motel. By now it was dark but the air was clear and when Sam looked up he could see the stars. Cas followed his example and looked up as well but when Sam saw the expression on his face he regretted even looking up in the first place.

Sensing what was going on with his friend Dean slung his arm around Cas' shoulder. His eyes locked with Sam's for a second but they were both lost on what to do or say. Sam couldn't even start to imagine what Cas had lost. How he must feel now, unable to fly and more human than angel with his grace still fading.

They parted for the night and Sam sat on the small table in this room, under the watchful eyes of the buffalo head, and searched the internet for anything helpful. Whatever they were hunting had a very specific taste for the faces of its victims. Sam knew about things that went for specific organs, werewolves for example, but so far he'd never heard of something like this. He wished he could just call Bobby and discuss this with him.

Sam let out a sigh, he still missed him but that wouldn't bring him back. To keep himself distracted, he didn't want to think about the man who had been more of a father for him and Dean than their actual father, Sam threw himself back into the case.

Faces were personal, so maybe the victims knew the one who had attacked them. Which would mean this was something appearing human and not an animal like a black dog for example. He hadn't found out much about where the victims had been found or if they knew each other, for that he would have to talk to the police in person, so after a while of browsing the internet for face eating monsters Sam called it a day and shut the laptop.

When he lay in bed a while later, he couldn't help but wonder what was going on in the other room. Not that he wanted to think about his brother and his best friend having sex, though he doubted they would do much while they were working a case. At least he hoped that they wouldn't be busy the whole night and too tired to be useful tomorrow.

As expected Dean was still asleep when Sam knocked at their door the next morning, announcing that he would get them some breakfast and that he would be back in twenty minutes. He hoped that would be enough time to get them decent.

When he came back with coffee and bags of food, Dean was still in the shower but Cas opened the door and helped him to set the table. For once Cas had buttoned up his shirt and straightened his tie. He actually looked professional, however, he didn't really look like Cas dressed like this. Without his jacket on Sam could make out the outlines of his body under the white shirt and he had to admit that Cas wasn't only a pretty face. At least for a guy. Sam didn't find him attractive but he got what Dean was seeing here. And Dean and Cas had clicked the second they'd laid eyes on each other, that had been obvious for everybody around them except for them.

A moment later Dean came out of the bathroom. Wearing only his pants with his shirt in hand he just stood there for a moment, eyes fixed on Cas. They stared at each other, Sam totally forgotten and he wondered if he should take his own breakfast over to his room and let them drool over each other for a while longer. Instead he cleared his throat and blushing Dean hurried to put on his shirt.

"If you'd rather be alone, just say the word." Sam grinned at him when he handed him his coffee.

"Shut up, bitch." Dean growled playfully at him and peered inside his bag.

"I think that place is taken, jerk." Sam answered with a meaningful look at Cas. "Or is it the other way around?"

Dean almost choked on his coffee.

"If you're referring to sexual positions." Cas spoke up. "We didn't have intercourse yet."

No both Winchesters were snorting coffee.

"Cas." Sam had to use a napkin. "Too much information."

"You asked, Sammy." Dean grinned at him and fished a bagel out of the bag. "And FYI, that's none of your business."

They finished their breakfast and then Dean drove them into town. Sam would check in with the police and would then meet their witness while Dean and Cas would have a look at the bodies. After that they would visit the victims families and see what they could find out.

Since these were officially animal attacks Sam introduced himself as being with Animal Control. The officer working the case, Officer Martin, seemed glad to have him there. He had four dead people and not one clue on what did it and there for had still an unnamed predator on the loose.

After an hour of reading the files and bouncing ideas with Officer Martin Sam wasn't closer to solving this case than before. The victims had been found in different places around town, all deserted but that was the only thing they had in common. He couldn't narrow it down to a certain area or a certain time and as far as he could tell the victims had nothing in common either. There were three women and only one man but with just four victims it was hard to tell if this meant something or not. Three had been alone but Nancy Barter had been with her husband when she'd been attacked. Different ages and social backgrounds, there was nothing connecting these people.

Frustrated Sam leaned back in his chair and took out the photo of Nancy Barter.

"Did the husband tell you anything useful?" He asked. He had the intention to ask the man himself but it would be good to know what he'd said so far.

"Something big." Officer Martin shrugged. "It was almost dark and it happened very quickly. He said she had stopped to tie her shoe while he kept going. Then she screamed and when he turned around something dragged her off the path. He ran after her but it was too later. She was dead when he reached her."

Sam thought about that for a moment but couldn't think of anything that hunted like that.

"Okay." He closed the file and stood up. "Thank you, Officer. I'll let you know when I find something."

With that he left the station and went to have a little chat with Andrew Barter.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean was surprised by the casualty with which Sam got them a double room but on the other hand he wasn't really that surprised. Sam had been very supportive since he officially knew about Dean's relationship with Cas. Not that he'd expected his brother to become all hateful or something like that, that just wasn't Sam, but it was kinda baffling how easily Sam adapted to the new dynamics. Way better than Dean himself if he was honest.

When they came back from the diner in the evening Cas was still a bit quiet. He had looked at the stars earlier and the way he'd become sad and silent over that, Dean wondered if he missed heaven. Stupid question, it was his home, of course he missed it.

"Wanna watch some TV?" Dean asked a little too enthusiastically. It was too early to turn in but Dean wasn't sure how to get Cas out of that funk.

"Sounds good." Cas agreed and minutes later they lay stretched out on the bed, back propped up against the headboard, watching TV. At first they just lay there with a little space between them but without Dean noticing Cas had inched closer and sat now flushed against Dean's side with his hand on Dean's thigh.

Cas didn't do anything else, except for resting his head on Dean's shoulder, but Dean couldn't focus on the TV anymore. He felt Cas' warm body pressed against his, the weight of his head on his shoulder and most of all the hand on his thigh. It lay in the middle, maybe even a little bit closer to the knee than the other way, and it just lay there. Nothing indicated that Cas had more in mind but Dean had to shift nevertheless to adjust himself in his suddenly tight jeans. If Cas notice he didn't show, fully engrossed in what was happening on the screen.

They would sleep together in one bed for the first time, Dean realized and he wasn't sure if he wanted their first real time, one quick handjob didn't really count, in a buffalo themed motel with a dead animal watching them from the other wall.

When it was time to go to sleep they took turns in the bathroom and Dean spent long minutes on the question what to wear for the night. In the end he settled for a t-shirt and his underwear. He didn't want to scare Cas away but he didn't want to come across as prude either. Cas followed his example, probably even more unsure about this than Dean, and then they slipped under the covers.

"Do you really need to sleep now?" Dean asked just to say something and to not think about Cas almost naked just inches away.

"Sometimes." Cas answered. They lay on their sides, facing each other and Dean just wanted to kiss him. So he did. Cupping Cas' head with one hand, he kissed him deep and sensual.

"Do you want to have sex?" Cas asked bluntly when they parted.

"Way to kill the mood, dude." Dean muttered with a grin. "Do you?" He asked back because that was the important question here.

Cas had very little experience and Dean didn't want to push him. He was just fine with staying like this. A kiss and a touch, whatever Cas felt comfortable with.

"I don't know." Cas admitted after he'd thought about the question for a moment.

"Turn around." Dean said, knowing that tonight wasn't the night to do this. Whatever _this_ would turn out to be. Without a question Cas turned around and Dean snuggled closer until they were spooning. He threw an arm over Cas, placing his hand over his heart.

"How about this?" He asked, nose buried in the nape of Cas' neck.

"This is nice." Cas admitted and moved a little until he was comfy. His butt brushed against Dean's front which didn't help him out with his half-hard cock but for now he was content with having Cas this close.

"I swear." Dean felt the need to say. "One word about this to Sam and I will end you."

Cas placed his own hand over Dean's still on his chest. "Of course not." He promised and like that they went to sleep.

In the morning they were facing opposite ways with only their butts touching but waking up like this was nice, too. And it had the advantage that Dean wasn't pressing his morning wood against Cas. He didn't want the other man to get the idea that he had to do something about it.

Dean used his turn in the shower to take care of it and that was the only reason he didn't pop one the second he came out of the bathroom. Cas didn't have his jacket on and finally showed some of his body. He was stretching over the table, reaching for something, which gave Dean a really nice view on his butt in his dress pants. Dean totally had a thing for firm butts in dress pants.

He would have liked to put a hand on it but Sam was in the room so he restrained himself and hurried to put his shirt on.

Of course that little bastard had to ask the most intimate questions but Cas managed to shut him up quite gloriously. Served him right.

They dropped Sam off in town and then went to have a look at the bodies and a little chat with the coroner. It felt good to be working again and Dean wouldn't mind shooting something. He had no idea what they were hunting but something that chew somebody's face off sounded like something he wanted to shoot.

They had agreed to Animal Control as a cover and that was how Dean introduced them. At least Cas managed to hold his ID up the right way this time.

Okay, that was unfair, Cas had gotten the hang of this since then and as long as Dean didn't let him chose their aliases everything should work out just fine. And who knew, maybe Cas noticed something on the bodies a human eye would miss.

The coroner was a woman in her fifties who had seen her fair share of gruesome but she was at a loss with this one.

"Not a local animal." She said and opened the steel door to show them the latest victim. "That's for sure. But people keep all kinds of exotic animals as pets these days." She shrugged and stepped back to let Dean and Cas have a look.

"Sometimes it escapes or it gets too big and people just dump it somewhere."

Dean had a look at the body in front of him. Where the face was supposed to be there was only a bloody mess left. As far as he could tell even the bones were crushed beyond recognition.

"A guess what kind of animal we're looking for?" Dean asked the coroner but had an eye on Cas as well. Both shook their heads.

"I'm not even sure if I'm looking at claw or teeth marks here." She admitted. "I didn't find hair or anything else with DNA on it. Just nothing."

"That's unusual." Dean had to admit. "An animal would leave something behind, right? Hair or saliva?"

She nodded to that, clearly not liking where this was heading. "If it's too small or just not enough I might have missed it, this is not CSI, you know, but I can tell you, I looked. I've never seen anything like this and I want to solve this puzzle."

"I'm not saying you missed something." Dean hurried to say. "Maybe there is nothing it find."

They had a look at the other body that was still here, the other two had been released by now. The coroner gave them the reports. It was the same with all of them. No clear bite or claw marks, just the complete front of the head missing, and no DNA or anything that would help to narrow it down. Officially this was handled as an animal attack but only because they couldn't think of a way a human could have done something like this. The victims weren't beaten or stabbed or in any other way injured that would let them think of a human attacker.

When they left the building they could rule out a lot of things but weren't one step closer to figuring this out.

"Do you have any idea?" Dean asked because he was drawing a blank.

"I'm sorry." Cas admitted. "I've never seen something like this before."

"Maybe Sam had more luck on his end." Dean said and got his phone out. Sam was on his way to interview the witness but his visit at the police station had brought him just as much information as Dean and Cas had gathered.

"Let's have a look at where Nancy has been found." Dean suggested. "And then we see what the families have to tell."

There was still yellow police tape marking the place but that was all there was to see.

"Nancy got dragged here." Dean turned around to get a better feeling for his surroundings. "The bushes block the view to the path, the husband must have lost eye contact with her at least for a moment."

"And that moment has been enough of to murder her." Cas finished the sentence for him. "However, I don't see anything around here. There's not even that much blood."

Cas had a point there. Head wounds usually bled like a bitch but except for a few drops in the grass there was nothing there.

"It hasn't been raining since then, has it?" Dean asked because the rain could have washed most of the blood way. But the grass looked dry and when he dug his knife in the ground the soil beneath the grass was dry as well. It hadn't rained for a while around here.

"Okay, let's talk to some people." Dean stood up and cleaned his knife at his pants before he put it away.

The families were nice and glad that somebody was still investigating but in the end they couldn't provide any helpful information. One victim had been attacked on his way home from work, the other one came from the fitness center. As far as the families could tell they had never met.

"Thank you for your time." Dean closed his notepad with next to no notes in it and with Cas on his heels he left. They picked up Sam in town and then went back to the motel to exchange notes.

"Okay." Sam sat down and took out his notes. "Andrew saw something."

"Something something?" Dean asked and got three bottles of beer out of the fridge. Sam took it with barely a glance but Cas accepted it as if this was something special. They really should go out more often.

"At first he went with the animal he hadn't really seen but when I dug a little deeper he admitted that he saw it." Sam made a dramatic pause and Dean just wanted to smack him over the head. "He said it wasn't an animal, it was more like a cloud or something."

"A demon?" Cas asked what was on Dean's mind.

"He described it more like fog, white and gray, not black." Sam dismissed the idea. "Would be pretty strange behavior for a demon anyway."

"You never know with those suckers." Dean pointed with his bottle at Sam. "If they can screw with people demons can come up with some pretty sick stuff."

"If you say so." Sam said and Dean knew he didn't mean it that way but those careless words still cut deep.

"Sorry, I didn't mean ..." Sam realized his mistake but it was too late, the damage was done. Not that Dean let him on about that.

"Yeah, I know." Smiling like he didn't care Dean took a swig from his bottle. Under the table Cas' hand found its way to his knee. Dean didn't look at him but now his smile felt less forced.


	6. Chapter 6

It took them three frustrating days and two more deaths to figure this one out. Whatever it was it had upped its game and was striking more frequently now. However, the last victim finally gave them the right hint.

Of course it was Dean who pieced together the pattern. He had always been good with patterns. Not that he would ever believe it when Sam pointed that out to him.

The latest victim was the owner of Jacob's Antiques. The same antiques store one of the earlier victims had worked at. The same antiques store victim number three had passed and most likely stopped at on her way home from the fitness center and it was the same antiques store Nancy and Andrew had visited on a shopping trip.

Every victim had been at the store, now they only had to find out what was causing the deaths and how to stop it.

After studying the store's inventory list for hours, with the owner dead the store was closed so Sam hoped there wouldn't be any more victims, he was pretty sure he'd narrowed it down to one object.

Just in time because Dean was more than ready to just burn the whole store to the ground and be done with it. The only reason he had been this patient for hours had been Cas who managed to shut him up with only a glance. Sam knew that would probably wear off as soon as this thing between them wasn't so new and exciting anymore. At some point Dean would realize that this was real and that Cas was not running for the hills after one wrong word.

But for as long as it lasted Sam had every intention to take full advantage of it.

Dean was still amenable to what he called Sam's puppy dog eyes but this was new and Dean hadn't quite figured out yet what Cas was doing.

Not that it didn't work the other way around, though. Cas would do anything if Dean just threw him one of those glances.

"A cursed locket." Dean let out a groan.

"Yep." Sam made, he was just as happy about this as Dean. Cursed objects sucked. And they were hard to destroy, most of them could only be locked away with the hope that nobody was dumb enough to open one of the boxes. Yeah, sure. That one never worked out in the long run. But with the bunker at hand now they had a place to safely store things like that. There were already rooms full of chests and boxes Sam really didn't want to open in the depths of the bunker.

"There is a tragic love story behind this." He started his explanation but one look at Dean and he changed his mind. "Long story short, she pines after him, he ignores her 'as if she doesn't have a face', she curses him, guy gets his face eaten off."

"Super." Dean rubbed his face. "You have a picture of that thing?"

"We need a curse box to store the object." Cas threw in, looking from one Winchester to the other. He was the only one looking excited about this and Sam wondered if angels could get cursed. He wasn't keen on finding out so Sam made a mental note to keep an eye on both, his brother and the angel, so they wouldn't touch anything they shouldn't touch. Maybe he should go alone …

Preparing the curse box took another two hours and it was almost ten in the evening when they finally stood in front of the store.

"Why do we always have to do this at night?" Dean complained while he handed out flashlights.

With the store closed they could technically wait until morning but with six fatalities so far Sam wasn't willing to risk that. Despite his complaining Dean thought the same, Sam knew that, and Cas was willing to follow their lead in this, knowing that they were the experts when it came to hunting.

The lock was a joke and a minute later they fanned out to search the selling floor for the locket.

"Don't touch anything." Sam hissed after the other two and hoped that he would find it first.

There was no particular order in the way the objects were displayed. An 18th century Chinese cabinet stood next to a 16th century English knight's armor, a collection of antique rifles next to tin toys.

"Sweet." He heard Dean from the other end of the room and a quick glance in his direction confirmed that Dean had found the swords.

"Aren't we looking for jewelry?" Cas commented Dean's enthusiasm but didn't stop him when Dean took out a two-handed longsword and swung it experimentally.

In the end it was Sam who found the locket. In a bargain bin near the entrance. It was a miracle that there hadn't been more deaths, every customer coming in could have touched it.

"Cas, do you have the box?" Sam asked over his shoulder while he used a pen to untangle the locket from the other necklaces.

That was the moment everything went sideways. Sam had made sure he didn't touch the locket but that didn't seem to matter. Maybe it knew they were here to lock it away or it just liked to lash out at random people, either way, Sam was screwed.

One second he was looking for Cas to bring the box, the next he was dragged across the room. He lost his flashlight and the locket during the struggle and could only try to shield his head while he crashed into shelves and showcases. Glass shattered, wood splintered and above all he heard Dean yelling his name.

Then there was something on his face. Cool and misty like the air on a November's morning. Knowing what was happening he tried to fight it off but he couldn't fight mist. His fists went straight through it, it was like hitting thin air, and he could only hope that the others could take care of the locket in time.

His face burned and he screamed which only made him breathe in that stuff. Now the insides of his mouth and nose burned as well and he could only scream in agony when it started to eat away his flesh.

Around him he noticed hectic movement and for a second he could focus enough to yell Dean's name in hope that he would understand and go for the locket. Then everything was lost in the mist surrounding his head again.

"Cas!" He heard his brother screaming over his own cries and then all of a sudden it was gone.

Sam lay on his back in a pile of debris and broken glass and didn't dare to move. A second later Dean was at his side.

"Sammy." Dean dropped to his knees next to him, carefully plucking bits and pieces out if his hair and clothes without having a real look at his face just yet. His flashlight pointed in another direction but Sam knew sooner or later Dean had to have a look and then he would have to tell Sam how bad it really was.

His skin was burning, if he had any left, that is, so were his nose and throat. As if he'd been standing to close to an explosion. And what was that telling about his life that he knew exactly how that felt?

"You got it?" Sam asked, his voice dry and raspy. No matter how often he swallowed or moved his tongue around he couldn't bring up enough moisture to lose the sandpaper feeling in his mouth.

"It's locked away." Cas came over, locked box under his arm. "You look terrible."

"Don't mind him." Dean dismissed him. "He says that a lot lately."

"How bad is it?" Sam asked and probed the side of his face with his fingertips. He hissed in pain but he felt skin under his fingertips which he counted as a plus.

"You'll live." Dean answered and held his hand out to help Sam back to his feet. He didn't ask Cas to help Sam so it couldn't be that bad, Sam figured.

Back at the car Dean wetted a towel with a bottle of water and Sam took it gratefully. The cool wetness was like balm on his abused face.

At the motel he filled the towel with ice and dropped on his bed with a sigh.

"Got you some ointment." Dean had entered the room without him noticing but he's face was covered with three pounds of ice and a wet towel and he'd been about to doze off, of course he hadn't noticed.

"And I want to have a real look in proper light." Dean added, sitting down on the edge of Sam's bed.

Under his towel Sam sighed but he knew that Dean wouldn't leave him alone until he'd made sure it really wasn't that bad.

"Cas can ..." Dean started but Sam cut him off.

"It's just irritated." He said, finally taking off the towel to let Dean see his face. "Like a really bad sunburn. It'll heal." He didn't say that he didn't want Cas to burn more of his grace if it wasn't absolutely necessary.

Dean's face was close now and he had a hand gently under Sam's chin to turn his head back and forth to examine him from all sides.

"I'm fine." Sam said and he could clearly tell the moment when Dean decided that it really wasn't that bad.

"You should put on some of the ointment." He let go of Sam's chin and stood up.

"Jesus, Sammy." For a second Dean's walls crumbled and Sam saw how scared Dean had been and still was. Sam had only seen the pictures but Dean had been at the morgue, he had seen the bodies. Sam didn't want to know how close he'd been to joining them.

"You locked it away just in time." Sam assured him and patted his forearm.

"Cas did it." Dean said without looking him in the eye. "Don't know how he even found it in that mess."

Dean let out a breath and Sam could tell that he finally let himself believe that Sam was indeed fine.

"I'll put on the ointment and use more of the ice, it will better in the morning."

Dean nodded to that and Sam could tell how badly he wanted to stay the night here in the room with him but Sam gently kicked him out. Most of all he needed sleep and there was nothing Dean could do to help him anyway.

"Hope Cas takes care of him." Sam muttered at his reflection in the mirror. He looked bad, that was true, and it was telling just how shocked Dean was when he didn't even make a Freddy Krueger reference.

Sam squeezed a big dollop out of the tube Dean had left for him and carefully spread it over his face. The cooling effect took hold immediately and Sam breathed easier when his skin didn't feel three sizes too small anymore.

When he came back to the main room, he found his soaking wet towel replaced with a stack of fresh ones and a bucket of ice next to his bed. And there was a glass of water and painkillers on the nightstand.

"Thanks, Dean." Sam murmured into the empty room and made himself a fresh ice bag. He took two of the pills and then lay back with the ice bag on his face and was asleep a minute later.

He woke up in the middle of the night in a puddle of ice cold water but he didn't care enough to change the linings. He just threw out the wet towel and replaced it with a fresh one to cover up the wet spot, flipped his pillow over and then went back to sleep.

The next time he woke up, he felt better. His face was still burning and he might have a light fever but all in all he felt good. Good enough to wonder if he was considered sick enough for breakfast in bed.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam could have died. While Dean had been playing around with the sword Sam could have died.

Dean clenched his fists, anger vibrated through his body and he felt the urge to punch somebody. He knew that was the Mark talking, partly, but that didn't change the fact that he had screwed up, again, and that Sam could have died, again, and that punching somebody in the face right now would make him feel better.

Dean stood outside Sam's door for a few minutes and couldn't bring himself to really leave his brother. Because he didn't want to leave Sam alone, because he needed to make sure that he was fine, those would have been his answers if somebody would have asked and they would have been true. Also true was that he wasn't sure where he would go once he had forced himself to move.

Everything was quiet and Sam was probably asleep by now and Dean should really go back to his own room. Or to a bar for a beer and a brawl.

"How is he?" Suddenly Cas stood next to him, question asked in a low tone to not disturb Sam.

"He's fine." Dean set his jaw and started walking towards their room.

Sam had said he was fine. He looked fine. As fine as he could look with a baboon's ass for a face and, damn, Dean should have thought of taking pictures.

Cas followed him back to their room and not long after that they lay in bed next to each other but Dean couldn't stop thinking. Or even unclench his fists.

The moment that thing had gone for Sam replayed in his mind over and over again. He heard Sam's screams while that misty foggy thing tried to eat off his face.

His own frantic search for the locket, his panic when he couldn't find it. Dean closed his eyes and let out a hitched breath.

"I could go over and heal him." Cas broke the silence. Looked like Dean wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep.

"He's fine." Dean repeated. If he said it often enough, maybe he would believe it in the end. "Thanks to you, Cas."

If Cas hadn't been there … Dean didn't want to think about it.

There was movement next to him when Cas rolled to his side, facing him now, and then he laid his hand gently on Dean's chest.

He didn't say anything. He was just there, warm against Dean's side, and that alone was enough to loosen that knot in Dean's stomach.

"Sam is fine." Cas said it as if it was some kind of mantra. He started stroking Dean's chest in firm circles and now Dean was suddenly very aware of the fact how close they were. Cas' thumb brushed over his nipple. Dean sucked in a breath, feeling the flesh pebble under Cas' touch.

Next to him Cas shifted and not only physically. Dean could almost feel him making up his mind. The hand went from circles on his chest to strokes up and down his front, each time going downwards a little farther.

"Cas?" Dean asked and didn't move, curious what the angel was up to. By now his hand had disappeared under the covers and he felt it warm on his skin between the waistband of his briefs and the ridden up t-shirt.

"Relax." Cas' voice was husky in his ear, sending shivers through Dean's body which went straight to his dick. Which was very close to Cas' hand.

Then his fingers dipped underneath the waistband and Dean felt them brush ever so lightly over his already half-hard cock.

"Cas, you don't have to …" Dean felt the need to say but then Cas closed his hand around him and Dean lost that train of thoughts.

"I want to." Cas placed a kiss behind Dean's ear, right on that soft spot, and then trailed along his jawline until their mouths met in a tender kiss.

This was clearly the first handjob Cas had ever given, he alternated between too rough and almost nothing without any finesse in his strokes.

It was the best handjob Dean had in his life because, hey, Cas' hand on his dick, he could almost come from that thought alone.

His nails dug into Cas' shoulder when he threw his head back and arched with his whole body into the tunnel of Cas' fist. His orgasm ripped through him in shock-waves and ropes and ropes of come splashed over Cas' hand and Dean's stomach. It felt like he was coming for hours.

"Damn, that was good." Panting he just lay there, catching his breath.

"You're welcome." Cas cleaned his hand with a tissue and then settled next to him, hand once again on Dean's chest.

Wrung out and bone deep tired Dean drifted off to sleep.

He woke up late the next morning. Hiding from the offending sun he snuggled deeper under the covers for just five minutes longer before he had to leave the comfy warmth of the bed. Blindly he reached over to Cas, just to make sure that he really was there and it wasn't just a dream, but his searching hand only found Cas' side of the bed cold and empty.

Instantly wide awake Dean bolted upright. Cas was nowhere in sight and the bathroom door was open wide enough to confirm that there was no angel in there either.

"Cas?" Dean asked nevertheless but of course didn't get an answer. Uneasiness settled in the pit of his stomach and on some level he was sure that Cas was gone for good. He knew that wasn't the case, he was probably over at Sam's room or out to get them breakfast but Dean could not shake off the feeling that Cas would leave him rather sooner than later and that maybe today was the day.

He and Cas were fine, at least judging by the awesome handjob Cas had given him last night, Dean reminded himself and rolled out of bed and went for a shower. The hot water cleared his mind and loosened his muscles and only then he realized that he had left Cas hanging, or in this case standing.

"Way to go, Dean." He muttered under his breath and turned his face into the spray. He probably should find a way to make it up to him. As soon as he'd found out where his stray angel was. Dean was struggling with his jeans when his phone rang.

"Sam?" He answered in a haste when he saw the caller ID.

"Morning." Sam greeted him but he didn't sound cheerful. "Cas brought breakfast, come over." And with that he hung up. Dean stared at his phone for a second, repeating Sam's words in his mind. They solved the mystery of the lost angel but what worried him more was the fact that Sam hadn't sounded right. As if he had been talking through his teeth. Dean took the bottle with their good pills out of the first aid kit before he left his room.

When he entered Sam's room he found his brother sitting on the bed, a cup of coffee in his hand, and Cas at the table with more coffee and bags of food.

For a ridiculous second he wondered where Cas had gotten the money to buy them breakfast but then Cas greeted him with a warm smile and everything else was forgotten.

The way Sam tried to not smile at that told him how utterly in love he must act but for now his little brother could just go and screw himself.

"Thanks, Cas." Dean accepted a cup and took a seat. He breathed in the rich aroma of the coffee before he took a sip and when it ran down his throat he leaned back in his chair with a sigh.

_That's how you start a morning,_ he thought.

"How's your face?" He asked over the rim of the cup, a searching eye on Sam.

"Better." Sam answered and did his best to not open his mouth for that. "As long as I don't talk too much."

His face was still puffy red and irritated, his eyes almost swollen shut but he didn't seem to have problems breathing.

"Here, take one of these." Dean fished the bottle out of his pocket and the way Sam didn't protest and just swallowed one pill was telling him enough.

"We should stay here for the day and drive back home tomorrow." He suggested. Most of all Sam needed rest and he couldn't get that when he was cramped up in the car all day.

"I'd rather go back now." Sam said, of course he'd say that. "It's not too bad and once the pill kicks in ..." He shrugged.

"You sure?" Dean asked and wasn't quite convinced that this was a good idea. "Have you looked in the mirror lately? We're not close enough to Halloween to let you out like this in public." He joked but underneath he was worried. Sam looked better but in the harsh light of the morning sun there was no hiding the ugly truth.

Without a word Sam reached for something behind him on the bed. He put on a base cap and sunglasses, then he pulled up the hood of his hoodie.

"Now you look like a celebrity going out incognito." Dean commented. "Or like a pervert."

Sam showed him the finger before he got back to his coffee. Small sips, that won't stretch his lips too far, and as far as Dean could tell Sam hadn't eaten something solid yet and he didn't show any intention to do so.

Dean made a mental not to get him a smoothie or something else cool with some calories in it at the next gas station. His throat was probably as sore as his face.

"Okay." Dean finally agreed to the idea. This motel was nothing he would miss and he was looking forward to his own bed back in the bunker and if Sam said he was up for the ride back, he had to believe him.

Half an hour later they were in the car. Cas rode shotgun and Sam huddled up in the backseat. By now the pill had kicked in, making him dozy, and Dean wasn't surprised when he had drifted off to sleep before they had left town.

At the next gas station he went to get Sam smoothies, juice and soft snacks he should be able to chew and swallow without farther irritating his throat. Cas stayed in the car, keeping an eye on Sam, and didn't say a word about the little detour.

Sam woke up an hour later and actually took one of the smoothies Cas handed him before he made himself comfortable again and drifted back to sleep. Dean drove as smoothly as possible to not jostle Sam around more than necessary but he still made good time. He wanted Sam back home and stretched out in his bed as soon as possible.

Back at the bunker Sam went straight for his room but accepted the ice bag Dean brought him a moment later with a little smile. By then the irritation wasn't that angry red anymore and he could look Dean in the eye, more or less. His eyes were still swollen and Dean considered dubbing him Rocky for the time being.

However, he looked well enough for Dean to stop worrying. In the back of his mind he had wanted Cas to just work his magic but with his grace burning out he didn't want him to waste it on something that would heal on its own just fine either. However, it always felt wrong when he saw Sam in pain.

"Rest." Dean said and turned towards the door. "I'll get you when dinner is ready."


	8. Chapter 8

Sam woke up in the middle of the night and felt way too well rested to go back to sleep. His face was itching now but at least the pain was dull enough to be ignored. With a groan he rolled out of bed and went for a shower. He didn't turn the water warmer than barely tepid, just warm enough to not rattle his teeth under the spray, and at least for his face the water did wonders. Carefully he dried it off with a soft towel and put more ointment on which had magically found its way to the bathroom. Along with the painkillers.

After weeks of being alone in the bunker, worried sick about Dean, such a little gesture warmed his heart. Dean was back and he actually cared about Sam again. And he had finally admitted his feelings to Cas, a thing Sam had never expected to happen but his brother and the angel were clearly in love and enjoying this new thing between them.

Sam had one last look at his reflection in the mirror. His face looked better, now it could pass as a bad case of sunburn despite the fact that it was the wrong time of the year for sunburns. But he had no intention to leave the bunker before his face looked like his face again so he didn't care about believable explanations anyway.

Quietly to not wake Dean or Cas, Sam walked over to the library. He could use the quiet of the night to get some work done.

"When will he ever learn to switch off the lights?" Sam muttered when he noticed light coming from the library. They didn't have to pay for anything, a fact that was driving Dean nuts – Where were the electricity and the water coming from? How could they have reception with several feet of concrete all around them? – but it didn't sit right with Sam to just leave the lights on or the water running.

"You've saved the planet often enough." Had been Dean's answer when he'd pointed it out to him one day and Sam swore Dean left the lights on on purpose now.

However, when he turned around the corner Sam didn't find the library as deserted as he'd expected it to be.

Cas sat at one of the tables with Sam's laptop in front of him. Whatever he was doing, he was so engrossed that he hadn't noticed him yet. Sam opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by a masculine groan coming from the laptop.

"You like that?" A male voice asked followed by the telltale sound of skin slapping against skin. "You like getting fucked like this?"

There was a stuttered _yes_ followed by more moans.

"Cas?" Sam stepped into the library. "What are you doing?"

As if it wasn't obvious. And Sam really wished that Cas would have taken Dean's laptop to watch his porn. Now Sam had to search the thing for viruses and other malware before he could use it again. However, that didn't give him an answer why Cas was sitting here in the middle of the night watching porn.

At least he had both hands on the table, Sam was grateful for small mercies here.

Cas looked up at him, not in the slightest ashamed by getting caught watching porn.

"I'm doing research." He said and as ridiculous as it sounded, Sam believed him in an instant. Cas narrowed his eyes on him and it took Sam a second to remember his injured face. "How do you feel?"

"Better." Sam answered, already sick of that question. He took a breath, not sure if he wanted to ask the next question but in the end curiosity won. "What are you researching?"

He took a seat opposite from Cas. From here he couldn't see the screen and Cas had paused or muted the video so there were no more disturbing sounds coming from the speakers.

"I don't have sexual experience with men." Cas answered with only a brief second of hesitation.

"And you think this will help you?" Sam pointed at the laptop. He did remember the pizza man incident so Cas might actually learn something from this but still. "You know that's all fake, right?"

"I am aware that this is a fantasy produced for sexual pleasure." Cas nodded in earnest. "But I thought I could lean something about the basics from it." His eyes traveled back to the screen, his expression almost wistful.

"Dean has experience with other men." Sam said carefully. The last thing he wanted to do was to talk or even think about Dean's sexual experience. "I'm sure he can help you with any question you have." Thinking about it, it was odd that they hadn't crossed that line already. Dean wasn't the romantic type who waited for the right moment. He lived in the now, there might be no later, so Sam was surprised that they still slept in different rooms.

"I know about the ... positions." Cas said and Sam felt the heat rising into his face. At least it was already red so Cas couldn't see him blushing. "But I don't know what Dean likes."

Sam wondered for a moment whom he might have pissed off to deserve this but then he took pity on Cas. The angel was lost here and just wanted to do the right thing.

"This is not only about what Dean wants." Sam explained. "You have to ask yourself what you want. Talk to Dean about this, I'm sure you two can figure it out. Believe me, Dean is all for trial and error when it comes to sex, you'll find a way to make it right for both of you."

Cas didn't look convinced but he nodded.

"Seriously." Sam said. "Talk to him."

"I will." Cas shut the laptop and stood up and Sam wondered if he would go and wake Dean at three in the morning to discuss sex positions with him. "Thank you, Sam."

Sam waited until Cas had left the room before he hurried to get out of the chair. He wanted to know if Cas was going straight for Dean or to his own room. Glancing around the corner he saw Cas stopping at Dean's door but then he kept on walking and opened the door to his own room.

Shaking his head with a grin Sam returned to the table with the laptop sitting innocently on top. As far as Sam could tell Cas hadn't shut anything so there might be some porn waiting for him when he turned it on.

Sam made a face but then he opened it and pushed the button. He would be lying if he said he wasn't a little bit curious what Cas had been watching for his research. Gay porn wasn't Sam's thing but he didn't felt grossed out or anything when he accidentally stumbled over it, at least not more than he was by other porn.

However, what greeted him when the screen came back to life wasn't at all what he'd expected. One man was tied face down to a bench, his thoroughly whipped ass up in the air while a second man in some kind of leather harness fucked him roughly from behind.

Sam couldn't click the x in the upper corner quickly enough. That was totally not his thing. And now he wondered in which position Cas had pictured himself. And which he'd left for Dean. Sam could picture neither of them in anything like this but he didn't really want to think about this too closely. He loved Dean and Cas but there were things he really didn't want to know about them.

"Maybe he's just stumbled over this by accident." Sam muttered to himself and started cleaning the laptop from every evidence of Cas' research. Somehow he doubted Cas had been looking for something like this. Either way, this was none of Sam's business. But he couldn't help the smile creeping on his lips when he thought about the conversation these two would have in the near future. He would like to play fly on the wall to that, just to see Dean stutter in embarrassment.

Sam made himself more comfortable in the chair and went back to work. He wasn't searching for a new case, the last one had been more than enough for a while, thank you very much, but there was still the Mark of Cain and Cas' grace. And Sam got the feeling both problems weren't easy to solve.

By the time Dean was up, Sam had piled up books and notes all around him, his eyes were burning and not from the irritation, and he wasn't one step closer to a solution to their problems.

"You're up early." Dean commented when he came in with fresh coffee. Sam rose his head more to the smell of the coffee than to his brother but with that he gave Dean the chance to examine his face and that was apparently all Dean wanted. Sam held his gaze until Dean smiled at him, indicating that he liked what he was seeing.

"You look almost human again." He set one mug on the most stable pile of Sam's notes and then settled into a chair with his legs stretched out, warming both hands on his own coffee. Dean hadn't bothered with dressing just yet so he sat there in his dead guy's robe with showing way too much leg for Sam's liking. For some reason he pictured him with a leather harness beneath the robe and he had to shake his head to get rid of that picture.

_Dammit, Cas,_ Sam thought but grinned into his coffee. Should he warn Dean? Tell him about Cas' research? Sam thought about that for a second but then decided against it, he didn't want to spoil the surprise.

"Cas still sleeping?" Sam asked as innocently as possible.

"Yeah." Dean scratched the back of his head. "For an angel he's sleeping a lot lately."

Sam didn't know what to say to that. Angels didn't sleep, that was a fact. The only times Cas had needed to sleep had been when he'd lost his connection to heaven, had become human or was running out of grace.

"I'm looking for a way to find his grace." Sam said because that was the only thing he could say to that. Dean knew as well as Sam that a sleeping Cas wasn't a healthy Cas, to put it lightly.

Dean didn't answer. He just nodded and took another sip from his coffee.

"How is it going between you two?" Sam asked and could only hope that Dean would take the question as the genuine interest of a brother it was meant and not as prying on his part.

"Good." Dean set the mug on the table and rolled it between his hands.

"That's good." Sam said and meant it. "You know that I wouldn't mind if you two would share a room, right?" He was on thin ice here, he knew that but he couldn't shake off the feeling that he was the reason they hadn't gone farther yet.

They had shared the double bed Sam had forced on them in the motel without complaining but back in the bunker they stayed in their own rooms.

Thinking of the way Dean had awkwardly told him that he and Cas were together now, Sam wasn't sure if Dean was still worried that Sam would react badly to this. Dean hadn't hid this part of himself but he hadn't actually shown it either and it might be hard to break with old habits here. Not that it had ever been necessary around Sam.

Now Dean glanced at him.

"And you know that's none of your business, right?" He shot back but there was something in his expression that told Sam that he got the message. Sam raised his hands in defeat.

"Just saying." With that he went back to work and Dean left to get himself some breakfast.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean left the library and went to the kitchen in search for breakfast.

_Great_ , he thought. _Now Sam's pushing._

It was none of Sam's business where Cas slept or what they did or did not in bed. Or anywhere else.

However, Sam was right that the main reason Cas had his own room was in fact Sam. Back then Dean hadn't been sure how his brother would react and he had wanted to play it safe for a while. Sharing a bed with Cas at the motel had been nice, Dean couldn't deny that, and he would love to have him next to him every night. Maybe he should just ask Cas to come over tonight, Dean thought. Maybe they could try something more than a quick handjob. But one thing was holding him back.

There was something off in Cas' behavior. Dean didn't get the vibe that Cas was ready for more. He couldn't put his finger on it but except for that one blunt offer to have sex with him, Cas had never initiated anything. Anything that was more than cuddling and kissing, Cas was all for cuddling and kissing. More for the cuddling part, though, he didn't seem to be able to keep his hands off Dean. Not that he really tried to keep his hands to himself. But that was it, so far Cas had never indicated that he was in for more just yet.

Sure, he had jacked Dean off the other night but that had been for Dean's pleasure only. As far as he could remember, and he was a little fuzzy about the details here, Cas hadn't gotten anything out of it.

But it was not only Cas. Dean himself wasn't sure if he was ready to take the next step. Not because he didn't want to. He wanted it too much.

He wanted to grab Cas, pin him down and just take him. Rough and dirty and quick. It was the Mark, he knew that.

Thoughts like this weren't new to him, they'd always been there, but with him becoming a demon he'd lost his boundaries and he hadn't gotten them all back when he'd turned human again.

Take what you want, had been his creed back then and the Mark was still whispering the same words to him. It was tempting, though, so tempting. He wanted to feel Cas under him, wanted to bite him until he tasted blood, wanted to put his own mark on him, making him his.

He couldn't do that. He couldn't do that to Cas.

Cas strolled into the kitchen right when Dean had the scrambled eggs and the bacon ready. Dean fixed them two plates and then they sat down to eat. Before he dug in Dean leaned over and placed a kiss on Cas' lips who hummed in response with his eyes closed.

Dean grinned and turned his attention to the plate in front of him.

"How did you sleep?" He asked.

"I couldn't sleep so I got up and did some research on the internet." Cas told him between bits of scrambled eggs.

"Found something?"

"Are you more a top or a bottom?" Cas asked and reached for a stripe of bacon.

Dean choked on his eggs. Coughing and spitting he fought for air while the question rang in his ears.

"What?" He finally managed to ask between wheezing breaths.

"Are you more a top or a bottom?" Cas repeated his question, his eyes now on Dean as if he tried to figure out what was going on. Then he seemed to remember the bacon in his hand and took a bite.

"You do know that Sam is right around the corner, right?" Dean hissed because talking to Cas about stuff like this was embarrassing enough but with Sam in earshot? No. Just no.

"What kind of question is that anyway?" At least Cas seemed to know what he was asking so Dean didn't have to start with the birds and the bees like he'd feared. And bee metaphors around Cas? He should be careful with that. He didn't want to repeat that one incident with Cas showing up on his car, naked, covered in bees. He could go with naked Cas bent over the hood of his car, a lascivious smile crept on his lips, but bees? That was where he drew the line.

"I tried to understand the dynamics of a gay relationship and Sam said …" Cas continued while Dean was still trying to get the image out of his head and to focus on what Cas was saying.

"Sam said?" Dean interrupted. "You have talked to Sam about this?"

"He came in when I did my research ..."

"Do I want to know what kind of research you were doing?" Dean thought in horror of the possibilities here. Sam hadn't said a word earlier but that didn't mean anything.

"I was watching some very educating clips when he interrupted me." Cas confirmed Dean's wildest imagination. Okay, knowing Cas it wasn't that wild. He would watch everything just because it was there. And he had a hunger for everything human.

"And that led you to this question?" Dean made the circle back the the initial question.

"I wanted to be prepared." Cas said quietly, now looking down in shame. "This is new to me."

"I'm sorry, Cas." Dean sighed. Sometimes he forgot how different Cas was. By now he blended in quite well but he was an angel, he would never fully understand humans. He had more of an insight than his fellow angels but he would never really understand.

"That's why I don't want to rush things, we have time to figure this out." Dean smiled at him and now Cas smiled back.

"So." Cas drew out the word. "Would you rather like to top or to bottom?"

Dean sighed. "We need to talk about stuff like this, I get that, but I am not doing that with Sam probably hiding around the corner." He raised his voice at the last part, just in case his brother was indeed within earshot.

"He left rather abruptly when I asked the question the first time." Cas admitted sheepishly.

Dean stared at him for a second before he burst out laughing.

Over the day Dean didn't see much of Cas. His angel and his brother were huddling up in the library all day to find a solution for their piling problems. Mainly Cas' grace and the Mark of Cain but there was other stuff, that needed attention, too. Heaven was still closed for construction and the souls were stuck in the veil. That wasn't on top of Dean's to do list and they would get to that problem rather later than sooner but it was something on Cas' mind. As well as the order in heaven in general. As far as Dean knew Cas hadn't heard from Hannah in days which in his book counted as good news. He didn't really like the angel but if he was honest he didn't know her beyond the fact that she had made Cas choose between him and his army. From a strategist's point of view Dean understood where she was coming from but on a personal level it wasn't exactly trust building. However, she was a competent leader and when she didn't come running to get their help, okay, Cas' help, things were more or less fine in heaven.

Dean would have liked to spent the day with Cas, not that he would ever admit that, but when he saw how Cas and Sam sat in the library, heads stuck together and discussing quietly over some books, he didn't mind being left out. Research wasn't really his thing and as long as he didn't have to do it, he was fine with sticking it to Sam.

He did get the feeling that Cas was avoiding him, though. After their little chat over breakfast it wasn't that surprising and Dean didn't think much of it.

Sam was still recovering from his injuries, his face hadn't returned to its usual color or even shape yet, so after dinner he turned in early.

"Just you and me now." Dean said and offered Cas a beer. "Anything you have in mind for the evening?"

Cas took the beer but put it on the table immediately. Then his mouth was on Dean's and his hand was cupping Dean's head and the beer in his own hand was forgotten. They kissed for a moment, bodies flush together, and Dean felt the heat building up.

They parted only far enough to look each other in the eye.

"You want to move this over to the bed?" Dean asked. He was sick of waiting. He wanted Cas. Now.

"Yes." Cas nodded eagerly and brought their lips back together. He opened his mouth willingly for Dean to explore and it took them several minutes to make the short distance to Dean's room.

By then their hands had sneaked under the layers of shirts and Dean felt the soft skin of Cas' hip just above the waistband of his pants under his fingers. Spreading his hand on the small of Cas' back he pressed him closer to him, bringing their groins together. Dean was rock hard by now and he felt an equally hard line on Cas' side of too much fabric between them.

"How do you want to do this?" Dean breathed into Cas' mouth. This was Cas' first time with a man and he wanted to let Cas take the lead.

"I don't know." Cas admitted. He had his hands down the back of Dean's jeans, skin on skin, kneading the muscles of his butt.

"We'll go slow." Dean promised and reached for Cas' fly. "Step by step, we can stop whenever you want." For some reason he felt the need to emphasize that part. If this was too much, too soon he wanted Cas to know that they didn't have to do this. And at the same time he fought against the urge to just rip his clothes off and bent him over.

Piece by piece they undressed each other and then they lay down on the bed, naked with tangled legs and roaming hands. They never broke the kiss for longer than a few seconds and Dean thought he could just come from this. Cas' lips and hands on him, their hard cocks trapped between their heated bodies, damn this was good.

"There's lube in the nightstand." Dean said and reached for the drawer blindly. There were condoms in there too but he wouldn't need those. He knew he was clean and he doubted that angels could get or pass on STD anyway.

With the bottle in hand Dean propped himself up on his elbows and just looked down on Cas for a moment. His lips were plush from the kissing, his pupils blown wide and he just looked adorable.

"Can I fuck you?" Dean asked quietly. So far Cas hadn't shown any intention in either direction so Dean figured it would be best to go with what he enjoyed the most because with that he had the most experience and he knew he could make it good for Cas.

Cas' eyes went wider and he jerked his head in a nod. Dean kissed him again.

"This is cold." Dean warned him when he brought his lubed finger to Cas' entrance. Like expected Cas flinched at the feeling but then relaxed when Dean gently tapped the wrinkled skin and circled the entrance without breaching the muscle.

"I'm going slow." Dean promised and let his fingertip slip in. Cas lay very still under him and for a moment Dean thought he wasn't doing it right. "This okay?"

"Keep going." Cas craned his neck to give Dean a peck on the lips.

Working his finger farther in Dean found Cas' sweet spot and now he knew he was doing it right. He watched in awe when Cas started to pant and writhe under his attention.

"Dean ... Dean." Cas threw his head from one side to the other and Dean felt comfortable enough to add a second finger. Taking his sweet time Dean tapped and circled Cas' prostate just to watch him falling apart.

"Dean!" Cas screamed and arched his back, his rock hard cock spurting ropes of come without a touch.

"I got you. Shh, I got you." Dean whispered in his ear but kept stroking Cas' insides until he fell back into the pillow. God, he looked so fucked out, Dean couldn't take his eyes off him.

Searching for his own release, Dean let go of Cas and reached for his own arching erection but Cas stopped him.

"Put it in." He said, his voice deeper and more husk than usual. "I want to feel you inside me."

Dean obliged. Cas was open and just waiting for him, it was amazing how easily Cas took him, and after only a few shallow thrusts into the tight heat around him Dean tumbled over the edge.


	10. Chapter 10

Sam woke up early the next morning, well rested and for once feeling human again. A quick glance in the mirror confirmed the last part was true, to a degree, and he decided that it was safe to try to shave today. He hadn't dared to do that before because hey pizza face Freddy Krueger but now he just wanted to look like himself again and that meant he needed to get rid of the stubble. He hadn't shaved this carefully since Dean had showed him how to do it when he'd been a teen but he managed it without cutting himself, much, and then he put more ointment on. Feeling better Sam left the bathroom and went to the kitchen for some coffee.

The bunker was quiet, Dean and Cas were probably still asleep, however, when he passed Cas' room, he found the door slightly ajar.

"Cas?" He asked quietly to not disturb the angel if he was still sleeping. But when he poked his head in, Sam found the room empty. He didn't find him in the kitchen or the library either and by now a grin had made its way to Sam's lips. The only other place he could think of where Cas might be was Dean's room.

"Finally." Sam poured himself a coffee, still with that stupid grin firmly in place. So it had been because of him, he thought and the grin slowly died on his face. They hadn't shared a room before because they had been worried what Sam might think about it.

"Good thing, I mentioned it." Sam muttered into his coffee. He had no idea for how long those two idiots would have tiptoed around him if he hadn't told Dean so forthrightly that it was okay with him if they shared a room.

It was kinda sad that Dean had felt the need to hide from Sam but at least he was out in the open now.

Not much later Sam heard noises coming from Dean's room indicating that they were awake. And that they'd found an answer to the top or bottom question Sam had overheard the other day. He hadn't stayed long enough to hear Dean's answer, there were things he really didn't want to know, but on some level he was grateful for Cas' bluntness when it came to awkward questions.

Sam took his coffee over to the library, here he was farther away from Dean's room and the things going on behind the door, and started working on his notes. They didn't have a lead to find Cas' grace so the only thing they could do was to go through everything the Men of Letters had on angels. Considering that the angels had been mostly inactive for over two thousand years, they had only come back into the picture recently when the apocalypse had been on the horizon, the Men of Letters had surprisingly much information on this topic. There was lore, a lot of it and sometimes quite conflictive, but behind the biblical lore and the non-biblical lore there was actually some profound stuff hidden.

It was just hard to tell what was actual fact and what was crap, though. With Cas around it was easier to differ between those two but even Cas didn't know everything about angels.

Sam went to the kitchen for a refill when the door to Dean's room opened and Cas stepped out. He wore Dean's robe, the ugly one he'd found in some old wardrobe and which he was so fond of for some reason. When Cas noticed Sam he muttered a "Morning." and then hurried to the bathroom.

Sam just stood in the hallway for a moment, trying to process the fact that Cas had just came out of Dean's room wrapped in his robe and for sure nothing else.

_At least he took the robe_ , Sam thought to himself and shuddered a the thought of a naked Cas sneaking around the bunker.

Knowing that the others were awake now Sam started a fresh pot of coffee and then went back to his work.

Cas joined him not much later. By then he'd changed into his usual dress shirt and pants but he'd left the tie and the trench coat and for some reason that was more disturbing than the robe.

"Good morning, Sam." Cas announced again when he came into the room. A little too cheerful and his smile was a little too wide but Sam guessed he would react the same if the roles were reversed.

"Morning." Sam answered and nodded towards the chair next to him, indicating that he didn't mind if Cas chose to sit there.

"Did you sleep well?" He couldn't hold back that question but at the same time he feared what Cas might answer. He could be rather blunt with private information.

"I did." Cas confirmed and the smile on his face told Sam enough about the previous night. However, after a second the smile faltered and Cas sobered up.

"Did you find anything yet?" Cas changed the topic with a glance at the notes Sam was working on.

"Not really." He had to admit. "There is so much stuff but nothing that comes even close to your problem."

Anna came to mind who had ripped out her own grace and had become human. That had been ages ago and he didn't really like to think about that time of his life, it hadn't been his best but on the other hand, what time had been his best? However, that was the only case they knew where an angel had lost her grace and had survived. Except for Cas himself, that is. When his connection to heaven had been cut off he had become almost human and lately right after Metatron had stolen his grace Cas had actually been human. Just like Anna. Things only had gone sideways when Cas had taken the grace of another angel. For some reason that had led to him slowly dying while the borrowed grace faded away. There was just no case like Cas'.

They went back to reading because that was the only thing they could do. After a while Dean joined them but didn't stay for long. Sam noticed how his brother watched Cas out of the corner of his eye, though he doubted that Cas noticed, and Sam got the feeling that there was something on Dean's mind.

"I'm driving into town." Dean announced, tearing his eyes off Cas. "You need anything?" He looked from Cas to Sam and back again but they both shook their head.

Around lunch time, Dean wasn't back by then, Cas left without a word but Sam hardly noticed. He'd found a rather interesting text about Nephilim. He doubted it would do them any good with their problem but it was an interesting read. If the author could make up his mind which language he wanted to use. There was Latin mixed with a simplified version of Latin and the whole thing was peppered with old French and words he guessed were ancient Greek. It was a slow translation but the text was worth it, at least for later references.

At times like this he missed Bobby. How often had they stuck their heads together over ancient texts? Sam couldn't even remember the first time they had done that. He was pretty sure it had been Bobby who had taught him the finer points of Latin. John had all been for learning exorcism by heart when Sam had been a kid, always with the hint that he would teach him the real deal when he was older but he never came around to do that. Sam doubted John would have the patience for something like that anyway. Combat skills, weapon training, sure, but teaching a language? That had been Bobby's strong suit.

Great, now he was thinking of his dead biological and his dead surrogate father at the same time. Sam tried to focus on the text in front of him instead but the thoughts were persistent.

"Are you hungry?" Cas' voice startled him out of his thoughts. "I made sandwiches."

He put a plate on the only free corner of the table. Peanut butter and jelly, Sam noticed and he didn't have to take a bite to know that it was grape jelly.

"Thanks, Cas." He reached for one and now he was hyper aware of the fact that Dean wasn't there. Just like the last time he had seen Cas with a sandwich like this. At least this time Dean would come home with the groceries and not with the Mark of Cain. Okay, he would but yeah …

They ate in silence for a moment but then something occurred to Sam.

"Can you taste it?" Because as an angel he shouldn't. Not the way humans did.

"Almost." Cas studied the half eaten sandwich in his hand.

"I'm sorry." Sam said, at a loss for what else to say. "We'll find a way." However, he got the feeling they were running out of time. Cas was saving his grace whenever he could, old Cas would have healed Sam's face without a second thought, but in the end that wouldn't be enough.

"It's not your fault." Cas took another bite and closed his eyes at the taste.

Sam returned to his sandwich as well but he couldn't stop thinking about the last time they had been alone in the bunker. Okay, the memory of Cas stabbing a needle in his neck and almost killing him wasn't exactly his favorite memory but still. Back then they had worked together and that had felt good. Just like now. Too bad it hadn't worked out in the end but looking back Sam was glad that Cas hadn't followed Sam's order to just keep going. Cas might have found Gadreel that way but he would have killed Sam on the way. Sam had been okay with that, he had begged Cas to just do it, but now he was glad Cas hadn't done it.

"Remember when you extracted Gadreel's grace from me?" Something was nagging at the back of his mind. Something with this memory.

Cas looked up from his sandwich and swallowed before he answered: "Of course."

Of course he remembered. It was hard to forget even if you weren't an angel, Sam knew that. He remembered way too clearly himself.

"When you extracted the grace, the injuries from the trials came back." Sam summed up. His mind was close to something. It was on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't quite get it.

"Your body was still too damaged at that point." Cas explained. He put the rest of his sandwich back on the plate, his eyes burning into Sam's. "Gadreel's grace was the only thing keeping you alive."

"So you tried to heal me." Sam thought aloud.

"But my grace overlapped with Gadreel's, annihilating it." Cas continued for him. "What are you thinking of?" He tilted his head in curiosity.

"If it hadn't been for your grace interfering with Gadreel's." A thought formed in his mind. At some level he hoped that Cas would take it apart immediately but it was worth a try. "For how long would his grace stayed in me?"

And wasn't that a horrible thought? That he could have walked around with some angel's grace in him for a long time? Maybe forever? What about Lucifer? Did he still had a piece of his grace in him? Where they still connected?

"Grace is a form of energy." Cas tried to put it in human terms. "It doesn't just vanish."

"Does every angel leave a bit of his grace when he leaves a vessel?" Sam asked and tried really hard to not think of Lucifer.

"Yes." Cas confirmed. "Are you thinking of Lucifer?"

"Partly." Sam answered because that wasn't the only thing on his mind.

"There was some grace of him left in you, that is correct."

Sam closed his eyes and tried to breathe evenly. He'd thought that that chapter of his life was over, once and for all.

"That was what I took when I brought you back from insanity." Cas said quietly. "The last traces of his grace. You are clean of him, Sam."

Suddenly his eyes burned and he couldn't look Cas in the eye. He'd never dared to think about what exactly Cas had done back then. He had shifted Sam's insanity but Sam hadn't known what that meant.

"Thank you." His voice was thick with emotions.

"You are my friend." Cas said. "I do everything I can to help you. And it had been my fault." He fell quiet after that because it was true. He had brought Sam's wall down on purpose. With the clear intention to hurt Sam.

"That was a long time ago." Sam cleared his throat. "I was thinking of something else."

"What were you thinking of, Sam?"

"Claire Novak."


	11. Chapter 11

Dean woke up as the big spoon with Cas flush against him. Nose buried in the nape of Cas' neck and one arm thrown over him, holding him close, Dean just lay there for a moment in that delicious state between asleep and awake. They hadn't bothered with putting on clothes after they had sex last night and now the hard line of his morning wood pressed against the perfect curve of Cas' butt.

He had sex with Cas, he'd come inside Cas, Dean still had a hard time wrapping his mind around that fact. Maybe it had been just a wet dream. But his cock was very interested in that thought and he was holding a naked Cas in his arms and when Dean shifted just a little bit, purely by accident, his dick slipped in the cleft of Cas ass.

With a groan Dean buried his nose deeper into the short hair of Cas' neck.

"Dean?" Cas mumbled, voice still sleep-heavy. "What are you doing?" He asked but didn't move. He did nothing to indicate if he wanted Dean to stop or to continue so Dean rocked against him experimentally, his cock slipping between the firm globes of Cas' butt.

"I like waking up like this." Dean placed a kiss on Cas' neck.

"Me too." Cas answered and angled his head to give Dean more access. Dean didn't have to be told twice and kissed and sucked his way up and down Cas' neck. He moved his hips slowly, just enjoying the feeling of riding Cas like this without penetrating him. It had been Cas' first time bottoming and he was probably sore and they would need lube for more anyway and for the life of his Dean couldn't remember where he'd left the bottle yesterday.

Cas hummed under his ministration. When he shifted Dean thought that was it for today but then Cas held up the missing bottle.

"You sure?" Dean asked, taking the bottle from his hand.

"I'm sure." Cas answered and wiggled his butt against Dean's groin.

Dean had to reach down and squeeze the base of his cock to stop himself from coming all over Cas' butt just like this, which wouldn't be a bad thing but if he had the chance to come inside Cas, it was worth holding back for a little while.

With lubed fingers Dean reached down and at this touch Cas tensed up briefly.

"Okay?" Dean asked and waited for Cas' answer before he dared to go farther. Cas was probably sore and this wasn't a good idea but to his surprise Cas nodded eagerly.

"Go on." He said and pressed down on Dean's finger until the tip slipped through the ring of muscles. Cas was still loose and there were still traces of come and lube in him. That thought alone drove Dean nuts.

He lined up and slowly pushed forwards, keeping a close eye on Cas' reaction. He didn't want to hurt him but Cas let him in easily and by now he was breathing hard with his head bowed and hips pushing against Dean to take him deeper.

Dean held him close with his hand spread over Cas' chest. Lying on their sides he didn't have the right angle to fuck him hard like he wanted to and that was probably be a good thing.

Cas was hot and tight around him and Dean still couldn't believe that he could have this. That he was actually inside of Cas. It only took Dean a few shallow thrusts before his body went rigid. He bit down on the meat of Cas' shoulder, fingernails digging into his chest, and pumped his release into the tight heat of Cas around him.

"Cas." He breathed his name and kissed the tender spot where he'd left teethmarks on Cas' skin. He licked and kissed it better while the last aftershocks of his orgasm ripped through him.

Catching his breath he remembered that he hadn't taken care of Cas so far so he reached down to give Cas the attention he deserved. Only to find his cock softening already.

"You came?" Dean asked in awe and carefully slipped out. "I made you come two times in a row without a touch? I'm awesome."

"You are awesome." Cas said and shifted to get out of bed. "But I think I need a shower now."

Propped up on one elbow Dean watched him. Cas didn't seem to get the concept of shame so he moved around the room as if he wasn't butt naked. Not that Dean minded the view, quite the opposite. However, when Cas reached for the door, he had to stop him.

"Take at least the robe." He nodded towards said robe hanging over the chair. "You don't want to scare Sam." It was a fun thought but he didn't want his brother and his lover getting uncomfortable around each other. And had he just thought of Cas as his lover? Awesome. Dean grinned to himself while he watched Cas putting on the robe. It was almost as sexy as watching him getting out of clothes.

When Cas had left Dean reached for the towel they had used earlier to clean himself and then he dropped back into bed. He wanted to wait for Cas to finish his shower and then have his own. One day they should try out showering together but he didn't want to push Cas. It was a miracle that they had anal sex two times already and he should give him some time to recover. Cas was unexperienced with the butt stuff, Dean had to keep that in mind, and he would get sore if they did too much too fast and that was the last thing he wanted. On the other hand, Cas was an angel, he probably wouldn't get sore. Or could heal himself in an instant. At least that was what he used to do. Nowadays Dean wasn't so sure about Cas abilities anymore.

Shaking off those thoughts Dean turned around, face buried in the covers that still held Cas scent. He inhaled deeply and only hoped that Sam would never find out that he sniffed Cas' scent off the covers.

Dean snuggled deeper into the warmth Cas had left behind but was wary of the wet spot, he didn't want to lay in cold spunk, that was so not sexy. With that thought in mind he reached around to locate the spot he wanted to avoid but he couldn't find it.

"Uh?" He made now way more awake. He lifted the blanket, now determined to find it. But there was nothing. Old strains from their activities in the evening and a bit on Dean's side from when he'd pulled out but nothing indicating that Cas had come at all.

Cas didn't come. Stunned by that realization Dean couldn't breathe for a moment. Sure it would have been amazing if Cas could come just from Dean fucking him but that wasn't the norm, he knew that. That was the reason Dean had reached around to jack Cas the rest of the way, it was the normal thing to do. So why had Cas left him with the impression that he'd already come? Did he feel obliged to come only from anal stimulation?

The question Cas had asked the other day came to mind. They had never really talked about it, Dean had never answered the question. By now his answer should be clear to Cas, at least which position he preferred, but they had never talked about Cas' preferences. So maybe bottoming wasn't his thing. Which would be okay with Dean, bottoming wasn't his favorite thing in the world either, he needed to be in the right mood for that, but there was lots of other stuff they could do. They would find a way to work around that and find something they both enjoyed. But they needed to talk about this, Dean realized and wondered why Cas hadn't said a word.

No, that wasn't all, he had outright lied to Dean and that was not okay, not when it came to something like this.

Cas was back a few minutes later, hair still damp from his shower but he only stayed long enough to get dressed before he left again. He didn't bother with his tie and coat and Dean didn't know what to think of that either. He hoped it was because Cas felt comfortable, maybe even at home, in the bunker by now but he didn't know.

Cas didn't say a word about their earlier activities, only confirmed that he wasn't sore when Dean asked him and then he left, leaving a very confused Dean behind.

With a sigh Dean rolled out of bed and went to take his own shower.

By the time he was ready for a coffee, Sam and Cas were engrossed in their work. Dean joined them but couldn't keep his mind on the pages. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Cas but as far as he could tell, everything was normal. He looked the same as yesterday, minus the tie and that really was a thing he would never get used to. He acted the same. When he looked up and their eyes met, Dean saw the warmth, maybe even love, in those blue eyes. He looked at him like Dean was the most precious thing in the world.

After a while Dean gave up, this geek stuff wasn't his anyway.

"I'm driving into town." He announced and forced himself to look at Sam for a change. "You need anything?"

Both shook their heads and Dean bolted for his car. He needed to get away for a moment, he needed time to think. He would have a talk to Cas but that had to wait until they were alone. There were things Sam didn't need to know, he already knew too much for Dean's liking. When Dean had entered the library Sam had greeted him with a grin that clearly said he had noticed where Cas had slept and for sure he knew that they had done more than sleeping. That little bitch.

The purring of his car calmed Dean down and he kept his mind busy with making a mental shopping list. Cas was eating now which wasn't a good thing but Dean was determined to make the best out of a bad situation. However, he had no idea what Cas liked. Hamburgers came to mind but that had been his vessel's need and not his own, if Dean remembered correctly.

Dean was sure he could put together a decent meal Cas would enjoy and if he threw in a salad as well Sam would be happy too and everything would be fine. Dean shook his head and brought the Impala to a halt in front of the only grocery store in town. The owner, an elderly woman going by the name of Margret, had become somewhat of a friend by now and he was looking forward to a little chat with her. It would get his mind off the things he didn't want to think about. And he would get the newest town's gossip which was at least entertaining despite the fact the he didn't know most of the people she was talking about. He didn't care who got a divorce or who was expecting or who had been caught smoking pot but it was a slice of normal and he soaked it up every time he visited the store. Margret had picked up on that very quickly and for sure she enjoyed providing the town's gossip to somebody who didn't already know.

Dean took his time to pick up the things he needed and then spent almost half an hour just chatting with Margret. It was just a bit after noon and most of the townspeople enjoyed their lunch at this time so Dean was the only customer.

By now he was known in town, he was here often enough, but people still wondered about Sam who could be seen only sporadically and Dean wondered when they would start talking about Cas. So far Cas hadn't been in town but it was probably a good idea to take him with him on his shopping trips. Just to get out of the bunker once in a while.

Keeping that thought in mind Dean left the store and headed back home.

Sam and Cas had been busy in his absence and presented him an insane plan. On the other hand, when had a plan of theirs hadn't been insane?

"Claire Novak?"


	12. Chapter 12

"Claire Novak?" The way Dean asked the question expressed Sam's own feelings towards this idea quite well.

"I have used her as a vessel in the past." Cas explained the idea to Dean. "There should be traces of my grace left in her. With that we might be able to locate the rest of it."

He said it in neutral tone but Sam was pretty sure that he didn't like the idea either. He had been the one extracting grace from Sam before and knew what that meant.

"Hold on a second." Dean raised his hand, turning to Sam. "Didn't you almost die when Cas did that to you?"

Sam bit his lip. He never wanted to let Dean know but Cas had told him later. Why Sam had no idea but the way Dean had said "Thanks for not killing my brother.", so full off bitterness, had wrenched his heart but Cas had opened his damn mouth and now Dean knew that Sam had once again suffered from the hands of his best friend.

Bringing that back up now wasn't a good idea either in Sam's opinion but if they would save Cas that way ... he sighed.

"Sam was weakened by the trails." Cas reminded them, as if that was something either of them could forget. "He needed the grace to stay alive. With Claire that won't be the case. We should be able to extract the grace without much discomfort from her."

"Without much discomfort?" Dean spat the words back at him and Sam didn't blame him. They were talking about a young girl here. How old was she by now? Eighteen? Nineteen? She had already lost her father in a traumatic way and now the thing that had taken away her dad, still wearing his face, was about to come back into her life and ask this from her. Yeah, that was a great idea.

However, it was the only plan they had. And looking for her couldn't hurt, right? What they did once they'd found her, they would figure out later.

They agreed on that, looking for her, just in case, but Sam knew, if they did find her, they would go through with the plan. Because that was what they always did. However, for now they could pretend that they were only gathering information.

Finding Claire turned out to be a tough one. They didn't even know where to start looking for her.

"Before all this it would have been easy to locate her." Cas said out of the blue. Sam looked up from the screen just in time to see the wistfulness on Cas face before it got replaced with his usual blank expression.

"But now?" He shook his head.

"Could you ask one of the other angels?" Sam suggested. A angel might be able to find her in a heartbeat. "What about Hannah?"

He hadn't heard about her since Cas had sent her away and he wasn't sure about their relationship in the first place. Would she even be willing to help Cas?

"We all took damage in the fall." Cas answered. "We have to find Claire the hard way."

That wasn't quite an answer and Sam remembered the tattoo Cas got to hide from the other angels but it was Cas' decision. And maybe he was right that Hannah couldn't help.

Sam searched the internet for a trace of Claire for two days and wasn't a step closer to finding her.

Even Dean joined them in their research, mainly to be close to Cas, Sam guessed, not that his brother would ever admit that he wanted to be close to the man he loved. And that they loved each other was more obvious now than it had been ever before.

Like teenagers, Sam thought and stifled a laugh when he noticed how Dean's face softened when he accidentally brushed his hand against Cas'. Accidentally, sure.

However, there was something between them that wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. Sam thought it was because of Cas' condition but he had the nagging feeling that there was something else on Dean's mind. It probably was related to the bedroom so Sam didn't ask and just hoped that they would get over whatever it was.

Cas slept in Dean's bed now and that told Sam that whatever was bothering Dean hadn't driven them apart again so it couldn't be too bad. And they had learned to be more discreet because Sam didn't hear inappropriate noises coming from their room anymore.

He was thinking way too much about Dean's sex life lately, Sam realized but it was right here under his nose and with him being the third wheel all the time he had nothing else to do than to watch them.

On the third day without even a hint to Claire's whereabouts, for all they knew she could be dead by now, Sam got a call from somebody Bobby had helped once with a ghost problem. The ghost hadn't come back but now she'd noticed something else going on and she didn't know who to call.

The next morning they left towards Indiana. They weren't in a rush, there had been no deaths so far and it didn't look like anybody was in immediate danger, so they stopped in a small town for the night. Like the last time Sam got a room for his own, a few doors down from where Dean and Cas stayed at. After a quick shower Sam went back outside to meet the others for dinner. They weren't back in the lot and the last thing Sam wanted to do was to disturb them now. He could just find one of them freshly showered, waiting for the other one to come out of the bathroom or he could interrupted a hardcore sex session with one of them bent over the table. Which brought the top or bottom question back to mind and that was so not his business. It was just the masochistic part of his brain that always came back to that kind of stuff.

At the word _masochistic_ his brain jumped to the video Cas had been watching. With a groan Sam closed his eyes but that only gave his imagination more freedom to come up with disturbing pictures.

Leaning against the car, eyes fixed on the door to their room Sam tried to will them outside. The longer they took with whatever they were doing, the more ideas of what they were doing were forming in his mind.

"Sam?" Suddenly a female voice spoke up behind him. Sam spun around, hand already on the demon knife in his waistband but one look at the woman standing on the other side of the car told him that the knife wouldn't do him any good.

"Hannah?" She was the last person he would have expected here but she was one of the few angels Cas' trusted and that meant Sam could trust her as well. To a degree. "What are you doing here?"

"How is he?" She asked instead of an answer, her gaze going past Sam towards the door Sam had been looking at only seconds ago. Sam thought about shouting for Dean and Cas but he didn't get the impression that Hannah was here to harm him or one of the others.

"Cas?" He asked back. "He's fine."

She nodded with a smile as if those words had a hidden meaning to her.

"You want to talk to him?" Sam continued when she didn't say anything for a moment. The only reason he could think of for her coming here was that there was trouble in paradise and she needed Cas' help. Not that Cas was in any condition to help, at lest not physical, but the angels had been willing to follow him before. They listened to him.

"No." She even took a step back at that suggestion. "It's better if he doesn't know I'm here."

Sam raised an eyebrow to that but focused on the more important question. "What do you want?"

Finally she looked at him directly and for a second she looked almost embarrassed.

"I just want to know if he's okay." She said. "He was dying." The words came out as a toneless whisper. "He didn't want the grace Crowley was offering him, he had to force it on him." Her eyes were too bright now. "He would rather die than to take another angel's grace. Or beg Metatron to tell him where to find his."

The begging Metatron part was new to Sam, Cas had only said that his grace was out there somewhere, not that Metatron knew where to find it. A fact to keep in mind, he decided.

"We think we have found a way to get his grace back." Sam said because he felt like he owed her at least that bit of information. It was probably not the best idea to tell her the whole plan.

"You have?" That got her interest.

"We need to find a former vessel of his." Sam explained. With Hannah right here he could at least ask. If she didn't want to help or maybe couldn't that would be fine but he had to ask.

"Claire Novak. But she is hard to find." He spread his hands in a helpless manner.

"The fall has damaged all of us." She answered. "I wished I could help but I can't."

Sam nodded to that, it was the answer he had expected.

"We don't know if she's even alive." A new idea was forming in his mind. "Could you find out if she's in heaven?" If she had died before the lock-down her soul might be in heaven. At least then they would know.

"I can do that."

"Thank you." Sam smiled at her, for an angel she wasn't half bad.

"Castiel is my friend." She clarified. "My brother. After all he's been though, what he's done for us, I owe him this much."

Sam wanted to say something but behind him the door opened. He glanced over his shoulder to see Dean and Cas coming towards him and when he looked back at Hannah, she was gone. She didn't want Cas to see her and she hadn't revealed any information so Sam saw no need in telling them that he had a visitor.

"Man, I'm starving." Dean rubbed his hands in anticipation. "Saw that bar'n'grill on the way into town ..." He looked from one to the other to see what they thought of the idea.

An evening in a bar would be nice, Sam could go with a beer or two, and by now he could show is face in public again so he was in.

Cas agreed with a nod as well. So far he'd been good with trailing behind the Winchesters but Sam made a mental note to prompt him more to make his own choices. He was the new one in the team and they needed to find their rhythm again but that didn't mean that Cas had to just go along with whatever the brothers came up with. Not that Cas had ever been somebody who played by the rules. If he really wanted to do something different, to go somewhere else than the brothers he would just do so, Sam knew that. His new relationship with Dean wouldn't just change that.

They walked the short distance to the place Dean had seen, this way they could have a few beers without bothering with the car.

All three of them enjoyed their meal and then they went over to the pool tables. For onces they had enough cash in their pockets and didn't need to hustle for money so they could just play a few games.

It was the first time Cas had a cue in hand. He eyed it doubtfully but at least he held it with the right end up.

The first game Sam and Dean played against each other. It was a tight one but in the end Dean won. He'd always been the better player so Sam didn't mind. Then they tried to explain the game to Cas, who grasped the rules rather quickly but when it came to actually playing ... they were lucky he didn't ruin the table.

Cas didn't seem to mind, though. He could laugh about his shots going wide and in the end they all had a blast. Sam only wished this could last for a while. Just them, in a bar, on their way to a case. Their version of an easy life.


	13. Chapter 13

Dean's way of dealing with his problems had always been to ignore them until they went away. Drowning them in alcohol was another proven method. Talking about them was not. But this was about him and Cas and the thing between them that they finally had allowed to grow and if he didn't solve this problem, if there even was a problem, he was probably risking what he had with Cas. So yeah, they needed to talk about this.

However, over the day Sam was always within earshot and with this insane plan of finding Claire Novak they were all stuck together in the library, searching the internet for a trace of the girl.

In the evening Dean wasn't sure if he should invite Cas over to his room again. He feared Cas would get the impression he didn't want him there if he didn't ask but if he asked, wouldn't Cas feel obliged to have sex with him? Not that Dean minded sex with Cas, quite the opposite, but they should probably talk this out before they did anything in this direction. In the end he didn't say anything but when it was time for bed Cas just followed him to his room as if that was how it was from now on. Dean couldn't help but smile and as soon as the door closed behind them, he brought their lips together for a tender kiss.

Cas kissed him back and his hands slipped under Dean's shirt and for a while Dean let himself believe that there was no problem at all. However, when he slipped his leg between Cas' and brought their hips together with his hands on Cas' butt he didn't feel what he expected. Dean was tenting his own pants quite obviously by now and he didn't try to hide that fact from Cas, the way his erection pressed against his leg Cas had to be stupid to not notice but there was nothing coming from Cas. He kissed Dean quite enthusiastically and his hands were roaming all over Dean's back and grabbing the nape of his neck to draw him close but there was nothing happening in Cas' pants.

Dean rested his head in the crook of Cas' neck, enjoying the trail of kisses the other man left on his exposed neck but he knew that was all he was getting today. He didn't know why Cas wasn't more into it but he could clearly tell that Cas wasn't aroused in the slightest.

When they lay in bed not much later, both wearing t-shirt and underwear, Cas snuggled closer and his hand trailed downwards to Dean's still half-hard cock but Dean stopped him.

"It's okay." He whispered in his ear and hugged him closer. Cas liked that, Dean had learned, hugging and cuddling and snuggling and all the other stuff Dean would have called girly if it hadn't been Cas in his arms.

"I can ..." Cas' voice trailed off.

"We don't have to do anything." Dean said quietly. The way Cas offered to help him out when he clearly wasn't in the mood was unsettling, and Dean wondered what kind of sex he had with the women he had been with before. Cas hadn't come into this a complete virgin, he had experience but Dean got the impression that along the way he had picked up a few strange ideas about it.

This would be a good time to address the problem Dean was seeing here but when he opened his mouth, Cas was quicker.

"Do you think we will find Claire?" Cas asked and the moment to talk about something else was over.

"We will." Dean promised and held him tighter. With that on his mind it wasn't a surprise that Cas wasn't up for sex, Dean got that.

Cas was fine at the moment but eventually his grace would burn out and he knew it. It didn't look that way but he was dying. Claire was the light at the end of the tunnel but maybe it was just the upcoming train. They didn't know if they could find Claire. If they could find her in time. And if they could use her to find the rest of Cas' grace was another question.

Thinking about all that, Dean's arousal died down and he was just glad that Cas was here in his arms and alive.

The next day Sam got a call from an Amy Summers, a woman who knew Bobby and didn't know who else to call.

So they found themselves on their way to Indiana. There was no need to rush and they stopped for the night in a small town Dean didn't even bother to read the name on the welcome sign. There was a motel and a bar'n'grill and that was all he was interested in.

They checked in to the motel and went to their rooms for a quick shower. Cramped up in the car all day wasn't the best way to spend the day and Dean had to admit that he wasn't as young as he used to be anymore. He used to ride in the car for three days without a pause and get out without a problem but now he felt his back and his legs and when he rolled his head it crunched in his neck.

He let Cas have the first shower but reminded him to not use up all the hot water. Knowing dumpholes like this, there wasn't enough hot water for one quick shower and that was the reason he had offered the first one to Cas. Becoming more and more human wasn't easy for the angel and if he could make it a little better with a hot shower, Dean would do it without a second thought. He was just that awesome.

While Cas was in the bathroom Dean unpacked the few things he would need for the night and tried to not think about the angel all wet and naked in the shower.

If this wasn't a tiny motel bathroom with a shower stall not even big enough for one grown man to fit in comfortably, he would have been tempted to slip in with Cas and offer to wash his back. Instead he waited for his turn and took a quick shower himself. At least the cold water that hit him half-way through washing his hair took care of his stubborn hard-on he'd been sporting since Cas had taken off his shirt.

Outside Sam was already waiting for them and then they were on their way to the bar'n'grill Dean had spotted earlier. They had greasy burgers and a few beers and Cas wouldn't play pool if his life depended on it. It was a fun evening and Dean just enjoyed going out with his brother and his angel and he wished this would last forever.

When they made their way back to the motel, they were pleasantly tipsy, not really drunk because they needed to be on the road again early the next morning, but they had enough to laugh louder than they should over jokes that probably weren't funny at all.

Sam came up with the old story of their trip to the beach, the only trip to the beach they had ever made for fun, and how he lost his swimming pants in the water. Dean had teased him the rest of the summer for that.

Cas laughed along but Dean wasn't sure if he really understood what was so funny about it but for now Dean was just happy to have him at his side. All three of them walked shoulder to shoulder with Dean in the middle and he had his arms around the two most important people in his life and in that moment Dean was happy.

"Don't get too loud." Sam warned them with a grin and a pointed finger to what Dean showed him another finger and then he dragged Cas into the room by the collar with the full intention to make enough noise for their neighbors to bang against the walls.

Slightly drunk as he was his coordination had gone to shit and his mouth on Cas' was all sloppy and wet and good.

"Get your shirt off." Dean mumbled into Cas' mouth while he fought with the buttons. Cas laughed into the kiss and helped Dean out of his shirts first. When they were finally naked, they landed in a heap of tangled limbs on the bed. Dean's hand found its way down to Cas' cock and with a few strokes he brought it to full hardness. Good, that was good. Dean had just enough brain left to admire the fact that he could get Cas up and ready with a few strokes but then Cas' hand was on him as well and he lost the ability to think.

Way too quickly he spurted his release all over Cas' hand, damn, he wasn't a horny teenager anymore he should have more self-control by now but on the other hand this was Cas with him in bed and that thought never got old.

However, Cas was still hard.

"Fuck me." Dean mumbled into another kiss and wrapped his legs around the other man. He fit between his legs perfectly and for a moment Dean just enjoyed the friction on his spent cock and Cas' erection against him. "Lube's on the nightstand."

He had put it there earlier just in case and now he was glad that he didn't have to let go of Cas just to get the lube. He would have gone with spit instead.

"I thought ..." Cas propped himself up on both elbows to look Dean in the eye.

"You're thinking too much." Dean cut him off with rutting against him, which coaxed a moan out of Cas. He knew what Cas was thinking but maybe showing him that he could enjoy bottoming would solve their little problem which wasn't a problem at all.

Cas studied him for a moment longer, those intense blue eyes looking directly into his soul and Dean let him. He lay there, bare and open, trusting Cas to not hurt him. Finally Cas nodded and reached for the bottle.

"Tell me if I do something wrong." Cas demanded.

"I will." Dean craned his neck to bring their lips together. In the back of his mind a little voice whispered: Like you tell me if something is wrong?

But then Cas shifted and rolled to his side, leaving Dean stretched out with his cooling come on his stomach and his half-hard cock, but then he was back with lubed fingers and Dean spread his legs a little wider to give him better access.

It had been a while since Dean had done this so he wasn't complaining when Cas took his time to prep him. He even found his prostate and gave it quite some attention. By the time Cas was satisfied with the stretching Dean was hard and leaking again, already fucking himself on Cas' fingers.

"Put it in." Dean said with gritted teeth. He wanted to come with Cas in him, he wanted to feel him but that bastard took his sweet time. "I'm ready, c'mon, do it."

Finally Cas got in position between his legs and Dean slung them around his waist, ankles crossed over the small of Cas' back and drew him in close. Stretched like he was Cas slipped in almost without resistance.

"Fuck." Dean breathed out and screwed his eyes shut. By no means was Cas small and it had been a while since there had been anything near his ass. The stretch and the feeling of full was overwhelming and Dean needed a moment to adjust to it.

"You okay?" Cas had a worried eye on him. He leaned in and gave Dean a reassuring kiss. That movement alone send jolts through Dean's bottom. His mouth fell open and he couldn't help it and rocked against Cas.

"Move."

Cas didn't have to be told twice. He drew back carefully and then thrust back in. He started slow but gained confidence with every thrust and then his hand closed around Dean's cock again, stroking him in the same pace as his thrusts.

"Cas!" Dean duck his heels into Cas' back, taking him as deep as possible. His nails clawed into his shoulder blades and with that Dean came the second time this evening. Through the haze of his own orgasm he felt Cas twitching and spurting inside him.

When Dean drifted of to sleep this time, he had Cas in his arms and a lazy smile on his lips.


	14. Chapter 14

Amy Summers was a woman in her forties with a no bullshit attitude which reminded Sam of Ellen. She had been expecting them and had coffee and cookies ready when they arrived in the early afternoon.

"I met Bobby almost ten years ago." She said with a distant look in her eyes. "The building I was living in happened to be in the hunting ground of a monster and it nearly killed me. Bobby saved my life." She shook her head. "I can't believe he's dead."

"Believe me, we can't believe it either." Sam said with a side glance at Dean. His brother never talked about his feelings but Sam knew that Dean still missed the older hunter. Bobby had left a hole in their souls nothing could ever fill.

Amy served them the coffee before she started talking about why she'd called them.

"A family moved in next door a few weeks ago." She said and Sam sat up straighter. "I don't think they're human."

She looked from one to the other, challenging them to call her nuts.

"What makes you think that?" Sam asked while his mind provided him with a number of things that could pass as an ordinary family.

Amy locked eyes with him as if she tried to figure out if he was mocking her or not but then she seemed to decide that he was at least willing to hear her out.

"Well." She relaxed visibility. "At first I just thought they like to stay to themselves. They didn't invite the neighbors over when they moved in, they didn't follow the invitation to the Calmer's BBQ, things like that. Their boy goes to school but as far as I can tell he comes home right away and never brings a friend with him. He never leaves the house except for school."

Sam nodded to that. That wasn't exactly social behavior but nothing indicating that there was something wrong with the neighbors.

"What about the parents?" Cas spoke up. So far he had kept quiet but now he entered the conversation. Amy looked at him as if she only now realized that there was a third guest. Like usual on a hunt Cas had let the brothers take the lead. It was good to see that Cas felt confident enough in this to ask questions, though.

"She works as a nurse and I think he has a job in a grocery store." She shrugged, indicating that she wasn't sure. "They leave for work but that's it. I saw her in the hospital when I went there for a check-up. Not the best bedside manners for a nurse, let me tell you." She offered cookies. "She was creepy."

"Creepy?" Dean asked around half a cookie. "How?"

Sam glared at him but Dean just brushed crumbs from the front of his shirt, completely unimpressed by Sam's glare of death.

"Fresh out of the oven this morning." She said with a smile and offered Dean another cookie. At least she'd found one willing victim. Sam tried to tune out the crunching noises coming from Dean.

"There was something wrong with her eyes." She said. "They were cold and dead and she didn't smile once."

"That's not exactly what we're looking for." Sam tried to put it as politely as possible. So far he wasn't seeing a case here.

"There are strange lights and noises at night." Amy continued. "And people are falling ill."

"Ill?" Sam perked up. That was something he could work with. "Like seriously ill?"

"Nobody died or anything." Amy shook her head. "But I know that Chrissy, the little Calmer's girl, is in the hospital. And her parents don't feel well either. They live on the other side of them." She dropped her voice at the end here as if she feared the neighbors would hear her.

It was at least worth a look, Sam decided. They had worked with less.

"Where are you staying at?" Amy asked when they were ready to leave.

"We don't know yet." Dean answered for them. "Any motels you can recommend?"

"Motel?" She scolded at that. "Nonsense. I've a big house, there's more than enough room. If one of you don't mind the couch."

"Thank you." Sam hurried to say. "But that's not necessary. Really."

"From here you have a direct view on the house." Amy said and Sam had to admit she had a point there.

"You sure you want to take in three strangers?" Dean shook his head in disbelieve. "You're nuts."

"I knew Bobby." She dismissed that. "Not very well but I knew him. And the way you're talking about him ..." She locked eyes with every single one of them. "And you believe me that there's something going on next door."

Sam turned towards Dean and their eyes met. Dean tilted his head and shrugged one shoulder and with that it was settled.

"Okay, we stay." Sam gave in.

"I'll get the guest room ready." And with that she was gone, leaving three men she'd never met before in her living room.

Sam stared after her but then shook his head in amusement. Dean was already at the window, peering out without disturbing the curtains.

"I'll see if she needs any help." Cas announced and went after Amy.

"You see anything?" Sam stepped closer to his brother.

"A house." He answered. "And a garden that needs some gardening." He stepped back from the window.

Sam checked his watch. "It's too late to have a closer look, the boy should be home any minute now."

They didn't need to talk about the plan. Observation with them taking turns until the family left in the morning. Then they would sneak over and see what they could find.

Cas and Amy weren't back a few minutes later and there was nothing else to do for them than to wait. And for Dean to empty the plate of cookies.

"How is Cas?" Sam asked.

"Fine." The grin on Dean's face that showed more half eaten cookies than Sam ever wanted to see stopped him from asking farther. They both knew that Cas was far from fine. But they were working on it. As soon as this case was solved Sam would find Claire Novak. Hannah came to mind and he wondered if he should mention her but decided against it. There wasn't really anything to tell.

"The guest room is ready." Amy came back with Cas trailing behind her. "One can sleep in my daughter's room and one has to take the couch down here." She had a meaningful look at the couch Dean was sitting on surrounded by crumbs. "But I guess I'm going to vacuum it first."

At least Dean had the decency to blush at that and to mumble an apology around a still full mouth.

"We're going to observe the house from here." Sam pointed at the window from where they had the best view on the neighbors. "We'll take turns over night so one of us will be awake at all times. No need to use your daughter's room."

For sure she had put new sheets on the bed and all that but he didn't feel comfortable with sleeping in her daughter's bed.

"You're daughter is in college?" Dean guessed.

Amy nodded. "I knew she would leave one day but with my husband dead for almost ten years it had always been just us. And now I only see her over the holidays."

Her eyes fell on some pictures on the mantel of the fireplace showing a happy family. Some where older with all three of them, others newer with the girl growing up but without the father in the pictures.

"I'm sorry." Sam felt the need to say. It didn't matter how long ago somebody died it came back fresh and raw once in a while, he knew that.

"It's been a long time." She said and teared her eyes off the pictures. There was still sadness in her voice and maybe even bitterness but Sam didn't blame her for that. He had lost enough loved ones to relate.

Sam stayed at Amy's to keep an eye on the house and the boy who had come home by now. Dean and Cas went out to have a look at the parents. At least the husband would be easy to find and with three more people in the house Amy would need more food anyway. After the grocery store they would check the hospital for the mother.

"Have you known Bobby for long?" Amy took a seat next to Sam who had dragged a chair over to the window. From here he could see the driveway and had even a good view into the kitchen over there without getting seen himself. He had some binoculars ready so he wouldn't miss anything going on in the kitchen.

"He was like a father to Dean and me." Sam answered after a moment.

"You two are brothers?" Amy asked. So far they had themselves introduced by first names only and hadn't mentioned that they were brothers.

"Yeah, Dean is the older one." Sam confirmed. "And Cas ..." He had no idea how to define their relationship with Cas. "Cas is a friend."

"More than just a friend to your brother." Amy had a knowing smile on her lips.

"That obvious?" Sam couldn't help but chuckle to that. "They think they can fool everybody."

"The way they're looking at each other? Not a chance." She leaned closer as if she was about to tell him a secret. "Besides, your friend had a few nice words to say about your brother."

"If he was too blunt, I'm sorry." Sam hurried to say. "He's socially a little on the awkward side."

Sam knew Cas and to him it was just Cas being Cas but other people realized very quickly that he was different. They usually couldn't put their finger on it but on a deeper level they just knew that the being in front of them wasn't human.

"It's fine." She assured him. "It's nice to see young people in love."

Sam wasn't sure if Dean still counted as young and how old Cas was he didn't even want to think about. But it was good to hear that it wouldn't cause them any problems.

"They were pining for each other for years, this is still new to them." He thought back to the morning when Dean and Cas had left their room and the only description could come up with was post-orgasmic afterglow. There had been a spring in Dean's steps he hadn't seen in years.

In the other house the boy entered the kitchen and Sam raised the binoculars to see what he was doing. He was just an ordinary boy, around twelve maybe, with sandy hair and a sweet face. There was nothing that struck Sam as not human but that didn't have to mean anything.

The boy took several things out of the fridge and made himself a sandwich.

"You see anything?" Amy asked from somewhere behind him. He hadn't even noticed that she wasn't sitting next to him anymore.

"A sandwich." Sam put the binoculars down when the boy left the kitchen with a plate in one hand and a glass of milk in the other. "Looks like he eats normal food."

With that information in mind his list of possible monsters had become a lot shorter.

"Sure." Amy's voice was still somewhere behind him but he didn't turn around. "He's a normal boy, he eats normal food."

At that Sam did turn around. Just in time to see the blow with the fire poker coming but to late to do anything about it.


	15. Chapter 15

Dean left Amy's house with Cas on his heel and for a moment it felt odd that it wasn't Sam one step behind him. However, Sam was a big boy and he would do the observation job just fine and with the parents still working chances were slim that Sam would get in trouble until they were back.

But who knew, that kid had a talent for getting in trouble. Dean sighed and forced himself to think about the task at hand. It was a nice day, sunny and warm, and he could probably kill something soon, so life was good.

Over the roof of the Impala he watched Cas until his head disappeared beneath the roof top. It was a really nice day, Dean decided.

"What do you think of Amy?" Cas asked when Dean started the car. They passed the neighbor's house and Dean had a closer look at it but it was just an ordinary house so he focused on the street instead and left that part of the job to Sam.

"Amy? She's nice." Dean made a turn. Baby felt heavier today and he wondered if Sam had packed the trunk with books again. "And she knows how to bake, you should have tried those cookies."

Cas didn't say anything to that but there was something on his mind, Dean could tell.

"What?" He finally asked when Cas still hadn't said a word a minute later.

"You know." Cas shook his head. "If I had my full powers I could just go over and find out what they are. But like this?" He spread his fingers in front of him and just stared at them as if they were something offensive.

"We'll fix this." Dean promised. "I'll fix this."

He reached over and caught Cas' left wrist with his hand. At least he tried to. For some reason his hand went miles off its target. Dean frowned at his hand. Why didn't it want to obey?

"Dean!" Cas suddenly yelled next to him. Why did he have to yell? He was right here. Right here. Dean wanted to tell him that but for some reason his tongue had doubled its size and it had grown fur, at least it felt that way, and Dean couldn't form the words.

"Dean!" More frantic now and now Cas reached for the wheel. Dean batted his hand away but hit the passenger seat instead.

"Dean, stop the car!"

Dean wasn't sure how they ended up at the side of the road but at some point the car had stopped.

However, the world kept moving. Dean blinked to make it stop but the stupid street in front of him didn't stop swaying. Suddenly he had too much pooling saliva in his mouth and his stomach clenched.

"I'm gonna ..." Dean had barely enough time to open the door and lean sideways before he tossed his cookies. In this case quite literally and he snickered at that but that got some of the stuff up his nose and that was just gross.

"Dean." Somehow Cas was at his side. Maybe he could teleport again, that would be awesome. He wanted to tell him that but instead he puked a bit more. Right on Cas' shoes with splatters up his pants.

"Sorry." Dean mumbled. "I'm not feeling so great." It came out with a snicker and more cookies. Or was it a Snickers? Did he have a Snickers with the cookies? Dean didn't know but the thought was funny. Was a Snickers called snickers because it made you snicker? And could he say that three times in a row?

"Dean, look at me." Cas held his head between his hands and that was good. Dean wasn't sure if his head wanted to fall apart or fly away like a balloon but it was good that Cas were holding it. Very thoughtful of him.

Cas' face swam in his vision.

"I think I got drugged." Dean said but wasn't sure if Cas understood the mashed together sounds. He swallowed a few times against the rising bile in his throat but then he had to give in. Cas held his head while Dean spit out more cookies and bitter slime.

Dean flinched back when something touched his chest but that only ended with his head banging against the door frame. He grunted in pain when he felt a second hand on the throbbing spot on his head but he was pretty sure that both of his hands were dangling somewhere farther downwards. Did he have three hands now? Or four?

When he saw the telltale angelic light coming from his chest he knew what or better who was touching him and he relaxed into the touch, trusting Cas to hold him. His body relaxed when the light washed through him, leaving him drained and tired.

"I could get rid of most of the drug. It shouldn't kill you now." He heard Cas voice from a distance but the words meant nothing to him. "I'm sorry I can't do more."

"'s okay, Cas." Dean mumbled. His stomach had settled down and that was all he was asking for.

"Here." A water bottle appeared under his nose.

Dean rinsed his mouth and then drank greedily the rest of the bottle. Half of it ran down his chin and over his chest but the wet t-shirt didn't bother him. Maybe he could win a contest with this. He smiled to that but couldn't open his eyes far enough to see if Cas got the joke. Probably not and the effort wasn't worth it so he let his eyelids drop. He drifted on the brink of consciousness, more than willing to give in to sleep. He would feel better after some rest.

Sam. That thought yanked him back. Sam was with Amy and Amy had drugged him with the cookies so Sam was in danger. He needed to go back to Sam. Now.

"Dean." Cas? Since when had he been here? Dean couldn't remember.

"S'm." Dean tried to force the word over his tongue but that stupid thing refused to cooperate.

"I'll go back to Sam." Cas promised, gently pressing him back into the seat.

Right. The Impala. He was in the car. He didn't need to walk to Sam, he could drive.

"Cas, you're so smart." Dean said, or maybe not, he wasn't sure, but he was busy with getting his legs back inside the car anyway.

"Dean, you're not driving." Cas said and Dean just frowned at him. Of course he wasn't driving, his legs were still outside and Cas was standing in the open door, duh.

Suddenly the world spun again when Cas yanked him out of the seat into a standing position. Dean tried to get his legs under him but they refused to hold him and so he just hung in Cas arms like a rag doll.

Now they were hugging in public, on an open street in broad daylight, super. Dean should puke down Cas' back for that. He deserved it. Dean's stomach grumbled in anticipation but that was it. No more puking. Lucky bastard.

Before he could figure out what was going on Dean lay in the back seat of the car and Cas closed the door. Dean shifted a bit to not leave puke foot prints on the door but there was nothing he could do about the stuff on his legs.

"Sorry, Baby." He dropped his head, using his arm as a pillow. He just wanted to sleep but Sam needed him.

The front door opened and closed and now he could see Cas' head floating over the back of the seat.

"S'm." Dean repeated with as much urgency in his voice as he could master, his mind too dizzy to express his concerns but he was sure that Cas would understand.

"Don't worry, Dean." Cas started the engine and Baby came to life with a jolt.

"Easy there." Dean wanted to say but then Cas got the hang of it and eased the car back on the road. The familiar purr of his car lulled Dean to sleep.

Dean woke up feeling like shit. He squinted around the unfamiliar motel room. Two beds but the other one looked untouched.

"Sam?" He asked but his voice was hoarse and the taste in his mouth alone made him gag. There was a pounding in his head and his whole body ached and he just wanted to turn around and go back to sleep. But now he'd noticed the bad taste in his mouth and his bladder was full as well and he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep like this. His clothes clung to him and the sour smell of sweat and old puke hit him. A shower was probably a good idea.

He must have been really drunk if he hadn't even bothered to kick off his shoes, he thought when he noticed that he still had his boots on, traces of puke included.

Dean made his way over to the bathroom, no Sam there either, and sighed in relieve when he emptied his bladder. Next was brushing his teeth but his tooth brush wasn't there. Did he leave his stuff in the car?

His head pulsed with every beating of his heart and he had to brace himself on the rim of the sink until the feeling of his head cracking open subdued to a tolerable pounding again.

The motel provided a small tube of toothpaste so he brushed his teeth with that and his finger. That would have to do for now.

Dean looked up at his reflection in the mirror. He didn't just feel like shit, he looked like shit, too. Dark shadows under his bloodshot eyes, sweaty hair standing in all direction and he was pretty sure he should have more color in his face than the tiles behind him.

He had still no idea where he was or how he got here and most of all where Sam was but that had to wait a few minutes longer. He would feel better after a shower. At least he hoped so.

The motel had the cheapest soap and shampoo but that was all he had and the hot water hitting his neck worked out some of the kinks there.

When he stepped out of the shower stall he did feel better until he realized that he only had the old sweaty clothes he had slept in.

"Awesome." He muttered but put them back on. He should have thought of getting his things from the car before he had his shower but thinking wasn't his strong suit at the moment.

His phone and the motel key lay on the nightstand but not his car keys. Which was odd. A quick look outside confirmed that the Impala wasn't in the lot.

"Sam took it?" Dean wondered, already hitting speed dial to find out where his brother went. "And where's Cas?"

Bits and pieces came back to him. He had been with Cas before he woke up here. Wherever _here_ was. And something about cookies?

Sam's phone went to voice-mail and Dean just barked a "Call me." into the mouthpiece before he cut off the connection and dialed Cas instead.

Cas' gravelly voice told him to leave a message but he didn't bother with that.

"This is not good." Dean mumbled to himself while his head started to pound in earnest again.

Amy had drugged him with the cookies, he remembered that now.

He had puked his guts out in the middle of the street with Cas holding his head, he remembered that too. Everything else was lost in a dark mist but he guessed that Cas had dumped him here and then went to get Sam.

Dean checked his watch. About four hours since they'd left Amy's. Neither Sam nor Cas were answering their phone.

"This is so not good." Dean grabbed the few things he had with him, at least he had his gun in the waistband of his jeans and a knife in his jacket so he wasn't completely unarmed, and left the motel room.


	16. Chapter 16

Sam woke up with a concussion. He had his fair share of those over the years so he knew that feeling. Not too bad, he had worse, but bad enough that his head wanted to split open and he raised it very carefully and didn't dare to open his eyes before his head was steady. He'd learned that lesson the hard way and he really didn't want to hurl on top of everything else. Especially when he was bound to a chair. He didn't need to open his eyes to know that, he'd woken up bound to a chair far too often, too, he knew that feeling as well.

What he wasn't used to, was waking up like this without a shirt on. He felt the cool air directly on his skin and shivered slightly. He didn't know the reason behind this but he guessed it wasn't a good one. At least he still had his jeans and shoes on.

With his head more or less steady he squinted against the bright light of the single light bulb illuminating the room. A basement of some sorts. The chair stood in the middle of a cleared out area with nothing in reach that could help him. As if it was ever that easy.

There was nobody in sight so Sam used the chance to check his bindings. With any luck he could get out before whoever was responsible for this came back.

Flexing the muscles in his arms and wiggling around a little bit he found the rope tied very efficiently. It gave a little and he might be able to work with that but he wouldn't get out the next minute, that much he could tell.

Mechanically he worked to loosen the rope binding his hands to the back legs of the chair. It would have been easier for him if they had tied his wrists together without attaching them to the chair but he had to work with what he had.

His memory was a little fuzzy, though. He remembered Amy the nice older lady with the creepy neighbors. And then the nice older lady had hit him with something.

Great, getting knocked out like that, he would never hear the end of it. He could only hope that Dean would never find out how easily she had overpowered him.

Speaking of Dean, where was he? Sam couldn't tell how much time had passed but Dean would notice his absence very soon. At least he hoped so. Dean wanted to check on the father in the store and then head over to the hospital to have a look at the mother. It would be just Sam's luck if Dean and Cas used the time to have a little something in a storage room in the hospital. But Dean was a professional, right? He would be back here as soon as possible, right?

Sam let out a sigh and his chin dropped to his chest. Dean would find him eventually, there was no doubt about that. He wasn't a cold-hearted demon anymore, he would come for Sam.

In the meantime Sam would try to get out by himself. He just needed to get one hand free. The rest would be easy.

Sam stopped his attempt to wiggle his way out of the ropes when he heard footsteps above. It sounded like one single pair of footsteps so Amy was probably alone.

Careful with assumptions, he reminded himself. Those had brought him in this situation. He didn't know what Amy was or what she hoped to accomplish with this but when he heard a door open, he knew he would find out soon.

For a second he thought about faking to still be unconscious but decided against it. When Amy came down the stairs he looked her right in the eye.

"Well, well." She said when their eyes locked. "Look who's awake."

"What do you want?" Sam asked and swallowed against the rising bile in his throat. His head was killing him but he didn't have time for that.

"You know." She came closer and now Sam saw the knife in her hand. "When my daughter told me that she had to run from a hunter, I thought Bobby Singer was back to finish what he'd started."

She came closer, tapping the broad side of the knife against her leg.

"I was kind of disappointed to hear that he's dead." She actually pouted at that. "But I got you instead. And I will get your brother as well. If the overdose hasn't killed him by now."

"Overdose?" Sam's mouth went dry and he teared his gaze from the knife up to her face.

"The cookies were meant for all three of you." She said with a half-shrug. "He ate most of them by himself so I'm pretty sure he's dead by now."

"What do you want?" Sam asked again. Cas was with Dean and even weakened as he was, Cas should be able to help Dean. And then they would know that it had been Amy and they would come back here. He just needed to keep her busy for a little while longer to give his brother more time.

"Revenge." She said it as if that was obvious. "Bobby Singer killed my husband."

Sam drew his eyebrows together in the attempt to piece together the information here. So far it didn't make sense.

"That was ten years ago." He remembered that bit. "Why now?"

"I told you." Suddenly the tip of the knife was way too close to his throat. Sam leaned his head back to gain a few inches and glared up at her. "My daughter went to college and there a hunter came after her. She barely escaped. She's on the run now."

The knife dropped and Sam breathed easier.

"And you thought it was Bobby." Slowly the picture became clearer.

"He should have left us alone." She turned away and now Sam noticed the table at the side. It looked suspiciously like an altar. How could he have missed that before? He blamed his concussion for that. Not that he could do anything about it anyway.

However, while she had her back turned on him, he kept working on the rope.

"So your husband was a monster." Sam mused more to himself than to her. He felt the rope around his right wrist loosen a little bit. Not much, not enough to slip his hand through, but it gave him hope.

"He was a good man." She didn't turn but he could see the tension in her shoulders. "It didn't matter that he wasn't human."

Now she turned around, knife pointed at Sam but she was far enough away so it was just to make her point and not to threaten Sam.

"You should understand." She said and for a moment Sam was stunned. What did she know about him?

"That friend of yours? He ain't human either, isn't he?" She had a knowing smile on her lips. "And still you're okay with your brother being with him. You call him a friend. You, a man who vowed to kill everything not human, everything different, you are okay with your brother fucking that abomination." At the last word she rammed the knife into the wooden table. "But you had to kill my husband. Hunt down my daughter."

"I wasn't the one who killed your husband." Sam reminded her but regretted it the same second.

"No." She came closer now but the knife stayed stuck in the table. At least for now. "But the man who was almost like a father to you did."

She sighed. "I thought I could let it go, take my daughter and live my life. It's too late to make that hunter pay. But I got you. And I got your brother. Too bad I didn't get your pet monster. I really would have liked to kill him first. Maybe let you and your brother watch." She paused. "I had to watch when my husband was murdered, you know, so it would have been only fair."

She shrugged in an _oh, well_ manner and a smile crept on her lips.

"What was your husband?" Sam dared to ask and set his jaw. He'd faced down much scarier things than her. "He killed people, didn't he? And your daughter? The hunter didn't come close to her for nothing."

"She is a good girl." She didn't back off. "She has needs but she only takes what she absolutely has to. She just wants to live."

"She kills people." Sam spit back. It was probably not a good idea to agitate her but he couldn't help himself. "And you? What about you? You ain't innocent either, aren't you?" He nodded towards the table. From this angle he couldn't see much of the ingredients but what he could make out was some pretty dark stuff.

"I needed to protect my little girl." She turned around and stepped over to the altar again. "So I learned a thing or two. I'm only human but there are ways to gain power. Real power." She picked something up and examined it. Some kind of needle? A knitting needle judging by the size of it. "But I guess you know that."

"It always comes with a price tag." Sam answered and twisted his hand more frantically while she wasn't looking. Whatever she had in mind, it wasn't good. "Usually a deadly one."

"Not if you're careful." She dipped the tip of the needle in a bowl and it came back out with a sticky substance dripping off it. "I've been protecting my little girl for almost ten years now but then she wanted to go to college. How could I deny her that? She knows how to protect herself, she's careful." She shook her head.

"Not careful enough." Sam grit his teeth. Almost. The rope burned into his skin and he was bleeding by now but he didn't care, he needed to get free before she could do whatever she was planning to do to him.

And the fact that neither Dean nor Cas had come to his rescue yet wasn't a good sign either. He needed to get out of here and find them.

"You haven't been careful enough." She reminded him. Needle in hand she stood in front of him now.

"What's that?" Sam licked his suddenly dry lips. He needed more time, just a little more time. His hand was almost free.

"Something special." She looked rather proud of herself. "It's deadly but it won't kill you immediately. It's going to take hours, maybe even a day." She dropped her voice at the last part. "Don't worry, nobody will hear you scream."

She positioned the tip of the needle over his heart with just enough pressure to make him feel it but without breaking the skin. Yet.

"Don't." He said and squirmed as far away as possible.

"I said that too when he killed my husband." She answered with ice in her voice. She was close now and Sam saw in her eyes that she would do this. She would kill him.

Then everything happened fast.

Amy raised the needle to stab it into Sam's chest when the door on top of the stairs burst open.

"Cas!" Sam yelled when he recognized the man on the stairs. Amy spun around and at the same time Cas stormed down the stairs. Later Sam couldn't say if Cas just didn't notice the needle or if he he didn't recognize it as dangerous but in the end it didn't matter.

Cas came right for Amy, his angel blade in hand and murder in his eyes. Seeing his expression Sam knew something had happened to Dean. Something bad. And Dean wasn't there.

The woman and the angel met in the middle of the room and for a second they just stood there, close, embracing each other like lovers, and then they went down. Amy was dead, Sam knew that instantly, the handle of the blade embedded deep in her chest, Cas hadn't been fucking around.

However, Cas was on his knees as well. In comical disbelieve he stared at the needle poking our of his side.

"Cas!" Sam yelled. Cas tilted to the side and fell like a rock.


	17. Chapter 17

The last time Dean had this much problem with hot-wiring a car he had been drunk, decked a few times and it had been freezing which had led to numb and stiff fingers. Now his only excuse was spiced cookies and not the good ones. At least it was already dark so nobody saw him working on the car in the far corner of the parking lot. Then, finally, the engine came to life and a second later Dean was on the road.

He had still no idea where he was or where the others were but he figured Amy's place would be a good place to start looking. He squinted against the lights of the upcoming cars, the bright light cut straight through his brain and made his eyes water and he really wished he had his car with the first aid kit in the trunk. He could use some of the painkillers right now, maybe then he wouldn't drive like a drunk granny. But the only thing he could do was to grit his teeth, white-knuckle the wheel and try to more or less stay on the right side of the road.

It took him a while and two close encounters with other cars but in the end he reached Amy's house. The Impala stood in the driveway which he counted as a good sign. There was nobody in sight and the house lay dark in front of him which probably was a bad sign.

Dean opened the trunk of the Impala and got some spare clips just in case. While he was at it, he popped two painkillers dry. Then he shut the trunk and turned towards the house.

"I'm coming, Sammy." Dean said to himself and ignored how slurred the words came out. Like a sailor on land he staggered over to the door and tried the knob. The door swung open without a sound and Dean peered into the darkness behind it.

Silently he swept through the living room and the kitchen but there was no sign of Sam or anybody else for that matter. The bathroom and the laundry room were empty as well so he went upstairs. With the same result. No Sam, no Cas and no Amy.

"Great." Dean muttered when is journey ended in the daughter's bedroom. Where was everybody?

Slowly he went back downstairs, it would be just his luck if he fell down the stairs, and tried to call Sam's phone again. Sam didn't answer but he heard a faint ringing from somewhere in the back.

He had to call three times before he had located the phone in the laundry room. He found Sam's shirts in a basket along with his phone, gun and other personal things wrapped in a towel.

"What the hell?" Dean held up the shirts. The other stuff he understood, whatever Amy had done to Sam she didn't want him running around with a gun or a phone, he got that. But why would she take his shirts? He didn't find Sam's pants so that was a plus, he guessed.

With Sam's stuff in hand Dean came out of the laundry room but wasn't one step closer to finding his brother. Then his eyes fell on the door to the basement.

Right, this place had a basement. He wanted to kick himself for not thinking of it earlier but that would just make his head explode. He was happy enough with standing upright right now.

He put Sam's stuff on the kitchen table to have his hand free and then he reached for the door while he had his gun ready in his right. Not what he would call steady aim but if anything came up to him he should be able to wound it. At least he hoped so. He tightened his grip on the gun.

The door was slightly ajar as if somebody had been in a hurry. There was no sound coming from downstairs and Dean made his way down the stairs as silently as possible.

The first thing he noticed was the smell. Burned herbs and a sting of sulfur, never a good combination. Then he saw them.

"Sam!" Dean took the last three steps as one, nearly toppling over but catching himself, and then he was at his brother's side. "Sam!"

Sam was still bound to a chair by one ankle, he had managed to get free by himself most of the way. But he lay on the floor and wasn't moving. Blood coated the back of his head and for a long moment Dean was sure he wasn't breathing.

"Sam." His voice soft now and he didn't want to think about the too many times he'd held his brother's lifeless body in his arms. But then he noticed the ups and downs of his chest, shallow but there, and now he dared to breath easier himself. Carefully he got Sam's leg free and laid him out on his side, he didn't want him to choke on his own puke or shit like that, and only then he dared to have a farther look around. He had seen the two other lifeless bodies before but only now he allowed himself to take in the scenario around him.

"Cas." He crouched over to the angel who lay on his side and wasn't moving either. Something thin was sticking out of his side and with a frown Dean pulled it out. A knitting needle? However, there was some blackish goo on it and around the entry point on Cas' white shirt. Looking around Dean noticed the altar.

"I hate frigging witches." He muttered and took Cas' head in both hands. "Cas! Wake up, man."

He was an angel, some skanky old witch couldn't harm him, right? At least not really.

Cas didn't answer, didn't open his eyes. He was breathing, though.

Dean couldn't wake him so he checked on Amy next. She was dead, no loss there if anybody would have been awake to ask Dean. Then he went over to the altar to see if he could find out what she'd done to Cas.

Sam's head wound was serious, he knew that and he probably should call an ambulance but not yet. He couldn't risk anybody finding Amy or Cas like this.

The contents of the altar didn't give him any hints and it wasn't helping that he was seeing double here but at least behind him Sam groaned and mumbled a "What happened?".

Dean was at his side in a heartbeat and with a hand to his bare chest he prevented him from getting up too quickly.

"You got a blow to the head." He said, peering down into Sam's eyes. The pupils were even and his gaze was fixed on Dean. "And got tied to a chair."

"I think I passed out when I leaned forward." Sam probed the back of his head with careful fingers and hissed at the contact.

"No shit, Sherlock." Dean answered but sighed in relief. So far Sam looked fine. More or less. Cas on the other hand ...

Dean looked over to his friend who had failed to come around by now.

"What did she do to Cas?" He asked, by now really worried about the angel. Sam sat up slowly but he seemed steady for the moment so Dean shuffled over to Cas. "I can't make any sense out of that shit." Over his shoulder he gestured at the altar.

"It was meant to kill me." Sam said, holding his head in both hands but his speech was clear and he remembered what had happened, that was good. "He got stabbed instead."

Dean peeled the shirt off the wound. A puncture wound. It hadn't bled that much, just a smear on the shirt, but there was still that blackish goo.

"We should clean this out." He decided. He wasn't sure if that would do anything but it was at least something he could do. "You okay for a sec?" He glanced at Sam who still sat on the floor with his head in his hands and a miserable expression on his face.

Sam didn't answer but gave him a short nod.

"I get the holy water. Back in a minute." He promised but knew he wouldn't make it in a minute. If he had the chance he would sit right there with Sam, holding his head and feeling miserable, but it looked like he was the last man standing so he better got his ass moving. Usually he would have sprinted up the stairs, now he was happy that he didn't need to set both feet on one step like a toddler. He did need the wall and the handrail to steady himself, though.

When he came back with the holy water and the first aid kit a few minutes later, nothing had changed in the basement. Amy was still dead and that was the only good thing about the situation. Sam had inched closer to Cas but still looked like he would keel over any second and Cas hadn't moved at all.

Dean sank to his knees on Cas' other side and checked his breathing first. It was still there, steady and even.

"Okay, let's see if this does any good." He poured a bit of the water over the wound. It washed away the blood and the goo and it even bubbled a bit but it didn't get into the wound, not deep enough to wash it all out anyway. "Dammit, Cas. You can't do anything the easy way, can't you?"

"What do we do now?" Sam asked and they both knew there were only two options. They could leave it like this, hoping that Cas would come around eventually, or they could flush the wound properly and hope that that would help him heal. "That's some potent stuff. Said it would kill me slowly over hours. Dunno what it does to an angel."

Dean was pretty sure that any other angel wouldn't even be effected by this but Cas was a different case. His condition was special and they had no idea what that meant here.

"I'll feel better when that stuff is out of his system." Dean reached for his knife. He waited a second to see if Sam would protest but he just nodded and shifted to place his hands on Cas' shoulders. Not that he would be able to hold him down if Cas really wanted to get away, not even under best conditions and Sam was far from best condition at the moment, but maybe it would help to ground Cas. Probably not.

"Sorry, Cas." Dean said without getting an answer before he placed the tip of the knife directly on the small wound. He had to widen the channel to flush it properly which meant he had to cut directly into Cas' chest.

Letting out a breath Dean pressed down. For a second he thought Cas would stay out cold long enough for him to finish this but then the angel came to life. He arched his back from the floor, impaling himself deeper on the knife, and his mouth opened to a toneless cry.

"It's okay, Cas. It's okay." Dean held the knife steady, he didn't want to stab too deep, and Cas sank back down with a grunt of pain. His eyes snapped open.

"Hey." Sam said, bringing his face into Cas' line of view. "It's us. It's okay."

Dean doubted that stabbing his friend counted as okay but he couldn't back off now. He took the knife out and reached for the holy water.

"Cas." He tried to get the angel's attention. "This is going to hurt."

He didn't give Cas time to respond and poured the water into the wound. With his other hand he spread it open even farther to get the water in as deep as possible. The water ran dirty over his chest, washing away the poison. It sizzled and bubbled so it was doing its work but that also meant that it hurt like hell.

Sure enough, after a shocked second Cas thrashed.

For a moment they were able to hold him down but then Cas swayed Sam away with one uncoordinated flail with his arm and then Dean went flying as well. He crashed into the altar which knocked the wind out of him. Stars burst in front of his eyes, his head exploded in pain and he had to fight to stay conscious.

"Son of a bitch." Dean muttered and considered just staying where he was, lying on the floor in the trashed remains of the altar. It sounded like a good idea.


	18. Chapter 18

Cas hit Sam across the chest with his arm and swatted him away like he weighted nothing. On instinct Sam rolled in to himself and managed to protect his head when he slid over the floor and crashed into something solid. He had to fight to stay conscious, his head felt like it finally had cracked open, but he blinked against the dizziness and breathed against the nausea. It felt like more than just a concussion but he didn't dare to think too closely about that possibility.

On the other side of the room he saw Dean lying in the remains of the altar and he wasn't getting up so that was bad but Sam was busy with staying awake himself right now and he couldn't even get back to his feet just yet so he couldn't get over to Dean and check on him. No matter how badly he wanted to.

"Dean." He tried to at least call out to his brother but there wasn't enough air in his lungs for more than a whisper.

Sam blinked and blinked again and then a figure came into view. His vision was blurry but he recognized the color of the coat.

"Cas?" Sam asked.

Cas didn't answer and crouched down in front of him instead, placing a hand on his chest. Angelic light washed through his body, taking away the pain. His body wasn't completely healed, Sam could tell and he wasn't looking forward to the bruises he would sport tomorrow, but his head felt much better and his vision was clear now. Clearer at least.

"Thanks, Cas." He mumbled and decided to just lay here for a moment longer.

Cas nodded at him and then went over to Dean who was at least moving again by now. Sam didn't see the healing light so Dean wasn't hurt that badly.

However, he had to be not quite himself yet otherwise he would have protested a hell of a lot more when Cas just scooped him up and carried him upstairs bride-style. Sam bit back a laugh, he didn't trust his head enough for that just yet, and slowly scrambled to his feet to follow them. He made it to the base of the stairs by the time Cas was back to get him.

"You're not carrying me." Sam felt the need to say but he did allow the angel to steady him around his waist and to duck under his arm. This way Sam could at least pretend that Cas wasn't carrying all his weight.

They made their way slowly up the stairs and through the house. By the time they reached the Impala Sam just wanted to lay down and sleep it off. Too bad the back seat was occupied by Dean who sleepily blinked up at him but otherwise seemed to be content with just lying there. He really must feel like shit if he didn't sit up at least. It was too dark to really see his face but he did look like shit, Sam had to admit but doubted he himself looked any better.

Cas opened the passenger side door and with a sigh Sam slipped into the seat.

"One scratch ..." Came Dean's voice from the back when Cas sat down in the driver's seat and reached for the ignition. Over the rear view mirror Cas made eye contact with Dean.

"I'll be careful." He promised with earnest in his voice. The engine purred to life and Sam made himself more comfortable in the seat. He found a bundle of clothes in his lap, he had no idea where it came from, but it probably was a good idea to put at least a shirt on. He struggled his way into one button down shirt and used the rest as a pillow when he leaned his head against the window.

Knowing that Cas would drive them home safely he drifted off to sleep.

He woke up when the car stopped and one quick look around told him that they were at a gas station. Cas was nowhere in sight so they must have been here long enough for him to fill the tank and now he was inside to pay. An uneasy feeling settled in his stomach but then Cas came in view. He was inside the store with a small basket in hand.

"I'll never get used to seeing him like this." Dean said quietly from the back seat. Sam didn't turn his head to check on his brother and kept his eyes on Cas instead. He looked so normal, so human, like this. He paid for the stuff in his basket and the gas and a minute later he was back at the car.

Seeing them both awake he handed Sam the bag with the things he bought and then started the car.

"Do you want to stop for the night or shall I drive through?" Cas asked and eased the car back on the road. Sam handed his brother a bottle of Mountain Dew and took one for himself. They locked their eyes for a moment and Sam could tell that Dean's body was aching just like his own did but he also knew the answer to Cas' question.

"Bring us home." He answered for both of them. He was longing for a bed to stretch out and sleep for at least a week but he wanted to do that in his own bed and not some random motel with a lumpy mattress and questionable strains all over.

Sleeping in the car hadn't been comfortable since his growth-spurt at age sixteen but it was always oddly comforting and even if he got out cramped and with kinks in his spine later, he would rather sleep here than elsewhere.

Cas just tilted his head in acknowledgment and kept on driving.

Sam's throat felt dry like he'd snored which he probably had and his head still pounded in unison with his heartbeat. So he nursed the bottle of much needed liquid without moving his head too much.

With a sigh he searched for a more comfortable position in the seat, ready for a long ride. With luck they would reach the bunker by noon.

Dean tapped him on the shoulder but didn't break the comfortable silence and without a look at him Sam handed the bag over. To the rustling of a candy bar wrapper Sam drifted back off to sleep.

At some point during the night Cas and Dean switched places. Sam rose just enough to wonder if Dean was in the condition to drive but as always Dean brought them safely through the night.

"I think I should have skipped that one cookie." Sam groaned, still feeling the unnatural pull of sleep on him.

"One cookie?" Dean glared at him but with amusement in his voice. Of course Cas had healed him more, Sam thought. But Dean was the one who had the overdose of spiked cookies so he didn't blame Cas for overreacting. He would have done the same and at the moment he was too tired to worry about Cas wasting his grace. And he had to heal himself, too, Sam remembered already halfway back to sleep.

The reached the bunker shortly after noon and one of the first things Dean did, after he got a much needed shower and fresh clothes, was sandwiches for all of them.

Except for the cookies neither of them had more than the energy bars and chips Cas had bought on the road the whole day so they needed food but Sam still felt too shitty to be hungry.

He did eat his sandwich, though, just to satisfy Dean. After that and a hot shower Sam retreated to his room with a book. His concussion was gone, yes, but there was still the lingering headache and he just felt stiff and sore in general.

Dean didn't look better so it didn't surprise Sam when he and Cas retreated to Dean's room as well.

If Sam could have his way they would stay in the bunker for at least a week to rest and recharge but for now he would take what he could get.

They still needed to find Claire. Now more than ever, Sam didn't want to think about what their little adventure had cost Cas.

Sam made himself comfortable with the book on the bed but he was fast asleep before he had turned the first page.

He was dreaming, he knew that.

Sam sat on the hood of the Impala parked somewhere in the fields with no sign of civilization in sight and a beautiful sky above. He leaned back to look up at the stars and took a sip of the beer he had in hand. Dean was somewhere near by, he knew that, even if he couldn't see his brother right now. It was peaceful and he felt content with the dream.

However, this was too nice to be real. Sam sat up and let the beer drop to the ground to have his hands free. Dean was still nowhere in sight and even if he had the feeling that his brother was close, Sam knew he wouldn't see him around here. Not in this dream.

Sam slipped off the hood and spread his hands while he made a slow turn around.

"Show yourself." He barked into the night.

"How did you know?" Hannah stepped into his line of view.

Sam dropped his arms and dared to breathe easier. He didn't trust her, of course not, but he didn't get the feeling what she was here to harm him.

"This trick's getting old." He answered her question. "What do you want?"

"You said you need to find Claire Novak." She stepped closer, the bright light of the Impala's headlights illuminating her in sharp lines. "She's not in Heaven."

Sam wasn't sure if that counted as good or bad news. They needed her alive so it was probably good but it didn't help him with actually finding her.

"Thank you." Sam said, it didn't hurt to be polite but it was kind of odd that Hannah went through the trouble with entering his dream just for that bit of information. The angels weren't as powerful as they used to be anymore.

"I did, however, find her on Earth." Hannah continued.

"You what?" Sam had to asked back. "It thought with the fall you couldn't do that anymore."

"That is right." She confirmed and now a little smile ghosted over her lips. "But I remembered how you found Josiah and combined with our abilities I managed to locate her. These are the coordinates you should find her at." She held out a piece of paper. Reluctantly Sam took it.

"Why are you helping us?" He didn't get it. When he'd met her in Heaven she had been focused on the war between the angels and hadn't really cared about the fate of some random humans in the crossfire. She had come off as distant and cold, the typically angel to whom emotions was an abstract concept. And he still got that vibe from her, it reminded him of an early Cas if he was honest. So her help came as a surprise and the paranoid part of his mind was looking for the strings attached.

"Castiel is my friend, my brother." She repeated her explanation she had him given the other day. "What he did for us … I can't just let him die." For a second she looked like she wanted to say something more but then she was just gone.

Nodding to himself Sam unfolded the piece of paper and memorized the coordinates. This was a dream, the paper wouldn't make it back to the real world. When he was sure that he would be able to recall the numbers, Sam went back to his beer and sat down on the hood of the Impala again.

"Hey, man." Dean joined him and together they just sat there for a long time, watching the stars.


	19. Chapter 19

It was the middle of the day when Sam went to his room with a book but Dean doubted he would read. So Dean decided that he could go with a nap as well. He'd spent half the night and the whole morning driving and he was still banged up from their encounter with the witch. Damn, he hated witches.

Cas followed him as if he was afraid to let Dean out of his sight, not that Dean minded, and as soon as the door closed behind them, Dean's lips were on Cas'. He wanted, needed, to feel the angel close by, making sure that he was alive and real.

"Never do that to me again." Dean mumbled into the kiss and Cas just nodded and kissed him back more deeply. "I thought you were dead."

"I'm here." Cas said and his arms closed around Dean, holding him tight.

"I had to cut you." That was something Dean didn't want to do ever again. His hand slipped under Cas' shirt, searching for the wound but all he found was smooth skin. "I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you." Dean mouthed his way along Cas' jawline and down his neck.

"You had to." Cas assured him and guided him over to the bed. Looked like the nap had to wait for a little while longer. Dean brought their hips together, his cock starting to swell with interest.

Without haste they undressed and then slipped under the covers naked. By then Dean was hard and aching and all he wanted to do was to bury all his worries deep in Cas.

The Mark whispered to him. Take him, mark him. But Dean held back. As badly as he wanted to follow through with that, he would never just take Cas. Not as long as he wasn't absolutely sure that Cas wanted it too.

Dean slipped a hand under the covers, fingertips following the line of Cas' side and hip until he could close his fingers around Cas' stiffening cock.

"I know how to get you up and ready." Dean said not without pride and gave Cas' cock a stroke. So far they hadn't done much in bed but it was enough for Dean to know that Cas needed more encouragement to get it up but Dean had no problem with giving him the extra care he needed.

Cas mirrored his actions and Dean bit his lip when he felt Cas' fingers around his cock. For a second he forgot what he was doing, just enjoying the gentle strokes and the light brush of Cas' thumb over the tip. He was a fast learner.

"How do you want to do this?" Dean started moving his hand again and tried to match it with the pace Cas was setting. "You want to be inside me again?" He purred the words in Cas' ear and it didn't fail to make him shiver.

"Don't you like it better the other way around?" Cas asked with confusion in his voice. Confused was pretty much Cas' default setting so Dean just kissed him once more and upped his effort in the downstairs department. By now Cas' cock lay heavy in his hand and a drop of precome had emerged from the slit.

We're getting somewhere here, Dean thought with a grin.

"I do prefer to top." Dean finally answered. It broke the mood a little but they had to discuss this before they could go on with what they were about to do. "But once in a while …" Dean shrugged and bit back a groan when Cas experimented with twisting his hand in the upstroke. Topping would be out of question if he continued like that, Dean realized and couldn't care less. Coming in Cas' hand would be pretty awesome too. He lost his train of thought for a moment, face buried in Cas' neck, hips bucking into the tight fist.

Then he remembered that he had a job to do as well and reached for Cas' erection again. He'd only let go of it for a second but that had been enough for it to wilt a little.

"We don't have to do that at all if you're not comfortable with it." Dean offered because what he was feeling in his hand didn't really count as enthusiasm to the idea of anal. "Lot's of other stuff we can do."

Banning all thoughts of his own pleasure from his mind, which was a hard task with Cas still jacking him off like a pro, Dean focused on returning the favor to Cas. But quite the opposite happened. Cas softened under his touch and now his hand dropped from Dean, leaving him unfinished, but that was the last thing on Dean's mind right now.

"I'm sorry." Cas mumbled and avoided his eyes. "But you can ..." He rolled to his back and spread his legs in a silent invitation, still not looking at Dean.

Dean swallowed hard at that and now his arousal was wilting rapidly as well.

"We don't have to do anything if you don't want to." He said, ignoring the voice in the back of his mind screaming at him to just take him. To make him want it, to force him through an orgasm if he had to.

"But you ..." Cas made a helpless gesture in the general direction of Dean's crotch.

"This is not about what I want." Dean dropped to his back as well. "This is about us. If we're not both into it, we're not doing it."

For a moment he just lay there and stared up at the ceiling, catching his breath. Then he turned back to his side to face Cas but the angle had rolled to his other side with his back to Dean. He curled in to himself as if he wanted to hide from Dean.

"It's okay." Dean inched closer until he was spooning him. Cas had enjoyed this before but now Dean held his breath, waiting for his reaction. When Cas didn't push him away he reluctantly slung his arm around Cas' middle.

Cas didn't react, he just lay there stiff as a board, but then he reached for Dean's hand and entwined their fingers.

Cas relaxed in his arms and Dean placed a kiss on his bare shoulder.

"If you're not in the mood, you're not in the mood." Dean felt the need to emphasize. "I know I'm a horndog but you don't have to go along with that if you don't want to."

Inwardly Dean cringed to that, this was way more talking about stuff like this than he was comfortable with but the way Cas had reacted he had to make this point clear. Just because Dean was horny, Cas didn't have to oblige.

"I want to." Cas said quietly, tightening his hold on Dean's hand. "But ... I don't know what I want."

"It's okay." Dean repeated and left a trail of little kisses on his bare flesh from the curve of his shoulder up to the soft spot behind Cas' ear. This wasn't about sex. It was sensual, yes, but Dean knew that Cas wasn't in for sex right now. This was about reassurance, about comfort and love, cheesy as it sounded.

Dean took the earlobe between his lips and sucked and nibbled before he let go with a quick lick along the rim. Cas shivered under his attention and relaxed farther with a soft sigh.

"I could sleep now." Dean buried his nose in the short hair in Cas' neck and shifted until he'd found a comfortable position. He had come here with the intention of taking a nap anyway and seconds later he drifted off to sleep.

When he woke up, Cas had turned around and was studying him with his eyes wide and something like amazement on his face.

"I told you that's creepy." Dean muttered but didn't turn away. Instead he locked eyes with Cas. God, he could get lost in those blue eyes and he was really glad that Sam didn't know what kind of cheap romance stuff was going on in his mind. His cheeks heated and he turned away before Cas could see him blushing.

"I like watching you sleep." Cas said in his earnest voice, still staring at him, he could feel it.

"You're impossible, you know that?" Dean gave him a side glance and then craned his neck to bring their mouth together. Just to stop the staring, of course. "What time is it?"

In the bunker it was hard to tell the time but he felt like he'd slept for several hours.

"Almost seven." Cas answered without looking at any watch.

"That's why I'm so hungry." Dean flopped back into the pillow not quite ready to leave the warmth of the bed. They were both still naked but at the moment he just enjoyed having Cas here with him without any thoughts of sex.

He rolled over so that he lay on top of Cas, their naked bodies now flush against each other, bare skin on bare skin. Bracing himself on his elbows he studied Cas face for a long moment while Cas just lay there and let him do whatever he wanted. The look he gave Dean was full of love and trust and Dean couldn't believe that it was directed at him.

They met once again for a deep kiss, slow and loving without the urge of more behind it. Cas had spread his legs so that Dean could fit in between them and their crotches met in the most delicate way but this wasn't about that either. With the contact Dean felt his cock rise but when he didn't feel a similar reaction coming from his partner, he rolled off Cas before he was more than half-hard. If Cas noticed that he didn't say anything.

Dean rolled out of bed and got dressed while Cas stayed in bed, watching him.

"Like what you see?" Dean put on a little show but it was just for fun, they both knew that. "Take your time, I'll see what I can put together for dinner."

With that he left and headed for the kitchen. Looked like Sam was still sleeping but Dean saw no need to wake him before dinner was ready anyway. The kid could use some sleep.

Humming to himself Dean started cooking but with his hands busy his mind was free and it came up with things he didn't want to think about. Like what had happened in bed earlier.

He knew he shouldn't read too much into that, Cas hadn't been in the mood, that was it, but he had the nagging feeling that there was more. He couldn't put his finger on it but when he thought about his relationship with Cas … he couldn't shake off the feeling that there was something wrong. Something about the sex.

Dean sighed to himself. He hoped that it was something that would sort itself out on its own but when had he ever been lucky with that?

One thing was certain, though. He didn't want to fuck this up. With his previous relationships, if those were even worth the term, he hadn't really cared if it lasted or not. If it worked out, it worked out, if not, he moved on. Easy as that. But Cas was different.

Maybe he worried too much. He wanted it to be perfect and that was why he saw problems where there were none.

Cas joint him a few minutes later and Dean put him on onion chopping duty. They didn't talk, both focused on the task at hand, and Dean was fine with that. It was a comfortable silence.

Then Sam burst into the kitchen, hair still messy from sleeping and his clothes wrinkled but a broad grin on his face.

"I know where Claire Novak is."


	20. Chapter 20

Sam woke up with a start, fumbling for pen and paper before he even had his eyes open. He wrote down the coordinates he'd gotten from Hannah and double-checked that he got them right. Then he rushed out of the room to find his brother.

He found him and Cas in the kitchen, preparing dinner.

"I know where Claire Novak is." He burst out when he came to a skittering halt in the door.

"You what?" Dean turned around a spoon dripping with red sauce in hand.

"I know where Claire is." He repeated, somewhat fascinated by the red dripping. It looked like blood and he wondered if that was a bad omen. On the other hand, did they really need a bad omen for things to go sideways? They usually managed that just fine on their own.

"How did you find her?" Cas looked up from the onions he was chopping. "I thought she vanished without leaving a trace."

"Yeah, about that …" Sam cleared his throat and stepped farther into the kitchen. He probably should have told them about Hannah earlier. Why she had contacted him and not Cas he had still no idea, though. It would have been the logical step to go directly to Cas. Instead she had invaded Sam's head.

"Hannah told me." He said and braced himself for the questions.

"Hannah?" Dean asked immediately in his you-have-to-be-kidding voice. "When have you seen Hannah?" The way he asked Sam knew that he at least suspected the right answer.

"I met her the other day when we where on the road." Sam explained as casually as possible, it hadn't been that important with all the other stuff going on. He sighed, he should have mentioned it.

"What did she want?" Dean's focus was completely on him now, he didn't even notice that he was dripping red sauce all over the floor.

Sam glanced at Cas who watched him in curious silence. Dean followed his gaze and his eyes widened just that little bit that told Sam he understood.

"Oh." Dean made while Cas tilted his head in confusion over the attention he suddenly got from the brothers.

"What did she want, Sam?" Cas asked when the brothers failed to clue him in.

"She wanted to know if you're alright." Sam raked a hand through his hair. "I told her that we were looking for Claire and asked her if she could find out if her soul is in Heaven. You know, just to make sure that she's still alive." He hasted through the explanation without looking Cas in the eye.

"And now she visited you in your dream?" Dean came back to the initial question, glossing over the fact that obviously Hannah had only dropped in to check on Cas without letting him know.

"Yeah." Sam cleared his throat. "Looks like Claire is alive, which is good, and that Hannah has found her. She gave me the coordinates."

"How did she find her?" Of course Dean didn't just believe the good news. "For all we know she could send us on a wild-goose chase."

"Hannah wouldn't sent us to hunt geese." Cas interrupted and Sam couldn't help but exchange an amused glance with Dean. Metatron may have corrupted their pop culture clueless angel but some idioms he still didn't grasp and for some stupid reason Sam felt relieved every time Cas didn't quite get it.

"It's not an actual goose chase." Dean started to explain. "It means a pointless quest. To distract somebody for example."

Sam didn't blame his brother for that thought, more than once the angels had toyed with them, had sent them on a wild-goose chase, Balthazar and Bizarro TV world came to mind, but for some reason Sam doubted this was the case here. He had no reason to trust Hannah but he was at least willing to check out the information she gave him. What else could they do anyway?

"Where is it?" Dean turned back to Sam.

"Dunno yet." He raked his hand through his hair again and only now wondering what he looked like. Not that Dean hadn't seen him in worse conditions but with Cas around it was somewhat different. Sam and Dean had lived in each other's pocket all their life, there wasn't much they hadn't seen of each other and it took quite a bit to embarrass them when it was only the two of them. However, with Cas examining his bed-hair with that slightly curious look of his, Sam felt the urge to go back to the bathroom and find his brush. But for now his fingers had to do.

"We'll figure that out after dinner." Dean decided and turned back to the pot on the stove to stir the sauce. "Dammit."

Sam smirked when Dean used a wad of paper to clean up the floor.

"You could have mentioned that."

"I could have." Sam shrugged. "Anything I can help you with?"

"You can set the table." Was Dean's nice way to tell him to get out from under his feet. "Dinner's going to be ready in about half an hour."

Sam nodded to that and quickly set the table. After that he just made sure that he wasn't in the way and watched Dean and Cas preparing dinner. It was odd to see the angel doing ordinary tasks like these for Dean, always asking what to do next and then fulfilling the task with a set jaw as if his life depended on it. It was kind of adorable, seeing the two of them together like this.

Like Dean had promised they sat down for dinner half an hour later and this time Sam was actually hungry. And since they knew Claire's location, this was probably the last home cooked meal he'd get for a while, Dean never cooked on the road, so Sam enjoyed it as much as he could.

He did feel Cas' eyes on him and he knew what the angel was thinking about. Why had Hannah contacted Sam and not him?

That was a question Cas should ask her himself but for now Hannah was gone and they didn't know when or if she would come back again.

Turned out they had a good three days journey ahead and they decided to get on the road early the next morning.

Sam would have loved to start right after dinner but Dean didn't want to hear any of that. And he was right. All three of them, and it was kinda scary to include Cas in this, were still not up to one hundred percent after their encounter with the witch and they needed the rest.

"If she really is where Hannah said she is, we'll find her." Dean promised and Sam wanted to believe him. But truth be told, things rarely turned out in their favor.

They had slept all afternoon but turned in early in the evening to get the much needed rest. However, when Sam lay there in his bed, staring up to the ceiling, he couldn't sleep. Thoughts about Claire circled in his mind. How would she react when she saw her father's face again? Would she be willing to help?

With a sigh Sam let go of those thoughts, they could only wait and see. There was nothing he could do about it now.

Another thought came to mind, this one more personal. There was something going on between Cas and Dean. Over dinner Sam had noticed the way Dean looked at Cas whenever he thought the angel wouldn't notice and once in a while Cas had done the same, watching Dean with an expression Sam couldn't quite place.

He'd thought everything would be fine once they'd admitted their undying love for each other but he got the feeling that there was something on their minds. Not that it was any of Sam's business and they could work out their bedroom problems just fine without him, thank you very much, but it was obvious that there was something going on between them and that bugged Sam. Sometimes living in close quarters wasn't fun at all.

Sam turned to his side and tried to will himself to sleep but couldn't help but wonder if Dean and Cas were sleeping by now or if they were busy with something else. That thought generated some bleach-worthy images and with a groan Sam flopped back to his back.

In the end he switched the light on and grabbed his book, just to distract himself. At least he wasn't the one driving tomorrow so it didn't really matter if he slept that much this night or not.

Of course he was the first one awake in the morning. He used the chance for a long shower and then he set up the coffee maker. He had packed everything he would need for the trip already in the evening, not that he really needed that much packing, and now he had nothing else to do than to wait for the lovebirds to wake up.

Rereading the notes they had from the Men of Letters about the procedure of extracting grace from a former vessel, Sam made sure he knew everything he had to know. That he did that in the far corner of the library, as far away as possible from Dean's room, was purely by accident.

With the road-trip in mind Dean and Cas didn't sleep in that long and around nine they were on the road again. Dean behind the wheel with Sam next to him and Cas in the back seat. The last part still felt weird to Sam. Cas had been there before but now he was a constant presence and that was something he wasn't used to just yet. The way Dean glanced in the rear view mirror once in a while he felt the same.

There was urgency in this trip, they didn't know if Claire would stay were she was or if she was moving, so they skipped the first night and drove through. With three people taking turns it was less exhausting and Sam could get used to that. The second night, however, all of them were longing for a shower and a bed to stretch out in and food that wasn't bought at a gas station.

So in the evening, it wasn't even that late but nobody complained, Dean stopped at a motel.

"I'll get us rooms." Dean announced and got out of the car. Standing next to it he stretched and even through the closed door Sam heard his back popping. They weren't getting younger, he thought. But at the same time it was a miracle that they had it made past thirty in the first place. Kind of. He didn't want to think of that right now. They were alive now and that was all that mattered.

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed the way Cas was looking at Dean. Or at least the part of Dean he could see through the window. Dean shirts were ridden up from the stretching, he still wasn't done with that, maybe he was putting on a little show for Cas, and Sam had a good view on his brother's butt and lower back.

"Get the rooms, asshat." Sam yelled. If Dean wanted to tease Cas he could do that when Sam wasn't sitting right next to him. For good measure Dean wiggled his butt at the window before he finally sauntered off to get them their rooms.

Sam just shook his head in amusement.

"What is so funny?" Cas asked and Sam lost it at that.

"Dean." He chuckled around the word.

"Did he make you uncomfortable?" Cas leaned forward, forearms braced on the seats in front of him.

"Not more than usual." Sam hurried to say. He didn't want to destroy something here with a wrong word. "It's good that you two finally have this. Trust me, I can survive Dean wiggling his butt at me."

Cas raised an eyebrow to that but didn't say anything.

"At least this time he isn't farting when he does it." He muttered to himself, thinking back to their teenage years when farts had been the most hilarious things in the world. Not that that had changed for Dean since then.


	21. Chapter 21

Dean was kind of relieved when they drove the night through. With Sam in the car with them the conversation stayed at a light-hearted level with nothing too personal and Dean was just fine with that.

He probably shouldn't read too much into what had happened, or in this case what not had happened, the night before.

Cas hadn't been in the mood, no big deal. Dean only wished Cas had told him and didn't try to carry through with something he wasn't totally on board with. Sure, Dean liked sex and Cas knew that but that shouldn't lead to Cas agreeing to it just to please Dean, that wasn't how it worked. And with Cas Dean wanted it to work out. This wasn't a one night stand, this wasn't some no strings attached fun, this was Cas and Dean didn't want to fuck it up.

So he was happy with driving through the night and to sleep in the back seat for a few hours when it had been Cas' turn to drive but he woke up stiff and with an aching back that clearly told him that he wasn't as young as he used to be anymore. Mid-thirties wasn't old but it wasn't twenty either.

When he saw the vacancy sign of a motel in the late afternoon, Dean didn't thought twice about it and stopped. He needed to get out of the car, at least for a little while. Not that Sam would admit it but if he read his posture right, his brother felt the same. Hell, with his freakishly long legs folded in the foot room he had to be uncomfortable the second he got in the car but Sam was denying that for twenty years now so Dean didn't mention it anymore.

Dean stretched and with little pops his vertebra snapped back to its normal position. Only then it occurred to him that Cas and Sam must have a good view on his butt, not that he minded Cas' eyes on him and he put on a little show just for his little angel. His brother just had to live with it, Dean decided, and commented Sam's annoyed yell at him with a wiggle of his butt in his brother's direction. Smirking to himself Dean made his way over to the office to get their rooms.

The woman behind the counter looked at him with a little smile playing over her lips when he entered the office. She eyed him openly from head to toe and Dean eyed back.

Plump lips, full hair that framed her face quite nicely and as far as he could tell, her lower half was hidden behind the counter, she had a really nice figure as well, soft and round just where he liked it.

"Hello, there." She greeted him and her smile grew wider when he came closer. "One room?" She bit her lower lip with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Dean got his wallet out and for a moment he let himself enjoy the view she gave him at her cleavage when she leaned forward to push the book to sign in towards him. Purely by accident, he bet and licked his lips as well. He was with Cas now and he would never cheat on him, he wasn't that kind of guy, but he wasn't dead either. A little flirting, a little fun, there was nothing wrong with that.

"Make that two." He remembered the question and teared his eyes off her body and focused on the book in front of him instead. "A single for my brother and a double for me and my boyfriend." It was weird to address Cas like that and he did feel his cheeks heat up a little. "And not directly next to each other, if you know what I mean." He winked at her.

"Darn." She muttered under her breath but in a kind way. Dean had seen the not so kind way when he'd been with a man before. Not that often but it happened. Maybe it would happen more frequently now that he was openly with Cas.

"Sorry." Dean smiled at her warmly. "Maybe I should have send in my brother, he's single." He offered and now she shook her head in amusement.

"Room two and seventeen." She turned around to get the keys. "Is that far enough apart?"

"That should do." He took the keys and his fingers brushed over her hand.

"Keep in mind that we have other guests as well." She reminded him. She told him the price and he searched in his wallet for the right bills. For some reason he didn't want to use one of his credit cards here anymore.

"Don't worry, we won't scare them off." He answered playfully and handed her the money. He doubted they would do anything more than sleep in the room. At least for tonight. With the keys in hand he turned to leave but hesitated at the door.

"Any recommendations where we could get something to eat?" He asked. After almost two days of crappy gas station stuff, food wasn't the right word for that, he longed for a good burger and a cold beer.

"Try Barney's down the street." She pointed in the general direction. "Decent food without a side of salmonella."

"Thanks." He grinned at her.

The food was good and they had pool tables at Barney's so Dean used the chance to hustle some money. Nobody got pissed and they left the bar a few hours later well fed and in a good mood.

"See you in the morning." Dean waved after Sam who had to walk quite a bit farther to get to his room.

Then Dean was with Cas alone in their room, the big double bed standing accusingly in the middle. Dean tried to not look at it and peeled himself out of his jacket and kicked off his boots instead.

"You want first shower?" Dean asked and sighed in relief when Cas agreed and disappeared in the bathroom. This was stupid. They would sleep in the same bed, they would probably cuddle, why Cas was so fond of that Dean had no idea but he wasn't complaining as long as Sam didn't find out, and that was it. He wasn't even in the mood for more and so far Cas hadn't shown any signs that he was either.

Dean sighed to himself and went to search his bag for the things he would need in the bathroom and his sleepwear. He dropped the latter back into the bag when the bathroom door opened and Cas stepped out, toweling his hair but otherwise naked. He didn't seem ashamed or even doing this for Dean, he was fully focused on drying his hair without a second thought on how this must look to Dean.

Dean swallowed thickly and now he was getting in the mood. Just a little bit.

"Bathroom's yours." Cas informed him and threw the towel back into said room before he stepped to the side to let Dean through.

"Man." Dean teared his eyes off Cas' body, not too much muscle but lean and strong, just how he liked it, and stepped closer. "Don't do this to me." He leaned in for a kiss and Cas' lips parted willingly under his. Licking along his bottom lip Dean drew this out, not in the mood for just a quick peck. Cas tasted like toothpaste which wasn't the most sexiest taste in the world but it wasn't bad either and this was Cas so it was fine anyway. Dean slung his arms around him, drawing him closer until their bodies met, never breaking the kiss. Cas' tongue darted out, playfully fighting its way into Dean's mouth and after a second of teasing Dean let him in.

Still fully clothed Dean felt his cock rising and his jeans felt tight now but where their hips were pressed against each other he didn't feel Cas reacting the same way. The kiss was sensual and deep and Cas' hands roamed his back and carded through the short hair in his neck but Dean didn't get the feeling that this would lead to something more.

"Shower." He mumbled and brought their foreheads together with one hand cupping Cas' head. They stood like that for a moment longer, bodies pressed together and foreheads toughing, breathing the same air.

Then Dean brought their lips together for another quick kiss before he slipped into the bathroom. With his back against the closed door he had to catch his breath for a moment. The air was still warm and wet from Cas' shower and Dean tried to not think about water running down Cas' perfect body, over the curve of his hip and butt. Dean shook his head to get rid of the image and hurried to get out of his clothes.

Looking down at himself he had to make a tough decision now. Should he jerk off in the shower or not? He wasn't sure what Cas wanted, what he expected from him. Should he take care of his hard-on himself or had Cas something in mind for when Dean came out of the bathroom? He had no idea.

With a sigh Dean stepped under the hot spray and let the water massage the kinks out of his neck. Sitting in the car for days wasn't as much fun anymore as it used to be. And if he was honest, he wasn't really looking forward to sleeping in a motel bed again. So far it looked clean but it didn't look that comfortable either. But Cas would be in bed with him and that made up for a lot.

Dean didn't jerk off in the shower and by the time he had toweled off his cock had come down to a half-hard state. For a second he thought about wrapping a towel around his waist for the way over to the bed but that would be ridiculous. So he just took a deep breath and opened the door.

Cas was already in bed but he sat propped up against the headboard with the blanket pooling around his waist, waiting for Dean. Straightening his shoulders Dean walked over and slipped under the covers and didn't show the relief he felt when the covers did what they were supposed to do and covered his private parts.

"Would you like to try again?" Cas asked in his blunt way while he slid down until he lay next to Dean on his side, one hand on Dean's bare chest. Of course he'd seen Dean's half-erection, hard to miss when he was walking around naked, but the way Cas asked set off the alarms in Dean's mind.

"Do you?" He asked back and angled his head to see Cas' expression. It was kinda frustrating that Cas didn't seem to be able to vocalize what he wanted. At least in bed. Outside he never had a problem to get whatever he wanted.

Instead of an answer Cas slipped his hand under the covers. His fingertips ghosted over Dean's hip and then his hand came to a rest on Dean's upper thigh. Not exactly on his groin but close enough for Dean to get the intention. His cock for sure got the idea.

"Cas, we can just sleep." He said and closed his eyes when Cas painted small circles with his thumb on his skin. "We don't have to do anything."

Dean shifted so he could reach for him. Laying on their sides it was perfect to follow along Cas' side and over the curve of his hip. Mirroring Cas' actions Dean didn't outright go for his private parts and with the covers up to their waists he couldn't see what was going on down there but he made sure to come close enough to get an idea if Cas was into this or not.

His cock lay soft between his legs and Dean wasn't surprised.

"C'mere." He slung his arm around Cas and drew him closer. "I'm tired. Let's just sleep."

For a second it looked like Cas wanted to protest but then he nodded and Dean thought he saw relief washing over the angel's face.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this before Claire came back on the show so this is my interpretation of her.

Sam didn't hear from Hannah again which he counted as a good sign. At least it meant there was no trouble going on, at least nothing they could help with. As far as he knew she didn't make contact with Cas either and he wasn't sure what to think of that. They were friends, family even, and Hannah had been second in command when Cas had led his army against Metatron. Her sudden silence was odd. But maybe she was just busy with reorganizing heaven and didn't have time for visits. She wasn't as adapted to human behavior as Cas was so she probably didn't know that friends were allowed to drop in once in a while just to say hallo. Not that Cas had grasped that concept fully by now.

They made good time to their destination but then it took them half a day to hunt Claire down to a cheap apartment complex. She wasn't exactly hiding, that was why they did find her that quickly, but she wasn't drawing attention to herself either. Smart girl.

Dean parked the car and Sam craned his neck to have a look at the building in front of him. It reminded him of the cheap places college students used to rent. He didn't know if Claire attended to a college here or what else she was doing now but he was about to find out.

"Ehm, Cas." Dean spoke up after a moment of silence. "Maybe it's better if you stay here for the moment. Seeing you ..." He paused and cleared his throat. "You know ... might freak her out."

Sam had to agree to that, he'd thought the same earlier.

"I think that would be for the best." Cas agreed after a moment of consideration. "I don't want to ... freak her out."

"I call you when it's safe to come upstairs." Dean promised and reached for the door.

Claire lived on the third floor.

"What do we say?" Sam asked when they climbed the stairs. They still didn't know for sure if the young woman living here actually was Claire but chances were good that they had found her. But what now?

Dean shrugged. "We play it by the ear." _Like always_ , hung unspoken in the air and Sam nodded. Like always he checked that he had his gun on him and ready as well. Just in case.

When they stood in front of the door Sam took a deep breath.

_Here goes nothing_ , he thought and then rang the door bell.

A moment later the door opened and a young woman looked at them, confused for a moment but then she recognized them and tried to slam the door shut. Dean was quick enough to catch the door before it hit him in the face.

_Great start_. Sam gritted his teeth

"Claire." Sam said in his best calm voice. "We're just here to talk."

She fought with the door for a moment longer, not that she could do much with Dean standing right in the middle of it. Her hair fell into her face with her hectic attempt and Sam thought he heard a small sob coming from her. So much for a calm conversation.

Realizing that she couldn't win against Dean she let go of the door and took a step back.

"Can we come in?" Dean asked and waited for her nod before he stepped fully inside. Sam followed him and closed the door behind them. At this point he was just glad that Claire hadn't screamed for help when two strangers were forcing their way into her apartment.

"What do you want?" She asked, one hand in her hair in the fruitless attempt to bring it back in order.

When he had last seen her she had been a little girl. Now she was a young woman, shy to twenty if he wasn't mistaken. It spoke for itself that she'd recognized them but on the other hand, they had made big news once or twice since then, that probably had kept the memory fresh.

"We're just here to talk." Sam repeated and followed her over to the living room slash kitchen. The door to the small bathroom was ajar but there was nobody in there and a second door he assumed led to the bedroom was closed. Looked like she was alone. The apartment was small and obviously meant for one person and so far he hadn't seen anything indicating a friend or a roommate.

"You happened to be in the neighborhood?" She asked with bitterness in her voice. "What do you want?" She turned around, arms crossed over her chest and her jaw set. She was clearly her father's daughter, Sam recognized a few of Cas' or better Jimmy's features in her face.

"How are you doing?" Dean ignored her comment and Sam could tell he really meant the question, it wasn't just something to break the ice. The last time they had seen her was years ago when she'd left with her mother in a stolen car. When she'd left her old life behind and had to start a new one on the ruins of what was left.

Sam knew what it felt like to be possessed by an angel but at least he knew what that meant. Claire had only been a child at that point. Back then she couldn't grasp what was happening, he doubted she could now. When she'd said yes to Castiel she didn't have a clue what she'd been agreeing to. And then her father sacrificed himself for her. She may have not understood it fully as a child but she had years to think about it.

She glared at Dean as if she wanted to tell him where to stick his concerns but then she crumbled and shook her head.

"I live." She said in a small voice. "Is my father ...?" She didn't finish the question and Sam doubted she knew what she wanted to ask here.

"Your father died years ago." Dean said before Sam had the chance to answer. "I'm sorry."

She nodded to that, not really surprised.

"Is that ... that thing still wearing his face?"

"Yes." Sam answered honestly. "His name is Castiel, he's an angel." He glanced over to Dean. "He's our friend and he needs your help."

"As if I could ever forget that name." She laughed at that, a harsh, bitter sound. "Why should I help him?" She took as step back, bringing some distance between them. "I saw what this _angel_ did. The people he killed, it was all over the news."

_That wasn't him_ , lay on Sam's lips but he didn't say it. Because it had been Cas, at least a part of him. It had been his choice to take on all the souls from Purgatory. It had been his choice to proclaim himself as the new god.

"Do you know how it feels to see something wearing your father's face doing something so awful?" She spit the words at them.

"I do." Sam and Dean said in unison and that threw her off for a second, she probably hadn't expected that answer.

Sam's mind didn't jump to the obvious, Dean chasing him through the bunker, it went back to that cabin years ago when Azazel wearing his father's face had tortured Dean.

Sam had thought about that night so many times over the years. Knowing what he knew now he wouldn't hesitate. He would shoot his own father. Back then he didn't and what did he get out of that? John had gained two more days and a trip to hell.

At that point that had been the most terrible thing that had happened to them. Today he would shrug it off and move on but then it had shaken their world. Seeing the familiar face of his father so full of hatred.

_God, have we been young and innocent_ , Sam thought. Same with Cold Oak and the Special Children. If he hadn't shown Jake mercy ...

Sam shook his head. There had been times when he had been the soulless thing wearing a familiar face. Times when he wouldn't have let an injured enemy behind. Times when he would have walked out of Cold Oak as the lone survivor five minutes after Azazel had explained the rules to him. Times when he had been the monster.

Next to him Dean cleared his throat, bringing Sam back to the here and now.

"Cas made some mistakes." Dean said when Sam failed to say something. "Some pretty bad mistakes, we all have. But he helped to save the world more than once. He is a good guy and he's dying."

Sam heard his voice break at the last bit but he doubted Claire could catch on to that.

"And what do you want from me?" Claire asked coldly but that didn't reach her eyes. She was wary but she was listening and that was all they could ask for.

"You have been his vessel." Sam spoke up. "If only for a few minutes."

"Thanks for reminding me of that." The bitterness was back and Sam wondered how it must have felt to a confused and frightened child.

"We think he left some of his grace in you." Dean explained.

Sam cringed to that, it sounded so wrong.

"He left what in me?" Claire raised her voice in disgust. "Are you saying I've still some of that thing in me?" She clutched the front of her shirt as if she could grab the remains of Cas and rip them out.

"It's nothing bad." Sam hurried to assure her but he remembered his own little freak out when Cas had revealed that he had been carrying around a piece of Lucifer for years. "It's not effecting you or anything. It's just a trace." There was no way to explain this in a way that didn't sound awful.

She glared at him for a moment before she took a shaky breath.

"Why can't it just be over?" She asked with too shiny eyes. "I just want it to be over."

"It is going to be over soon." Sam promised and that sounded so wrong, too. "We need that bit of grace. We can extract it and then there will be nothing left of Castiel in you. You can live your life and won't see us or him ever again."

She considered his words for a moment, doubt clearly written over her face.

"What if I say no?" She asked. She was a petite young woman alone with two big men, they could make her if they wanted to.

"We leave." Dean spread his arms to show that he wasn't armed. Which was a lie but Sam didn't call him out on it. "We won't force you or anything."

"Yeah, right. Your friend is dying and you would just leave if I say no. Sure." She backed off farther but in the small apartment she couldn't go far.

"We would never force you." Sam spoke for the two of them.

"Besides, Cas wouldn't want that." Dean added.

"Where is he?" She changed the topic but kept a wary eye on them.

"Outside." Dean answered. "We thought it would be better if we spoke to you first. We didn't want to shock you."

"You did a really good job at that." She countered but relaxed slightly. "Why should I help him?"

"He is going to die." Dean repeated and Sam could feel the knife cutting through Dean at those words. He felt the same. They had lost so many friends over the years, he didn't want to lose Cas as well.

"How exactly do you want to get his grace out of me?"

Sam wasn't sure where this was heading. She hadn't made up her mind yet, that much was clear, however, he doubted explaining the extraction process to her would work in their favor.

"With a needle." Sam cleared his throat and tried to not think of his own experience with said needle. "I won't lie, it's going to hurt. But it only takes a moment."

She thought about that for a moment.

"Can I talk to him?" She finally asked. "Alone?"


	23. Chapter 23

"You think this is a good idea?" Dean hissed, pacing up and down the hallway in front of Claire's apartment. Sam was leaning stoically against the wall, not showing concern in the slightest.

"Because I don't think this is a good idea." Dean said when his pacing brought him back to his brother. Sam just glared at him.

It was the only idea they had, good or bad, they had to go with it.

"What's taking them so long anyway?" Dean muttered. Cas had been in there for several minutes now. What could they possibly talk about that took so long? How much time did she need to decide if she wanted to let Castiel die or not.

Okay, they didn't know if there was even enough grace in Claire left for the spell to locate the rest of Cas' grace. Or if Metatron had told the truth and there was some of Cas' grace left out there to find. And even if so, was there enough left for Cas to survive?

Dean didn't care if Cas came out full angel or full human or anything in between as long as Cas came out alive. Dean wouldn't hesitate and hunt down angels to supply Cas with grace if that was what it took to keep him alive, and he couldn't even blame the Mark for that thought, but he knew that Cas wouldn't want that.

_Go in there and make her cooperate_ , a small voice in the back of his mind whispered and that was the Mark talking, he knew that. _Tie her down and take what you need._

He could do that. He was bigger and stronger and meaner. And he had a gun. He could stroll in and finish this here and now. And God, was that tempting. Partly it was the Mark but not all. He'd seen this part of himself in Hell, in Purgatory, he had this dark side, he knew that, had known for a long time.

He made a turn and paced back down the hallway, back to his brother. With his eyes on Sam the dark thoughts weren't that urgent anymore. He still wanted to do it but now he knew he wouldn't. A little smile ghosted over his face and he wondered if he had the same effect on Sam, if he was his consciousness. It was a nice thought but he doubted it. Sam had more of a consciousness than it was good for him some times.

"As long as they're talking." Sam said with a little shrug. "I take it as a good sign."

Dean gave him a doubtful look and walked past him, farther down the hallway before he reached the door to the stairs and had to turn. A part of him waited for Sam to snap and to tell him to park his ass somewhere. At least that would take his mind off the things going on behind the door he was passing now. He had tried to listen at it but he couldn't hear a thing.

"This is tough for her." Sam said and pushed himself off the wall. "Can you imagine what it feels like to loose your father like this only to see someone wearing his face years later? Asking you to save his life?"

They had lost their own father under bad circumstances and a part of Dean still hated the man for sacrificing his own life, his place in heaven, to save him. But this was a level of fucked up they hadn't reached. Yet. With their life he was never sure what fucked up thing would happen next.

"You saw her." Dean came to a halt next to his brother. "She's strong and she knows what's right and what's wrong. She'll make the right decision." This was total bullshit, he knew squat about the young woman holding Cas' life in her hands. He could only hope for the best.

And if he was honest, he didn't know what he would do if she said no. Come back during the night and make her? It was possible and he hated himself for even thinking about it.

Finally the door opened and Cas stepped out.

"And?" Sam and Dean were right in his face the same second.

"I think there is enough of my grace in her for the spell." He told them the unimportant bit.

"Is she going to help us?" Dean prompted him to tell the more important part.

"Yes."

Dean felt something loosen inside his stomach and he breathed easier. For some reason he pictured the Mark as something with hooks and chains, clawing its way deeper into his mind. But with that one word it backed off. At least for the moment.

"She wants you to come back in." Cas turned around and they followed him back to the living room.

Claire sat on the couch, dried tears on her face and a tissue clutched in her hand. Whatever they'd talked about, it had been emotional. When the three men came back in she hurried to wipe her face one last time, which did nothing to hide the puffy eyes and red nose, but Dean pretended he didn't notice.

"So." She cleared her throat. "How are we going to do this?" She sat up straighter, a challenging eye on them. Her eyes were red from crying but there was steel in the glance she gave them.

"We can do it right now." Sam offered. "We have everything we need in the car."

She nodded to that and Sam hurried out of the room to get the things he would need. Dean hadn't been with them when Cas had extracted the traces of Gadreel's grace from his brother and he had to say that he was curious. However, it wasn't a pleasant procedure, he knew that. Things like this were never pleasant.

The way Claire kneaded the tissue in her hand she knew that but she was still willing to carry through with this.

"When this is over, I don't want to see you ever again." She said and made eye contact with Cas.

"Of course." He agreed.

"And I don't want you to do it." That was directed at Cas as well.

"Sam's going to do it." Dean hurried to say. He got that she didn't want Cas to touch her, to come near her, and for sure she didn't want the thing wearing her dead father's face sticking a needle into her. He got that.

She looked over to him as if she only now remembered that she wasn't alone with Cas anymore. She chewed her bottom lip and for a second it looked like she wanted to say something but in the end she just sat there quietly while they waited for Sam to return.

At least they had everything with them so they could get out of Claire's hair soon and maybe she could finally leave this chapter of her life behind. Dean wondered where the mother was, he couldn't even remember her name. How did she cope? How did she feel when Cas went on his power trip to establish himself as the new god? Most of the stuff happening in their world didn't make big news. That one did.

He knew how it felt to see a familiar face, not only Cas', his own and Sam's as well on the news, but at least he'd always known what was going on. Claire and her mother had been totally clueless.

Thinking about it, she took all this pretty well.

Sam was back a minute later.

"You want to lay down for this?" He asked gently but his words lost the soothing effect when he pulled out a big ass syringe with an even bigger needle. Dean had seen it before, when Sam had packed everything they would need for this and the spell afterwards, but now he saw it with Claire's eyes. It was a wonder that she didn't faint or kick them out at that sight.

She just swallowed thickly with big eyes on the needle.

"Okay." She said hoarsely and then stretched out on the couch. Sam smiled at her and assured her that everything would be fine. It was a lie, nothing would ever be fine, not in their world, Dean knew that, but it helped to relax Claire and that was all that counted. And who knew, maybe she could still get out. He didn't know what kind of life she was living here. Was she a student at collage? Or was she just getting by with a job as a waitress or something? For all he knew she could be a hunter.

Dean jerked his head to indicate to Cas to follow him. It was probably better if Sam handled this on his own.

"Let's step outside for a moment." Dean said in a low voice while in the background Sam explained to Claire what he was about to do.

With one last look at Claire on the couch and Sam kneeling next to it, he and Cas left the room. The apartment wasn't big enough to give them some privacy so they stepped out in the hallway again.

"How long is this going to take?" Dean asked, already annoyed by this.

"As long as it takes." Came Cas' stoic answer. He stood there in the middle of the hallway, ready to stay like that for as long as it took. Dean glared at him and considered pacing again but he forced himself to stay at Cas' side.

"With any luck we'll know where your grace is in a few hours." He said just to fill the silence. There were a lot of ifs in that statement, they both knew that, but Dean needed to be optimistic here. They would find Cas' grace and there would be enough left to keep him alive. There was just no other option.

Cas didn't answer, there was nothing to say to that, and so they waited in silence for the next few minutes.

At one point he thought he heard a scream, bitten back and muffled, and that didn't help to calm his nerves. What if Sam was torturing this young woman for nothing? What if there was just not enough left for the spell? Dean didn't know how much they needed exactly. He only knew that Sam had almost died during this and in the end it hadn't been enough.

"It had been under different circumstances." Cas said out of the blue, unreadable eyes on Dean.

"What?"

"When I extracted Gadreel's grace from Sam." Cas clarified. "It has been under completely different circumstances."

Dean nodded to that, not sure if it was a good or a bad thing.

After what seemed like an eternity the door opened and Sam came out, something wrapped in a piece of cloth in his hand. The syringe, Dean guessed but couldn't make out if it was full or not. Not that he had any idea how full it needed to be. Was half-full enough?

"You got it?" Dean asked while at the same time Cas asked: "How is she?"

Sam looked from one to the other and in the last half an hour he'd grown some impressive bags under his eyes. It hadn't been easy on him either, Dean realized. Of course Sam remembered being the one at the other end of the needle which hadn't made it easier for him.

"She's sleeping now." Sam said with a sigh and started walking towards the stairs. After a quick glance around to make sure that they were alone, he unwrapped the syringe to show it to them. It was filled with the angelic light Dean associated with an angel's grace. He hated that stuff.

This didn't look different, swirling light in a glass cylinder, but it was different. This was Cas. Not just something belonging to him, this was a piece of his very existence. The closest thing to a soul an angel could have and Sam carried a tiny bit of it around in a syringe.

It felt wrong. Dean wanted to smash it, to set it free and give it back to Cas but he couldn't do that. They needed it for the spell to locate the rest of it.

They were about to destroy a piece of Cas and he didn't like it one bit.


	24. Chapter 24

Claire was sleeping by the time Sam had extracted all the grace from her. The way she had whimpered and screamed it was more likely that she'd just lost consciousness at some point but seeing her laying on the couch with a peaceful expression on her face, Sam wanted to believe that she was sleeping.

He checked her pulse just to make sure that she was okay. Her chest fell and rose in an even pattern and Sam sat back in relief. The syringe in his hand was almost full but he couldn't tell if it was more than they had gotten of Gadreel's grace or not. If this was enough or if he just had tortured Claire for nothing.

Kneeling next to the couch for so long, his legs had gone numb a while ago and now Sam struggled to get back to his feet. When he got the feeling back in his legs Sam grabbed a blanked and draped it over her still form. She didn't stir to that but he hadn't expected her to anyway. It was probably better if he was long gone when she woke up. Maybe she could shrug this off as a weird dream and move on with her life.

Yeah, as if, he thought bitterly and could only hope that this was her last encounter with the world of angels and demons. Once you set a foot in that world it was next to impossible to get back out, he knew that, he had tried, but she wasn't in as deeply as others. She might still have a chance.

"Thank you, Claire." Sam said with one last look at her face partly hidden by her hair and the blanket. Then he grabbed his things and left.

They needed a quiet place to do the spell so they drove around town until they'd found a motel. By then it was late in the afternoon and even if they were able to locate Cas' grace with the spell, it was too late in the day to do much about it. And Sam didn't want to rush into this blind, they didn't know what kind of traps Metatron had left for them.

Dean found them a motel a little bit above their usual standards but Sam didn't comment on it and neither did Cas. If he even noticed the upgrade. Sometimes he wasn't sure how much of their daily life the angel actually noticed and what he just filed under human behavior he didn't understand.

Sam went to his own room only long enough to drop his bag on the bed before he headed over to the room Dean and Cas shared. It was bigger and the last thing Sam wanted to do was to screw up the spell just because they didn't have enough room to do it properly. Besides, the burned stuff smelled, he knew that from experience, and he really didn't want to sleep in a room smelling like burned sulfur and resin. He doubted Cas actually cared about stuff like that and so far Dean didn't know so he couldn't protest. With a smirk on his face Sam entered the room.

Cas had already cleared the table and it didn't take long to set everything up. Now Sam could only pray that they had enough grace for this to work. Not that there was anybody listening to his prayers. He'd stopped that years ago when he'd realized that God didn't give a shit. The only ones picking up on prayers these days where the angels and usually they weren't willing to help anyway.

"Okay, let's do this." Sam had one last look at the things they'd set up to make sure everything was in order, then looked over to Cas to see if he had spotted something wrong but when the angel didn't indicate something like that, Sam started with the spell.

Dean was the one who hadn't seen this before so he stayed back and let his brother do the work but Sam felt his eyes on him. Spell-work had always been in the gray. Dean hated witches and Sam couldn't say that he himself was fond of them either. Witchcraft was dabbling with unknown forces and there was too much that could go wrong. One wrong word, one wrong ingredient and you could die easily. Or you could sell your soul to a demon without knowing it.

So they tried to avoid spells and magic in general as much as they could but sometimes it was the only way. Not that Sam liked it.

To his surprise the spell worked.

"That's at the other side of the country." Dean groaned when he had a look at the location the spell had revealed.

"At least it's on Earth." Sam muttered under his breath. He hadn't vocalized is concerns earlier but for all they knew Metatron could have hidden the grace somewhere in Heaven. Even Hell or Purgatory had been valid possibilities in his eyes. So Earth was good. Hell, this continent was good.

"We have time to get there." Cas spoke up. For long moments he'd just stared at the remains of the spell and Sam couldn't tell what was going on in the angel's head.

He remembered the feeling when Dean had told him that he wanted to shove Sam's soul back into him. He hadn't jumped in joy back then. But this was different, right? Cas knew that this was a good thing. He needed his grace to survive.

They cleaned up and then they headed out to find something for dinner. They hadn't really eaten all day and with the good news they felt like celebrating. At least Sam and Dean felt like celebrating. Cas tagged along but Sam got the feeling that there was a lot on the angel's mind. Not that he blamed him, this was big news for him.

A few beers, that was all Sam had in mind. Just relax for a bit and then he wanted to get back to his room and start the research on the location where the grace was hidden. Maybe there was something like the tree that had grown where Anna's grace had hit the ground. Or he could find something indication that Metatron had guarded it some way. Somehow he doubted that the angel would leave Cas' grace just laying around for anybody to pick up who happened to come along. That bastard was too tricky, he would have kept it save just in case he would need it as a bargain chip later. Which had turned out to be the case, only that Cas wasn't willing to make a deal with him.

So Sam wanted to be back in his room before midnight, probably earlier, but then Dean brought out the shots in the attempt to get Cas drunk. Which Sam had to admit was pretty hilarious. He'd seen drunk Cas before and it was a sight to see. So he stayed with the others and somehow Dean coaxed one shot after the other into Cas and Sam as well.

Sam hadn't felt comfortable with the amount of alcohol Dean used to consume but over the last few years he'd gotten better and this was only a one night's fun so Sam didn't say a word and tried to keep up with the pace Dean was setting.

Sam wasn't exactly a lightweight but he wasn't that used to alcohol either so it didn't take long for the shots to take effect. At least he was a happy drunk according to Dean. Right now Sam thought he was hilarious.

Cas drank everything Dean put in front of him and with his dimmed mojo it didn't take a liquor store to actually get him drunk. And drunk Cas was a snuggler, it turned out.

At least Sam was beyond caring when Cas inched closer to Dean with every shot he downed till he basically sat in Dean's lap, leaning heavily on him.

"No, Dean." He protested weakly when Dean ordered just another round. "I shouldn't."

Dean just laughed and raised his glass and after a moment of consideration Cas followed suit. They downed them like pros and then slammed the glasses on the table. Cas was a quick learner, Sam observed with amusement.

Then Cas leaned over and placed a kiss on Dean's lips. Stunned for a moment Dean just sat there but Sam could clearly see the moment his brother decided to don't give a fuck. He buried his hand in Cas' messy hair and they kissed deep and sloppy right in front of Sam.

"Get a room, you two." Sam yelled and threw a balled up napkin at them. Dean didn't break the kiss but gave him the finger. Sam snorted to that and decided that he was too drunk to care. As long as their hands stayed above the table ...

As if Dean was reading his mind his hand did slip under the table and Sam really didn't want to know what he was doing there.

"You do realize that we're in a bar." Sam felt the need to point out but he wasn't sure if the words came out of his mouth as clear as they had sounded in his head. Tomorrow would be fun. He groaned at that thought, hangovers always seem to hit him worse than Dean. On the other hand Dean had way more experience with those.

Only now realizing himself that they were in public and that the bar was rather full Sam sobered up a bit and had a glance around. This wasn't the place he would recommend for two men to kiss in public and he wasn't surprised when he noticed a few not so kind faces in the crowd. They had a table a bit at the side so it wasn't that obvious what was going on back here to most of the patrons but a few did notice.

"Ehm, Dean?" Sam cleared his throat and turned his attention back to his brother who still tried to eat Cas' face off. The alcohol had done nothing for his dexterity and the kiss was sloppy at least. But enthusiastic, Sam noticed, very enthusiastic. On both parts. Sam cleared his throat again, louder now and while he had no idea where to look. He was happy for Dean and Cas but this was a little bit too much for him. He was okay with little kisses and a touch here and there but by now Cas had a hand under the table as well and Sam really hoped the sound he'd just heard wasn't Dean's zipper. Because no, that was at least ten steps too far.

"Some people don't have any decency." A loud voice carried over the noises of the bar. Sam couldn't make out the speaker but it was clear who was addressed here. Under the table Sam kicked out and hit somebody's shin. It was Dean how yelped in surprise but at least that broke the kiss.

"Dude." Sam hissed, a wary eye on the other guests. Some where openly staring by now. "If you don't want to fight your way out of here ..." He jerked his had at the people around them and thankfully Dean got the hint.

"Oh." Now it was his turn to clear his throat. "Right." He grinned rather sheepishly and reached for his glass.

"Cheers." Dean raised it to the crowd and suddenly everybody was busy looking somewhere else. "As if they've never seen two dudes kissing." Dean muttered and emptied his glass.

"There is a difference between kissing and what you just did." Sam reminded him but made sure to lock eyes with Cas as well. They had both been crossing that line.

"You're a spoilsport, Sam. You know that?" Dean shook his heat.

"I'm sorry if we made you uncomfortable." Cas apologized sincerely. "It won't happen again."

Sam was just sober enough to notice that this probably needed clarification.

"I don't mind a kiss or two." He assured them. "But keep the x-rated stuff to the bedroom."

Dean didn't say anything to that but Sam didn't miss the grateful glance his brother gave him.


	25. Chapter 25

Another motel room, another night. Their journey would at least take one more day, probably two, so there was plenty of time for Dean to think about him and Cas. Because so far Cas wasn't making any sense and that drove Dean up the wall.

In the bar Cas had been seconds from jacking him off right then and there, not caring if people were looking or not, that kinky bastard, and on the other hand he didn't really initiate sex in the slightest when they were alone and actually had the chance to fuck each other's brains out.

Cas was all for kissing and cuddling and during the night he developed quite some impressive octopus powers but every time Dean tried to go farther, he didn't get the feeling that Cas was on board with the idea. He didn't outright say it, which was frustrating by itself, but Dean hadn't notice him sporting a boner for quite a while and that was telling. He just wasn't sure what that was telling him.

So he stood here in another motel bathroom, he didn't even bother to read the name on the sign when he'd checked in, and wondered if they would just cuddle again or if there would be more. He would like more but at the same time he wondered if Cas wouldn't be happier with two separate beds. Maybe even two separate rooms. However, every time Dean tried to make him talk, Cas clammed up.

With a sigh Dean stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. He put on a t-shirt and his underwear, though, because he didn't want to press Cas into something. If Dean came out of the bathroom naked he might get the wrong idea. Or the right one. Dean shook his head. This should be easy. Once they had made the step and were officially together everything should be falling in place and they should have their happily ever after.

Instead he stood here, staring at his own reflection in the mirror, and wondered if Cas actually wanted this, wanted him.

Dean shook his head, he wouldn't solve this now, and opened the door. And stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes fell on Cas.

For a second he stood just there and stared.

"Ehm." Dean cleared his throat to let Cas know that he was there. Which he probably knew because he was putting on quite a show. Cas was naked, that wasn't exactly unexpected, over the last few nights he had developed a fondness for sleeping naked, but when Dean had left for his shower Cas had been fully clothed.

However, he was not just naked, he was kneeling on the bed, chest pressed into the mattress and butt up in the air, giving Dean quite a nice view.

The last thing Dean had expected to see when he came out of the bathroom was Cas working himself open. He had already three fingers in there and when he noticed that Dean was watching him, he started to fuck himself in earnest.

Mesmerized Dean just watched him. Fingers slipping in and out of the stretched hole with the squelching sound of the lube Cas had used generously. Some was dripping down his balls, Dean noticed.

"What are you doing?" Dean asked the rather stupid question, it was quite obvious what Cas was doing, but his mind couldn't come up with anything more intelligent to say. His voice sounded husky and heavy with arousal in his own ears and the way Cas shivered when he said it, it was exactly the tone he wanted to hear. Now Dean regretted that he'd bothered with clothes but that was easy to fix.

A second later he stood at the end of the bed, naked and already half-hard.

"You know how to surprise a guy." Dean said and just watched for a moment longer. Cas rocked his hips back on his fingers, taking them as deep as they would go and the way he groaned into the mattress he was hitting his sweet spot with every thrust.

"Want me to fuck you?" Dean asked and reached for the lube to slick himself up. "Want me to fuck you fast and dirty?" There was no room for foreplay here.

"Fuck me." With an obscene plop he withdrew his fingers, leaving his hole gaping and wet with lube. Dean swallowed thickly at that sight.

Dean climbed on the bed and got in position behind Cas.

"Take a deep breath." He warned him when he'd lined up, the tip of his cock nudging at the ring of muscles. He felt them flutter and twitching, almost like Cas' butt wanted to suck him in. Without a second of hesitation Dean thrust forward and slipped in in one even move.

Under him Cas gasped but stayed completely still. Dean felt the heat and the tightness around him and he had to grit his teeth to not come from that lone.

"You want it hard?" Dean asked while he gave Cas a moment to adjust.

"Yes." Cas nodded into the mattress.

Dean didn't have to be told twice. He grabbed Cas' hips and started moving. With his earlier actions Cas had set the tone so Dean didn't waste time with kidding around. He fucked Cas, dirty and fast, in almost brutal thrusts and his fingers digging into the soft flesh of his hips hard enough to leave bruises.

At some point Cas tried to come up to his hands but Dean placed a hand between his shoulder blades and held him down. He lost his rhythm for a moment there, not sure if he'd gone too far with that but Cas didn't protest, just relaxed under his hold and let Dean fuck him.

It didn't take long for Dean to spill his release deep inside of Cas. His orgasm washed over him in spastic waves and he threw his head back with Cas' name on his lips before he collapsed forwards.

Still buried to the hilt in him Dean lay on top Cas, covering him like a blanket. For a moment he just lay there, catching his breath. So far Dean hadn't touched Cas and he was pretty sure that he hadn't laid a hand on himself either so after a second he slipped out, rolled them to the side and reached around to help Cas out.

His erection had wilted down to a half-hard state by then but this time Dean was determined to give Cas his release as well.

"C'mon." He mumbled into the meat of Cas' shoulder, placing little kisses on his neck. It took some effort, not that Dean minded, but finally Cas went rigid, his head digging into Dean's chest and he came in hot spurts of come all over Dean's hand.

"There you go." Dean mumbled and worked him through the aftershocks. He had started to worry if something was bodily wrong with Cas, or if he just didn't find Dean sexually attractive and both were some worrying thoughts, but this eased his worries. Cas was an angel, sex with him was supposed to be different, but now Dean was confident that they could make this work.

"That was awesome." Dean let go of Cas who sagged back against him with a content sigh. He should get up to get a washcloth to clean them up but for the moment he was way to comfy just lying here with Cas in his arms in the sweet afterglow of a good orgasm. Cas hummed in response and showed no indication to move any time soon as well.

When he started to get goosebumps on his ass Dean did get up but he hurried to clean them up and a minute later they lay spooning under the covers and ready to drift off to sleep.

Dean woke in the morning with Cas' head on his shoulder and his arm long gone numb somewhere under Cas.

He would have loved to stay like that for longer and maybe have lazy morning sex but a glance at the clock told him that he should get his ass out of bed soon or Sam would make him by banging at the door.

"Cas?" He placed a soft kiss on the sleeping angel's temple. "Cas? Time to wake up."

He wasn't sure when he'd gotten used to the angel sleeping and he had to admit it was nice waking up with him snuggled up against him. Not that he would ever admit that.

"Hmm?" Cas made without opening his eyes.

"Time to get up, buddy." Dean said but was far from ready to leave the bed just yet.

Cas muttered something and his lips tickled over Dean's peck with that. It sent shivers down his spine and he felt his nipples harden. Especially when he thought about how close Cas' mouth was to his left one. Maybe they did have time for morning sex, Dean mused and placed another kiss on Cas' temple.

Slowly Cas blinked his eyes open and angled his head so that he could bring their lips together. The kiss was gentle and more chaste than anything else.

"Morning." Cas said, his voice even more gravely than usual.

"Morning." Dean answered and returned the kiss just because he could. Cas rolled to his other side. Their faces were close enough for their foreheads to touch. Dean slipped one leg between Cas' and getting the idea Cas inched even closer until Dean couldn't tell anymore where he ended and Cas began.

"That was some hot stuff you did last night." Dean slung his arms around him to hold him tight. "Didn't know you like it rough."

"I'm not sure what I like." Cas admitted after a moment. Suddenly he was very still in Dean's arms. "I thought you'd like it so I gave it a try."

"I did like it." Dean kissed his throat because they were too close for kissing his mouth. But he could go with the next best thing. He was flexible. In more than one way. He chuckled at that thought but sobered up when his mind caught up with Cas' words.

"Did you enjoy it?" He asked and now he did bring some distance between them to look Cas in the eye. Their hips were still firmly pressed against each other and Dean felt his cock swelling. However, there was no reaction on Cas' side.

"It was nice." Cas said.

"Nice?"

"I liked it?" The words came out as a question as if he was searching for the right words to reassure Dean. Which had the opposite effect.

"Cas." Dean shook his head but all of a sudden every though about sex was gone. With a sigh he brought a bit more distance between them so they could look at each other without hurting their necks.

"Why did you do it if you don't like it?" Dean asked. "Where did you get the idea anyway?" He was pretty sure that Cas' earlier sexual encounters had been quite vanilla but last night things had gone a bit down the kinky road. Not much and Dean didn't mind the direction, quite the opposite, but it was odd. Not what he'd expected from Cas.

"I watched this video." Cas explained and Dean groaned to that.

"You've been watching porn again? You know that's all fake, right?"

"I know." He answered. "And Sam already told me the same thing."

Dean screwed his eyes shut at that. The question was on the tip of his tongue but he didn't dare to ask about the circumstances leading to Sam explaining porn to Cas.

"So you saw some stuff and gave it a try." Dean summed it up. "Don't get me wrong, I like it when you want to experiment, but I got the feeling that it wasn't really working out for you." He remembered how long it had taken him to jack Cas off afterwards. If it had been his thing he should have been coming way more easily.

"No, it didn't really work out for me." Cas admitted and plopped back into the pillow. "I don't know what works out for me."

"I like a challenge. We should experiment." Dean leaned over and kissed him. "Trial and error until we find the right thing for you."

Cas glared at him but couldn't hide a grin.


	26. Chapter 26

Sam had tried to find out more about their destination beforehand but as far as he could tell they were heading into nowhere. Somewhere in the middle of the woods and if he wasn't mistaken they would have to hike the last bit. Not that he had told Dean that part just yet, they both weren't exactly fond of camping but Dean liked it even less. He would find out when they had to stop at a Wal-Mart to get the stuff they would need for a day or two in the woods, though.

If Sam had known he would have packed the tents and sleeping bags and all the other stuff they had at the bunker but he hadn't known and the bunker was in the other direction. Easier to buy new stuff. They weren't equipped for three people anyway.

Somewhere along the road, most likely at night in one of the motels, something had happened between Dean and Cas. Sam didn't know what but he could tell that one morning they came out of their room and things were easier between them.

For a while now Sam had noticed that there was something going on between them and he didn't mean the whole "we've finally stopped being idiots" and running around like teenagers in love. It had to do with that but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. It probably did have to do with the one question he'd overheard but didn't stay long enough to hear the answer to. If Dean preferred to top or to bottom. Maybe they just had to figure out the logistics of their relationship.

Sam shifted in the passenger seat with a sigh. Here he was again, thinking about stuff he had no business thinking about.

Coming back to the here and now Sam just enjoyed riding in the car with Dean behind the wheel, singing along to his favorite songs, and Cas in the back seat, just quietly being there. At first he'd thought it would feel strange with one person more around but it fit. And it felt good.

"You have listened to this album three times in a row now, Dean." Cas did speak up at one point and Sam had to look out of the window and bring his hand up to his mouth to hide a grin. "And you sang along to most of the songs."

The singing had stopped rather abruptly by then and Sam didn't need to see his brother to know the dirty look he was shooting at Cas threw the mirror right now.

"It's a classic." He defended himself rather weakly and cranked up the volume a bit more. "And you, stop grinning." There was a finger pointed at him which only led to Sam smiling even more.

Dean kept up the high volume for two more songs but tuned it down after that.

"We're getting closer, aren't we?" He nodded towards the map in Sam's lap. Sam did have the right app on his phone but for some reason he liked the feeling of the old maps and in this car it just seemed appropriated.

"About that." Sam checked the distance one more time. "We have still about three hours in the car ahead." He rustled with the map and didn't look up to meet his brother's eye.

"Three hours in the car?" Of course Dean picked up on that immediately. "And after that?" His tone said clearly that he knew he wouldn't like the answer.

"The location is somewhere in the woods." Sam dropped the map. "At least a day in, maybe two, depends on the terrain." Which meant that they would have to spent at least one night out there, three in the worst case.

"We need to hike?" Dean asked. "You didn't say anything about hiking. He didn't say a word about hiking, right Cas?"

"No, he didn't." Cas confirmed but seemed otherwise unimpressed but this turn of events. "I don't see a reason why he should have mentioned it earlier, though."

Sam couldn't help but grin to that.

"You're supposed to take my side." Dean whined. "I don't wanna go camping."

"Too bad." Sam stretched out in his seat. "Cas' grace is somewhere in the woods so we're going camping." He made a pause. "You could sit this one out, you know, Cas and I could …"

He wasn't even able to finish the sentence before Dean cut him off.

"You think I would let you two go out there alone while I'm twiddling my thumbs?" Dean glared at him. "Not happening."

Sam hadn't expected anything less.

"I didn't know you don't like camping." Cas said after a moment during which he looked at Dean as if he tired to figure something out.

"No, I don't like camping."

"But …" Cas started but Dean cut him off, too.

"And no, Purgatory didn't do anything to make me like it more. Quite the opposite." He glared at Cas through the mirror.

It did impress Sam that Dean knew exactly what Cas was thinking. He hadn't made the leap to Purgatory when it came to camping. But thinking about it, which wasn't exactly his favorite thing to think about, it made sense. Not that Dean had told him much about that specific year of his life and it always ended with "And what were you doing during that time? Oh, yeah. Right. You hit a dog.". So Sam hadn't really asked.

But Sam had been to Purgatory himself, just a short trip but it had been long enough to get where Dean was coming from with his comment.

The rest of the ride Dean was sulking but he stopped at a Wal-Mart to get the things they would need for their camping trip.

"I've never been camping." Cas said when they were examining the sleeping bags. He picked one up and looked at it as if he had no clue what to do with it.

"It's going to be fun." Sam hurried to say before Dean had a chance to spoil this before it had even started. They weren't hunting anything, they were in no immediate danger, they could make this a fun trip. "A sleeping bag can be quite comfortable."

"I did sleep in one of these before." Cas put the bag back.

"You did?" Dean shared a look with his brother but they both couldn't think of a situation when the angel could have slept in a sleeping bag of all sorts. The need to sleep was a recent thing anyway and as far as Sam knew he was sleeping in a bed or maybe the back of the car but otherwise?

"When I was human." Cas explained. "I was working at the Gas-N-Sip." He made eye contact with Dean so Sam guessed Dean knew about this. "I didn't have the money for my own place so I had a sleeping bag in the back."

He said it as if it was the most normal thing to do and then turned around to have a look at another one of the bags.

Next to Sam Dean swallowed thickly. "Man, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I would have never kicked you out, you know that, but …" His gaze wandered over to Sam. Yeah, it had been his life on the line and there was never another option when it came down to that. Not for Dean.

"I know." Cas nodded knowingly.

"So." Sam clapped his hands to break the uncomfortable silence hanging over them. "Sleeping bags. You guys want a double or one for each of you?"

They already had a tent in their cart which was supposed to be big enough for four people and Sam just hoped it was big enough for the three of them but they didn't want to carry more than one with them. Thinking about it …

"One for each of you." Sam made the decision before one of them could recover from his question and could give the wrong answer. If Sam had to spent the night with them in one tent they were not sharing a sleeping bag, just no.

_Maybe we should go for two two-men tents after all_ , Sam mused but dropped that thought. One tent was just fine.

An hour later they came out of the store with their cart loaded and a credit card maxed out. Getting all the stuff in the car was the next challenge but they managed. They would pack their backpacks properly at the motel later.

It was too late in the day to do anything so they settled for an early start in the morning.

With the upcoming camping trip in mind Dean had opted for a slightly better motel again, he wanted to have at least a hot shower and a good night's sleep before they got lost in the woods, his words not Sam's.

Sam wasn't exactly looking forward to the trip either so he didn't complain and enjoyed the night in a real bed. Living in the bunker with his own bed had made him soft. Or he was just getting old. But he did enjoy a good bed and looked now in disgust at the ones in the cheap motels they usually stayed at.

Well rested and freshly showered they met in the morning and headed over to a nearby diner for breakfast.

"You eat all this and we have to roll you through the woods." Sam commented when Dean ordered his meal which only led to Dean adding a short stack to his breakfast. The waitress shook her head to that with a smile.

"You boys going out in the woods?" She asked while she wrote down their order.

"Yeah, anything you can tell us about it?" Sam put his arm on the back rest of the bench and turned towards her. She fiddled with the pen as if she wasn't sure if she should speak up or not.

"It's not dangerous or anything, isn't it?" Dean had caught up as well.

"Not exactly dangerous." She finally said.

"But?" Sam prompted.

"For a while now people tell strange stories." She dropped her voice and had a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure nobody but them was close enough to hear.

"What kind of strange?" Sam asked. This could be Cas' grace. They'd seen the effects an angel's grace could have on the environment when they'd been looking for Anna's. Strange was good.

And it was still possible that Metatron had left something out there to guard it, though.

"Some people have seen strange lights at night. There are trees, old trees, that haven't been there a few years ago. The animals act strange, too." She shook her head as if she wanted to dismiss it.

"Do you know when this started?" Cas spoke for the first time.

"Last year." She answered promptly. "In May."

"That's pretty specific." Dean commented and Sam's mind was racing. The angels had fallen at that time.

"You remember that weird meteor shower last year? That's when it all started."

"Okay, that was quite memorable." Sam had to admit. He for sure remembered that night. Not much after that but he did remember leaning against the Impala while the angels were falling.

"They say one hit right here in the woods." She knew to tell.

"Do they now." Dean looked over to Cas.

"Oh, you fooled me." She tapped the pen at her writing pad. "You know all that, don't you? Let me tell you, you're not the first looking for that meteor."

"Are we too late?" Sam had to clear his throat. It would just be their luck if somebody had found it first.

"Nobody found it as far as I know." She spread her arms a little as if she wanted to say: _But I'm just a waitress, what do I know?_ "Fact is, though, people go out there, searching for that thing, and when they come back, they've changed."

"Changed?" Sam asked.

"They're just not quite the same." She shrugged and went to hand in their order.

"This is going to be an interesting trip." Dean jerked his head and took a sip of his coffee. "I hate camping."


	27. Chapter 27

Their last night in a real bed. Dean sighed and glared at the offending backpack at the door. At least they would have sleeping bags and a tent and would get a hot meal once a day and if he was lucky they would even start the day with coffee.

"Did I mention that I hate camping?"

"You have mentioned it once or twice." Cas said as if it hadn't been a rhetoric question. Or this was just his way of sarcasm. It didn't sound like sarcasm but with Cas he never knew.

"Can't figure why." Dean muttered and turned his back to their packed gear. They wouldn't need it before morning and he had the intention to make the most out of the night.

Cas stood at the bed, loosening his tie. For the road he had put on the tie and his trench coat again and Dean felt better seeing him in that familiar outfit. This was Cas.

Dean closed the distance between them and slipped his hands under the coat.

"Any ideas on how to spend the night?" He leaned in for a kiss and found Cas' mouth willingly open for him. He dipped his tongue into the waiting heat, tongue brushing against tongue, and Dean hummed in pleasure.

He helped Cas out of the coat and started unbuttoning his shirt. Cas hadn't answered his question but Dean could work with that.

"Want to try something new?" He asked and slipped the shirt over his shoulders, revealing smooth skin. He kissed Cas on the collar bone and on the soft curve of his neck.

"What do you have in mind?" Cas tilted his head, if to express is curiosity or to give Dean better access to his neck he didn't know but he took advantage of it.

Cas' hands had slipped under his shirts as well, strong and warm on his back.

"Wait and see." Dean caught his earlobe with his teeth and nibbled at it gently. "I'll make it good for you."

Cas didn't seem to be in a haste to see them naked so Dean followed his lead and they shed one piece of clothing after the other until they stood naked in the middle of the room, clothes pooling around them.

Cas' tongue darted out, licking its way along Dean's throat and Dean closed his eyes, lost in the sensation. By now he was rock hard and leaking but when he glanced over to Cas, he found the angel only half-hard and that was the optimistic way to describe it.

"Sit on the bed." Dean guided him backwards until his the back of his knees hit the bed and he sat down. They kissed some more before Dean sank to his knees between Cas' legs.

"Do you want me to blow you?" Dean asked, making sure that Cas knew exactly what he had in mind. If Cas said no, they would find something else to do. Or it would be just cuddles for the night, Dean would be fine with that too.

But he was determined to find the one thing that turned Cas on like nothing else, the one thing that made him almost come just thinking of it. He doubted that that one thing was a blowjob but he wanted to give it a try. And he wanted to taste Cas, feel him in his mouth, feel his lips stretched around him. Dean's mouth watered at that thought.

Cas looked him in the eye and then gave him a nod.

Dean grinned to that and kissed his sternum. With his hands stroking Cas' sides and his mouth leaving wet kisses on his chest and stomach Dean made his way downwards. He caressed the tattoo on Cas' side and dipped his tongue in his navel. Then he followed the treasure trail of short hair farther down. He wanted to make this special for his angel so he took his time with foreplay, nipping and kissing around the area before he came even close to his cock.

His hands never stood still either and it looked like that did the trick. At some point Cas leaned backwards, bracing himself on his arms, and when Dean glanced up he found Cas' eyes closed and his mouth hanging slightly open.

Dean grinned into the soft skin of his hip and then turned his attention to Cas' cock. It was almost completely erect now.

With the flat of his tongue Dean gave it a lick from base to tip.

"Grmm." Cas made in response so Dean did it again. He circled the tip with this tongue, dipping into the slit.

"You taste good." Dean commented while he shifted to get his hands in a better position. He closed his right around the base and gave it a few strokes. He knew he couldn't take all of Cas and he didn't want to ruin this by choking on Cas' dick, unless he got the impression that that was a kink Cas liked then he would happily swallow him down until he gagged. But for now he played it safe with focusing on the head. He closed his lips around the tip and circled with his tongue around it before he slackened his jaw and started bobbing his head.

It had been a while since he'd done this but the way Cas clawed into the sheets and how he arched his back, Dean thought he didn't do too badly. He grinned around the cock in his mouth and pressed his tongue flat against the underside when he came up again.

Dean sucked and nibbled for a moment longer before he let go off with a wet plop.

Above him Cas whined at the loss but sucked in a sharp breath when Dean took his left testicle in his mouth.

"What?" Cas gasped.

Looked like Cas' porn education hadn't covered this but Dean was eager to show him what kind of pleasure a man could get from getting his balls sucked. He was thorough with that, just to make sure Cas understood the lesson, giving both his balls the attention they deserved before he returned to the cock. While his mouth had been busy elsewhere, his hand had never stopped working Cas' cock. Just to keep him in the game, Cas' erection seemed to have the attention span of hummingbird.

When Cas finally came Dean had just enough time to get his mouth off his cock before he spilled his release. Dean worked him with even strokes through the waves of his orgasm before he let go of the spent cock.

"There you go." Dean place on last kiss on his stomach and then rose to his feet to sit next to Cas on the bed. By then Cas had dropped to his back, chest heaving with every breath he took. He had one arm across his eyes and he just look so fucked out, it was adorable.

Dean laid down next to him and pried his arm away so he could kiss him properly.

"You didn't come." Cas observed after a moment when he noticed the still hard dick between Dean's legs. Dean hadn't touched himself, this had been about Cas. But now with Cas taken care of, Dean dropped his hand and closed his fingers around his arching erection.

"Let me." Cas' fingers closed over his and reluctantly Dean let go. He rolled to his back and let Cas take care of him. They had done this a few times before and Cas had picked up some of the finer points and so it didn't take long until Dean came all over his hand.

"I could get used to this." Dean sighed happily when he came down from his orgasm.

Cas cleaned them up with one of his socks, which gave Dean a good laugh and earned him a raised eyebrow from Cas, and then they slipped under the covers.

Without a second thought they found their position, spooning with Dean playing the big one, his arm over Cas with his hand resting over his heart and Cas flush against him, his butt fitting perfectly into the curve of Dean's hip. As if they were made to click together like this, Dean thought while he drifted off to sleep.

The alarm woke him early in the morning.

For long minutes Dean lay in bed after that, debating if he should get up this early or not. If they got an early start they may had to stay only one night out in the woods but lying here in his warm bed with Cas snuggled up to his side, he was drooling over Dean's chest but he didn't mind, he wasn't sure if it was worth it.

His phone rang. Dean glared at it for a moment, he knew exactly who was calling and why, and for a second he was tempted to not answer. But it could always be something serious. He didn't know how, Sam was supposed to sleep in his bed a few rooms down, but the kid could be in trouble. So he did answer the phone.

"'llo?" His voice wasn't quite awake yet, just like the rest of him. At least this had woken Cas as well who blinked up at him in confusion.

"Get your ass out of bed." Sam said in his best Marine voice. "We leave in ten." With that he ended the call and Dean could only glare at the phone in his hand. He really wanted to tell his brother where he could stick that attitude but for that he would have to leave the bed.

"The bitch is bitchy." Dean muttered and kissed the top of Cas head just because it was there.

"What did he want?" Cas brought their lips together for a peck but they both kept their mouths closed, morning breath wasn't sexy at all.

"Wake up call." He sighed and dropped the phone on the nightstand. "He wants to leave in ten. He thinks he's funny."

Half an hour later they sat in the car and headed over for the diner for a quick breakfast. No way was Dean going on a camping trip on an empty stomach. And if he could come up with more excuses he would use them.

"Who in their right mind goes out for breakfast at seven in the morning?" Dean grunted at the sight of happy faces which looked way more awake than he felt. At least the coffee was good. He already had his first cup and was now nursing his second one. He was planning on two more, at least.

"Normal people." Sam answered easily. He was way too cheerful for this time of the day, too. Dean glared at him but put his attention back on his coffee. He couldn't stand Sam bouncing with energy right now. Not at seven in the morning.

"We are not normal people." Cas threw in, not affected by the early hour at all. Dean decided to not like him until noon for that.

"Guess not." Sam answered easily. "But we can pretend. We're good at pretending."

That was true but didn't make the situation any better.

At least the pancakes he'd ordered just to annoy Sam were good and the waitress had some actually useful information.

When they left the diner a bit later, the caffeine started to take effect and Dean felt actually awake.

"Where to?" He asked and started the engine. Baby purred to life, she probably didn't know that they were about to park her somewhere and leave her alone in the woods for days.

"Head west." Sam directed him out off the parking lot. "About ten miles out of town. We have to see how far we can make it with the car." He had his map out again and chewing his bottom lip he tried to find the best place to leave the car.

"If something happens to Baby while we're gone ..." Dean muttered under his breath.

"Oh, c'mon." Sam had finally enough of him bitching around. Not that he was bitching, he had manly concerns about their trip. "It's going to be fun. Just the three of us. Campfire and marshmallows, I even have graham crackers for s'mores."

"What's a s'more?" Dean and Cas asked in unison.


	28. Chapter 28

It was sad that to Dean camping meant either fighting for his life or survival training to be prepared to fight for his life. And not the Boy Scout way, no, the John Winchester way, which had been no fun at all.

At least Sam had a few fun camping trips. During his time at Stanford he had been camping with Jess and a few of his college friends a few times and that was when he'd learned that camping could be fun. That had been when he'd learned about s'mores and horror stories around the camp fire.

Dean never had that and that was sad. So Sam was determined to make this trip fun. They weren't on a hunt, they had time, this was going to be fun, he decided.

He had the waitress' words still in his ear, ominous and not helpful at all, so he packed their weapons as well and an extra bag with the tools they might need. They weren't going that far out but he doubted they would have reception out there so whatever happened, they were on their own. Not that that was anything new.

Sam took his backpack from the trunk and made sure the strips sat tight enough so that he would be able to carry it for hours without getting tired. It did weight its fair share but once he got used to the additional weight that shouldn't be a problem.

Cas took the extra bag because he was the strongest of them and Sam doubted he even noticed how heavy it was.

When they had their gear, Dean closed the trunk of the car but had a lingering hand on the lid for a moment longer before he took a deep breath and turned around, facing the Woods. Sam was sure that in Dean's mind they deserved the capital letter.

"We're burning sunlight." Dean announce and with one final nod he started walking.

They weren't in a hurry so they didn't set a high pace and settled for a speed they knew they could keep up for hours. Not that Sam had planned to let them walk for hours without a break, he wasn't his father after all.

Expressing his dislike of this trip every chance he got, Dean had left the planning to Sam so it was Sam who checked the coordinates once in a while to make sure they were still heading in the right direction.

Which turned out to be more difficult than he'd thought. This was rocky terrain and more than once they had to make a detour, one time they even had to track back for half an hour to get around an obstacle in their way.

"We're not going to make it until sunset, aren't we?" Dean asked miserably when they stopped for a break in the early afternoon. They had small breaks before but Sam intended to rest on this clearing for a bit. The sun was shining and the temperature was just right, not too warm, not too cold, and they deserved a small rest.

"I doubt it." Sam admitted. In fact he was pretty sure they wouldn't make it today, he wasn't even sure if they would make it by tomorrow evening if he was honest but he was wise enough to not tell Dean that.

"No wonder nobody has found it by now." Dean accepted the bottle of water Sam handed him while Cas dug out the energy bars. For now that had to do, they would eat properly once they stopped for the night. "This area is not made for a walk in the park."

"That is most likely the reason Metatron has chosen this place." Cas spoke up and took a bite off his bar. He chewed carefully as if he had to decide if he liked the flavor or not. Over the morning Sam had made sure to give him a different one each time, just to see how he reacted to the different tastes. Cas ate all of them but they weren't his favorite thing, Sam could tell. Not that Dean was chewing on his with enthusiasm.

"I just hope we don't run into any surprises out here." Dean muttered with a look around which ended at Cas. Sam suppressed a snort, nowadays Dean's eyes always found their way to Cas.

"You have ..." Dean pointed at the corner of his own mouth to show Cas where he had a crump of his energy bar stuck to his lip but of course Cas tried to wipe the other side.

"No, it's ..." Dean showed him once more but then he just leaned forward and kissed him on the mouth, getting rid of the crump in the progress.

Suddenly Sam found the trees very interesting and he cleared his throat loudly to remind them that they weren't alone but Dean took his time kissing Cas. Not that Cas was complaining.

Of course he had to make sure that there weren't any more crumbs around the angel's mouth. Or in his mouth. Sam knew how his brother ticked.

"We should get going." Sam made point of finishing his bottle and packing their waste in the bag he had for all the wrappers and other stuff. Dean had made fun of him, hadn't he saved the planet often enough, but Sam didn't like the thought of leaving their garbage lying around.

When he'd cleaned up their mess, Dean had finished cleaning up Cas as well and they were ready to go.

"A few more hours and then we should look out for a place for the night." He announced and took the lead. Behind him Dean groaned but put his backpack back on and followed him. At least Cas didn't say anything and just grabbed his stuff.

In the late afternoon they found a nice clearing with even ground and not too many rocks around. There was even a small creek near by where they could wash their canteens.

They had the tent up rather quickly, some thing from the John Winchester Trainings Camp did come in handy from time to time, and not long after that they had a campfire going and had gathered enough wood to last them through the night. While Dean was heating up a can of soup, Sam checked their coordinates.

He wasn't sure if they were any closer to their destination now than they had been in the morning, it looked like they were just coming from the opposite direction now.

It didn't really matter to Sam, they had enough food and water to last them a while, maybe even a week if they were careful, and the weather was nice.

But he knew that with every day Dean would become more grumpy and for sure Cas would like to have his grace back rather sooner than later. However, there was nothing Sam could do about it at the moment.

And if he was honest, Sam was really looking forward to Cas having his own grace back. Over the last few weeks he had seen the angel more human than he'd ever expected to see him. It wasn't a bad thing per se but in this case it was a sign of Cas slowly dying and that was not something Sam wanted to see. Every night Cas slept, every meal he ate, it reminded him that his friend was dying right before his eyes.

Sam glanced over to Dean who was still busy with the soup. His brother was even closer to Cas, he probably noticed more of the small changes. However, if Dean was bothered by that, he didn't show and that was a clear sign of how much he was bothered by this.

They sat around the campfire, each of them with a bowl of soup and a few crackers, and Sam let himself enjoy the moment. It was almost dark by now, the sun had disappeared behind the trees quite a while ago and there lay a calming quietness over the forest.

Sure, Sam heard the creek mumbling near by and small critters in the underwood, the cracking of the fire and the noises they made while they ate but that only empathized the quietness of the falling night. Sam smiled to himself and was glad that Dean couldn't read his mind. He would give him shit for those sappy thoughts.

After dinner they sat around the fire, lost in their own thoughts.

"So." Dean finally broke the silence. "There was something about marshmallows. And those smeared things you mentioned." He wrinkled his nose at the last bit but at least he was willing to give it a try.

"Get us some sticks." Sam stood up to get the marshmallows. "I'll get the rest."

They had to show Cas how to roast marshmallows and of course the first one caught fire. Cas shook the stick to put it out and sent it flying with that. The burning marshmallow made a graceful curve, Sam and Dean watched in equal amusement, and then it landed still on fire on the tent.

"Shit." Dean was on his feet first. He swatted the marshmallow off the tent with his hand and then stomped on it until the fire was out. Sam couldn't help it, he cracked up laughing and it didn't help when Dean whined about sticky sugar under his shoe.

"I apologize." Cas said rather meekly at the sight of Dean who tried to pick the sugary stuff out of the profile of his sole with a small stick.

"Not bad for you first time." Sam grinned openly at him and then took out his flashlight to inspect the damage on the tent. At least Dean had been quick enough. The spot was slightly darker than the rest but that was it.

"No damage." He announced and went back to his spot at the fire where he'd dropped his stick. The marshmallow had landed on the ground and now there was stuff sticking to it. Sam wrinkled his nose to that and threw the dirty lump of sugar in the fire, where it lit up in a small fireball, and reached for a new one. He offered one to Cas as well who took it reluctantly.

"Just don't try to set us on fire again." Dean muttered and sat down as well. Under their encouraging looks Cas reached for his stick again and gave it another try.

"This tastes good." He admitted when he took his first bite.

"See?" Sam glanced at his brother. "Camping is not all bad."

"I still don't like it." Dean said but Sam got the feeling he said it on principle alone. He had developed quite a fondness for s'mores by now, Sam noticed.

Despite the long hike they didn't feel like sleeping just yet. Sam felt comfortably exhausted, which would led to sore and stiff muscles in the morning he knew that, and he was content with just sitting here and watching the fire. It was comforting.

"You remember that one night at Bobby's?" Dean spoke up with his gaze fixed on the fire. "You were, dunno, seven or eight?"

"Eight." Sam remembered that summer. Dad had dumped them at Bobby's for a few weeks and for once they actually could enjoy the summer. "Bobby wanted to make BBQ but didn't have a grill."

"He improvised one." Now Dean chuckled in a low tone. When Sam looked up his eyes met Cas' over the fire. The angel's face was illuminated by the flickering light of the flames which made his eyes glow like coals. His expression was unreadable while he sat quietly and listened to Dean's story.

"You could have roasted a whole cow on that thing." Dean said, lost in memories.

"I thought he would burn down his own house with it." Sam remembered the flames shooting up from the fire. To his eight years old self it had seemed like they went up twenty feet in the air and his adult self wasn't sure if that hadn't actually been the case.

"He allowed me to watch over it once it had burned down a little bit."

Sam could only make out his brother's profile but the one eye he could see was suspiciously shiny.

"He knew you could handle it."

"Hmm."

Lost in memories they sat there for a while longer before they put out the fire and turned in.


	29. Chapter 29

Okay, camping like this wasn't that bad, Dean had to admit. Not to Sam though, he would never admit that to Sam. Dean made sure to complain a bit more, just for good measure.

The night cramped up in the tent was not exactly fun but Dean was used to his brother sleeping close by and Cas was just a welcomed addition to that. The only bad thing was that Sam had insisted on the single sleeping bags. And that one rock that was poking him all night. But other than that, the night out in the woods wasn't too bad.

When they didn't reach their destination the second day, Dean's mood dropped.

"You sure you're leading us the right way?" He grabbed the map from his brother's hands. On paper it hadn't looked that far and the waitress hadn't mentioned it would be a difficult hike either and she should know, right? She lived around here.

The people living here were probably smart enough to not go in the woods and if they did they for sure knew their way around and didn't run into walls every frigging hour.

"We are heading in the right direction." Sam snatched the map back. "It's not my fault that there are mountains in the way."

Sam had a point there, they hadn't known where there would be cliffs or impassable walls of solid rock in their way so they had to find ways around those and that cost time. They couldn't keep going through the night, not that Dean wanted to do that, so they didn't have another option than to set up camp for the second night in a row.

"On the way back we're taking the shortest way back to civilization." Dean announced and dropped his backpack. As far as he was concerned that spot was good enough for them to sleep. "Steal a car and drive back to Baby."

He really hoped she would still be there and in one piece when he came back to her. He never liked leaving her alone and exposed like that but they didn't have another option.

"Sounds like a plan." Sam agreed easily. Dean eyed his brother to find out if he was yanking his chain or if he was just as fed up as he was.

Cas had watched their conversation from the side, he knew better than to get caught in the crossfire between the brothers. Not that they were fighting, Dean just let his brother know that he wasn't happy with their current circumstances.

Together with Cas he set up the tent while Sam went to get them some fire wood.

The fire was nice but they had another can of soup with more crackers and all of a sudden this whole trip became even less appealing. Dean stirred in his bowl and sighed. They should reach the coordinates tomorrow, maybe even before noon but that was probably only Sam sugarcoating things for him. However, with any luck they would find Cas' grace tomorrow and then they were on their way out of here.

He glanced over to Cas who ate his soup with effective movements. He didn't look like he was enjoying his meal. He looked more like a soldier who knew he would need the energy the meal provided.

Later Sam broke out the marshmallows again and with that Dean's mood improved a little. He had no idea how he could have missed out on the awesome thing called s'mores so he stuffed himself with as many as he could. Next to him Cas seemed determined to finish a bag of marshmallows on his own, he had developed quite a taste for them.

The conversation stayed light-hearted, nobody mentioned any bad memories and they didn't speak about the reason they were out here either. Not that there was much to say. Dean guessed it would be similar to what they'd witnessed with Anna's grace. Maybe some hiccups in the flora around the place and then a blinding light when Cas would take back what was his. If there was something guarding it or traps or something, they would deal with it when they ran into it. Nothing really to talk about.

When Cas had finished his bag of marshmallows, there was still enough of an angel in him to not puke it all back up after half of the bag, they turned in.

This night there was no rock bothering him but Dean still couldn't sleep. His body was warm and relaxed after two days of almost constant walking and his mind floated in a comfortable place just this side of awake but he couldn't make that last step over to sleep.

He lay in the middle with Sam to his right and Cas on his left with their feet to the entrance so that they could get out without waking the others. It felt good having the two most important people in his life so close to him.

Sam was snoring softly and Dean heard Cas breathing close by as well. They didn't share a sleeping bag but that didn't stop Cas' need for cuddles. Last morning Dean had woken up with Cas lying half on top of him and since Cas had fallen asleep about an hour ago he'd inched closer quite a bit. By now he was pressed against Dean with two layers of sleeping bag between them and his head had somehow found its way to Dean's shoulder.

Just when Dean thought he could finally drift off to sleep his bladder came up with another plan. Dean lay still with his eyes closed for a few minutes longer in the ridiculous hope that he could fall asleep before that need became too urgent. He knew he was fighting a losing battle here but he really didn't want to get up. The days were still quite nice but the nights were already chilly, especially in the mountains.

"Dammit." He muttered under his breath and opened the zipper of his sleeping bag. At least he was sleeping almost fully clothed so he didn't have to fumble around in the dark for something to put on except for his boots and his jacket.

He slipped out from under Cas who smacked his lips but didn't wake up. As silently as possible Dean opened the zipper around the entrance and stuck his head out.

The night was quiet, as quiet as a night in the woods could be, however, his spidey senses didn't tingle so he crouched through the entrance and stood up. He stretched his back and rolled his shoulders, sleeping on the ground really wasn't that much fun, and by now he felt the last two days in his bones. He'd gone soft, he realized and chuckled to that. Now his mind did go back to his time in Purgatory, the nights had been equally dark but there the noises in the darkness hadn't come from little critters like mice in the underwood.

Dean took a few steps into the forest, far enough from their camp site that nobody would step into an unpleasant surprise by accident, and took care of business at a tree.

Feeling better he returned to the camp site but didn't feel like crawling back into the sticky tent just yet. At least he had put in his veto when Sam had packed the beans in their cart at Wal-Mart. Beans may be classic food for camping but knowing that Sam would share a tent with them Dean had put his foot down. Leave the beans or get your own tent.

Smiling to himself he sat down at the remains of their fire. There were still pieces smoldering under the ash and it took Dean only a little bit of encouraging to bring the flames back to life.

He held his hands over the small fire to warm them but if he was honest, the cold was coming more from the inside than the outside. Alone in the woods at night, that did trigger a few unpleasant memories. With Purgatory only being the most recent one.

He clearly remembered his first night like this. He couldn't tell how old he had been, way too young, that was for sure, when his dad had dumped him somewhere in the middle of nowhere with only a compass and the bare minimum of supplies and with the instruction to get to the meeting point in two days.

When it had been Sammy's turn for that special piece of education he'd somehow managed to talk John out of it for two more years. He'd no idea how he'd managed that but there was no way he would have let little Sammy stay alone in the woods like that.

"Can't sleep?" Cas' voice came suddenly from behind him. Dean didn't answer, the answer was quite obvious anyway. Cas sat down next to him and for a while they just stared into the flames.

"Tomorrow is the big day." Dean said without taking his eyes off the fire. He wasn't sure why he'd said it, maybe just to fill the silence, but now he was curious how Cas would react.

The angel shifted and stretched out one leg, making himself more comfortable, before he answered.

"Don't get your hopes up too far."

That wasn't the answer Dean had expected. Now he did turn his head to look at Cas.

"What do you mean?"

"We don't know how much is left." Cas answered after a long pause.

"It is strong enough to cause some weird side effects." Dean reminded him. "And Metatron said it is enough."

Dean returned his gaze to the flames, staring right into the red heat at the bottom. It reminded him of Hell. And he got quite some nice ideas of what he would like to do to Metatron. Those thoughts were fueled by the Mark, he felt it, but for once he indulged in them. That douchebag had betrayed Cas and that had only been the beginning. Metatron should consider himself lucky that Cas had been the one in charge when he had been captured. Dean wouldn't have shown any mercy.

A hand landed on his arm and when he looked up, he met Cas' eyes.

"Don't." He said. With only the flickering flames to illuminate them his eyes looked as black as Dean's had been not long ago but at the same time Dean felt like he looked into the depth of eternity.

"Okay." He wasn't sure if he fully grasped what Cas was asking from him but he was willing to agree to anything Cas wanted from him. Why the angel had chosen him was still a mystery to him but Dean was willing to do everything to make him stay.

"Why me, Cas?" In the quiet of the night Dean dared to ask the question. "You're a dude, you've been with women before. You don't even like guys, so why are you with me?"

"My vessel." Cas started but paused there. "My body is male, that is correct, but I am not. Angels don't have a gender."

Dean thought about that. Raphael came to mind. He hadn't been bothered by the gender of his vessel.

"But you do prefer women." Dean pointed out.

"No." Cas shook his head but didn't seem to be annoyed by these personal questions. "I don't see people the way you do, Dean. Their physical appearance is not what I first notice about a person."

Dean had never really thought about that but it did make sense. He almost didn't dare to ask his next question.

"What do you notice about a person, then?"

"Their soul." Cas gave the answer Dean had dreaded.

"You must be disgusted by mine." For some reason there was still Cas' hand on his arm and he didn't draw it back now. Quite the opposite, Cas shifted and his hand slit down Dean's arm until he could entwine their fingers.

"Dean, the first time I laid eyes on you was in Hell." Cas reminded him. "Your soul was tainted, it still is, but beneath that it is pure."

"The things I did ..." Memories crushed back in and he was choking on tears now. "How can you say I'm pure?"

"Dean, you've seen Hell." Cas spoke softly to him. "After forty years, how many souls are still human enough to come back?"

He didn't have an answer to that.

"Your soul is bright and beautiful." Cas said and embraced him in his arms.


	30. Chapter 30

They did reach the place the next day before noon. That they were getting close had been obvious for a while but Sam couldn't tell when he'd felt the first effects of the grace. The tension in the air was almost palpable and the light breeze carried the smell of ozone. They hadn't seen anything weird so far but without talking about it, the brothers had slipped into hunter mode. The conversation had died down a while ago and they walked with more care now. Sam strained his ears but didn't hear anything. He'd thought this kind of quiet only happened in movies but the forest around them was eery quiet. Even the light breeze had stopped.

"I don't like this." Dean whispered. There was no reason for him to whisper but Sam answered in the same low voice: "Me neither."

Cas stood between them, weapon bag carelessly dropped at his feet and head tilted as if he was listening to something only he could hear.

"Cas?" Dean asked.

"It's close." Cas started walking. "It's mine."

The brothers hurried to catch up with him. Sam was a step behind because he took the time to scoop up the bag Cas had left behind.

 _At least we don't have to search for it_ , Sam thought but he didn't like how Cas just kept on walking, not caring if the brothers followed him or not.

Sam still didn't know if the quietness came from the grace or some trap Metatron had set up, however, they shouldn't just walk in like this.

"Cas!" Dean hissed and grabbed his shoulder. "Careful."

Cas blinked as if he didn't know where he was for a moment and that wasn't a good sign in Sam's book. He shared a glance with his brother and read the same concerns there.

"You okay?" Dean asked softer now but kept his hand on Cas' upper arm.

"It's calling me." He made a step in the same direction as before. Sam didn't see or hear anything but he didn't doubt that Cas felt his grace pulling at him.

"Let's just do this carefully." Dean insisted and took his gun out. If there was something waiting for them, Sam doubted it would be impressed by a regular gun but took his own out as well.

Cas moved his hand and his blade slipped out of his sleeve into his waiting palm and Sam breathed easier. That thing could kill almost anything but more important Cas agreed with them that they should be careful here.

They walked in silence with Cas in front and Sam and Dean a few steps behind him, keeping an eye out to the sides.

"Did I mention that it is too quiet?" Dean asked.

"No." Cas answered without breaking his stride.

"Well, it is."

They walked like this for a few minutes until they reached another clearing. And stopped dead in their tracks.

"Ehm ..." Dean made while Sam could only stand and stare. "That's impressive?"

"It is something." Sam admitted after a moment. He had expected a tree growing old over night or something like that. Like they'd seen with Anna's grace.

"At least we know we're at the right place?" Dean suggested with awe in his voice.

"At least that." Sam agreed without taking his eyes off the grove in front of him. He didn't know if that was the right word for it but it was the one coming to mind.

The clearing was a perfect circle, nothing that came naturally. In the middle of it, and Sam was willing to bet money that it was the exact center of the clearing, stood the mightiest oak he'd ever seen. He'd never thought a tree like this could grow this high. The oak stood in the middle of rings of birches. There was nothing random or natural about this, the circles were perfect with exact the same space between each of the birches. But it was not only the mighty trees, there was something else about this place, something sacred.

While the brothers stood at the edge of the clearing, gaping at the sight in front of them, Cas had kept walking. He moved like he was in trance, not caring that the brothers weren't behind him anymore.

"Dammit." Dean muttered and was the first to shake off the stupor. "Cas! Wait!"

Cas reached the first ring of birches and didn't hesitate and stepped between two of the trees. At that sight Sam held his breath, expecting anything to happen, but Cas just walked through.

Dean however, who was right behind their friend stopped all of a sudden as if he'd hit an invisible wall. Sam had seen the reverse with devil's traps, hell, he had kept Dean in one of those not long ago, but it still was a disturbing sight to see.

When Sam reached his brother Dean had his hands in the air like a pantomime but this invisible wall was real.

"Cas!" Dean yelled and banged his fist against thin air.

Without saying a word Sam took the right side and Dean the left in search for any kind of opening. The circle of birches was rather large and it took them a while until they met on the other side.

"Anything?" Dean asked when he came closer, by now rather frantic in his attempts to get through.

"Nothing." Sam had to admit and kicked a birch in frustration.

"Cas!" Dean yelled again. The angel had disappeared between the trees and Sam couldn't see what was going on inside. It didn't help that the circles of birches stood offset so that they blocked the view on the oak in the middle. It didn't help either that the oak seemed to stand on a small hill.

Suddenly there was a flash of light, white and blinding, the kind of light Sam associated with angels. He had to shield his eyes with this arm.

"Did he get it back?" Sam asked but before Dean could answer a blast following the light knocked them off their feet.

Sam fell on his back and not able to brace his fall it knocked the wind out of him. He blinked against the gray creeping in on his vision.

 _Cas_. That was the thought that kept him conscious. He needed to get up. Once he got enough air in his lungs, that is. Sam lay on his back, blinking and gasping, and then Dean was in his line of view. A bit blurry but clear enough that Sam could make out his concerned expression.

"Sammy?"

Dean helped him up to a sitting position and now Sam could take a lung full of fresh air.

"You okay?" Dean patted his chest in search for broken ribs but Sam swatted his hand away.

"I'm fine." Sam reassured him. "Cas?"

"About that." Dean glanced over his shoulder. "Did you pack the machetes?"

"Machetes?" Sam asked back but then his eyes fell on the ring of trees behind Dean. "Oh."

"Yeah, oh." Dean mocked him and dropped to his butt next to him.

"We need a chainsaw for that." For a moment they set there next to each other with their elbows on their knees. "Cas is still in there?"

"As far as I can tell." Dean answered. "You have to admit, this is a rather creative trap."

"There should be machetes in the weapon bag." Sam nodded to where the bag lay in the grass. Now the slight breeze, minus the ozone, picked up again and he heard birds in the trees. Even the tension was gone. Whatever magically had been going one here, it was gone now.

Dean got to his feet and a second later Sam had a machete in his face. He took it reluctantly.

"That's quite a hedge." He said but got to his feet and took the blade out of the sheath. In unison they stepped closer to have a real look at the stuff that had grown between the birches.

"Are those brambles?" Dean lifted a branch with the tip of his blade. "With some impressive thorns, be careful."

For the first time Sam was grateful for the layers of clothing he was wearing. Even with that he would come out the other side with some deep scratches, he was sure of that.

"Cas, we're coming!" With that Dean raised the machete and sabered through the thorn hedge. They fell in an easy rhythm, working side by side, but it was slow work. The branches weren't that thick but tough and more often than not they snapped back and Sam had to be careful to not get hit in the face.

However, they kept going. Sam was sweating and the machete seemed to weight a ton by now and he had more scratches than he cared to count, nothing was bleeding severely so he shrugged it off.

Next to him Dean was in an equal condition but Sam knew Dean would get through this or die trying. Sam was with him but he did pause once in a while to get them water and he even managed to force an energy bar down Dean's throat.

They had reached the clearing around eleven in the morning, it was getting dark when they finally broke through the brambles.

With a fresh burst of energy Dean broke through the last branches, not caring about the thorns ripping his clothes apart and for sure ripping patches off his skin as well. He stumbled up the small hill towards the oak.

Sam followed him a bit slower. The trees blocked most of what was left of the light and for a second he was sure that there as nothing on this hill except for the oak. The trunk was thick enough to hide an army behind it so he followed his brother around.

Then, finally, he saw something in the grass.

"Cas!" Dean had noticed him too and sprinted over to the still form. He fell to his knees next to the angel and Sam was at his other side a heartbeat later.

"Cas!" Shaking his shoulders Dean tried to wake him but Cas' head just flopped from one side to the other. Before he could hurt him Dean let go of him.

"What's wrong with him?" He turned to Sam and they locked eyes for a second but Sam didn't have an answer and looked away.

As far as he could tell Cas wasn't injured and his chest rose and fell in a shallow but constant pattern. He looked like he was sleeping.

"Let's get him out of here." Sam suggested. He didn't trust the brambles to not close behind them and the last thing he wanted to do was to spent the night in here. Besides, outside they had better light, flashlights and things like that. Not that he had any idea what was wrong with Cas so he didn't have a clue how to help him.

"Did he get his grace?" Dean asked with a glance up the tree. "Or was this all for nothing?"

Sam didn't have an answer to that either so he shuffled over to Cas' feet instead and jerked his head to get his brother moving. Dean slipped his arms under Cas' armpits and grabbed his forearms in front of his chest while Sam took his feet. On their way through the brambles they tried to be careful but couldn't help the thorns tucking at them. At least his coat protected Cas from the worst scratches.

Without talking about it they carried him off the clearing and only when they reached the normal forest they dared to lay him down. During all that Cas didn't move, his head resting lifeless at Dean's chest.

Carefully Dean arranged his limbs and Sam sprinted back to get their backpacks. When he came back, Cas lay on his back with Dean sitting at his side.

Dean looked up at Sam when he came closer. His face was covered in sweat and blood and now tears had washed clean lines through the grime.

"He's not waking up, Sammy."


	31. Chapter 31

"He's not waking up, Sammy." Dean looked up at his brother but Sam just shook his head sadly and set the backpacks aside.

"We can only wait." He said as if that was an answer.

"Let's get the tent up, then." Dean decided with a look around. Soon it would be completely dark and he would feel better if they had Cas somewhere safe. Or at least not on the forest ground. Not that human standards applied to angels but lying on the damp forest ground with the wetness and the cold slowly creeping into his body, that couldn't be good for humans nor angels.

"I'll see if I can find a place." Sam said. There was the clearing behind them but that was the last place where Dean wanted to spent the night and he guessed Sam felt the same. He stayed at Cas side, not even ashamed that he was holding his hand, while Sam wandered off to find a spot where they could set up their campsite.

"Cas, c'mon." Dean rubbed Cas' hand between his, it was so cold. If it weren't fore the rise and fall of his chest he would have been convinced that Cas was dead.

While he kept his eyes on Cas' face, he didn't want to miss a blink, Dean tried at the same time to keep an eye on his brother. Who knew if that had been the only trap Metatron had set up? Okay, his main target had been Cas but you never knew what was going on in that angel's sick brain.

"There is a spot over there." Suddenly Sam was back. Dean couldn't tell how long he'd been gone, too long, it was almost completely dark by now. "It's not far."

They needed to carry Cas again, but here between the trees with underwood and rocks they couldn't set up the tent. And getting farther away from the clearing wasn't that bad of an idea, Dean had to admit.

Sam had found a nice little spot but it took them almost an hour to get everything over there, put up the tent and get a fire going.

"He's still out like a light." Dean said when Sam came into the tent with bowls of steaming soup. Cas was lying in the middle sleeping bag now, at least he had it warm and comfy like that, but he hadn't even blinked since they'd found him. He was still breathing, though.

Dean accepted the bowl but then he just held it, welcoming the warmth seeping through his fingers.

"Eat." Sam ordered in a soft tone.

"Not hungry." Dean glanced at the soup, in the poor light it looked like melted tar. The smell alone made him want to gag.

"You haven't eaten all day." Sam pointed out and Dean wasn't sure if that was true or not. He couldn't tell. The day blurred together to endless hacking through that damn hedge.

If he'd been any faster ... He could have reached Cas before he'd crossed that invisible line. It was all his fault, he hadn't been quick enough.

"It's not your fault." Sam said as if he was reading his mind. "We didn't know what would happen and Cas walked right into it. Like he was drawn to it." Sam patted his shoulder. "I'm not sure if you could have held him back."

"I should have tried."

"You did." Sam shifted to a more comfortable position on the other side of Cas and started eating his soup. He looked as enthusiastic as Dean felt at that task but he did eat and between two scoops he pointed with his spoon at Dean.

"Yeah, yeah." Just to please him Dean dipped his spoon into the soup and raised it again. Gooey stuff dripped from it and he wrinkled his nose. It didn't smell too bad, quite yummy if he was honest, and he knew he needed all the energy he could get. With a sigh he put the spoon in his mouth. It tasted good, warm and rich, and now his stomach remembered that it was empty and had been for a while.

He cleared his bowl and ate the crackers Sam had put at the side in record time and then handed the empty bowl over to his brother. Without a word Sam slipped outside to clean the dishes or whatever and Dean focused on his friend again. No, Cas was Sam's friend, he was more to Dean. Lover, yeah, that was the right word. Not that he would ever say that one out loud. Or maybe he should.

He took Cas' hand in his again, it was still too cold.

"You can wake up now." He said and with his other hand he brushed the hair out of Cas' face. "Come back to me, Cas."

He didn't know what Sam was doing outside but it kept him busy for a while and Dean was grateful for that. He didn't know if he could stand them both sitting around Cas, clueless on how to help him, with nothing else to do than to wait.

"You know, when I get my hands on that douchebag." Dean promised darkly but knew he wouldn't get the chance. Cas wouldn't want that and he would give Dean some shit about that idea. He just needed to wake up for that.

The zipper of the entrance moved and Sam slipped back in.

"There is a creek near by." He said it as if that was important. "Maybe you should go and clean up a bit."

Dean opened his mouth to protest but then he saw Sam's face in the flashlight he carried. It was clean now but that only made the cuts and scratches more visible. Dean looked the same, he guessed, plus more dirt.

He didn't want to leave Cas but he wouldn't be of any help if the cuts got infected. And now that he'd noticed them he felt them burning. In his face, on his hands and his torso. The jeans and boots had protected his lower body, at least from the worst, but Sam was right, he should get cleaned up.

"There's water and the first aid kit by the fire." Sam added when Dean reluctantly nodded to the idea. "I'll sit with him for a moment."

Dean didn't want to leave Cas but Sam had a point here.

"Yell if something changes."

Already halfway out of the tent Dean glanced over his shoulder but by then Sam had switched his flashlight off and the light coming from the fire was too weak to do more than to create more dark shadows. He could make out shapes but barely. With a sigh he got out of the tent.

As promised there was everything he needed at the fire and he shed his torn shirts right there where he had at least some light to have a first look at his damaged body. He knew that scratches could hurt like a bitch even if they were only superficial but he found some rather deep ones as well. A few had even bled quite a bit but by now they were crusted over with dried blood and dirt.

Just to make sure he peeled off his jeans as well. There were a few torn patches in the denim but he couldn't tell if there was blood or only dirt around them.

Nothing too bad on his legs, he found out, but he better cleaned those up as well. In only his boots and underwear he followed the soft mumbling of the creek. The water was so cold that it bit in his skin and his fingers were numb after only a few seconds but Dean gritted his teeth and washed his whole body. With the flashlight he made sure that he got every spot and then he staggered back to the campsite, shivering and with clattering teeth, to take care of the cuts. And he could use one of the painkillers.

When he came back into the tent, nothing had changed. Sam had stretched out in his sleeping bag and only raised his head when Dean came in. He had a hand on Cas' chest so he could monitor his breathing. There was not much else he could do. He was fighting a losing battle against sleep, Dean could tell.

"Anything?" Dean asked in a low voice.

"Nothing." Came Sam's answer.

"Go to sleep." Dean made himself comfortable in his own sleeping bag but he doubted he could sleep. Not with Cas lying there like this. However, his body ached from the hard work and he already felt his eyelids drop. For now he was way too cold to actually sleep but it wouldn't take long until he would be warm again.

"Wake me if ..." Sam didn't finish the sentence but Dean couldn't tell if it was because he didn't know what if he was hoping for or if Sam had fallen asleep mid-sentence. Anyway, a minute later his breathing had evened out and he was fast asleep.

"Just you and me now, uh?" Dean rolled to his side and mirrored the position Cas usually preferred. With his head on Cas' shoulder Dean listened to the in and out of air coming from Cas.

Outside the forest was back to its normal self with the usual noises of the night and this time it was comforting. Dean's mind only drifted to Purgatory for a second but didn't stay there. The noises outside where good, they meant that whatever Metatron had done to this place was over.

Dean didn't want to sleep but his body needed the rest and when he closed his eyes, he didn't open them again.

When he woke up, it was morning. Judging by the light coming through the tent the sun was already high up in the sky, so probably closer to noon, Dean guessed.

"Cas?" Dean asked and propped himself up on one elbow to look the angel in the face. Nothing had changed. Cas was still unconscious and as far as Dean could tell he hadn't moved at all over the night.

He glanced over to Sam but his sleeping bag was empty.

"Why did he let me sleep?" Dean muttered and scrambled out of his bag. He didn't want to leave Cas but his bladder had once again other idea. And he needed to find his brother.

He found Sam at the fire, boiling water for their morning coffee. Dean could use some caffeine and a bit later they sat shoulder to shoulder at the fire, nursing their coffees and staring into the flames.

"We can't get him out of here like this." Sam said without taking his gaze off the flames.

"I know." He had thought about carrying the angel but with the rocky terrain it was next to impossible. Besides, it had taken them almost three days to get here, even if they headed for the nearest road, they didn't know how long that would take. The terrain was tricky, what seemed like a short distance on the map turned out to be day's trip.

"We can't leave him like this." Dean said after a long moment. The thought alone of Cas out here, unconscious and unprotected, made him sick, Dean couldn't do that.

So it was either one of them stayed with Cas while the other one went to get help or to risk it and try to carry Cas out which most likely would end with at least a twisted ankle on their part. If not worse.

Sam took a stick and started poking the fire. "Hannah?"

"You think she's willing to help?" Dean still wasn't sure if he trusted her. But Sam was right, she could probably help. If she could get here. The angels couldn't fly anymore, they used cars nowadays.

"Dunno." Sparks burst up from his poking. "I prayed to her. She didn't answer."

Dean nodded. He hadn't expected less. Angels, never there when you need them.

"I was thinking." Sam threw the stick in the flames and took his mug of coffee in both hands. "This trap."

"What's with it?" Dean asked casually but on the inside he dared to hope, this was Sam's "I'm on to something here" tone.

"Metatron is obsessed with stories, right?"

"Yeah?" That had been how they'd first met him, always hungry for a good story.

"Think about it, the brambles, the thorns and Cas in the middle, sleeping."

"What's your point?" That stirred something in his mind, something familiar, but he couldn't quite grasp it.

"You remember Sleeping Beauty?"


	32. Chapter 32

"Sleeping Beauty?" Dean asked in the exact tone Sam expected coming from him. "You have to be kidding me."

Sam just stared into the flames for a moment longer, giving Dean time to wrap his mind around the idea.

"You have to admit that Metatron is obsessed with stories." Sam repeated. "And this is pretty much a version of that fairy tale."

"What are you trying to say?" Sam felt Dean's eyes on him. "That I've to kiss him and then he'll wake up? Easy like that?"

Sam nodded. "Pretty much."

"Why should he leave such a loop hole? Why not let him sleep forever? Or kill him?"

"It's the story, that's why." Sam had spent half the night thinking about this. It made sense. And if he was honest, how high were the chances that Cas' true love would be near and willing to kiss him?

Sam couldn't really believe just yet that Dean and Cas had made the leap. So to Metatron this must have looked like a permanent solution. Hell, with all the brambles around the birches and in this far off area, Cas could have been lying here for centuries without anybody finding him. He had been lucky that they had been with him.

"So what?" Dean asked after a moment of silence. "I just go in there and kiss him?"

At least they didn't have a discussion about who Cas' true love might be. Sam was grateful for small mercies here.

"You didn't seem to have a problem with eating his face off right in front of me yesterday." Sam reminded him. Since they were openly out seeing them kissing was a regular thing in the bunker. They dimmed it a bit when they were outside but not by much. Not that Sam minded, it was just his job as the little brother to get annoyed by his big brother showing off like that.

"Okay." Dean straightened up but didn't move otherwise.

"What are you waiting for?" Sam wasn't one hundred percent sure this would work but they would never know as long as Dean didn't get his butt up and kissed his angel.

Dean didn't answer but he stood up and walked over to the tent. He moved like he was walking to his own execution and not to save his angel with a kiss of true love.

But that might be the problem here, Sam thought. Dean had this problem with believing that he mattered to others, that he was worth it.

Silently Sam prayed that it would work, it would be the proof that there was real love between Dean and Cas and sometimes Dean just needed a reminder of that.

Sam didn't want to think about what it would mean to Dean if the kiss didn't work. There had been issues between Cas and his brother, Sam still hadn't found out what that was all about, but they had been better lately. If the kiss didn't work, Sam wasn't sure how Dean would take it. Would he think that their love wasn't real? That he wasn't the right one for Cas?

Which was absurd. Everybody but Dean saw how Cas looked at him. The things Cas had done for Dean, sacrificed for Dean … If that wasn't true love Sam had no idea what was.

Sam stayed at the fire while behind him Dean opened and closed the zipper of the tent. There was no need for Sam to go with him, this was something between Dean and Cas, and he would know if it worked or not in a minute anyway.

He stared into the flames and strained his ears but there was no sound coming from the tent. He wondered how long Dean would stall.

A minute ticked by and then another one, Sam had checked his watch, and by now he was almost convinced that he was wrong and a kiss from Dean wasn't the solution at all. Which would leave them with the problem of what to do next. Maybe they could build some kind of travois. He was pretty sure that Dean could come up with some ideas on that.

But then there was a blinding light. Sam had his back to the tent and he still needed to shield his eyes.

"Cas?" He was on his feet a second later, blindly making a step in the general direction of the tent. His vision cleared after a few seconds, at least far enough for him to find the zipper. "Dean!"

For a second he had the horror vision in his mind of Dean dead on the ground with his eyes burned out. The angelic light was dangerous, but then he heard his brother's voice.

"We're fine, Sam."

Peering inside the tent Sam had to make sure himself. Cas was still lying in his sleeping bag with Dean kneeling beside him but now Cas had propped himself up on one elbow and blinked in confusion at Dean. When he noticed Sam he turned his gaze towards him, searching for an explanation. When both brothers failed to speak he tilted his head and asked: "What happened?"

"You walked right into a trap, you idiot." Dean slapped his head playfully. "What were you thinking?"

Cas frowned to that.

"I remember my grace calling for me." He finally said but in a doubtful tone as if he wasn't sure if that memory was correct.

"You took off like a freaking sleepwalker." Dean filled him in. "Right into that thing and we couldn't follow you. Then there was this bright light and brambles sprouted all around the birches. Took us the whole day to hack through that." He took a breath and continued rambling. "And then we found you, sleeping. We were doing all the work and you were sleeping."

Dean glossed over the part where they'd thought he wouldn't wake up again.

"I don't remember any of that." Cas said. "But I'm awake now."

He sat up all the way, with his elbows resting on his knees still inside the sleeping bag. He had a distant look in his eyes and Sam knew he wasn't home at the moment.

"That was a rather strong spell." Cas' vision cleared and he was fully there again. "You shouldn't have been able to wake me up."

"We think Metatron had a fairy tale in mind when he created the trap." Sam sat down next to him and stretched his legs as far as he could in the tent. "Sleeping Beauty."

"I am familiar with that tale." Cas confirmed and Dean rolled his eyes.

"Of course you are." Dean muttered. "Stupid Metatron. He ruined you, you know that?"

An amused smile played over Cas' lips.

"Are you angry because you wanted to be the sleeping beauty?" He asked in that earnest voice of his and Sam lost it there. The tension from the last day or two melted out of his body and he just tilted sideways until he lay on his sleeping bag, gasping for air.

"Not funny, Sammy." Dean growled at him but that only drove him into the next fit. Sam held his stomach and blinked away the laughing tears but he only had to glance over to Cas who watched him with curiosity and he lost it again. He felt the cuts all over his body, laughing wasn't exactly what the doctor had ordered, but the strain couldn't dampen his mood.

"I was the prince here." Dean said. "I'm the hero of the story."

"If you say so." Sam brought the word out between short breaths.

"Besides, Cas makes a way better sleeping beauty."

"Thank you, Dean."

Dean groaned but couldn't hold back the laughter any longer. With the confused angel sitting between them, Sam and Dean let out everything, until they had to wipe the tears off their faces and Sam's stomach hurt but he couldn't stop laughing.

When he finally did come down from the fit, Sam lay on his back, catching his breath and on the other side Dean was in a similar condition. He couldn't remember the last time they'd laughed that carefree but it felt good.

Clearing his throat he sat up again, they should probably start packing soon otherwise they would stay even longer out here than they already had to.

"Your grace." Dean had sobered up as well. "You have it back?"

Cas didn't answer. Instead he reached out to both of them and Sam held his breath when the fingertips touched his forehead.

Soft light washed through him and Sam sighed in relief. Sore muscles, burning cuts, everything was gone in a heartbeat. He even felt more rested than he'd felt in days.

He looked over to Dean and the cuts on his face were gone.

"Thanks, man." Dean said, his voice suspiciously thick.

"You're welcome." With that Cas peeled himself out of the sleeping bag. "I think we can go now."

Sam met Dean's eyes and the awe he saw there made him smile. Cas was back.

They were in no hurry but all of them were fed up with camping and couldn't get back to civilization quick enough.

"Too bad you still can't fly." Dean observed when they'd packed everything and were ready to leave.

"I'm sorry, Dean." Cas answered. "But with what Metatron did ... I'm not sure if I will ever fly again."

There was wistfulness in his voice, his whole posture, that made Sam look away quickly. He couldn't even start to imagine what it felt like to lose the ability to fly. It was their nature, angels had wings, angels fly.

Losing that, Sam shook his head. It wasn't right.

"But you got your grace back, that's all that matters." Dean tried to gloss over it. He slung his arm around Cas' shoulder as if he needed the contact to make sure the angel was truly there.

"That's probably the reason Hannah didn't answer." Sam shouldered his backpack and started walking.

"Hannah?" Cas asked and fell into an easy rhythm with them. He was carrying the weapon bag again and Sam was pretty sure that Dean had put all the heavier stuff into Cas' backpack. Cas would probably not even notice the additional weight.

"Yeah, we didn't know why you wouldn't wake up and I prayed to her." He shrugged. In hindsight it seemed silly. What did he expect? That she would pop in out of nowhere? That she would snap her fingers and everything would be alright?

"And she didn't answer you?" Cas asked farther.

"No." Sam shook his head. "But I guess she's busy in heaven and it worked out just fine without her help." He grinned at his brother who already blushed in advance. "Right, Prince Charming?"

"Nair." Dean muttered while he upped his pace to get ahead of them. "In your shampoo. Or dye. Pink. You'll wake up with pink hair one day."

Sam only laughed to that.

It took them two days to reach a road but then it was only a matter of a couple of hours until they were back at the Impala.

"Baby." Dean hurried over to her and made a full round to make sure she was intact without any scratches or dents. "Missed me?"

"If you get jealous." Sam said to Cas in a low voice, both just standing there, watching the reunion. "That's normal. If he's ever going to cheat on you, it's going to be with her."

"She is his first love." Cas answered matter-of-factly without a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "He will always love her. And he will always love you."

Sam didn't know what to say to that.

"Can the sappy talk and get in." Dean had opened the driver's door and was now glaring at Cas. "I want a hot shower, a double bacon cheeseburger and a real bed. Not necessarily in that order.

"I strongly recommend that order." Sam answered and couldn't deny that he was in desperate need of a shower as well. Only full on angel Cas managed to look fresh and clean even after almost a week of hiking. And Cas hadn't slept during the night. He had sat at the fire all night and Sam still wasn't sure if he liked that or not.


	33. Chapter 33

They were tired and dirty and Dean just wanted to find them a place to hole up for the night. So the next motel with the vacancy sign on was his. As long as the room had a shower and a bed he would be a happy camper. He cringed inwardly at that thought and decided that that phrase was now officially banned from the English language.

Cas got them their rooms, he was the one who looked the least like a hostile horror movie hillbilly, and then, finally, Dean dumped his bag in his room with the shower already visible through the open bathroom door.

"This is heaven." He sighed at that sight and kicked off his boots.

"This is not heaven." Cas closed the door behind them and eyed Dean as if he wasn't sure if Dean was joking or got hit over the head.

"You know that." He added for good measure and Dean chuckled to that.

_Cas, never change, man,_ he thought. _Never change._

Now that they were alone Dean dared to ask the question he hadn't dared to ask while Sam was in earshot.

"So, you're back?" He asked and threw his jacket on the bed. A double bed, big and comfortable and Dean couldn't wait to lay down. And for once sleep was on top of his mind. "Full on angel again?"

"I have my grace back." Cas answered somewhat vaguely which Dean translated to _no_. He sighed but wasn't really surprised either.

"It is weakened." Cas clarified. "But it should recover over time."

"If you say so." Dean wasn't convinced but what did he know about angel physiology. "I need a shower." With that he peeled the layers of clothing off his body, he would later see what was salvageable and what he should better burn, and then he stepped over to the bathroom. It was small with some cracked tiles and strains in the corners he didn't want to think about. But it had a shower which promised hot water and that was all he cared about.

A minute later Dean stood under the hot spray, arms braced against the wall so that the jets could work the knots out of his neck and shoulders. How long since his last shower? Six days? Something like that.

He let the water soak his skin for a moment longer, it washed away the worst of the grime and Dean intended to use up all the soap and shampoo the motel provided. He could only hope that that was enough for him to feel clean again. He doubted it, though.

Suddenly there was a cold draft and then Cas slipped in behind him.

"Cas?" Dean turned his head but was too comfy under the spray to move or even open his eyes properly. "What you doing?"

"Stay like this."

He felt a strong hand between his shoulder blades but he didn't have any intention to move anyway. But he was curious what Cas was up to.

The shower stall was barely big enough for them so Cas stood close and Dean was more than aware of the fact that they were both wet and naked. Suddenly he didn't feel as tired anymore as he'd felt a minute ago.

He couldn't see what Cas was doing behind him but when Cas' fingers started to massage shampoo into his hair he just leaned into the touch and let him have his way with him.

When he was done with the hair Cas washed his body. With thick lathers of soap he washed the days of sweat and dirt off Dean's back, arms and legs.

"Turn around." Cas said and Dean obeyed immediately. Leaning against the tiles now in his back he waited for whatever Cas had in mind. By now Dean was half-hard and wouldn't mind if Cas wanted to go that direction but one glance between Cas' legs told him that that wasn't the first thing on the angel's mind. Dean sighed and closed his eyes, this was good too, letting Cas take care of him like this.

They didn't need to jump each other at any opportunity, they weren't horny teenagers anymore. Not that Dean would mind, though.

Cas washed his front with care but without acknowledging Dean's growing erection which was basically right in his face when he knelt down to wash his legs and feet.

Dean held his breath, curious what Cas would do next. His mouth was just inches from his cock and he wanted to feel him there. Feel his mouth around him, his tongue on him but he bit back the order on the tip of his tongue.

He wanted to force his way into Cas' mouth, wanted to fuck his face, make him take it. It was the Mark speaking, Dean knew that and he stood very still. He didn't trust himself here. It was tempting, oh so tempting.

They stayed like this for a second or two, it felt longer to Dean, but then Cas closed his hand around the base of his cock. He looked up at him and their eyes met. There was a question in that gaze but Dean wasn't quite sure what Cas was asking.

"You don't have to." Dean said softly, biting back the words he really wanted to say. The Mark was strong today, filling him with dark desires.

"I want to." Cas kept eye contact for a moment longer before he lowered his gaze, eyes on the task at hand. Then he took the tip of Dean's cock in his mouth.

Dean sucked in a sharp breath. He'd thought about this, dreamed about it even, but feeling Cas' lips closing around him? His tongue darting forward, dipping into the slit? Dean never thought it would feel this amazing.

"Cas." He said, hands falling down to that wet mob of hair, not guiding or forcing, just resting there while Cas tried to learn the finer points of giving head.

Like Dean had shown him in the reversed position Cas worked the base with his hand while he sucked and licked around the head. He didn't try to take him in deep and a part of Dean wanted to just force his way down his throat but he stood still and let Cas do whatever he wanted.

Cas' other hand found his balls and gently cradled them while he nibbled his way up and down Dean's shaft.

Then the heat of his mouth was back and he started to bob his head in earnest. Cas sucked and slurped like a cheap porn star and Dean had never seen anything hotter.

"You watch too much porn." Dean gritted out, biting back a moan.

When Cas angled his head so that he could glance upwards at Dean, eyes dark with lust and droplets of water trapped in his eyelashes, Dean lost it.

He'd just enough time to cry out a warning before his hips jerked and the waves of his orgasm rippled through him. Jets of come hit Cas in the face.

Cas didn't flinch back. Quite the opposite, he closed his eyes and angled his face upwards with an expression as if he was receiving a sacrament.

_I'm going to hell for that thought,_ ran through Dean's mind but he could only stare in awe at Cas' peaceful face with come and water washing over it.

"Get up." Dean said, his voice thick with emotion. Gracefully Cas came to his feet and Dean embraced him, holding him tight. Their lips met for a tender kiss and then Dean washed the last traces of semen off Cas' face with his hand.

"I think the water is getting colder." Cas observed.

"Way to ruin the moment." Dean laughed at that but Cas had a point, the water was getting colder. It was a miracle that it had lasted this long. He shut the water off and Cas handed him a towel. They dried off and then moved over to the main room.

Dean eyed the bed. He wanted to take care of Cas, with his hand or mouth, whatever Cas preferred, but the angel reached for his pants instead.

"Cas?" Naked and at a loss Dean stood next to the bed. "I could ..." He made a vague gesture in the direction of Cas' groin which didn't show any sign of arousal at all.

"I'm fine, Dean." He slipped his underwear over his hips and shook the pants out to put them on as well. "Sam is waiting for us."

"He can wait five more minutes." Dean muttered but opened his bag to get some fresh clothes out. He felt stupid standing around naked while Cas got dressed. "If you do things like this without letting me return the favor I feel like I should pay you or something." It was meant as a joke but when he said it, it didn't sound funny at all.

Cas studied him for a moment and then stepped over to him. With only his pants on he looked even more sexy than naked.

"I'm not a prostitute." He reminded him and slung his arms around Dean's neck. Their faces were close now but Dean could not read his expression.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I enjoyed what I did in the shower." Cas said. "But at the moment I don't feel the desire to receive something like it."

"Okay." Dean licked his lips, not sure if a kiss would be appropriate now. If Cas felt the desire to receive one.

The angel tilted his head as if he was reading something on Dean's face, or his mind, Dean was never sure how much of his mind the angel could actually read, and then he closed his eyes and brought their lips together. The kiss was almost chaste, just lips on lips, and lasted way too short for Dean's liking.

"Sam's waiting and I'm hungry." With that Cas broke the kiss and turned around to get dressed.

The hungry part was a lie, Dean knew that. Since Cas had his grace back, he hadn't slept and the one time he'd tried a marshmallow he had sighted sadly and didn't want another one. Sam had made a comment about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches Dean didn't get but he did get that Cas didn't need to eat anymore.

Lost in thoughts Dean got dressed and then they went over to Sam's room. Nobody felt like going out so they ordered in and watched TV while they waited for the food.

Sam had the news on but so far the world was moving on and Dean didn't spot something he'd really missed over the last few days and thankfully there was nothing along their line of work either so they could just go home for once.

Comfortably full Dean could barely keep his eyes open anymore so they said good night to Sam, who had dozed of a while ago, and then Dean and Cas moved over to their own room.

After what had happened earlier Dean didn't feel like sleeping naked so he opted for sweats and a t-shirt. Cas frowned at that but followed his lead and a minute later they lay side by side in bed.

The bed was as comfy as Dean had imagined, after almost a week of camping everything that was not the forest floor was an improvement, and he was ready to drift off to sleep immediately but one thought kept him awake.

"Cas?" He asked softly, not sure if Cas was already asleep. But then he remembered that this Cas didn't need to sleep anymore and that he would just lay there for hours, watching Dean sleep. Which should be creepy but that thought was comforting for some reason.

"Yes, Dean?" He didn't sound sleepy at all.

"Everything okay with us?" He asked, not sure what he even wanted to ask.

"Yes?" Cas answered obviously confused by that question. "Why shouldn't it be?"

"Nothing." Dean dismissed the thought. "I'm just tired."

He rolled to his side and reached over to Cas. Not sure if this was welcomed he draped his arm gently over him but then Cas shifted and snuggled closer until his back was pressed against Dean. Cas let out a happy sigh and with that Dean was finally able to relax and to drift off to sleep.


	34. Chapter 34

Sam woke up around ten the next morning and he still felt tired. His body was stiff and sore from the days of hiking, Cas had healed his wounds but that had done nothing to his exhaustion in general.

There was no sign that his brother was already up, no banging at his door, no messages on his phone, so it was a safe bet that Sam had some time before Dean wanted to start the day. At least enough time for another hot shower. He had one in the evening but his muscles could use some hot water to loosen up a bit. With a day in the car ahead it was probably a good idea.

When he came out of the bathroom a while later there was still no sign of Dean but they had to leave the rooms until eleven so he reached for his phone to tell Dean that he had about twenty minutes to get his ass out of the bed and out of the room because Sam didn't want to waste money and rent the rooms for another night. It had felt good to sleep in a real bed again but not good enough to stay for longer than necessary.

It was Cas who answered the phone and he promised to get them out of the room in time. With a grin Sam ended the call and started packing. There wasn't much to pack anyway, he'd more or less just taken out his toiletries and some sleepwear, so he was done in less than a minute. The clothes he'd worn during their hack and slay through the brambles were beyond saving so he tossed them in the trash.

One last look around to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything and then he was out of the room.

He packed his things in the trunk of the Impala and by then Cas had joined him with his and Dean's bags.

"Dean's coming?" Sam asked when he found his brother nowhere in sight.

"In a minute." Cas assured him, not going into detail what was holding up Dean so Sam figured he didn't want to know.

"Have you heard from Hannah?" Cas changed the topic.

"No." Sam closed the trunk and unlocked the door so that they didn't have to stand around the car. "She's probably too busy to answer me. Especially if she knows that she can't help. And it's too late now anyway." He shrugged. In his experience angels almost never answered when they were needed, he threw a side glance at Cas, so he wasn't worried about the lack of communication. He barely knew Hannah and if he was honest, he didn't like people scooping around in his head.

"She should have at least answered." Cas insisted and Sam bit his tongue to not point out how often Cas hadn't answered when they'd needed him. "I should return to heaven and check on her."

"You think she might be in trouble?" Sam hadn't thought of that. With Metatron gone Heaven should have calmed down. Okay, it was still locked so that was a problem but the angels weren't fighting among each other anymore. Much.

"I don't know." Cas said, worry clearly written on his face. "But I should go back and let her know that I have my grace back. Maybe I can help now."

Sam nodded to that. Robbed of his grace Cas had been pretty useless in the big battles but now that he was back …

There was more than enough work to do, Sam guessed.

"I don't like how they proceed with angels who chose to stay away from the others." Cas said in a low voice, more to himself than to Sam. Cas hadn't told him much about the mission he and Hannah had been on but what he knew, worried Sam. If angels wanted to live their own life, why shouldn't they? As long as they didn't do any harm, it was totally okay with him. But angel mentality was different from human. Cas had learned to see the world from a more human perspective so it probably was a good idea if he went back. Maybe he could once again influence his brothers and sisters. Maybe this time it would work out.

"Am I late?" Dean joined them. He looked rested but the bags under his eyes weren't completely gone. So it wasn't only Sam who could use a few days off to recharge.

"Just in time." Sam checked his watch and then handed Dean his key.

"Be right back." Dean went over to the office to check them out and out of the corner of his eye Sam noticed the way Cas was watching Dean. The layers of shirts made it difficult to see the firm body beneath but Dean's jeans were hugging his butt quite nicely, Sam had to admit and shook his head in amusement. When had he become comfortable with thinking about his brother's butt?

Dean was back a minute later and they left the motel in search for a diner where they could get a late breakfast or an early lunch. Sam didn't care, he was hungry, and everything that was not an energy bar or canned soup was more than welcomed.

They found a diner and Sam's stomach grumbled in anticipation when they entered. The smell of coffee was strong in the air, mixed with the rich aroma of food which made his mouth water.

They sat down and the waitress was there with coffee almost immediately.

"Dude, the worst about camping is the food." Dean let him know and then ordered half the menu. Sam ordered his fair share as well, he'd never guessed that he could be longing for something deep fried at this time of the day, or ever, but after days of minimal food and hard work, his body needed more calories.

"Nothing for you, sir?" The waitress had taken their orders and was now looking at Cas questioningly.

"Just coffee, thank you." Cas answered politely and Sam had the feeling that he only stuck to the coffee to not stand out too much. With Dean sitting right across from him Sam had a good view on his brother's reaction to this and he saw the same emotions flashing over his face he felt himself. Cas was an angel again, which was good, it really was, but with that he'd lost some important things as well. The sandwich came back to mind but Sam forced himself to let that thought go. There was nothing he could do about that and if Cas had to choose between dying and the taste of a sandwich, this was the better option, no question about that. But it still hurt.

When their food arrived the brothers dug in with Cas watching over them. It felt weird at first, that intense gaze on him while he ate, but Cas had more eyes for Dean anyway and after the first few bites Sam had forgotten his surroundings anyway. If they never had to go camping again it would be fine with him.

"This is good." Dean said around a mouth full of half-chewed something and stuffed more in his face before he even thought about swallowing. "I'm going to toss everything canned out of the bunker, I'm telling you. And if you dare to bring home energy bars, I swear, man, be prepared to get stuffed with them where the sun don't shine."

Sam only grinned to that. He didn't want to see one of those anytime in the near future either.

When they left the diner full but happy, Sam dropped in the passenger seat and was just glad that they could drive and didn't have to walk.

"Let's go home." Dean said and started the car.

"Could you drop me off at the nearest portal first?" Cas asked from the back seat.

"Nearest what?"

"There is a portal to Heaven not far off the way back to the bunker." Cas explained. "I'd like to check on Hannah, she hasn't responded to Sam."

"Oh." Dean made and Sam noticed how off his brother sounded at that request. "Okay, no problem."

Dean eased the car on the road and turned the music on and on first glance everything seemed alright but Sam knew his brother. Something was worrying him.

With the detour to the portal they had to spent two more days on the road before they could drop off Cas and probably one more before they reached the bunker. _Not far off_ turned out to be a loose term. Even by Winchester standards.

Dean's mood got worse over time but he was desperate to not show it but Sam could clearly tell that something was eating at him.

"You'll drop in soon, right?" Dean asked when they walked over the playground, heading for the sandbox where a lonely mother was watching over her child playing in the sand. Or better, the kid was pretending to play in the sand.

They really should work on their cover, Sam mused but didn't say anything. His mind was on Dean's question and he held his breath for Cas' answer.

The way Dean had asked his question told Sam that for some reason his brother wasn't sure if Cas would come back. Which was ridiculous. He'd seen both of them pining for the other one and now when they'd finally admitted what they wanted and were happily together, Dean was worried Cas wouldn't come back? Sam didn't get it.

Except for that he did. He knew Dean, he knew that Dean always expected people to leave him. And if they didn't leave him by choice that life would find a way to take them by force. So yeah, he got why Dean was so insecure about this.

"I'll be back soon." Cas promised in his earnest way but didn't set a time frame. Sam knew that he didn't know what to expect in Heaven so Cas couldn't tell when he would be back but silently Sam hoped that _soon_ would be soon.

They said their goodbyes and then they left the playground before somebody could get worried about two grown men on a playground without a child.

"You think everything is alright up there?" Dean asked when they were back in the Impala.

"Dunno." Sam had to admit. There was nothing more to say and Sam was grateful when Dean cranked up the music and after a while even started to sing along.

They didn't want to push it and drive through, there was no need to hurry, so they spent the night in another motel. They went into the office together and when the clerk ask them what they wanted, they both hesitated for a moment but then Dean booked them a room with two singles. The clerk threw them a glance as if he wanted to say "You can't fool me." but didn't say anything and just handed them the keys.

"Why do they always think that?" Dean muttered under his breath when they left the office.

"Well." Sam said. "On your part it's true."

"Not with you." Dean pointed out. "You're my brother. Why do they always assume I'm screwing my own brother?"

"They don't know that part." They walked side by side and it felt good, just like the old days. Just the two of them, some random motel and the open road waiting for them in the morning. Sam couldn't remember when they had this the last time. When there had been no apocalypse, no demons or angels on their asses, just them and maybe a hunt on the horizon.

They found their room and Dean took the bed closest to the door but Sam had been on his way farther into the room anyway, some things just never changed. He wondered if Dean slept on the side facing the door when he shared a bed with Cas as well.

They enjoyed the evening with take out Chinese and some old monster movies on TV. They didn't talk much and for some reason they didn't lost a word about Cas. Sam only noticed that fact when he was about to drift off to sleep and he was too tired to think about it. Besides, it had been their evening and it had been fun.


	35. Chapter 35

Over the day while Sam was with them in the car Dean could pretend that everything was fine. But during those two nights before they dropped Cas off it was obvious that something was wrong.

The first night they slept spooning again and neither of them tried to initiate something more and that was good. Dean could tell that Cas was content with that even if he didn't sleep. The second night, though, Cas tried rather awkwardly to get into Dean's pants. Dean could clearly tell that Cas wasn't aroused in the slightest and suspected that he only did this to please Dean so he cut that one down as quickly as possible.

"You don't have to do this just to please me." Dean said, not even sure what exactly Cas had in mind but the lube on the nightstand was telling.

"You enjoy sex." Cas answered with a puzzled expression and once again tried to caress the curve of Dean's butt.

"I do." Gently he took the hand off his hip and held it in his. "But only with a partner who enjoys it as well." He sighed. "Don't get me wrong here, I'd love to, I really do, but not if you only do this to please me. That's not how it works."

Cas just stared at him for a moment before he rolled away from Dean and sat up.

"Cas?" Dean asked but didn't hold him back when the angel got up and reached for his clothes.

"I need to think." Cas said with his back to Dean, his tone flat.

"Are you ..." Dean couldn't bring the words out. His voice broke and he nodded in defeat. Of course Cas would leave.

"I'm going to for a walk." Now he turned towards the bed but his face stayed unreadable. "You can sleep, Dean. I'll be back."

Dean doubted that he would be able to sleep. Not when Cas left him like this but his promise to come back eased a few of his worries.

"You should have said that with more of an accent." Dean joked weakly, desperately trying to not show how much this hurt. He had dared to try this thing with Cas but he should have known better. Cas may would come back this time but there would be a next time and Dean was sure that one day he wouldn't come back. Everybody left him eventually and he'd been a fool to think otherwise.

He watched the door closing behind Cas and he had to blink against his burning eyes. He stayed in bed but was still awake when hours later the door opened again. Pretending to be fast asleep, as if he could fool Cas, Dean didn't dare to let out the relieved sigh when Cas slipped into bed behind him.

"I told you I'd be back." Cas whispered and brushed a kiss on the soft spot behind his ear. Dean shuddered to that and finally relaxed but that didn't answer the question why Cas had felt the need to go for a walk in the middle of the night in the first place.

They didn't talk about it in the morning and for sure not in the car with Sam sitting right next to them but when they reached the playground and Cas was ready to leave, Dean couldn't hold back the question. He needed to hear that Cas would come back.

Cas promised to be back as soon as he could and that was all Dean was asking for.

The rest of the day Dean spent in the car with Sam, feeling the empty space behind him like something physical.

When they stopped for the night Dean was grateful for the evening with take out food and watching movies. It was fun. Just him and his brother. Like in the old days.

Tonight there was an easiness between them that hadn't been there for way too long. There had always been something they hid from the other, something that stood between them, but tonight they were brothers again. They laughed about the same stupid stunts on the TV and argued about which actress was hotter, an argument Dean totally won, and just had silly fun until it was time to turn in. Sam didn't mention Cas and Dean really didn't want to bring him up, not today, and all in all it was a great evening.

He even fell asleep quite easily without lying awake for hours, wondering what was up with Cas and if he would come back or not.

They slept in, granting themselves the luxury of a few lazy days, and then spent another day on the road until they reached the bunker in the late afternoon. Dean put his duffel bag in his room but he wasn't sure where he should put Cas'. Technically speaking Cas had his own room but he hadn't really used it lately.

On the other hand, Dean wasn't so sure anymore where they stood in their relationship. He let out a bitter laugh _Dean Winchester_ and _relationship_ those two never went well together. Why he'd expected this to turn out differently he had no idea. Maybe he was just stupid.

He put Cas' bag in the angel's room.

For a moment he stood there, taking in the room. It still felt like Cas' even if most of the things around Dean had bought and put in here. There was next to nothing Cas had put here himself and there was absolutely nothing personal in here.

Not that Cas had much personal stuff, Dean mused. He and Sam never had much to begin with but Dean had enough to make his room his. Pictures and the weapons he'd put on the wall. Hell, he had his chronologically organized porn and his records. But Cas had nothing.

On some level Dean had hoped they would make Dean's room theirs with pictures of both of them and stuff like that. Not that he was much for decoration but he wanted the bunker to be Cas' home as well. But now the angel was back at his real home.

Dean closed the door and went for the kitchen to prepare dinner. At least that would keep his mind busy.

He had known that they would be on the road for at least a few days so he'd made sure to not leave any perishable things in the fridge so for tonight he had to improvise.

For tomorrow he'd planned a trip into town for some much needed groceries. He'd never admit it to Sam but he was longing for something fresh.

That night Dean stayed up late. Sam had gone to bed hours ago but Dean didn't want to go to sleep. One night in a motel room with his brother in the other bed had been okay but for some reason the thought of sleeping alone in this bed, the one he'd shared with Cas before, clutched his stomach. In the end he did gave in and got ready for bed but he just stared into the darkness for long hours before he finally drifted off to sleep. His sleep was uneasy and not restful at all and of course Sam had to comment on that when they met over coffee in the kitchen in the morning.

"Dude, did you sleep at all?" Sam asked as soon as he laid eyes on him. Apparently holding his face under cold water for what had felt like hours had done nothing for the bags under his eyes. Awesome.

Dean grumbled into his coffee and at least Sam dropped it at that. Instead he poured him another mug and with that he was Dean's favorite person today.

With the excuse that he wanted to work on the car Dean left shortly after breakfast. He didn't like the glances Sam threw at him and for sure he didn't want to wait around until Sam had worked up the courage to ask the questions on his mind.

Dean didn't want to talk about it because there was nothing to talk about. This was something between him and Cas and it probably was nothing at all and he was worried for no good reason.

After Dean had turned back human he had given the Impala all the attention and maintenance she deserved so there wasn't really anything to do here so Dean just cleaned her out again, sorted the weapons in the trunk and polished her until she was shining. At least with his car he knew what to expect. She would never leave him.

Dean needed fresh air and he had wanted to drive into town for groceries anyway so half an hour later he was on the road. He took his time in the store, just enjoying the ordinary task like a normal person, and no, he wasn't stalling. But he had noticed the look on Sam's face when he'd been in shortly to grab the shopping list and to tell Sam that he would be gone for a while. Sam had that look in his eyes. The _we need to talk_ look and Dean had never liked that one. Especially with this. This was about Dean's private life, yes surprise he had one, and for sure nothing he wanted to talk about with Sam.

Dean stood in the vegetable aisle and tried to figure out if he wanted apple or rhubarb pie for dessert later. He let out a huff and put the apples in his cart, the classic ones were always the good ones.

What was up with Cas? That was the big question. Or not up, because that seemed to be the real problem here. It would be ridiculous if this was something physical but somehow he doubted that angel's could suffer from impotence. Which only left the explanation that for some reason being with Dean didn't arouse him. Which meant what? Cas didn't have performance problems with the women he'd been with. Maybe he didn't like dudes after all?

Browsing through the aisles Dean threw things into his cart without really noticing what. His mind was on other things.

In the end he bought way more than he'd intended to but he didn't care. And he was grateful that Sam had buried himself in some books and didn't even look up when he came home otherwise Dean would have to explain what he wanted with all those tissues.

With the groceries packed away Dean started dinner and they actually had apple pie for dessert. Life was good. If it hadn't been for that look on Sam's face. At least he waited until they'd cleaned up after dinner and by then Dean dared to hope that he could put him off for another day.

But then Sam asked if Dean wanted to watch a movie and the only alternative was to turn in early which was the last thing Dean wanted to do. So he agreed to the movie and a few beers. It was fun but after the first movie and his third beer Dean knew that this was the moment Sam had been working up to. With a sigh Dean finished his bottle and set it aside, waiting for his brother to speak.

"Dean." Sam started and he even tried to sound casually as if he was only about to ask which movie they wanted to watch next. But of course that wasn't what he wanted to ask and they both knew it.

"Just drop it, Sam." Dean tried to cut him off before this could get awkward. "Let's just pop in another movie, okay?"

"Dean." Sam said his name in that tone. "I know something is on your mind."

"That's none of your business." Dean snapped at him harsher than he'd intended and he wasn't sure if this was the Mark speaking or just him being pissed.

"After all we've been through." Now Sam sighed. "We should have learned by now that's never good to shut the other one out. It never works out." He paused as if he was waiting for Dean to start talking. Which he didn't. "I'm your brother, Dean, you can talk to me. Is it the Mark?"


	36. Chapter 36

Sam could tell that there was something on Dean's mind and at first he thought it was something between his brother and Cas, getting used to their new relationship, making it work, something like that, and he would have never asked about it. But whatever it was, it got worse after Cas had left so it had to be something else. And there was only one something else.

Knowing his brother Sam was sure that Dean wouldn't start talking on his own but they'd learned from experience that keeping secrets from each other never worked out and Sam didn't want to go down that road again. They'd finally reached a point where they were good, with nothing between them, and he didn't want to risk that for something stupid.

So he waited for the right moment to speak up. When they had an evening together with a movie and a few beers, not that Sam wanted to loosen his brother's tongue with alcohol or anything, he figured he wouldn't get a better chance.

Of course Dean knew that Sam wanted to talk and tried to cut him off before he'd even opened his big mouth but Sam just asked rather bluntly if it was the Mark bothering Dean.

For a second Dean blinked at him as if he'd been totally blindsided by that question which made Sam wonder if there was something else eating at him but then Dean smiled softly and shook his head slightly.

"I'm fine, Sammy." He assure him and it sounded genuine. But he was a professional liar, Sam had to keep that in mind, but on the other hand, so was Sam and he knew his brother for a while now, he was pretty sure that he could tell if Dean was lying here or not.

"You feel nothing from it?" Sam asked anyway because there was no chance that the Mark didn't effect him at least a little bit.

"Nothing I can't handle." Dean avoided his eyes by reaching for another beer but he didn't open it. He just held it in his hand, thumb brushing along the cap.

So there were effects.

"You can talk to me." Sam repeated and waited for Dean to open up. "You don't sleep well."

"The Mark is there, I can't change that." Dean glanced at him. "But I won't get the hammer back out, promise." It was meant as a joke, Sam got that, but spoken out loud it didn't sound like Dean was joking.

"I'm not afraid." Sam said softly. He knew his brother would never hurt him. That thing chasing him through the bunker had worn his brother's face but it hadn't been Dean. Not really, not the part that counted.

"Never said you were."

"So if it's not the Mark, what is it then?" Sam got him talking maybe he could get Dean to talk a little more. But now he clammed up.

"Nothing you can help with anyway." He uncapped the bottle of beer and took a big gulp.

So there was something but Sam could tell that Dean wouldn't talk about it. Not now and probably not ever.

"You have another movie ready?" Dean asked instead and a part of Sam wondered why he was still here. They were sitting with their back propped up against the headboard of Sam's bed because this was still the only place in the bunker with a TV set up. Sam would have bet money that after his attempt of a talk Dean would be over in his room in a heartbeat, claiming that he was tired. But no, he was asking for another movie.

"Sure." Sam answered easily and read off the titles he had at hand.

They watched another movie, a martial art one with a title Sam had forgotten as soon as the title card disappeared. But it was fun, watching those people fight as if the laws of physics had no meaning.

They barely spoke but the silence was comfortable and when the movie was over Dean wished him a good night and carried out the empty beer bottles before he went over to his room. He wasn't drunk, a few beers had never been enough to make Dean drunk, but Sam got the feeling that Dean had wanted the alcohol. Maybe to help him through the night? Which was not a comfortable thought, not at all.

Alone in his room Sam mused about the few bits Dean had revealed. The Mark was bothering him but he had it under control. Sam believed that part and so far he hadn't seen anything making him think otherwise. But there was something else and that bugged him. Dean didn't want to talk about it but it was big enough to lose sleep over it.

"Why can't things be easy for a change?" Sam muttered and made himself comfortable in the bed.

Dean didn't look better the next morning than he had the day before. If anything the bags under his eyes were even bigger.

Sam thew himself back into researching the Mark of Cain because that was the thing he could do. However, there wasn't much to find he hadn't read before and there was nothing about how to get rid of it. Considering that Dean was only the second person carrying the Mark it had been a far fetch from the beginning. His only guess was that Dean could pass it on to somebody else just like Cain had done with Dean but Sam doubted his brother would agree to something like that.

Not that Sam liked that idea either, burdening another person with the Mark? No, he had to find a way to get rid of it once and for all.

His fruitless research carried on over a few days and with every passing day Dean became more and more restless. He didn't sleep well, Sam could tell, and he paced around the bunker like a caged tiger.

They needed something to do, Sam realized and started searching for a possible hunt.

Which was easier said than done even with both of them searching, this was the only activity Dean seemed to have patience left for, and it took them another two days to come up with something which was at least worth checking out.

"Look at this." Dean said with more enthusiasm than Sam had seen on him since Cas had left. "They say he was alone at the construction site, after work, and he got electrocuted."

Sam read over the article Dean was showing him.

_It probably is a bust,_ Sam thought when he read the article about a construction worker who had died in what was officially considered an accident which was tragic but didn't scream supernatural by itself.

"Let's check it out." He decided more to get out of the bunker and away from the cloud of heavy thoughts over Dean's head than anything else. Half an hour later they were on their way and instantly Dean's mood got better. Sam just shook his head and rolled with it.

Their destination wasn't that far away, only half a day's ride in the car, and during that time they talked easily with the music playing too loud and eating junk food in the car and everything was good.

They had a rather late start and reached the place just after dark. Dean parked in front of the construction site but neither of them got out of the car. They were only here to have a first look, they weren't dumb enough to just jump in without any clue what they were dealing with. Not as long as it wasn't an emergency.

"That's huge." Dean whistled through his teeth at the sight of the building under construction.

They didn't even know where the accident had happened so there was no point in wandering aimlessly around. They needed more information first.

Sam had used the ride to check out a few things online and so far it only had been that one accident which had been days ago. No need to go in guns blazing.

"Looks like they're still working here." Dean observed. At this time of the day the shell of a building lay dark and abandoned in front of them but it was clear that the workers would be back in the morning.

"Hmm." Sam made and didn't like it. They wouldn't stop the whole thing because of one accident, he knew that and it probably was just that, an accident, but if this was something else, he'd like to have the site cleared until they were done with their job.

"Let's find a motel and start asking questions in the morning." Dean started the car and slowly she rolled past the half-build complex.

This would be a new apartment complex, Sam had found out, with almost one hundred and fifty units. There was money behind this, a lot of money, so they would only stop the work for something really big, people dying like flies, maybe, but Sam wouldn't bet money on that. What were a few lives against the millions they would lose with ever day the site stood still? It was a cynical thought but Sam knew how the world worked.

They found a motel and booked a room for the two of them which reminded Sam that they hadn't heard anything from Cas in days. Which wasn't unusual for the angel, he used to go off on his own without leaving a note more often than not, however, this time was different. Sam pretended that he didn't notice how often Dean checked his phone or how he seemed to suffer more with every day they didn't hear from Cas. Not that Dean was showing how bad he felt but Sam knew his brother.

Sam spent the rest of the evening with research. The building wasn't even finished so he focused more on the place where it stood, the history of there and anything that was connected to it. Not that he found much. The neighborhood had become worse over the last decades and somebody had the fantastic idea to demolish all the houses there and build this new and shiny apartment complex with wide parking lots and some small green areas and right next to it a shopping center was planned. They would start on that next year.

The area was quite large and Sam found out that the former residents didn't all leave peacefully. There had been protests and the lawsuits which came with such a big project and Sam wasn't surprised that in the end the side with the money won.

Sam shook his head at that and wondered if somebody had been upset enough about the turn of events to curse the place. But the houses had been demolished and the construction was going on for month now and so far this has been the first fatal accident.

"I found nothing." Sam closed his laptop and rubbed his eyes. Maybe they would find out more in the morning. He glanced over at Dean who had been busy with his own project. They'd figured that going in as FBI wouldn't cut it this time so Dean had been working on some new IDs for them.

"Maybe there is nothing to find." Dean admitted and handed him a fresh ID with his picture looking back at him. "What do you think?"

Sam had a closer look at the card that confirmed that he was Sam Barnes, construction inspector. The name didn't ring any alarm bells so he probably wasn't the butt of a joke this time. He had a look at Dean's as well.

Dean Rogers, also construction inspector.

"Looking good." He handed the cards back to Dean and then stretched in his chair. "I'm beat, man. Let's turn in."

They took turns in the bathroom but when they were about to turn the lights off Dean's phone rang.

He checked the caller ID before he hurried to answer.

"Cas?"


	37. Chapter 37

Working was good. Dean had gone stir crazy in the bunker with nothing to do than to think about him and Cas and the problem between them that wasn't actually there. Sam had picked up on that, of course he had, but after that one attempt of talking about it Sam had dropped it.

In a silent agreement they'd come to the decision that they needed a hunt to clear their minds, at least Dean needed it, so they jumped at the opportunity to check this accident out. They both knew that it probably was nothing but that didn't really matter.

Dean spent hours that evening to forge them IDs and he was content, almost happy. Sam didn't even complain about him humming while he was working but engrossed as his brother was in his research Dean wasn't sure if Sam even noticed.

When they were ready for bed Dean hoped that he could sleep for once. This was a different bed under different circumstances with nothing reminding him of Cas. The bed even smelled different and that was good, too. Dean made himself comfortable under the covers. Then his phone rang.

There weren't many people who knew his number and half of them were in the same room as him so it was rather pointless to check the caller's ID but he did it anyway.

Cas.

Not sure if this would turn out to be good or bad news, he hurried to answer the phone.

"Cas?" It sounded almost desperate in his own ears but he hoped Sam and more important Cas would chalk it off as worry.

"It's me, Dean." Cas answered and that ghosted a smile on his face. Cas and phones would never become friends. "I'm back."

"That's good to hear." And it was. Suddenly Dean could breathe easier, the knot in his chest loosened and he took a deep breath.

"Everything okay with Hannah?" With a delay he remembered the reason Cas had left in the first place. Or better, the official reason Cas had left. Over the last few days Dean had started to wonder if that had only been a welcomed excuse to get away from Dean.

"She is fine." Cas assured him. "There has been a little hassle but everything is fine now."

Dean had no idea what Cas would consider a little hassle but politics in heaven had never been their concern. They had enough going on on Earth.

"I'm on my way back to the bunker now." Cas told him.

"You have a car?" Dean remembered that Cas' car was still in the bunker's garage which left the angel stranded out there without wheels.

"I rented one." Cas answered in all earnesty and that made Dean chuckle. Cas was probably the only one he knew who would actually rent a car to get somewhere. Even Sam was more likely to steal one than to rent one and he was considered the good kid.

"That's good." Dean said and tried to not show his amusement too much. From the other bed Sam threw him a questioning glance but Dean just shook his head. "We're out, working a case. Dunno, how long this will take." Or how long he wanted this to take, if he wanted to see Cas as soon as possible or not.

"I could join you."

"We're not even sure if this is anything." Dean admitted. "By the time you get here we're probably already on our way back home." He had no clue where Cas was, if he'd used the same portal or not. Did they still move it around? He didn't know, so he couldn't tell how long it would take Cas to get here.

"I'll wait for you at the bunker, then." Cas agreed and ended the call. For a moment Dean just stared at the phone. Was this just Cas being Cas or something else?

"He alright?" Sam asked when Dean didn't speak on his own.

"He's fine." Dean put the phone on the nightstand. "There was a hassle in heaven, whatever that means, but everything seems fine now. He's rented a car and is on his way to the bunker now."

"He rented one?" Sam shook his head in amusement.

"He's an angel." Dean reminded him but couldn't keep a straight face. "Thou shall not steal or something like that."

"He doesn't have a problem with you stealing things."

"He does have this little problem with following the rules, though." Dean admitted and dropped into the pillow. It was soft and fluffy, maybe he could sleep after all. "You should know that by now." He turned his head to glance at his brother.

"As if you play by the rules ... like ever." Sam countered and reached for the lamp on the nightstand between their beds. "But it's good to hear that he's back." Sam said into the sudden darkness and Dean could only agree.

Dean stared up at the ceiling and couldn't sleep because of the thoughts running through his mind. So he focused on the case. He made a list to whom they needed to talk to in the morning and he made another list of things that could be behind this so called accident. The first list was rather short and he fell asleep over the second one.

To his own surprise Dean did sleep well that night and for once woke up refreshed in the morning.

Both of them wanted to wrap this case up as quick as possible so they just got a coffee to go for breakfast and went over to the coroner to see if the body was still there. Dean doubted it, it had been almost a week and there was no reason to keep the body, but they hoped the coroner had at least done his job and they could have a look at the file.

As expected the construction worker, Andrew Green, had been released two days ago and was already cremated. The only good thing about that was that he wasn't likely to turn into a vengeful spirit but that didn't help them finding what had killed him in the first place.

"Why are you interested in this?" The coroner asked, already working on his computer to pull up the file.

"Insurance." Sam answered. "We have to make sure that nobody else is in danger."

The coroner threw him a glance over his wired glasses. "And to make sure the family doesn't sue your asses."

"Our job is the safety at the construction site." Dean spoke up. "Everything else is not of our concern."

The man nodded to that and then stepped back with his hand buried in the pockets of his white doctor's coat. "Well, have a look."

Before Dean could even think about moving Sam was sitting in the chair and squinted at the screen. Dean stepped behind him to read over his shoulder.

"You say here." Sam pointed at a line. "That the point of entrance was at his leg? And you're presuming contact with a live wire?"

"That's correct." The man nodded without taking his hands out of his pockets and if Dean wasn't mistaken he was slightly bouncing on the balls of his feet. The man was already fed up with them keeping him from his work.

"Look, gentlemen." The coroner tried to reason with them. "I don't know what you hope to find here but Mr. Green showed the classic signs of an electrocution and they were working on the wiring of the building at that time. It was just an accident."

"But he was there after work." Dean reminded him. "Any idea why?"

"I'm just the coroner." The man answered. "I can only say what killed him."

Before the man lost his patience entirely the brothers thanked him and left.

"So, what do you think?" Dean loosened his tie on the way back to the car.

"I don't know." Sam made a face. "Let's see what we can find out at the construction site."

It took them a while to find the responsible foreman and that man was even less thrilled than the coroner by their visit. They showed their ID and introduced themselves as construction inspectors.

"The police says it was an accident." The man, a Steve something, had to yell over the noise on the site. "It's tragic but things like that happen."

"The report says Mr. Green was here after his shift ended." Sam used his authority voice on him. "And it looks like he came in contact with a life wire. Can you tell us how that happened?"

The man took off his helmet to scratch his scalp and then put it back on. "I don't know. We have a very strict policy about work safety. I don't know why he was up there or what he did there. There shouldn't have been any juice on those wires."

"Did Mr. Green get along with his coworkers?" Dean asked but made a mental note to check the fuses and the wires with an EMF meter.

"Yeah, of course." Steve answered easily but then narrowed his eyes on Dean. "What are you trying to say?"

"Just checking the facts." Dean raised his hands in defense. "So, is it possible that somebody had switched the power on on purpose?"

"It's not impossible." He had to admit. "But I don't know who would be capable of doing something like that. And why?" He looked from one to the other. "Andrew was a good guy. Nobody hated him or anything like that. It was an accident."

"Okay." Dean shared a look with his brother but Sam didn't have any more questions either. "We would like to see the place where it happened, then."

The foreman didn't seem pleased with that idea but called one of the other workers over to show them.

"Only with these." Steve handed out helmets and Dean made a face at that but he got that it was for his own safety and it would blow their cover for sure if he refused to wear one. At least Sam looked more ridiculous with that orange thing on his head than Dean ever could.

Grinning Dean followed the worker deeper into the building. Of course there were no elevators yet and even the stairs were only improvised ones. Good thing he didn't have any problems with heights.

"Call if you need any help." The man who had guided them through the building said before he left them to their behalf. Dean doubted that was covered by the very strict safety policy but right now it worked in their favor. As soon as the man turned his back on them, he had the EMF meter out and started a quick round. If he was honest, he didn't think it would spike.

The needle moved a bit, which was expected with all the wiring around, and he was about to leave it at that when all of a sudden the meter lit up all the way with the needle hitting the end of the scale.

"Wow." He made. Trying to pinpoint the exact location he made a half-turn. So far the room only had concrete walls with holes for doors and windows, some slits for the wires and the usual debris on the floor you found on every construction site. Nothing out of the ordinary.

The hot-spot was right at a wall with wires already in the slits and ends hanging out but one quick test, knowing what they would be looking at Dean came prepared, showed that the wires didn't have power. At least not now. So it wasn't the electricity screwing up the reading.

"We're at the fourth floor, right?" Dean packed his stuff away and stepped back from the wall to have a better view.

"Yeah." Sam came up next to him. "Somehow I doubt it's in the ground."

They didn't need to say it out loud but they both knew they would come back at night. With sledge hammers.


	38. Chapter 38

It was still early in the afternoon so they had some time to kill before they could come back to have a real look at that wall. They had skipped breakfast so they decided to have a quick lunch and then have a little chat with Mrs. Green. Maybe she could tell them why her husband had been on the construction site when he'd been supposed to be home.

While Sam got them sandwiches for lunch, Dean stayed at the car and gave Cas a quick call to tell him that they would have to stay for a little while longer. Sam didn't know what they were talking about but when he watched his brother through the glass front of the store he noticed the smile and the easiness with which Dean leaned against the car. Whatever they were talking about, it was something good. And knowing Dean probably x-rated.

A minute later Sam was outside again with their sandwiches and some cokes and Dean hurried to end the call. Sam half-expected to hear a hushed "I love you" but then he would have to get the holy water out again.

"He's already at the bunker." Dean put the phone in his pocket to have the hands free for his food and drink.

"Cas alone at home." Sam mused and slipped into the passenger's seat.

Dean threw him a glance but didn't comment on it.

"I wonder what he's doing." Sam took a bite from his sandwich. "You know, alone in the bunker. He doesn't need to eat or sleep anymore. Is he just staring at the walls?" Thinking about it some slightly disturbing ideas formed in Sam's mind. Cas lying in Dean's bed, Cas snooping around their private things. He knew the angel respected their privacy, at least Sam's, and would never scoop around in their underwear but it was a strange thought that somebody was at their home while they weren't there. During all those years on the road without a real home, thoughts like this never crossed his mind, now he couldn't stop thinking about it.

"He said he wanted to do some research." Dean answered around a mouth full of sandwich. Sam just looked the other way to not lose his appetite, teaching Dean table manners was a lost cause, at least as long as he had only Sam as an audience. "About the Mark and about the situation in heaven. Souls are piling up in the veil."

Now Kevin was back on Sam's mind and he dropped his half-eaten sandwich on the wrapper in his lap. His appetite was gone. He only remembered bits and pieces of the time with Gadreel behind the wheel, most of it was just blackness, but he did remember Kevin looking at him in shock and then not looking anymore because his eyes were burned right out of their sockets. Knowing that Kevin couldn't even pass over to heaven didn't help either.

Dean had kept talking but Sam was lost in his own thoughts.

"Earth to Sammy." Dean snapped his fingers in his line of sight to get his attention. "You have the address of the wife?"

The interview with the wife was very informative but Sam wasn't sure if the new information would help them with their case or not. Apparently the Greens were one of the families who had lost their homes to the company building the apartment complex. And it turned out that Andrew hadn't been on the site that night just for fun, no, it looked like they were behind the schedule and the foreman of Andrew's working group, Mrs. Green only knew that his name was Steve, had kept the workers on the construction site overtime. Which of course was off the record.

Mrs. Green was looking into suing the company but given their tight financial situation she doubted that she would get far with that. Sadly Sam had to agree. As far as he could tell the woman had nothing in hand against the company and they would just squish her.

"So Andrew was pissed." Dean summed up the situation when they walked back to the car. "He loses his home and then has to work for the company that kicked him out in the first place."

Sam chewed on his bottom lip. It made sense.

"Think he tried something?" Dean asked.

"And it backfired?" Sam finished the thought for him. "Maybe."

They drove back to the motel for a little nap before they would be back to the construction site to see what they could find in that wall.

"I just hope today isn't one of the overtime nights." Dean mused when they had packed their gear and were ready to head out. "I really don't want to wait until they're finished."

Turned out they were lucky. Just like the other night the building lay dark and silent in front of them.

"Maybe they're more careful now." Sam guessed and shouldered his bag. They hadn't bothered with buying sledge hammers so that was their first step, find where the workers stored the tools for the night.

There was a shed at the side next to the trailer the foreman used as an office and the lock was not problem for them.

What turned out to be more difficult was to find that one wall again. This place was huge.

"You sure it's on the fourth floor?" Sam asked when he followed Dean up the stairs.

"Fourth flour, south east corner." Dean answered easily. "More or less." He shrugged with a grin.

They needed the EMF meter to guide them, every room looked the same, but in the end they found the right place.

"Okay, let's see what's in here." Dean raised the hammer and for a second Sam's stomach clenched at that sight, memories still too fresh in his mind. He knew that Dean wouldn't use the hammer against him but he couldn't shake off the uneasy feeling when he saw the casualty with which Dean was handling the sledge hammer.

Sam stepped back to let his brother work, destroying things had always been a guilty pleasure of Dean, and Sam was happy with flashlight duty here. If Dean wanted to do the hard work, Sam was the last person to complain.

It took only a few blasts with the hammer to break a hole into the wall.

"There's something in there." Dean peered into the opening but then stepped aside to let Sam shine the flashlight in.

"Aren't these supposed to be solid?" Sam wondered when he noticed how much space there was. You could hide a body in there.

"Not if they're meant for the tubing." Dean pointed at the small holes in the wall which Sam assumed were for the pipes. He had no clue, though, Dean was the handyman, Sam was happy when he could get the A/C back to working.

"But this is not supposed to be in here." Sam had to reach into the wall up to his shoulder to get the item Dean had spotted earlier.

"A hexbag?" Dean asked with disgust in his voice. Their last encounter with a witch hadn't been that long ago, not nearly long ago enough if anybody would bother to ask Sam and he knew his brother agreed. At least there were no poisoned cookies or needles involved this time. Yet.

While Sam held the flashlight Dean carefully pried the knot open to reveal the content of the bag. The outside was just a simple piece of cloth, nothing special about that, but when Dean peeled the edges apart Sam let out a soft whistle.

"Somebody knows what he's doing." Dean commented and shook his flat palm to jiggle the pieces apart so they could see them without having to touch them. "You do realize that the meter wouldn't pick up on a hexbag, right?"

Sam knew that and he expected a ghost to jump him any minute now but then something caught is eye.

"But this might." He pointed at a blackened bone.

"What is it?"

"Human. I think." Sam squinted at the bone. It was burned and the flashlight wasn't the best for a closer examination but the shape was familiar. "I could be wrong but I think this is a bone from a human hand."

Dean made a doubtful noise but accepted his explanation.

"Let's go back to the motel." Sam suggested. There he would be able to research the content of the bag and maybe find out more about it. This wasn't exactly a standard hexbag, he hadn't seen one like this before.

They checked the wall one last time but there was nothing more to find and then they hurried to leave the construction site.

"Was there anything at the Greens' house?" Sam thought aloud but couldn't come up with anything. He didn't remember anything that in hindsight might point to one of the Greens as a witch.

"No." Dean sounded sure. "At least not in the part of the house we've seen."

They returned the hammers to the shed but when they turned to leave, Dean went another way.

"Dean?" Sam hissed. Out here in the open they could be easily spotted by a car passing by. Dean didn't answer and was now at the trailer the foreman used.

"Just a quick look." Dean assured him. There was nothing indicating that Steve, the foreman, was their suspect but if Dean had a hunch on this, Sam was more than willing to follow. Most of the time his brother couldn't put it in words or deliver hard proof but usually he was right with his gut feeling.

The lock was a joke and a second later they were inside the office. Steve didn't seem to be a tidy one, there were papers and empty coffee mugs on the table just like when they'd visited earlier that day. It didn't make searching the place easier but they did their best anyway.

They didn't find a grimoire or an alter, not even scribbled notes on the occult, but this was his workplace. If Dean was right with his hunch it was probably worth it to check out this guy's home.

What Sam did find was an old t-shirt stuffed in a bag with other clothes.

"Hmm." He made and held it up. "This doesn't look suspicious at all."

Dean pointed his flashlight at him.

"At least we found our guy." He commented the piece missing in the fabric. "We just have to figure out what he's up to."

They put everything back in order and then drove back to their motel. With Steve's full name and his address in his pocket, Sam had everything they needed.

"I still don't get it." Dean broke the silence. "What is he trying to accomplish? I mean a hexbag in the wall? I guess Andrew triggered it by accident but what is the plan here?"

"No idea, man." Sam shook his head. Once the apartments were finished Steve and all the workers would leave. And there was no way to know who might rent that special apartment. Which led to the question if this was the only surprise Steve had left for the future tenants. They might had to come back and search the whole building. Which would be fun, they couldn't hope that the EMF meter would pick up on every bag.

Maybe they should just burn the whole thing down, Sam mused. Dean would have his fun with that.

When they reached the motel it was almost three in the morning and Sam decided to leave the research for first thing in the morning. Steve would be at work most of the day anyway.

They got out of the car and grabbed their bags but when Sam turned towards their room he noticed light behind the curtains. For a second he wondered if he had forgotten to switch it off but then he saw a shadow moving around. There was somebody in their room.


	39. Chapter 39

It was late in the night and Dean was tired so he didn't notice the light in their room when the Impala rolled to a halt in front of the building. And in his defense, neither did Sam. They did notice it when they turned towards the door, though.

They had their guns in hand and were in position on both sides of the door a heartbeat later, years of practice taking over. Dean locked eyes with his brother to time their attack but then Sam's gaze wandered somewhere over his shoulder. He frowned but then a wide grin spread over his face and he lowered his gun.

"What?" Dean mouthed, not willing to turn and let the door completely out of their line of sight. But Sam straightened up and put the gun back in his waistband and now Dean felt stupid with his gun still aimed at the closed door. Slowly he straightened up as well but he wasn't willing to give up his gun just yet.

Sam nodded at something farther down the lot, that stupid grin still in place.

Reluctantly Dean did turn around now, if he got shot in the back it would totally be Sam's fault, and at first he didn't see anything. The parking lot lay mostly in the dark with only a few cars sitting there. But then he noticed something familiar.

"Is that ...?" It couldn't be. He wasn't supposed to be here.

"You know anybody else driving a pimpster car like that?"

It could be a different car, he thought, they weren't that common.

Suddenly the door behind him opened and out of reflex Dean swirled around and raised his gun.

"Do you want to stand out here the whole night?" Cas asked, completely unimpressed by the gun in his face. Dean hurried to put it away.

"What are you doing here?" Dean growled at him, anger building up in him. "I could have shot you."

They went inside before the neighbors could complain about the noises in the middle of the night.

"I wanted to surprise you." Cas said. When he reached the middle of the room he turned, facing the brothers, and spread his arms. "Surprise."

Next to him Sam almost lost it, barely holding back the laughter, and for some reason that fueled the anger building up in Dean. It was the Mark, he knew that. He never really liked surprises, they were rarely good ones, and the Mark had only strengthened that feeling.

Maybe sensing that something was off Cas tilted his head, his blue eyes piercing right into his soul. Then the angel made two quick steps forward that brought him nose to nose with Dean. He took Dean's head in both hands and then their lips met. After what had happened the last time Dean expected something chaste, just a quick welcome peck on the lips, especially with Sam standing right next to them, but Cas had nothing of that.

His tongue darted out, almost forcing its way between Dean's lips and more out of surprise than anything else Dean opened up to it. Teeth clicked against teeth and Cas' tongue routed around his mouth as if it wanted to map out every last corner. Surprised by that aggressive kiss Dean just let it happen for a moment. His back bumped into the door and Cas' hands were firmly on his shoulders, holding him in place. Who knew the angel was so possessive.

With Cas practically eating him alive Dean tried his best to give contra. He was the more experienced kisser here and he still had a few tricks up his sleeve. He caught Cas' bottom lip between his teeth and gave it an experimental tug. Cas groaned in response and Dean bit down harder. Looked like Cas liked it a bit rough.

Dean brought his hands up to cup Cas' head with one and roam his back with the other one. Cas wasn't wearing his coat so there was only the thin layer of his shirt separating them. Dean felt the muscles in his back working under his hand with ever move Cas made.

One of Dean's legs found its way between Cas', bringing their groins together with some delicate friction. Dean couldn't help it and rubbed his growing erection against Cas' hip who responded the same way.

With Cas still pressing him against the door Dean's movement was restricted and for an insane moment he hoped that Cas would just fuck him like this. With his angelic strength he shouldn't have a problem holding Dean up and fucking him right through the door.

But then something interrupted that thought.

"Guys!" Sam shouted and for some reason he almost sounded desperate. And he did sound as if that wasn't the first time he'd tried to get their attention.

Dizzy Dean let his head fall forward to rest his forehead on Cas' shoulder. He needed to catch his breath for a moment but the reminder that his brother was still with them in the room put quite a damper on his mood.

"I'm sorry, Sam." Cas said and stepped back. Dean stayed where he was for a moment longer, he needed the door in his back for support, he didn't quite trust his legs right now. One look at Cas' messy hair and his from kissing swollen lips perked his interest but then Sam cleared his throat quite loudly again. Right.

"I'll get myself another room." Sam announced and waited for Dean step away from the entrance.

"That won't be necessary." Cas spoke up. "You already have a room with two beds, I don't require sleep anymore."

"It stinks like sex in here." Sam wrinkled his nose. "I'll leave you two lovebirds alone and get myself a room. At the other end of the building."

Dean watched his brother hastily gabbing his stuff and then stumbling out of the door with a bundle of clothes in his arms.

"I think we scarred him for life." Dean said when the door closed behind Sam, a sleeve of one of his shirts still tuck in the door without him noticing. Dean waited a moment but Sam didn't come back for his shirt so Dean opened the door a crack to get it. He caught a glimpse of his brother who had dumped his stuff on the hood of the Impala and was now busy stuffing everything in his bag. Without saying a word Dean just picked up the shirt and closed the door.

"I didn't mean to harm Sam." Cas said, awkwardly standing in the middle of the room. Whatever had come over him a minute ago was gone and now he looked like a lost puppy.

"Don't worry about him." Dean stepped closer and laid his hands on Cas shoulders. "Where were we?"

Not sure what Cas had in mind for later Dean just picked up where they'd left off and claimed Cas' mouth again. Cas was instantly back on board with that idea and suddenly there were way to many layers of clothes between them.

"How do you want to do this?" Dean asked breathlessly into the soft skin at Cas' pulse point. They had managed to get rid of their shirts and now Dean dropped his hands to Cas' belt but hesitated, waiting for Cas' answer.

"I want you in me." Came the answer, prompt and sure, and that was all Dean needed. He sucked a bruise on his throat, just because he could, and blindly worked on the belt and the zipper.

It took some struggling, neither of them willing to part long enough to get undressed properly, but finally they dropped on Dean's bed naked in a heap of limbs. By now Dean's erection was back full force, standing proud and leaking, but Cas was not even half-way there.

Determined to change that, Dean cupped him with his hand, his palm still easily covering his private parts. There was an interested twitch and Dean went to work, stroking Cas to full hardness.

"Fuck me." Cas breathed into his ear and slung his arms and legs around Dean, almost forcing him into position between his legs. Dean had to let go of the idea of any foreplay but if Cas wanted it like this, Dean was the last one to complain.

The angel let him come up only far enough for a quick one finger prep and then brought him back in position by wrapping his limbs around him again.

"I'm ready."

"Just tell me if ..." Dean started to push against the ring of muscles but kept a worried eye on his partner's face. He didn't want to hurt Cas.

Cas shook his head in annoyance and then dug his heels in Dean's lower back, pushing him in all the way in one swift move.

"Holy shit." Dean gritted out, overwhelmed by the feeling of Cas hot and tight around him. His head dropped on Cas' chest, he needed a moment to compose himself or he would come just like this.

"You can move." Cas said and clenched his muscles around Dean's dick still buried to the hilt in him. Dean bit into his pec just to stop himself from coming and when he heard the groan coming from Cas in response, he bit harder.

Cas' hands were on him now, stroking the back of his head and over his back, while Cas made soothing noises.

Slowly Dean rolled his hips, just enjoying the feeling of being inside Cas. That he was allowed to do this was still a miracle to him.

Then he bottomed out an inch or two and thrust back in. Cas arched under him at that so he did it again.

It didn't take long before Dean came, spurting his come deep into Cas, marking him from the inside. With a sigh he dropped bonelessly on top of his angel who welcomed him in his arms.

Dean was more than ready to just doze off but he couldn't remember if Cas came this time and that thought brought him back from the brink of sleep. And he should probably slip out before it became uncomfortable.

With a grunt Dean rolled off and now he could clearly tell that Cas hadn't come. His cock was half-hard but there was no evidence of his release on his body or Dean's.

"I'll take care of you." Dean promised with a kiss and reached for Cas.

"You don't have to." Cas kissed him again but then looked him in the eye.

"I want to." Dean wrapped his fingers around his cock.

"I don't want you to." Cas clarified and grabbed his wrist, prying his hand off him.

"Why?" Was the only question Dean could come up with. The way Cas had greeted him had washed away all his worries but now they crashed back in like a tsunami. Cas didn't want this. Didn't want him. And he had ... oh, god, what had he done?

"It's okay." Cas assured him and brought Dean's hand up to his mouth to kiss his knuckles. "I enjoyed this."

There was something odd about the way he phrased it but Dean's mind was stuck on the part that Cas didn't want him to get him off. This was not how it worked. Sex was supposed to be a give and take but so far Cas had been the one giving and Dean had just greedily taken whatever he could get.

"Cas." He started but had no idea what he wanted to say.

"Dean, it's okay." He repeated and then brought their lips together for another kiss. "We're good."

They weren't, not really, but Cas insisted that they were and that Dean should sleep now.

The bed wasn't big enough for two grown men so Cas lay down on the bed that had been Sam's with his face turned towards Dean. Oddly enough Dean fell asleep only minutes later.


	40. Chapter 40

For a moment Sam seriously considered if he should risk getting stuck in the bathroom window to escape the scene in front of him. His brother and Cas had totally forgotten that they weren't alone and while Sam was okay with a rather heated welcome kiss, this was definitively going too far. So when they started to grind against each other and Dean's hand found its way to Cas' butt, Sam desperately tried to get their attention.

If they weren't blocking the door he would have been out of the room a minute ago but with Cas pressing Dean against said door in the attempt to screw him right through it Sam had no way out.

The small bathroom window looked very tempting by now.

"Guys!" Sam yelled in clear distress and finally he got their attention. Realizing what he was doing Cas almost jumped back from Dean while Dean just stayed where he was with this back against the door and a quite obvious tent in his pants. Sam hurried to look somewhere else. He almost laughed at Cas' offer to share the room. No way was he staying with them here. Hastily Sam grabbed his stuff, not looking at either of them.

With his bag in one hand and some of his clothes and other stuff balled up under his other arm Sam almost stumbled over his own feet in his haste to get out of the room. At the Impala he had to stop to compose himself.

"Brain bleach. I need brain bleach." He muttered while he tried to fit all his stuff into the bag. Some of it was Dean's he noticed but it probably wasn't a good idea to go back now so he just stuffed everything into the bag and then made his way over to the office. It would be just his luck if there weren't any free rooms left but he would rather sleep in the car than to go back to their room. By now there were probably less clothes involved but more body fluids. And lube. There was probably lube involved by now.

Living in each other's pocket for almost their entire lives, they had seen almost everything there was to see about each other. Sam had lost count on how often he'd heard Dean jerking off in the shower or back in their teenage days right in the other bed when his brother thought Sam was sleeping.

They had walked in to compromising situations, sometimes even embarrassing ones. It happened. They didn't talk about it afterwards and just pretended it never happened. But this time Sam knew exactly what he would be walking in to if he went back now. There wouldn't be enough brain bleach for that.

Lucky him, the sleepy clerk behind the counter had another room for him and it was far enough from the other one to be sure he wouldn't hear anything he didn't want to hear.

By the time Sam had made himself comfortable in his new bed it was close to four in the morning but he just lay there wide awake. His mind either latched on what he'd seen back in their room, Cas and Dean going hot for each other, or on the case.

Knowing he wouldn't get any sleep any time soon he rolled out of bed. He could do at least something useful. Sam opened his laptop and then went to search through the mess in his bag to find the hexbag and his notes with the information on Steve. When he couldn't find either at first he was cursing under his breath, convinced he'd left them over at the other room.

But then, at the bottom of his bag, he found what he was looking for. They had taken the hexbag apart so there was no danger coming from it anymore and Sam laid out the cloth and its content on the table to investigate it farther.

He wasn't an expert on witchcraft and the few things he'd learned over time were barely enough to identify black magic when it was right in front of him. His mind wandered back to Ruby who had shown him a thing or two but that was a chapter of his life he really didn't want to think about so he forced his mind back to the here and now.

Setting the hexbag aside for the moment Sam focused on Steve, the foreman. One quick Google search got him quite some information on him. Looked like Andrew hadn't been the only one who had lost his home to the company he was now working for. According to what he found, Steve had even been the leader of one of the protest groups against the project. It took Sam only a few clicks to find pictures of Steve with a megaphone in front of bulldozers coming to demolish the houses behind him.

"How did he get the job as a foreman, then?" Sam wondered. "He isn't even using a different name or anything"

But one glance at the hexbag right next to him gave him all the answers he needed. This wasn't the work of somebody who had found an old book and just gave it a try. There was a human bone in the bag. No, Steve knew exactly what he was doing so it wouldn't surprise Sam if he'd gotten his job the same way. If you know how and were willing to pay the price you could get almost everything with black magic.

Sam only wondered if Steve knew that he had most likely sold his soul to a demon. Powers like this were usually connected to demons. There were other ways of witchcraft, he knew that, and not all were bad but if burned human bones were involved, the case was clear.

There were enough articles about Steve, who had made the news quite a few times before the protest had died down, to know that he wasn't married and had no children so chances were good that his place would be empty over the day.

Satisfied with that Sam went to see what he could find out about the bag itself. That was a more difficult research and when Sam looked up the next time, morning light had crept into his room.

Sam rubbed his burning eyes with the heels of his hands and then stretched with a yarn. Glancing at the time in the corner of the screen he decided that it was too early to start the day but maybe not too late to get some shut-eye.

For once he was content with waiting for Dean to wake him, no way was Sam going to knock on their door. And for what he'd done earlier Dean better showed up with coffee on his doorstep.

Sam crawled into bed and was a sleep the second his head hit the pillow.

What felt like only minutes later the ringing of his phone brought him back to the land of the living. Blindly he searched for it and almost kicked the lamp off the nightstand, not willing to admit that he was awake just yet.

"Yeah?" He said into the phone, face still buried in the pillow.

"It's safe to come over." Dean's voice greeted him and he sounded way too cheerful for this early in the morning. Granted, Sam had no idea how early it actually was. Probably not that early anymore. "We have coffee and breakfast."

Sam managed to mumble a "five minutes" before he drifted back to sleep with his phone still in hand.

It rang again. Loud and persistent right next to his ear.

"Five minutes are over, bitch." Dean said before Sam had even the chance to grunt his discomfort into the phone. "Get your ass moving." And with that Dean ended the call.

Sam opened his eyes far enough to glare at the phone which stayed utterly unimpressed.

"Yeah, yeah." He rolled to his back and rubbed the sleep off his face. A second glance at the phone told him that it was about time to get up but he really didn't want to.

He did manage to arrive at Dean's door before his brother called once again which Sam counted as a victory. Dean opened the door with a wide grin on his face and Cas standing rather awkwardly behind him. Sam took in the scene with a knowing smile, besides, the lingering smell of sex was still in the air but the coffee did a pretty good job covering it up. At least enough for Sam to enjoy his breakfast.

"While you were ... busy." Sam said with a pointed look at the rumbled bed. After that rude wakeup call Dean deserved a little teasing. "I found out a thing or two."

Over breakfast he clued the others in on what he'd found out about Steve and the hexbag. There was not that much on the bag itself so he handed it over to Cas to have a look at it.

"It's really old school black magic." Sam summed up what he knew about it. "Basically a curse to trigger accidents. Hard to track because there is nothing specific about it. As far as I can tell, it radiates bad luck."

Cas put the bag back on the table. "Sam is right. This is some powerful magic."

Sam shared a glance with Dean and they both rolled their eyes at that.

"Thanks, Captain Obvious." Dean shook his head. "Better question is if you can find these. This is most likely not the only one hidden in the building and I really don't want to take down every single wall in there."

Sam had to agree to that. Nursing his coffee he wondered how far gone a man had to be to curse innocent tenants he didn't even know just because he was mad at the company that had kicked him out of his home.

"I should be able to sense magic this strong." Cas confirmed.

"Good, that's one problem down." Sam nodded to that. "Question is what are we going to do about Steve?" Killing him was out of option but somehow he doubted they could talk him out of this. And there was nothing that would keep him from making new hexbags as soon as they were gone.

"We can't go back to the construction site over the day anyway. Let's check out his place first." Dean avoided that question as well. "Maybe we find something there."

With no better idea at hand they finished their breakfast and then drove over to Steve's place.

They rang first but as expected nobody opened the door. One picked lock later they stood in a small apartment. There were still boxes with unpacked stuff standing around and everything just screamed _recently moved_ _in_ at them. Sam still smelled the fresh paint and the glue they'd used for the new carpet. A few lamps were still missing and a shelf lay in pieces because Steve hadn't come around to put it together just yet. The whole apartment came off as a place to stay at but it didn't feel like somebody's home.

They went through everything and with three people that task was done quickly.

"Found it." Dean announced from the bedroom. When Sam and Cas came into the room they found Dean kneeling on the floor, going through the stuff he'd found in boxes under the bed.

"Why do they always hide it under the bed?" Dean wondered, flipping through a notebook.

"Don't know." Sam stepped closer. "Do you still hide your porn under your bed?"

"Not since I have a place to store it properly." Dean answered easily. "Here, have a look at these."

Sam didn't need to read the titles of the books Dean was handing him to know they were bad news.

Other boxes were full with handwritten notebooks and several glasses and bags with what he assumed were ingredients.

Dean was back at skimming through one of the notebooks.

"There are dates in here." He observed. "This one goes back to 1987."

"He's been in this game for quite a while." Sam picked up another one to have a look himself.

"And he ain't no fool either." Suddenly Steve spoke up behind them. Along with the sound of the safety clicked off of a gun.


	41. Chapter 41

When Dean woke up in the morning Cas was still watching him from the other bed. He doubted the angel had moved at all during the night, but this time it wasn't bothering him, quite the opposite, it was comforting.

"Morning." Dean greeted him and propped himself up on one elbow. "What time is it?"

"Almost nine." Cas answered without taking his eyes off Dean.

He accepted that as a fact, knowing the exact time was one of those weird angel powers Cas just had, and came up to a sitting position. Under the blanket he was still naked and for a moment he wasn't sure if it was okay to run around like that in front of Cas.

"I could get us some coffee and breakfast." Cas offered and threw the blanket off to sit on the edge of the bed. He too was still naked and that was kind of comforting. And a quite nice view.

"C'mere." Dean said with an inviting gesture. Cas came into his arms willingly and that loosened the knot in Dean's guts. They still had to figure this out but for now they had to focus on other things. They were still here on a case.

Keeping his morning breath in mind Dean didn't kiss Cas on the mouth but nuzzled and nibbled his way along his throat for a moment. Cas hummed under that attention and angled his head to give Dean better access.

_You can never go wrong with this_ , Dean thought and grinned into the light stubble on Cas' throat. Cas may had his problems with sex but he was all for kissing and cuddling, Dean could work with that.

Way too soon they parted but they needed to get ready for the day. While Dean was in the bathroom, Cas went out to get them something for breakfast.

Dean's mind couldn't let go of Cas' weird behavior in bed and a small part of him insisted that they just hadn't found the right thing and suggested to watch some kinkier porn with the angel to find out what would get his attention. Strictly for science, of course.

When Sam came over for breakfast, Dean banned all those personal thoughts from his mind and focused on the case instead. The things Sam had found out gave them a motive but there was still the question of how to stop Steve. They agreed to figure that one out later.

Steve's place was small and it didn't take long to go through his stuff. Dean took the bedroom and after scooping around in the closet without finding anything he had a look under the bed.

"Bingo." He said and pulled the first box out. One quick glance and he knew Sam would cream his pants as soon as he got a closer look at this.

Turned out Steve had been in the game for at least thirty years probably longer and deep down Dean knew there was no talking him out of this.

Then Steve stood in the door, gun in hand and a triumphant grin on his face.

"Hands where I can see them." He demanded.

With his hands raised Dean came slowly up to a standing position. Sam and Cas didn't move but held their hands away from their bodies. With Steve in the door and them in the room Steve had the upper hand and he knew it. If they tried to come close they would run right into his line of fire.

"What now?" Sam had the nerve to ask. Dean groaned inwardly, usually it was his part to agitate their opponent.

"You think I'm that stupid?" Steve spat at them, ignoring Sam's question. "You were there last night and you didn't even bother to cover up your tracks. You arrogant ..." Lost at words he just fumed, the gun in his hand shaking dangerously.

They had put the hammers back but there had been nothing they could have done to repair the wall so they had left it like it was. Of course Steve had seen it and he had made the right conclusion.

"You know that you're playing a dangerous game here." Sam tried again to get his attention but there was just not enough room for Dean to sneak up behind Steve.

Instead Cas inched closer. Dean didn't know how the angel would take a gun shot with his damaged grace, he doubted he would just shrug it off like he'd used to, but it wouldn't really bother him, that Dean was sure of. So if anybody got shot today it would better be Cas.

Coming to the same conclusion Sam shifted a little to get slightly behind Cas. Dean standing in the third row was the least to get shot which was a thought he really didn't like.

"Who are you?" Steve asked. "You're no inspectors, I checked when I found the hole in the wall this morning."

"We're here because a man died." Sam answered truthfully without telling him anything. "And more are going to die with your little presents in the walls."

"Yeah." Dean jumped into the conversation. "How many are there anyway? One for each apartment?" That would be their worst case scenario and Dean would come back to the burn it down solution if that turned out to be the case. "Or is it like winning the lottery?"

"You don't understand." Steve had the nerve to whine.

"Oh, I understand." Dean answered. "You got kicked out of your home and that sucks, man, I get that. And now you want somebody to pay for that. Okay, I get that too. But you're targeting innocent people here. Andrew was in the same position as you. He was kicked out of his home just like you. And now he's dead."

"That was an accident." Steve yelled at him and now the gun was pointed directly at Dean. He just stared at Steve, unimpressed by the gun. There had been bigger and scarier things he'd faced down than this guy.

However, Cas didn't seem that unimpressed by someone pointing a gun at Dean. With one step he was between Steve and Dean and when Cas reached out Dean knew exactly what was about to happen.

Steve was too surprised to even fire and a second later he was out cold.

"Great." Dean stepped around Cas and picked up the gun. "What are we going to do with him now?"

Sam came closer from the other side, looking down at the man on the floor.

"We need to know how many there are." He said and with that it was set.

They carried Steve over to the kitchen and tied him to a chair. Dean didn't want to go too hard on the man but he had been willing to kill innocent people just to get his revenge and that was something Dean couldn't understand. He knew anger, he knew revenge. But not caring who else might get caught in the crossfire? Worse, targeting innocent people who had nothing to do with what had happened? No, he couldn't understand that.

While they waited for Steve to wake up Dean felt the Mark itching. It had been on the back of his mind for a while now but this was the first time he physically felt it again. Which wasn't a good sign at all.

He was looking forward to interrogating this man and that wasn't good either. He didn't tell the others but he hoped that Sam and Cas would hold him back before he could spin out of control.

Sam sat at the table with the one of the boxes with the occult stuff in front of him, wearing an expression as if he couldn't decide if Christmas came early this year or if he wanted to puke all over the box.

"Hey." Dean tapped Steve's face when the man started to stir. "Wake up."

It took him a second but when he realized where he was, the man was wide a wake in a heartbeat. He stared from on to the other but in the end he settled on glaring at Sam who was scooping through his most private stuff.

"Morning, sunshine." Dean snapped his fingers to get the man's attention. "You were about to tell us how many hexbags you hid in that building."

Steve frowned when he used the name of the bags, that was probably the moment when he finally realized that they knew exactly what they were talking about, but he kept his mouth shut.

"My friend here." Dean clapped Cas' shoulder. "Can find them, no problem. I just want to save him some time."

"I've nothing to say." Steve actually spat at Dean.

"He has nothing to say." Dean turned towards Sam in a _can you believe he just said that_ manner. Then he turned back and used the momentum to ram his fist into Steve's face. Behind him Sam gasped in surprise but wasn't over him a second later. So Dean guessed he was still within the lines, it was hard to tell nowadays.

Steve shook his head but straightened up again. He would carry a nice shiner tomorrow but otherwise he was fine.

"That all you got?" The man grinned at him and Dean saw red. He wanted to ram his fist into that smug grin, again and again until there was only a bloody pulp left. But when he raised his fist to do just that, a hand on his arm held him back.

"There might be another way." Cas said, his blue eyes piercing through the red fog in Dean's mind. He let out a long breath and took a step back. Balling his fists to not show how much his hands were shaking Dean nodded, agreeing to whatever Cas had in mind.

With one last glance at Dean to make sure that he had himself under control again Cas turned towards Steve who had been watching the whole scene with that smug grin still firmly in place. If anything it had only grown wider and that alone sparked Dean's anger again.

"You have sought powers from a demon to fulfill your dirty little desires." Cas intoned rather dramatically and Dean wondered what else Steve had used witchcraft for.

Steve opened his mouth for a sassy counter, no doubt about that, but before he could bring the words out, the light flickered and the sound of thunder rolled in the distance. Knowing what was about to happen Dean slipped over to the other side of the room from where he would have a better view.

Cas stood there, in this cheap little kitchen, surrounded by thunder and lightning which casted the shadows of his wings behind him on the wall. His eyes glowed in eery blue and when he lowered his gaze on Steve the man shrieked back in his bindings, almost toppling over with his chair.

"Confess!" Cas demanded and Steve started talking. He admitted everything, stumbling over his own words in his haste to confess.

He talked for minutes and the whole time Steve almost got a heart attack every time Cas came in his line of view. At least there was no doubt that he was telling the truth now.

All together there were thirteen hexbags hidden in the building and he told them in detail where to find every single one of them. Sam was taking notes and with that it should be fairly easy to clear out the building.

"What are we going to do with him now?" Dean asked. They had retreated to the living room to discuss this without Steve listening in.

"Maybe he's scared enough to never touch witchcraft again?" Sam suggested but there was doubt in his voice.

Steve had been doing this for too long, it was like a drug. He may lay off this for a while but one day he would face a problem and an easy solution would come to mind.

"I think I can solve this problem." Cas hadn't said a word since he got Steve talking but now he entered the conversation.

"What do you have in mind?"

"I can wipe his memory." Cas offered. "He won't remember any of this." He gestured at the box with the books and notebooks.

"Can you still do that?" Sam asked almost in awe.

"Not like I used to." Cas admitted. "But I can make sure that he won't turn to magic ever again."


	42. Chapter 42

When they left the house Steve was sleeping in his bed and wouldn't remember any of this. At least that was what Cas had said and Sam hoped he was right. Cas hadn't wiped his memory completely, Steve was still the same man with the same memories but everything regarding to witchcraft should be kinda foggy. Sam wasn't sure how exactly that worked but he'd seen enough angels tampering with memories to know that it probably worked and that he didn't like it.

It was shady at least but the only solution they'd come up with. Except for killing the guy, of course.

"So, back to the construction site tonight?" Sam asked when they drove away from Steve's place.

"We've to find twelve more of those little fuckers." Dean nodded in agreement.

They had to wait until the site was closed for the night so they returned to the motel and Sam used the time for a much needed nap. What Dean and Cas were doing during that time he didn't want to know but he was too tired to think about that anyway.

With the case basically solved they went out for dinner that evening before they went back to the construction site. With Sam's notes and Cas sense for the black magic they found the hexbags quite easily but it took time to break open the walls even when they were working on three spots at once.

Again it was way after midnight when they were back at the motel but all the hexbags were burned and that was what counted. After a quick shower, Sam found dirt in places he didn't want to think about, he collapsed into his bed and slept soundly until morning.

The bunker was only a few hours away so they should make it there in the early afternoon. Cas drove behind them all the time, more or less, he stayed closer to the speed limit than Dean, and it was weird to know that Cas was close by but not in the back seat. And Sam would never get used to that monstrosity of a car tailing them even if Dean found it quite amusing.

"We should get him a white fur coat." Dean suggested with another glance in the rear view mirror. "And a little more bling-bling."

"Don't forget the music." Sam warmed up to that idea. "He needs the right music for that."

Sam smiled at that image in his head and when he glanced over to his brother he saw the same expression on his face. Their eyes met and their smiles widened.

Back in the bunker they unpacked and then settled in for a quiet evening. There was research waiting for Sam but he didn't get the feeling that he was getting somewhere with that so he put it off for another day.

They watched some TV but Dean and Cas excused themselves early and Sam just turned the volume up a little more. The bunker had thick walls but he didn't want to risk hearing anything he didn't want to hear. Judging by the way Cas had greeted Dean the day before Sam didn't want to picture what they would do in the privacy of their room.

However, the enthusiasm between Dean and Cas wore off rather quickly again, enough for Sam to notice that there was something going on. If it was something new or the same old problem Sam had never figured out in the first place he couldn't tell but he could tell that over the day Cas was almost constantly with him, doing research. Not that Sam minded, Cas was a great help with this, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that the angel used this as an excuse to avoid Dean.

His brother on the other and spent all his time with his car, doing maintenance work on the weapons and preparing meals in the kitchen. Also as if he was avoiding his boyfriend.

The tension in the bunker grew over the next few days and Sam was already looking for their next hunt just to get them out of the bunker again.

All three of them spent time together, sometimes watching TV in Sam's room, sometimes going out for the evening, but Dean and Cas together during the day became a rare sight. They did sleep in Dean's room and what they were doing behind closed doors was none of Sam's business but he did wonder. Cas didn't need to sleep anymore. Did he watch over Dean the whole night? Was that what was creeping Dean out?

One night Sam woke up in the middle of the night because he needed to use the bathroom and when he came back, still rubbing sleep out of his eyes and not quite awake, he noticed light in the library. Remembering a similar night Sam debated with himself if he should go and investigate or rather not. He didn't want to catch Cas watching porn again but in the end curiosity won.

It was indeed Cas sitting at the table in the far corner with Sam's laptop in front of him. Sam didn't need to see the screen to know what he was watching, the noises were quite telling.

Cas hadn't noticed him yet so Sam was about to leave him be but then Cas looked up and their eyes met.

"Sam." He just said. He didn't stop the video and he didn't look embarrassed gotten caught watching porn either. Okay, with Dean as his role model in this … Sam shrugged inwardly.

"Dean's sleeping?" He asked instead because it would just be embarrassing if Dean caught him and Cas in the middle of the night with the noises of porn in the background.

"Yes." Cas' attention returned to the screen but he didn't look like he enjoyed what he was seeing. He wore the same expression as if he was reading an ancient text. As if he tried to make sense out of something he couldn't quite grasp.

"You need help with anything?" Sam took pity on him and stepped closer. The last time he'd found Cas like this the angel had needed advice. Maybe there was still something left the angel wasn't quite sure about. Sam really didn't want to know too much about this but if he could help them, and Dean was suffering here as well, he could tell, than he would give the angel the sex talk.

For a moment it looked like Cas wouldn't take him up on his offer to help him but then he looked up at Sam with such sadness in his eyes it broke Sam's heart.

"I'm not sure if Dean and I should be together." He finally said.

"That's bullshit." Sam burst out. He sighed and took a seat next to Cas, still avoiding to glance at the screen. However, he had heard similar words from Dean before.

"Cas." He started. "I've seen you and Dean pining for each other for years now. You love him and he loves you, that's obvious. So whatever this is, you can work it out. Together."

"We tried." Now his eyes darted back to the screen. "But I think it's time to admit that we won't find a solution."

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose, already regretting his next words.

"Okay, what exactly is the problem?" When Cas only stared at him, he added: "Sometimes it's easier for an outsider to see a way, you and Dean are probably too much involved."

Cas considered that for a moment.

"I don't get aroused." Cas came to the point without beating around the bush.

"You …" Sam cleared his throat. That was not what he'd unexpected.

"In the beginning it worked." Cas didn't meet his eye. "It was new and exciting. It was like it should be." He shook his head. "Now I hardly ever get an erection."

"Maybe it's a medical problem? You know, there is medication …" The last thing he wanted to do was to take Cas to the doctor. How would he explain an angel with performance problems anyway?

But if it helped Cas, Sam would do it. He sighed, what was his life?

"Dean thought that as well but my body is fully functional." Cas dismissed the idea and Sam breathed easier. No awkward visits to a doctor. "As for the pills, I tried them. Dean doesn't know. They don't work."

"How is this supposed to help you?" Sam gestured at the laptop. The video was finally over and the noises had stopped. However, there were still some very explicit _suggestions_ on what to watch next on the screen.

"Dean thinks we just haven't found the right thing for me." Cas said with another glance at the screen.

It was possible, Sam had to admit. But the way Cas sat here, watching porn utterly unaroused, didn't speak for that theory. Maybe it was something different. An idea was forming in the back of his mind.

"I don't think watching porn is going to help you." Sam turned the laptop and closed the windows without really looking at them. Then he opened Google. Two minutes later his vague idea had turned into a solid theory. He was pretty sure he knew what was wrong with Cas and if he was right there was nothing wrong with him at all. But to confirm that …

"Cas." He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Why was he here in the middle of the night, discussing the angel's performance problems? "Can I ask you a few very personal questions? I have an idea but I need to know a few things."

At that Cas' face lit up with hope and Sam was pretty sure he would tell him everything if that would get him an answer for his problem.

"You can ask."

_Okay, here goes nothing,_ Sam thought. Aloud he asked: "I know you like kissing Dean and being close to him, that's kinda hard to miss." He avoided the term _cuddling_ , Dean would kill him for that one.

"Yes." Cas confirmed.

"Do you get aroused from that?"

"No."

"What do you like about it?"

Cas thought about that for a moment.

"It feels good. I like the closeness. It's comforting." He answered honestly.

"And sex? Do you like that?" A part of Sam really didn't want to go there, this was too private to discuss with your brother's boyfriend but on the other hand, who else could the angel ask?

"It doesn't hurt." Cas shrugged but avoided his eyes. "Dean is very careful to not do something I don't give my consent to."

Yeah, that sounded like Dean.

"But you don't enjoy it either." He had to make that point clear.

"Dean likes it." As if that made it okay. Maybe it did. In the end it was Cas' decision what he did or did not but he shouldn't feel obliged to do anything just because Dean liked it.

"Cas." Now Sam leaned in to lock eyes with him. "You don't have to do stuff just because he likes it. That's not how it's supposed to work."

Cas gave him a little smile. "Dean tells me that all the time."

Sam hadn't expected less. Dean would rather miss out on his own pleasure than to force his partner into something.

"But sometimes." Cas continued with those big sad eyes. "I just want to see him happy."

Sam didn't know what to say to that. Everything he'd heard over the last few minutes told him that Cas and his brother loved each other and that each of them tried to make the other one happy but couldn't find common ground to start from.

But maybe he could help with that. If he was right with his theory, and by now he was pretty sure he was, he could give them the answer they were looking for. How they would make it work he had no idea but he was sure they would find a way.

"So, Sam." Cas rubbed his hands on his thighs. "Do you know what's wrong with me?"

"I don't think there is anything wrong with you." Sam turned the laptop back to him.

"But …" Cas made a helpless gesture towards his crotch.

"Do you know what asexuality is?"


	43. Chapter 43

"Dean!" The yell pierced through his sleepy mind and Dean reached for his gun under the pillow before he was even awake. "Dean! Wake up!"

The gun wasn't there and that made him bold upright, frantically searching for his weapon and the threat at the same time. It took him a few seconds to realize two things. One, he was in his room in the bunker where he kept his weapons on the walls and not under his pillow and two, there wasn't a threat.

Cas sat on the edge of his bed, Sam's laptop in his lap but he wasn't looking at what was on the screen, his eyes were on Dean. Cas looked like he just had the revelation of his life and considering what he had experienced in his life, it had to be something big.

"What the hell, Cas?" Dean rubbed his face to get rid of the last traces of sleep while he waited for his heart to calm down.

"Look at this." The angel shoved the laptop in Dean's face.

"What?" Dean pushed it away. A glance at the alarm clock confirmed that it wasn't even four in the morning, way too early for research. There was text on the screen, that much he had noticed, and for sure he wouldn't do research at this time of the night without some coffee first.

"Can't this wait a few hours?" Dean dropped back into the pillow, maybe he could just drift off to sleep again.

"I know what's wrong." Cas said still with that enthusiasm in his voice. "Why sex doesn't work for me."

That got Dean's attention. Over the last few days, or rather nights, they had experimented and nothing they tried had done the trick for Cas. One time Dean got him to climax but he had the feeling that it had been more due to physical stimulation than anything else and that Cas had let him do it just to ease his mind. Not exactly what you would build a healthy relationship on, not that Dean had any experience with healthy relationships. So if Cas had found the reason for this Dean was more than willing to listen.

"Okay?" Dean sat up again and had the laptop back in his face immediately.

"You should read this." Cas pointed at the screen.

"Okay, okay, I'm reading." He shifted until he found a position with his back against the headboard in which he could set the laptop on top of his legs and read whatever was so important to get woken up for at four in the morning without coffee.

"Read and I'll make you a coffee in the meantime." Cas offered and that sounded like a deal Dean could live with.

However, Cas only stood up when he was sure that Dean's attention was on the screen. When he finally left Dean just hoped he would be back with the promised coffee soon.

"Asexuality." He read the title of whatever he was about to read. He frowned at that but then started reading. This was new to him, he'd never heard about this before, but apparently there were people out there who didn't enjoy sex? Who didn't desire sex? That was a whole new concept for him. Sure, he knew people who didn't want to do it for personal reasons but the total lack of that desire was a kinda disturbing idea.

Cas had been back for a while and Dean was now nursing his much needed coffee while he read his way through the different tabs Cas had left open for him.

"So." He looked up from the screen just to meet Cas' eyes who had watched him the entire time. "This is you?"

He couldn't really read the emotions flashing over the angel's face. There was too much, something like joy and relieve but also sadness and maybe even fear. It was an expression Dean never wanted to see on his face again and he wanted to kiss it away but that was out of option now, wasn't it?

"Yes, I think that is me." Cas confirmed, his voice desperately neutral.

"You don't want sex." He had to hear it from Cas.

"I don't." Cas shook his head and then reached for the laptop. Without losing eye contact with Dean he shut the laptop and put it aside. "I don't want sex. I don't get aroused and I don't feel the desire to be intimate with you."

Dean nodded to that. His throat felt too tight and his eyes were burning.

"You're breaking up with me?" His voice broke over those words and now he had to blink against the tears. This was it. He wasn't surprised. Nothing good ever lasted in his life. He should have known.

"No!" Cas burst out and inched closer, reaching for Dean. He took his head between his hands, locking eyes with him for a moment, before he reached around Dean and pulled him into a tight hug. "That's not what this is about. I'm not leaving you, Dean."

Dean slung his arms around Cas, reluctantly at first, not sure if the gesture was welcomed but with more confidence when Cas just tightened his hold on Dean in response.

"I love you." He whispered in Dean's ear and those words washed over him, soothing and comforting. "I love you, Dean." Cas repeated and kissed his throat, the only part of him within easy reach.

They stayed like that for a moment before they parted.

"Okay, you're not leaving" Dean wasn't really convinced but he clung to that hope. It was all he had. "So. What now?"

That was the big question. Dean still couldn't wrap his mind around this revelation. What did Cas want? From him? From their relationship?

"I don't know." Cas admitted.

"Where do we go from here?" Dean wasn't even sure where _here_ was. To him sex had always been an essential part of a relationship. How could it work without that?

"We'll figure it out." Cas studied Dean's face for a moment and then their lips met. Stunned Dean just let it happen.

"Can I lie with you for a while?" Cas asked and Dean could only nod, not sure what was happening here. One second Cas told him that he didn't want to have sex and the next he kissed him. And now he wanted to lie with him in his bed.

Cas took off his shirt and pants and then slipped in next to him in only his underwear. Dean held the covers open for him, welcoming him in his bed, but then he didn't know what to do next. They had shared a bed many times before but now Dean had no idea what Cas expected from him. They probably needed to talk about this but for now Dean's brain was overflowing with information.

"You're thinking too much." Cas rolled to his side so that their faces were only inches apart. Gently he cupped Dean's face with his hand and Dean couldn't help and leaned into the touch.

"Is this okay for you?" Dean covered Cas' hand with his. The contact felt good, grounding.

"Dean, when I said that I don't like sex." His fingers craded through the short hair in his neck. "I didn't mean that I don't want any physical contact."

"What do you mean?" This was confusing.

"I like this." Cas inched closer and draped his arm over him. "I like to cuddle." His other arm wormed its way under Dean's neck, drawing him even closer until they were full on cuddling. "I like kissing." To emphasize that point he peppered Dean's throat and neck with little kisses, almost chaste at first but soon he was latching himself on Dean with wet open mouth kisses and sucking bruises into his neck.

Growing more confident from this Dean mirrored him and nibbled on Cas' throat. When they came apart far enough for their lips to meet Cas kissed him, deep and sensual.

Okay, he could definitely go with that. They had done this before and Cas truly enjoyed this, Dean knew from experience, so he dared to let his hands wander while he kissed back with all he had. His leg slipped between Cas' and he felt his growing erection now pressed against Cas' hip. That sobered him up in a heartbeat.

"I'm sorry." Dean flinched back as if he was burned. The cuddling and the kissing, that was okay for Cas, he got that, Cas had made that point quite clear, but now Dean's stupid cock thought there would be more. But there would never be more again. Maybe his own right hand in the shower but otherwise?

"Dean." Cas spoke to him in a soft voice. "It's okay."

Dean rolled to his back, catching his breath and willing his erection to back off. Which was easier said than done. Cas was right here, he could still taste him on his tongue, could feel his warm body next to his.

Suddenly Cas hand was on his chest and Dean's breathing calmed down.

"You want me to?" He asked and let his hand slip farther down until it rested on Dean's lower stomach. His intention was clear.

"You won't get anything out of it, won't you?" Dean asked. Earlier he hadn't felt anything indicating that Cas was aroused and now it was hard to tell with Cas' lower half under the covers but he would bet money that Cas was not in the slightest hard. Hell, only minutes ago he had told Dean that he never really got aroused. That basically every time Dean had coaxed an orgasm out of him he had done what? Raped him? Cas had never said that he wanted Dean to stop but that didn't necessarily mean that he was on board with what they had done in bed.

Suddenly he felt sick.

"I need the bathroom." Dean hurried out of the room and over to the bathroom. When he'd closed the door behind himself he leaned against it, chest heaving and his vision graying around the edges. He wanted to throw up but he was only dry heaving without getting any release. How often had he forced Cas into sex? In his sorry little attempt to find the "one thing" for him? And what had come out of it? Sure, Dean had his fun, he had come every single time. But Cas? Dean had felt so damn proud of himself very time he had violated Cas, forcing him to climax.

Cas hadn't broken up with him and even if he was grateful for that Dean felt sick. After what he'd done to him, Cas shouldn't want to stay with him. He should run away as far as possible.

"Dean?" There was a soft knock at the door. Dean blinked his eyes open and tried to get his breathing under control. Everything seemed far away, swimming in the distance and even the sound was muffled. Dizzy he stepped over to the bathtub, he needed to sit down before he fell down.

"Dean?" Another knock. "I'm coming in."

The door opened and then Cas was kneeling in front of him.

"Dean, hey." He felt strong hands on his shoulders. Dean leaned into them, trusting Cas to catch him if he crashed. That thought was comforting but Dean would have laughed about how wrong it was if he only had the breath for that.

"I'm sorry, Cas." Dean mumbled with his head resting in the crook of Cas' neck so he was talking into the meat of his shoulder.

"There's nothing you need to be sorry for." Cas assured him. Cupping the back of his head with one hand while his other hand supported him between his shoulder blades, Cas held him. "It's okay, Dean. Everything is okay now."

He doubted that but for the moment he didn't care. Cas was still here, still willing to touch him, to be close to him and that was all that counted at the moment.

Dean sucked in a shuddering breath and just let Cas hold him for a moment.


	44. Chapter 44

Sam had thought that with Cas' epiphany everything would work out eventually. Sure, Dean and Cas both would need time to adjust to that new detail in their relationship, hell, Sam needed time to adjust to that, but in the end he was sure that they would find a way to make it work.

Had he been wrong.

If anything their relationship felt even more off kilter than before. Okay, Sam was watching them like a hawk every minute he thought he could get way with it so he probably did notice more than he had before but what he saw was not good.

For one, Cas buried himself even more in the research, claiming that he wanted to help Sam but basically he was hiding from Dean.

Dean on the other hand had become a rare sight. He spent most of his time in the depths of the bunker or in the garage.

What struck Sam the most was the fact that Dean dodged every attempt Cas made to get physical. Kissing, touching, cuddling there was none of that anymore.

Sam was telling himself that they both needed time to figure this out but he got the feeling that they were breaking apart right in front of him and he had no idea how to help them.

"Cas, everything alright between Dean and you?" Sam ask one day but Cas just answered that everything was fine and then he asked Sam something about the text he was reading.

More often than not it was Dean who cooked for them so Sam used the chance to offer his help in the kitchen and maybe have a little heart to heart with his brother.

"Not easy to adjust to something like this, hmm?" He asked while he was chopping onions.

"We're fine." Came the short answer. It was frustrating.

So when a few days later Hannah called and asked Cas to meet her for another hunt for rogue angels Cas jumped at the opportunity to leave the bunker for a while. Sam guessed he would have left earlier but without a reason it would have looked too much like Leaving and the angel had at least enough sense to not give Dean that impression.

With Cas gone the tension in the bunker melted away almost instantly and now Sam actually saw his brother once in a while over the day.

"You should get some rest." Dean stood at his desk and held out a bottle of beer to him.

"What time is it?" Sam rubbed his eyes but accepted the beer. Without Cas at his side to interrupt him once in a while he had gotten completely lost in what he was reading.

"Past eight." Dean answered and dropped in the chair next to him. "Give it a break." He nodded towards the piles of books and notes in front of Sam.

"Yeah, you're right." Sam pushed the pile away and stretched in his chair. His spine popped and now he felt his stiff muscles. "I'm not getting anywhere with this."

Dean didn't say anything to that but his hand found its way almost on its own to the spot where the Mark was hidden under his sleeve.

"Don't worry, I think, I'm getting the hang of it." Dean tried to reassure him but failed miserably.

"Dean." Sam leaned closer, bottle firmly in both hands otherwise he would be too tempted to reach out for him and that would only make Dean clam up even more. "Is it effecting you?"

"Sometimes." Dean jerked his head and took a gulp of beer to mask the emotions clearly on his face.

"You can talk to me, you don't have to do this alone." Sam reminded him. "And Cas, you can talk to him too, you know that."

"It's the worst with him." Dean said quietly, eyes fixed on the bottle in his hands.

"What do you mean?" Now he did reach out to his brother. His hand landed on Dean's forearm, the one without the Mark.

"There are these urges." Dean swallowed thickly and when he looked up his eyes shone suspiciously. "Things I want to do."

Sam didn't ask farther, he could guess what kind of urges. The urges every demon had. To take, to hurt, to make it bleed.

"But you have it under control." Sam said, not sure if he meant it as a statement or a question.

"I'm not so sure." Dean said so quietly that Sam almost missed it.

"Cas?" Sam asked.

"When we are ... were ..." Dean started. "I felt this urge to ... to make it rough ... you know ..." He made a helpless gesture.

"I understand." Sam said to spare Dean the humiliation of going into detail. He could guess what his brother was trying to say.

"I thought I had it under control, that I wouldn't do it." Dean put the bottle to his lips, just to give himself a break it looked like. Sam waited patiently for him to continue speaking. "Turned out I did it every single time."

"Cas said that?" Sam asked because from what Cas had told him about their sex life, and that was a topic he really should stop thinking about, everything had been consensual. Maybe out of the wrong reasons on Cas' part but he had agreed to everything they had done. And it wasn't so that anybody could just make the angel do anything. Not Cas. He never had a problem with saying no when he didn't want to do something.

"He didn't need to." Dean answered his question with a delay. "It's obvious. C'mon, you were the one who showed him the answer. He doesn't want sex, I talked him into sex. I knew that something was off and I did it anyway."

Sam couldn't remember a time when his brother had been this open which only told him how deeply hurt Dean was.

"Cas wanted to figure it out as well." Sam reminded him. "It was trail and error, you were both clueless."

"You think he's coming back?"

"To you? Always." That was one of the very few things Sam was absolutely sure about. Cas would be back. "And do me a favor, just give it a try, okay? I know together you can figure this out."

"You've always been the optimistic one." Dean said with a sigh. For a moment it looked like he wanted to say more but then he changed the topic. "Wanna go out? Hit a bar?"

"Sure."

"Maybe we'll even find a woman for you, Sammy." Dean clapped his shoulder on his way out of the room.

"Thanks, this relationship stuff seems too complicated." Sam hurried after him.

There was only one bar in Lebanon and by now they were familiar faces. Sam hadn't been here as often as Dean but the waitress greeted him with his name and the barkeeper had Dean's drink ready by the time they reached the bar. It was an odd feeling but it felt kinda good to come to a familiar place.

And now he had the Cheers theme song stuck in his head, great.

There were pool tables in the back and after their first drink Sam and Dean went over for a little game. They hadn't hustled for money here, it would have been stupid so close to the place where they lived, so they just played for fun. Dean won the first game but Sam was determined to win the second one. By then a tiny group of people had gathered around them, cheering at them and one or two bets were made.

"C'mon, Sammy." Dean teased him in his cocky way, all the insecurities from earlier gone. This was his place, here Dean knew his way around. Sam only wished he could see his brother this carefree more often. Maybe when he and Cas had come to terms with their relationship.

Sam lined up and hit the white ball just right. The crowed behind him clapped and cheered and Sam felt good. It was a tight one but he won the game. And lost the next two. Not that it mattered, they had fun.

They left the bar at closing time. By then neither of them was sober anymore, they were not completely drunk but too far gone to actually drive back to the bunker. Which was a problem. They couldn't just take a cab to their secret lair.

"That would be like Batman taking a cab to the Wayne Mansion, that's not right." Dean pointed out, his tongue a little heavy but he had a point there, Sam had to admit. So they could either walk back home, which would take half the night if they were lucky and didn't break a leg stumbling around in the dark, or they could stay in town over night. Technically sleeping in the car was an option too but Sam was not drunk enough to consider that one.

"What are you still doing here?" Myra, the waitress from the bar, came up behind them. They were the only ones left, the lot was empty and the bar dark and it was really time to go home.

"We're trying to decide if we should walk or stay in town for the night." Dean told her with wide grin and Sam had to grab his brother's arm to drag him back. Myra didn't deserve his alcohol breath.

"I can call you a taxi." She offered.

"We're fine, thank you." Sam hurried to say. "We'll just walk. No problem. Thank you, Myra." With that he tugged at his brother's arm until he turned around and together they started walking.

"Wait." She called after them. "I can drop you off."

"We live a bit outside." He started but when she just rolled her eyes at him he added: "But if you could drop us off at the city limits, that would be nice."

"You shouldn't just give two strangers a ride." Dean spoke up, making Sam wonder where Dean's fear of not being able to control the Mark was coming from. Intoxicated like he was, it should be easy for the Mark to take over. Instead Dean showed concern for the woman who wanted to give two strangers a ride.

Sam made a mental note to point that out to Dean as soon as he was able to think straight again.

"Please, Dean." She snorted. "It'll take thirty years before the folks around here will even consider calling you a citizen but you're no stranger." She headed over to her car. "C'mon, guys. Get in."

"Shotgun." Dean yelled and shoved past Sam to claim his seat. Shaking his head Sam followed him.

Myra followed Dean's instructions and drove them out of town.

"You sure?" She brought the car to a halt at the side of the empty road, squinting into the darkness outside.

"It's not far." Sam assured her and nudged his brother to get out of the car. "Thanks for the ride, Myra."

They watched the back lights of her car disappearing in the night. After a moment Sam turned around and started walking. Dean fell in step next to him, his shoulder almost brushing his.

"That was a great evening." Dean spoke up after a few minutes. Walking in the cool night's air had sobered him up, at least his speech was clearer now. "I needed that. Thanks."

"Any time." Sam said and they walked in silence for a while.

"You were worried about Myra." Sam pointed out when the outline of the bunker appeared in the beam of his flashlight. "Hadn't the Mark something to say about her?" He didn't like to think about the things the Mark was whispering to Dean but Mark or no Mark, Dean knew wrong from right. He just needed a reminder of that fact once in a while.

"Shut up." Dean gave him a playful punch to the shoulder.


	45. Chapter 45

Dean didn't know what to do, how to react. A part of him wanted to believe Cas that stuff like touching and kissing was still okay but a bigger part of him just knew that that was Cas' way to find a compromise for them. Cas had said that he didn't like sex and kissing was a part of sex, right? So how could he still like it?

What made things even more complicated was the fact that every night when they lay together in bed Dean had to fight against his sexual desires. Cas was so close, he felt his warm body pressed against him, felt the lean muscles of his chest under his palm, smelled Cas' scent when he buried his nose in the nape of his neck. All that went straight to his dick.

Especially knowing what he couldn't have led to even more stubborn erections. He tried to hide them from Cas, which was difficult because Cas really liked to spoon with Dean playing the big spoon so yeah, it was hard to hide, pun clearly intended.

"Let me." One night Cas reached for him and pressed his palm firmly against Dean's growing erection. It would be so easy to give in to the temptation.

"It's okay, Cas." With all the willpower he had Dean rejected Cas' offer and pried his hand off him.

Then he bolted out of the bed and fled to the bathroom.

Dean sat down on the closed toilet and let his head fall back against the cool tiles. With closed eyes he palmed himself through his underwear. He was still achingly hard. With guilt eating at him he pushed the waistband down to free himself. He needed the release, just for a moment. Furiously he started to jack himself. Too rough, too dry and almost painful. He came in a grim orgasm, not really more than a body function.

Was that what an orgasm felt for Cas? A reaction to stimulation?

When he came back to his room a while later, Cas was sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for him.

"Dean, I never said ..." He stopped, probably lost on how to put their dilemma in words.

"I know, Cas." Suddenly he felt tired. He just wanted to crawl in bed and hold Cas in his arms.

Cas looked at him for a moment and Dean wondered what he could read in his expression. To is surprise Cas slipped under the covers and held them open for him.

Dean hesitated for a moment but then followed the invitation and Cas welcomed him with open arms.

Why the angel still put up with him he had no idea.

The Mark was more active these days. Every time he saw Cas bending over to pick something up or stretching for a book on the upper shelf or just standing there with that little tilt of his head, the urge was there to just grab him and to fuck him against the next wall. He never gave in but the urge was there.

It was easier when Sam was with them. Then they talked about the research and the interesting stuff Sam had read over the day. Dean would talk about his day, the work he'd done on the car or around the bunker. About his trips to town and what new gossip Margret at the grocery store had told him. Usually Cas listened more than he talked on those occasions, content with listening to the familiar banter between the brothers, but from time to time put in a thought or an amusing anecdote. It was good.

The nights however … Dean almost feared the nights by now. He was close to asking Cas to go back to his own room but he couldn't bring himself to do that. He wanted to have Cas close and for sure Cas wanted to be close to him, that was not the problem. What they wanted to come out of that closeness, that was were it got complicated.

At night it felt like there were miles between them and Dean didn't know how to bridge this gap. If he was honest, he felt like he'd already lost Cas and they were just too stubborn to accept it.

The tension between them grew and the mood was so bad that even Sam felt it and of course his solution was to talk about it. That little bastard tried to sneak up on Dean while they were preparing dinner, the fact that Sam wanted to help should have triggered Dean's alarm bells, he realized that later, but for some reason Sam's question if everything was alright between him and Cas blindsided him. Was it this obvious? Had Cas told him something? Or maybe Cas had ask him to ask Dean ...

Dean shook his head to get those questions out of his mind and just assured Sam that everything was fine. Then he sat him on onion chopping duty, just because he could, let that bitch cry a little for being so nosy. Too bad that Dean kept his knives sharp and Sam wasn't suffering too much from that.

Then one day Hannah called. Why she needed Cas' help Dean didn't know but it was probably a good thing to go separate ways for a few days to clear their heads. Maybe then they would find the courage to end this instead of dragging a dead horse around.

When it was time for Cas to leave, they hugged and Cas promised to be back soon and that he would call when he could. Then he was gone.

The first hour or so it felt weird. Dean wasn't sure if he should miss him or be relieved that Cas wasn't around at the moment but he was pretty sure that he shouldn't feel this numb.

It was that numbness that made him seek out Sam's company that evening. He couldn't bear being alone in his room where everything reminded him of the fact that Cas wasn't there.

It was that numb feeling that made him talk.

Dean had never been a talker and talking about his feelings had never been a thing he wanted to do but for some reason it was like a levee broke inside him and the words needed to get out.

"I thought I had it under control, that I wouldn't do it." He said, his voice broken. "Turned out I did it every single time."

He had raped Cas, over and over again.

Of course Sam had a different opinion on that topic and it sounded so reasonable that Dean wanted to get convinced. He wanted to believe that he hadn't violated the man he loved. But he knew better.

"And do me a favor, just give it a try, okay?" Sam was always optimistic enough for both of them.

The next morning Dean slept in, they had been home late because they had to walk back most of the way back to the bunker. The waitress from the bar had given them a ride out of town, he remembered that, but then they had to walk. Which meant that Baby was still at the bar.

But first he had to get rid of that foul taste in his mouth and he could use a shave. And a shower would be awesome.

Feeling almost human again Dean headed for the kitchen for some coffee. Sam was nowhere in sight, probably still sleeping, that lightweight.

On the counter in the kitchen he found his phone but couldn't really remember putting it there. He had been pretty drunk last night.

He picked the phone up to see if he'd missed anything, which was not likely because most people who knew his number were in Heaven, one way or another, or were sleeping in the other room.

To his surprise he found a text message from Cas.

_Breaking up via text message_ , was the first thought on Dean's mind and for a long moment he didn't dare to open it. When had Cas learned to text anyway?

Taking a deep breath he opened it. Three words. Nothing else. Three stupid little words that made his eyes water.

_I love you._

"Cas, you romantic." He said in a hoarse voice but there was nobody there who could hear him anyway.

Dean saved the message and then just stood there in the kitchen, trying to wrap his head around this.

Cas was still willing to give this a try, even if Dean had acted like an ass. Maybe he should take the promise he'd given Sam serious, maybe he should just give them a chance and see where it would lead them. Maybe ...

Decision made Dean typed an answer.

_Love you too._

His thumb hovered over the send button way too long before he muttered "Oh, hell." and pushed it. The message was out, there was nothing he could do about that anymore, so he turned his attention back the the important task at hand. Coffee.

When the coffee was ready and the bacon was sizzling in the pan, Sam found his way to the kitchen. Still in his sleepwear and with bed-hair and stubble on his face. Dean hoped he'd at least brushed his teeth.

"Coffee?" Dean asked but didn't wait for an answer to pour Sam a cup. Sam took it with a guttural grunt and then fell quite while he waited for the caffeine to take effect. In the meantime Dean had two plates with toast, bacon and scrambled eggs ready, just the right breakfast for a hangover.

"Thanks." Sam had recovered to words and gave him a tired smile.

"Eat up, we need to get Baby home." Dean reminded him but looking at Sam it would take a while until he would be ready for a trip into town. At least Cas had left his car, Hannah had picked him up, so they had a car to drive back to the bar. Dean wasn't keen on walking any length of distance at the moment, maybe not ever again.

Sam gave him another grunt which Dean took as affirmation.

They hadn't looked into another hunt and Dean was okay with some downtime. He would like to be home when Cas came back, here it would be easier to work things out than on the road.

Sam wasn't pushing on getting back to work either so they just relaxed for the rest of the day. They hadn't seen the latest season of Game of Thrones so that was a good way to kill the time. Along with killing characters, how they still had a cast big enough to run the show, Dean had no idea.

"Anything from Cas?" Sam asked when they settled in to marathon the season.

"Sent a text." Dean dug into the bag of snacks and started spreading the goodies on Sam's bed. It was Sam who would have to sleep with all the crumbs so Dean was totally fine with eating chips in here.

"Just that he's fine." Dean answered the unspoken question. The real message was nothing he wanted to share with his brother and Cas was fine, that had been hidden in that message as well.

"Any idea when he'll be back?" Sam asked and stretched out next to him, back against the headboard and remote in hand. "You bring the popcorn?"

"Of course I brought the popcorn." Dean tossed the bag over to him. "Didn't say, when he'll be back, I mean." It was hard to tell, he knew that. Being a hunter, being raised by a hunter, he knew how fragile plans were.

But it didn't matter when Cas would be back. He would be back, that was the important thing. And then they would find a way to make their relationship work.

C'mon, they had stopped an apocalypse or two. This should be a cakewalk.


	46. Chapter 46

Cas wasn't even back yet but Sam could see that Dean truly meant it when he said that he would try. The most visible thing he did was to rearrange his room. He took everything Cas had left and some of the stuff Dean had bought for him and brought it over to his room.

When Sam had a look later, he had to say that it was still clearly Dean's room, with the weapons on the wall, the records and the pictures, but it was Cas' too. Not only because his clothes were in the closet now but there was the rug Dean had bought him and the lamp.

"It's a start." Dean said rather meekly when he noticed Sam's critical eye on his work. "He doesn't have much personal stuff."

"When he comes back, I could snap some pictures of you two." Sam offered. They had very few family pictures as it was and not one with Cas in it, time to change that.

"That's a great idea." Dean smiled at him and Sam knew that smile was for more than just the offer to play photographer for him.

"Of course." Sam tried to brush it off before this could turn into something awkward. "And wait until he figures out how to use the camera on his phone."

Dean groaned to that but there was a glint in his eye and Sam wondered who would be quicker to show that little feature to the angel and sic him on the other one. The game was on.

A more subtle thing Sam noticed was that Dean joined him in the library more often, doing his own research. When asked Dean only mumbled something about the Mark but every time Sam came close to seeing the screen Dean was quick to switch windows.

One time Dean left for a quick bathroom break without closing the sites he had been reading and Sam risked a quick glance.

The open window showed some boring text about an old European legend Dean had told him about hours ago. The second window, however, had quite a few tabs open about different kinds of sexuality in general and asexuality in particular. Dean had even found an asexuality forum.

Smiling to himself Sam left everything like he'd found it and when Dean was back a minute later Sam looked as engrossed in his own work as he had been when Dean had left.

"We have a few days off, we should do something." Sam said over dinner one evening. Hanging out in the bunker with the occasional trip into town for a beer was nice and all but they probably should do something more. It wasn't often that they had actually time to do something fun. If one of them actually remembered how to have fun, that is.

"What are you suggesting, Sammy?" Dean put the dishes in the sink and dried his hands with a towel. "A vacation?"

"We should wait with that until Cas is back." Sam said but then another thought occurred to him. "Or you could go on vacation with him, just the two of you. I wouldn't mind."

The glance Dean threw at him was unreadable.

"But we should do something now, maybe a little trip, just a day or two." Sam continued with his line of thought. "There has to be something interesting near by."

Odd, he'd traveled all over the country all his life but when he should pick a place for fun, he was lost. Sure there were places and attractions they always wanted to come back to, one day, when they weren't busy with work, but now that they had the time, Sam couldn't remember one of those places.

"As long as you don't want to go hiking." Dean took two beers out of the fridge and handed one to Sam. "We could use a little down time. Dunno when Cas will show up again, anyway." He said the last part without bitterness in his voice. Cas had his responsibilities and they had theirs, it for sure sucked that they couldn't be together all the time especially now when Dean was eager to start over with their relationship, Sam could tell, but that was their life. Besides, they were both grown men, they didn't need to be together 24/7 like lovesick teenagers. However, Dean and Cas seemed quite fond of texting nowadays, Dean was almost constantly checking his phone lately and texting back as soon as he got a message from his angel.

Dean told Sam the important stuff, mostly that Cas was fine, but he never let Sam see the messages so Sam figured he didn't want to see them. For all he knew there were dick pics attached.

The longer Sam thought about it, the more he grew fond of the idea of a short trip. Just him and Dean, no case, no pressure, just a little fun.

"We should do that." Dean said with a dreamy glaze over his eyes.

They spent the rest of the evening huddled over the laptop, searching for attractions near by. Due to the location of the bunker there was a lot near by and soon the list of their bookmarks was longer than Sam's forearm. Even he had to admit that there was no way that they could hit all these places over a short trip. Even a month would be too short for all of them.

In the end they settled of drawing numbers out of a hat the modern way. Sam opened every bookmark in a tab and asked Dean for three numbers between one and eighty-seven. It may be a silly way to settle this but it was fun and that was what counted.

"Only you can come up with such a geek way to get us on a vacation." Dean muttered. "Okay, fifteen, thirty-seven and sixty-six. If they're lame, I'm totally going to blame you."

"Let's see." Sam counted the tabs. "An amusement park, a steak house and haunted mansion. Not bad." He had to admit. Especially the mansion was something Dean would dig but to Sam it felt a bit close to work. But it could be fun to see something made up.

"Did you say steak house?" Dean perked up.

"Best steaks in the states." Sam read the advertising on the website. Aside from the steaks it was medieval themed with the steaks grilled over open fire and served on wooden boards. The beer mugs in the pictures looked bigger than Sam's head.

Dean looked over Sam's shoulder and Sam expected him to start drooling on him any second now.

"We're going to hit that one first." Dean decided.

They had never been big on planning trips, they knew where they wanted to go and how to get there, they usually figured out along the way. So they just put their three targets in a more or less reasonable order, steak house first, and then went to bed to get an early start in the morning.

After a quick breakfast the next morning and a text from Dean to Cas to tell him that they would be out for a few days, they were on the road.

It was a nice day, blue sky and a warm sun, and Sam instantly relaxed in his seat when the car purred over the open road. Why they had even bothered with picking places to go he didn't even remember, just hitting the road was more than good enough for him. The bunker slowly became his home but this was where he truly belonged and he knew Dean felt the same. If anything Dean felt it stronger than him.

Their first destination was the steak house but they were in no hurry to get there so they stopped over lunch at a nice spot just a little off the main road and just relaxed for an hour, enjoying the landscape.

In the middle of the afternoon a short restroom break became a shopping trip which got Sam three books and Dean a few magazines and tools for his car.

They arrived later that evening and went to get themselves a room first. In walking distance to the steak house because at least Dean wasn't planning on getting out of there sober. And with a full belly he was even less keen on walking than without.

"You're getting lazy." Sam teased him but silently he had to agree. This was supposed to be fun. So they could drink as much as they wanted and walk as less as they wanted.

"And you're getting slow." Dean countered. "Hop, hop, Sammy, there's a steak with my name on it waiting for me."

According to the online comments, the steaks were really good here plus they made quite a show out of it. Sam didn't deny that he was looking forward to that as well. At least it was the middle of the week so chances were good that they would get a table without waiting.

They stayed in their room just long enough to drop their bags and to splash some water on their faces and then they were back outside. Dean was almost skipping.

"Man, you're in a good mood." Sam had trouble keeping up with his brother.

"Why shouldn't I be?" Dean answered with a broad grin. "It's you and me and a steak and Cas just texted that he misses me, that big softy. Life's good." He paused. "It would be perfect if Cas was here but still."

They walked the rest of the way in silence but still in a good mood. When the steak house came into view Sam noticed something.

"Speaking of Cas." He squinted, not sure if he was seeing right or not. "Did you tell him where we were going?"

"Hmm?" Dean had his phone out once again. "Of course I told him that I was going to have the best steak in the states tonight."

"Did he say where he would be?" Sam asked but coming closer to the figure that had caught his eye he was pretty sure he knew where the angel intended to spend the evening. They would need to get a second room later on, he realized but didn't mind.

"Only that he wouldn't be home for a few more days." Dean shrugged with one shoulder and sent a text with his other hand.

They were close enough for Sam to see the hint of a smile on Cas' lips. Dean still hadn't noticed him because he was still fumbling with his phone.

"Hello, Dean." Cas greeted him and Dean dropped his phone. For a second Dean gaped at him, blinking as if he wasn't sure if this was real or not.

"Dammit, Cas." He finally muttered and embraced the angel in a bear hug. "What are you doing here?"

Cas hugged him back and over Dean's shoulder his eyes met Sam's. There was a warm welcome in there for him as well and Sam just new that he wouldn't feel like the third wheel this evening. Not that Dean would ever want to shut him out, not like this, but it felt good that Cas wanted him to be part of this as well.

"You seemed to like my last surprise visit." Cas explained and Sam was just glad that they were in public, he remembered Cas' last surprise visit way too well for his liking.

"Yeah, I do." Dean answered and gave Cas a quick peck on the corner of his mouth. "And now I want my steak."

"I think we can arrange that." Sam ushered them towards the entrance.

The rich aroma of grilled meat reached them as soon as they were through the door along with the soft noises of people eating and conversations in low voices.

They were seated in a corner from where they had a good view on the open grill manned by a chef wearing a blacksmith's apron.

Eyes bright like a kid's in a candy store Dean looked around, taking in every detail.

"Sammy, this is awesome." He proclaimed, sneaking his arm around Cas' waist.

Sam only grinned.

When Dean had his first look at the menu Sam wasn't sure if he was about to faint or cream his pants, maybe both.

Smiling to himself Sam sat back in his seat, watching his brother and his boyfriend for a moment before he set his mind on the difficult task to find the right steak for himself.


	47. Epilog

They made it work. It was a slow process to figure out the details but they made it work.

For Dean sex had always been an essential part of a relationship and the thought that somebody wouldn't or even couldn't desire it in the slightest was baffling if he was honest.

But what Dean had found out on the internet gave him hope. There were other couples out there who had been happily together for years, decades even, why shouldn't it work with him and Cas?

_Their last name isn't Winchester_ , Dean thought bitterly.

But he wanted this, he wanted Cas. And Cas wouldn't stop telling him that he wanted Dean as well, that he loved Dean. So Dean gave it a try.

What was weird at first was the time between laying down for the night and falling asleep. Dean didn't know what to do, where to put his hands. The first nights after Cas came back Dean felt more comfortable when they were both decently clothed but he still lay stiff like a board every night and only slowly relaxed when Cas spooned up to him.

It took a while before Dean dared to wrap his arm around Cas and to hold him close. He did like falling asleep like that, though, and the way Cas caught his hand and placed it on his chest right over his heart told him that Cas liked it too.

It was Cas who made the next step and came to bed naked one night. The breath caught in Dean's throat and for a second he was back to the stiff like a board thing but then Cas just took his wrist and wrapped Dean around himself like a blanket.

"This okay with you?" Dean asked, painfully aware of Cas' naked butt nestled firmly in the crook of his hip.

"It would be nicer if you were naked, too." Cas answered and brushed a soft kiss on Dean's knuckles before he pressed it against his chest with both hands.

"Maybe tomorrow."

The next evening Dean stood in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and wondering if he would be brave enough to sleep naked with an equally naked Cas in his arms.

But Cas had specifically asked for this so Dean took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and stepped out of the bathroom with nothing on but a wary smile. Cas held the covers open for him and greeted him with a kiss when Dean slipped in next to him.

"It's okay, Dean." Cas assured him and a second later he had Dean in a full body hug. Dean let Cas hold him and he fell asleep in his arms, relaxed and content.

Of course the following morning was the morning Dean woke up with his morning wood pressed against the bare skin of Cas' thigh. He almost fell out of bed in his haste to put some distance between them. By the time he had reached the bathroom his penis had shrunken down and the only feeling left was embarrassment.

Cas didn't sleep. Of course the angel had witnessed every second of Dean molesting him. Why Cas hadn't stopped him was beyond him, though.

"Dean?" Cas' soft voice came through the closed door. Still buck naked Dean stood braced on the sink with his head hanging and not sure if he ever wanted to meet Cas' eye ever again.

Cas didn't want to have sex, Dean knew that and he respected it. But his stupid cock hadn't gotten the message yet, probably never would.

When he didn't answer, Cas opened the door and came up behind him.

"Dean." He said again and slung his arms around him. One hand landed on his stomach, the other one over his racing heart. Cas hadn't bothered to put clothes on so his naked chest was skin to skin with Dean's back. Warmth seeped into him and Dean let out a shaky breath.

"I'm sorry." Dean said, head still hanging. He didn't want to look up and see Cas' face in the mirror. He wasn't sure if he was ready for what he would find there.

"There is nothing you have to be sorry for." Cas kissed the nape of his neck. "You have no control over what your body does while you're sleeping."

"Next thing you say is that it's just a bodily reaction." Dean huffed out. Cas didn't say it but he was clearly thinking it.

Over the day Cas showed more affection to Dean than usual. To show him that this was okay, that some stupid morning wood wouldn't set them back, Dean guessed and when he stood in the kitchen later, preparing dinner, Dean believed it. And he had a plan to make it up to Cas.

"What are you doing?" Cas sneaked up behind him and slung his arms around him. Resting his chin on Dean's shoulder, Cas watched him chopping tomatoes.

"Preparing dinner." Dean stated the obvious. With his hands busy he opted for rubbing his cheek against Cas'. "And after dinner I want to give you a massage. Full body. I want you in a puddle of goo from head to toe."

The grip around him tightened, Cas' hands spread widely over his chest and stomach, and Cas hummed in his ear.

"I'd like that."

"I know." Dean leaned into him, letting the angel support most of his weight. "You're a sucker for my magic fingers."

They had done this before, Dean knew how much Cas loved a good massage, and now Dean also knew enough about him to not ruin it with a happy ending.

After the massage, Cas was half asleep and looked more fucked out than after an actual fuck, Dean slipped under the covers with him. He fell asleep with Cas' warm body pressed against his, legs tangled and with as much skin contact as possible.

They slept like that every night now. Or rather Dean was sleeping while Cas lay with him, watching him sleep. Which wasn't as creepy as it sounded. Knowing that this powerful being was watching over him, Dean felt able to truly commit to sleep for the first time in his life.

The next time Dean woke up with morning wood, he mumbled "be right back", gave Cas a lingering kiss and slipped into the bathroom to take care of it.

When he came back to bed on wobbly legs and with a blissful grin on his face Cas welcomed him back with cuddles. Cas always liked to cuddle afterwards.

"You good?" Cas asked in a soft voice, lips brushing over his throat.

"Hmm." Dean made and angled his head to give him better access.

"I'd like to watch next time." Cas said into his skin and Dean could feel the mischievous smirk. Then his brain caught up with what Cas had just said.

"You …? What?" Dean splattered and Cas only laughed.

"I'd like to hold you." Cas rolled on top of him so that they could look each other in the eye. "I want to hold you while you fall apart."

His head dipped down until their lips met and a second later Cas' tongue slipped into his mouth. Dean buried both hands in that thick hair, holding him close, and lost himself in the kiss.

When they parted Dean couldn't turn his eyes from Cas' swollen lips, all wet and deliciously pink.

"Cas." Dean breathed and flung one arm over his eyes in defeat. "I swear, if I hadn't come five minutes ago …"

Cas just smiled and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before he rolled off him.

True to his word Cas didn't let him slip away to the bathroom the next time Dean popped a boner. Instead he manhandled Dean in position until they sat in bed, Cas with his back against the headboard, Dean sitting in the V of his legs with his back against Cas' chest. Dean would never admit how much he loved it that the angel could manhandle him like this and if he hadn't been hard before he for sure would be now. That they were both naked helped, too.

"Cas." Dean let his head fall back to rest on Cas' shoulder, his hand lazily fisting his cock.

"Show me." Cas' stubble tickled on the soft skin of his throat.

Cas surrounded him, with his leg bracketing his, his arms around his torso, hands spread wide on his front and his body in Dean's back. Dean should feel caged, trapped, but all he felt was loved and supported. Safe. He relaxed into Cas and closed his eyes.

"Would you lick it for me?" Dean let go of his cock and raised his hand. He wasn't sure if this was a step too far or if this was still okay, but then Cas' lips brushed over his palm and Dean felt him smile before the angel gave it a few wet strokes with his tongue.

"Better." Dean sighed when his hand moved more smoothly over his shaft. He let his other hand drop down farther, rolling his balls in his hand. He felt Cas watching every move and that alone was almost enough. Dean tugged at his balls and sped up the strokes, back pressed into Cas for support. He was close now.

"Beautiful." Cas breathed in his ear and with that Dean was done. Cas held him while he fell apart in his arms.

"We should do that again some time." Dean said breathless, body lying limp against Cas.

They did.

Cas really liked to watch and for sure he was all for the cuddling afterwards. Sometimes he even lent Dean a hand and one time Cas went down on him. Seeing those sinful lips stretched around his cock, those hooded eyes looking up at him and most of all knowing that this was a special gift Cas didn't give easily, Dean came hard enough to see stars.

Cas sucked him through his orgasm and then curled up all around him. It took a while before Dean was able to speak.

"Why did you do that?" He asked. "You don't get anything out of it."

Cas lifted his head to look him in the eye.

"I like what it does to you." He said simply.

Maybe it really was this simple.

What never happened was that Cas initiated something sexual, it was always a reaction to Dean's arousal. Which at first was kind of strange but after a while Dean just accepted it. He could always made up for it with more cuddles or a massage or watching one of those stupid French movies Cas liked, and no it wasn't _that_ kind of French movie, Dean had found out rather quickly.

So it was a surprise to wake up one morning to find his hard cock deep in Cas' throat.

"Cas?" He mumbled, more asleep than awake. "What you doing?"

But then Cas hummed around his cock and Dean could only helplessly claw at the sheets while the angel worked him over.

"Oh, shit." Dean bit out, hips bucking into the wet heat of Cas' mouth but the angel held him down, having his way with him. It didn't take him long to reduce Dean to a babbling mess, strung tight and begging for release, and just when Dean felt his balls tighten, only second from coming, Cas let go of him with a wet plop.

Dean cried out at the loss, his cock jerking into nothingness, searching for that tiny bit of friction that would send him over the edge.

"Not like this." Cas crawled over him, carefully not touching him and he even caught Dean's wrists when he tried to take matters in his own hand.

"I want you to come inside me." He whispered in Dean's ear and Dean had to bite his lip hard enough to taste blood to not come from that words alone. He whimpered, he wasn't even ashamed of the needy sound, and had to just breathe for a few seconds before he could ask: "Are you sure?"

Instead of an answer Cas reached behind himself for Dean's cock and sank down on it.

"Fuck!" Dean screamed when Cas' slick heat surrounded him. Somebody came prepared.

Cas gave them a moment to adjust before he rolled his hips but it didn't take long before he was fucking himself on Dean's length.

Shortly after Dean just clung to Cas' hips, riding out his orgasm with Cas' name on his lips.

"That was good." Heaving Dean fell back into the pillow.

"Happy birthday." Cas kissed the sweat from his lip and then stretched out next to him.

"Was that my birthday present?" Dean wasn't sure what just happened but he was content with lying here in the afterglow.

"I hope you liked it." Cas sounded almost shy.

"Oh, I did." Dean assured him. As if it wasn't obvious how much he'd liked it. Then a thought occurred to him. "Wonder if Sam dares to ask what you got me."

Cas chuckled into his chest. "Don't worry, I've another present you can unwrap in front of him."


End file.
